UPDATED FOR 2020
A Lovefraud reader who posts as “LadyA” sent Lovefraud the following email. At the end, I suggest how she can recover from the sociopath.
I’ve spent a lot time thinking about my experience with my spath, and how it affected me and the people around me. I have read article after article, story after story. I now fully understand what spaths do and how they do it but I didn’t understand why I don’t feel any better about it. What was I missing?
When I left my spath it was a fairly dramatic experience. He had just been sentenced to serve jail time on the weekends for an obstruction of justice charge. My mom flew into town and in one swoop we packed up everything we could get in the car and left the province to go back to my hometown. I had to quit my job over email and send a goodbye text to all my friends.
I am thankful every day for what my mom did for me. I sure wasn’t happy about it at the time but I knew I needed out and this was my chance. What I didn’t know is how much moving back to my hometown would affect me emotionally. I had originally planned on only being back for six months. Just long enough for him to move on and get me out of mind, but it has now been just over three years and I still haven’t moved back. I got settled in a new job, new friends, and a new relationship. Even after all of this I haven’t been able to figure out why I’m not happy. Until three days ago.
Pride. I was proud of myself for the life that I had built. I moved 1200 km’s away from home right after high school to a big city. I was on the fast track to a strong career in a competitive field. I had a brand new car, paid all my bills on time, and was saving to buy a house. I was independent, reliable, strong, caring, and had a really great outlook on the world. Not many people can say that at 22.
All of that was ruined by a six-month “whirlwind romance.” I’m no longer proud of myself. I feel like I have failed because I came back home with my “tail between my legs” to my mommy. I no longer have a new car because it was repossessed as soon as I got back here. I am jaded, I don’t trust people easily, and I am no longer as strong as the face I put on the outside. I’ve gained weight because deep down I just don’t care anymore. My career is now on a plateau due to the location where I live. I don’t have one reason to be proud of myself right now.
How do I get my pride back when I know what happened? I want to feel proud of myself for my life but I just have zero idea where to start. I’ve thought about moving away again, but I don’t really know if that’s the answer. How can I be proud of what has happened in my life? I’m really honestly just so ashamed.
Donna Andersen responds
Dear LadyA,
I am so sorry about your encounter with a sociopath. Although this is not a normal breakup, the good news is that you can recover from the sociopath.
Right now, however, it does not seem that way. Why? I can see two reasons.
The first is that betrayal by a sociopath is a huge emotional injury. In the beginning of your email you said that, after all your reading, you now “fully understand what spaths do and how they do it,” but you don’t feel any better.
Understanding is a critical first step to you to recover from the sociopath. But understanding is an intellectual process, something that you do with your mind. The wound you experienced is also emotional. It needs to be dealt with emotionally.
How do you do that? You allow yourself to feel the pain of the injury.
This means letting yourself cry. Letting yourself scream and wail. Letting yourself experience anger — I’m sure there is anger — perhaps by working it out on a punching bag.
This isn’t pretty, and you probably want to do it privately, because other people often have difficulty being around this. Or, you may have a good therapist who can help you.
One way or another, any bottled up emotion you have within you needs to come out.
Underestimated the injury
Next you wrote that you identified the reason that you’re not happy as “pride.” But it seems like you are regarding pride as something bad, like one of the seven deadly sins.
You had every reason to be proud, because your pride was based on your achievement. And the sociopath took this away from you.
Here is what I think has happened: You have underestimated the scale of the injury, and the severity of the betrayal.
LadyA, you were building a life for yourself. You went out on your own; you started building a career; you were moving forward.
And some manipulative, deceitful parasite, who did something bad enough to end up in jail, ruined it for you.
Not only did he cost you money and hurt your career, he corrupted your outlook on life. You’re jaded; you don’t trust; you don’t care. You are not the young person you once were all because of the sociopath.
Recognize that this was not a normal breakup after all, you had to flee your home, job and friends.
Your life was shattered. Your psyche was deflated. This is a massive shock to your system. It’s no wonder that you are still struggling.
Drain the emotion
So what do you do? In my opinion, you do exactly what I suggested earlier — allow yourself to feel the pain now, knowing that the pain is bigger than you originally thought.
So you cry. You stomp. You imagine him standing in front of you and yell at him. (Do not, however, attempt to confront him in person. This would be counterproductive.)
The idea is to drain off the negative emotion.
As you drain the emotion, a void will be created within you. It’s very important to fill that void with joy.
This may sound preposterous to you, like you have no reason to be joyful. But don’t look at the totality of your life right how.
Do any small thing that makes you happy: Go for a walk. Play with your pets. Have lunch with a friend. Listen to music.
To recover from the sociopath, it may require many rounds of draining off the negative and replacing it with positive. But with time, you’ll find that your entire outlook will change, and you’ll be able to get back on track.
Importantly, with the wisdom you gained through this experience, you’ll never fall for a sociopath again.
Lovefraud originally published this article on May 12, 2014.
High school boyfriend pursues her, then abuses her
A,
Sometimes it seems so hard to navigate in our fleshly bodies.
It’s not supposed to be a struggle I was told.
:/
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 6:12
I’m trying to keep up with the posts. I just want to say thank you. I’ve been reading all of the posts and they ring very close to my heart. Being an empath what that means and who I am now. ( I ised to be an extrovert, who loved people. Who thought there was good and bad. That things happened for a reason. And that all are capable of being good.) at a very early age I was told I was “sensitive”, and then just as time went on I was labelled as an empath. I was too hopeful for my own good and lived blinded, under naïveté. Well that’s broken. Never again. The world isn’t about black or white and the level of grey always confused me. The more I read here the more things make “sense” to the best of their ability. He used me. For over ten years I believed he was a commitment phobe. He was embarassed living with his parents. But instead he used me because I had a lot of friends that I took care of and loved. I was happy. I was loving and I always put others needs infront of mine. I believed that’s what friends do. When I got sick he used me more. As a cover. I know his parents knew something. ( his mother told me once I deserved better), and it always stood with me. I knew he played the “look at me I’m with someone with Cancer I am such a doting lovable man”. I hear through the viines that apparently he was “single” when he started his job and only when he was offered a promotion did he come out to the bosses, he had a girlfriend. She was in the hospital with a fatal disease. It makes me sick. It turns my stomach. All the time I had been doing everything I could to include him. To welcome him to ease any apprehension he had ( hoping his commitment phobia would subside over time and he would stop “running away” which is what his “silent treatments” were about his words and not mine. ) but in essence he lied. He lied to me, obviously to his parents, and to everyone he’s working with. He wants everyone to think he is this righteous angel when it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Even my doctors kept hinting to have him investigated. Just to know. I thought I had to trust him. Trust in God. Be different. Not to be paranoid. But trust. But I see now how he used my childhood trauma to his advantage ( even trying to throw me under the bus to the doctors because they questioned why he had not driven me to any appointments claiming I was being unreasonable and it must be because of my childhood), when in fact whenever my appointments were early in the morning ( and you have to wait a long time here especially if you want to see a good oncologist otherwise one is given to you at random. ), and he would force me to miss it. Saying he would be there but he would ditch me or call me two minutes before the appointment and saying they had to wait an he or two to see me. ( he obviously didn’t understand the meaning of appointments and believed everyone had to cater to him). He did this twice and because of the harm it did to me and my medical treatments I put my foot down. I explained to him how appointments worked and how when you make one you actually have to show up early if not on time to be there when they called you. Otherwise you officially missed the appointment and you would loose your spot in line and then would have to wait weeks for another one. Which weeks isn’t something you gamble with when you have Cancer. Because I put my foot down the silent treatments began.
I see now what a fool I was. If he loved me at all he wouldn’t even dream of doing that. Or actually doing that. He blamed the doctors. Always the doctors giving him a hard time.
For a 30 something man. I am finally taking a step back and realizing that I deserved better. I would never treat anyone as such and although it doesn’t make sense to me I cannot believe the lies. Because it’s not clear means something in itself.
He still has not given my things back ( and insists on keeping my animals remains prescription glasses, my friends electronics and thensome) for what? You can’t use them. The only use is to torture me.
Just as I have read the many different ways all of yours have tortured you.
When people love they are kind. When people are caring they care. When it’s jekkel and Hyde it could be anger but if they won’t communicate and refuse to find solutions it’s because they are disordered and they like it.
None of us deserve this. None. ( maybe I’m hitting the anger stage and out of the denial), but I read here about spirituality ( boy did I pray and meditate and believe in the goodness and prayed God would bring his good side out) but I realize now the lesson was to see and be able to recognize people for who they are. ( not there yet and still have a lot to learn) but that’s the positive in this. That and I no longer am being drained and can focus on myself instead of why is he silencing me this time. What did he mean by that? Etc etc.
Everyone deserves to be loved but these people can’t. Mine is calling me the crazy ex to his coworkers. Whom I have never met. Whom he purposely kept me away. Why? Because if they ever did the stories he told them would never meet the real ones. Especially how he was in a relationship with me for over ten and he played “single” over there. It’s amazing. One confrontation with the doctors and voila. No I’m sorry. No this is what happened nothing. Just like always. Silent treatment discardment and holding my things as hostage while he plays perfect and lives on happily.
I wish others would know the truth but I know I have to concentrate on my own wellbeing. He took so much from me. ( like many here have commented). I lost so much. I have to find her. I also have to know its ok to find her.
Right now while I have been struggling to find out what really went on. I am not struggling with not having my pets remains. How someone could be that heartless. He hurt me enough but to go above and beyond. It’s discusting. I could accept the rest. It’s clear he was outed. It was clear he had no intention to have discarded me when he did- and he has been covering his tracks the last few weeks. ( the joys of living in a small town you hear things). But I just want it to be over. Is he doing this because once I have my pets remains I can finally move on? Finally forget him? Finally have no attachment to this other then healing? And educating myself more and more of the warning signs?
Thank you all for yor posts. I may not be active as I would like but I’m reading and rooting for all of you. I consider all of you as friends. Thank you all for sharing about your experiences. Because of you I have learned that it’s ok to be me and its going to be ok.
It sounds like you are thinking clearly, even though the truth is sad and painful.
Your intuition is likely to be right in thinking that he is keeping your things to keep you focusing on him. When you consider whether to pursue getting them back, you might choose based on what is best for you overall, weigh the additional stress versus letting the things go. You could try asking him in a way that doesn’t involve direct contact, like having an attorney write him a letter asking him to return the things to the attorney’s office; or you could write your ex to drop your things off at your friend’s home, for you to pick up later when your ex is gone. If the spath senses that he is no longer able to manipulate and abuse you, he may lose interest and return them. Spaths have a remarkable way of sensing when their victims are no longer vulnerable to them.
Prayers your health improves now that he is gone. You may have already done this, but you might consider throwing out any food, bath products, cleaning liquids and supplies, that your ex could have tampered with. More often than people realize, spaths try to harm their victims by poisoning, and other ways of sabotage. Just something to consider.
Thank you for your reply. It puts things even more into perspective and brought on the fact that I never questioned. I do have things that he had brought here. I have never used it. My gut was saying not to and he used to get upset at me. Although I never actually saw him use them either.
As for stress. I understand. Completely. That’s what I had been trying to figure out. The electronics I can deal. Eventually they can be replaced. The remains. He knows if anything I would go to the ends of the earth for my pet. I also realized something. Sensing when they no longer have power over you. He knows all it took was to get a confirmation of a professional of any wrong doing towards me- and that’s it for me. I already tried the please drop things off at a neutral address. Nothing. Which wasn’t surprising. That’s what he would do everytime his silent treatment would go over broad and I would have enough. The pattern was he wanted me to jump through hoops/ more tears / more apologizing. This time he heard nothing from me but asking for my things. Hardly what he wants.
I am starting to look around and be thankful for my life to be drama free now. Big difference without him around. I do feel better. I’m going to throw all the stuff he could have done anything to. Thank you very much for pointing it out.
It was also my experience that my ex psychopath sensed when I was no longer vulnerable to his manipulation. He lost interest.
I am sorry that you don’t have the remains of your beloved pets. Your ex is withholding them only for power and control and to harm you. They mean nothing to him. You have something he will never have, and that is your knowledge of your loving nurturing relationship with your animals who unconditionally loved you. Maybe he will get bored and return them after some time passes without you contacting him.
Detoxing from the emotionally, spiritually and physically toxic relationship may lead to the complete recovery of your health, too. I know of people who had serious health problems that resolved when they got out of toxic relationships.
Annette
Thank you so much for this great comment you wrote to This Too. It makes so much sense. Once I started to think clearly and rational, not emotional, with my brain,and not with my heart, I was able to see how he wanted to destroy me. I know he wanted me to be locked away for good or even dead. He did not care about his child, that I am the mother of his child.
For all those years he manipulated and deceived me, and I still take the discard as my way out. I would have never left him, because I was afraid. He wanted to punish me so bad by leaving, he did the opposite. Only back then it took a few months for me to realize that.
Annette, your ex was a pervert also. Unbelievable, cross dressing, etc…I caught my ex in many “pervert” activities and I am sure he had more dark secrets that I did not know about. It is sad that they have to lie to us and not just ask for a divorce so they can be a pervert. My ex had so many profiles on Internet websites that I later found. I had no idea he was looking for affairs in my zip code… he had profiles on ashley madison and others. Still to today the worst for me was that he exposed me to so many diseases….while I though I was safe with him as my husband, he was playing with my life. And that is unacceptable, that is inappropriate and for that I will never forgive him. I had no part in his secret life and still he made me a part of it.
It was not easy putting an end to this long time marriage, but I know it was the only way to go. They will never change. He promised me so many times he would not watch porn on the Internet and I caught him every night. He did not respect my feelings and just said “Get over it.”
There is no other word for them than evil. My new life is calm, no more heart racing and crying for me..no more pounding in my head from high blood pressure caused by him… it is much safer now because he sure would have killed me somehow. But God protected me and put me in a safe place..away from my ex.
I used to think the same thing – why didn’t my ex just give up the pretense in church and with marriage, and go off and live his perverted lifestyle fully. Eventually I understood that he was doing exactly what he wanted to do – it was part of the fun for him to dupe people and to appear as an angel of light and infiltrate God’s church. He enjoyed the power to deceive that being disguised as a Christian and a minister gave him.
From Psychopath Free this morning:
Bullies and manipulators prey on the easy-going nature of others. They use methods of coercion that are not always overtly aggressive, which makes their targets unaware that it’s even abuse. These tactics can include guilt tripping, pity plays, false promises, flattery, silence, and pathological lying. Using these methods, they can stand back & play innocent while you start to appear more and more “crazy”. Psychopaths have an uncanny ability to make people feel sorry for them right after they’ve ruined someone else’s life.
I thought I’d share the follow up on my realtor’s treating me with disrespect and then dumping me.
I gave it a week to settle and decided for my own benefit, I’d call her broker/office manager. She works for a national (and I think international) firm that has a great reputation. Their website features their corporate philosophy that highlights respect for the client and their “investment of a lifetime”. They project a very posh and classy image.
I calmly relayed what had happened and how it had made me feel. He was very professional, offered little feedback other than “hmm” and “ahh” and told me that she was due in the office and he would speak to her at that time and get back to me no later than Wednesday. (I spoke to him on Monday.) Not ONCE did he say he was sorry for my experience with one of his agents. Then he turned the conversation to what I was looking for in a home and he emailed me some additional listings. We ended the call with he would follow up with me by Wednesday.
I have heard nothing from him. Zip.
Not surprised. I am sure (if he even talked to her) she said I was a crazy b**ch and I was instantly forgotten. Not even important enough to make a return call or email and close the loop, to preserve their image. It must really be so nice to be rolling in so much dough that they can act like this.
As for me, I had been not been feeling myself mentally for awhile – mildly pessimistic and just”off. In the week I haven’t had any contact with her, I’ve gotten back to my optimistic, peppy self. In fact, I felt a sense of relief almost immediately.
Live and learn.
Hi Hanaleimoon
Just wanted to tell you my experience with a bad real estate agent. I did end up with an excellent one after firing the bad one. I, too, reported her. They did not respond. My excellent real estate agent said that was likely because she was in a liability position and all attorneys would advise them to say nothing.
My BAD real estate agent did things that I told her NOT to do, she sent offers in my name and locked me into a contract when I told her to put in a contingency that the house had to pass termite inspection (it didn’t).
I know that you know it doesn’t matter what she gossiped about you, it matters that you are stuck with a lifelong contract to a property that didn’t match your needs. Yip Yippee.
NWHSOM, wow – I can’t believe your agent did that and still has a license. Well, wait, I guess I DO believe it. Mine encouraged (pushed) me to make offers on several houses sight unseen so that I didn’t “miss out”, saying I had the due diligence period to see it, consider it and back out, and each time I told her NO in no uncertain terms.
Nah, it doesn’t matter to me what she might have said about me. This is a classic example of I didn’t do what SHE wanted me to do, so she had to be mean to me and dump me. I’m better off for it, since I should have fired her months ago. I was nothing to her but her but a commission.
Another reminder that the minute I hear myself defending or explaining myself to someone who does.not.matter in my life, it is time for them to go.
Silly me – I want a yard and a house that’s not falling apart and not across the street from a pawn shop and a head shop. I’m so difficult!! LOL!
I have to tell you that one of the houses I made an offer on (that didn’t get accepted) while we were waiting for a response she mentioned to me that she thought the neighborhood was cute and she might like to buy a fixer there for a rental but “I’d never want to live in this neighborhood”. Great thing to say to your client who just made an offer. :-/
HM
sounds like the man who answered the phone, gets a cut from her sale..he probably already heard her complain about the sale she lost…not about anything nice or sweet about how you are as a person…
its too bad you can’t write to your local newspaper anonymously and explain the situation so people can be warned about how “professional” they really are…
obviously being the caring person you are, took this seriously and it brought back the feelings you had when you dealt with your ex…i would too have a set back for a few days, replaying the situation and seeing how familiar that scenario played out…
people are not nice everywhere it seems, not just in relationships
Janedoe, I’m sure he gets a cut of her commission since he is the broker she works under, which is ZERO since she discarded me before I found the right home to buy.
That’s ok, I will find another agent and the right home. I will be happy. She will still be a person who treats others poorly.
I feel bad that I got duped again and didn’t move on when I knew she wasn’t really working for me anymore, but it’s ok. Every day is a chance to start new.
xo
Sounds like the business climate in that office is pretty poor. Everyone encounters both good and bad businesses, trades people, etc., in the course of doing business in the world. It’s not possible to know who’s good and who’s not without experience; and it’s a balance between giving some benefit of the doubt and firing someone at the first hint of something being off. The rule of threes makes sense – one problem could be a mistake, the second maybe a misunderstanding, but three problems is a pattern of behavior.
I had a memory this morning of him saying in the beginning how he was thin-skinned- sensitive I guess? Also him saying he’s different.
I thought thin-skinned was us sensitive caring people.
Maybe that was part of the grooming.
remember
one time when my ex had a few many to drink he looked at me and told me “you don’t want to have anything to do with me, i am bad news”
when i told him this the next day, he just laughed and said “really?”
he also during that time said to me “you know, if you ever looked me up on google, you will never ever be able to track me down…theres nothing anyone can find on me”
i wish i had run when he said those things, probably the first time he ever managed to tell me the truth was this one time!
I cant believe this.
when I caught mine in the “act”…. and he came to my apartment where hed been living for free for a year…..
he sat on couch… put his fingers thru my hair…and said, “I am bad news. you need a man who can take care of you like you deserve. Twenty years from now I will have broken 10 more womens’ hearts as I have just broken yours.”
he had just been telling me 24 hours prior… how he couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with me.
Of course hed say that I am so tough to love (Not!) that no other man was ever going to date me for more than a couple of months.
and then… I catch him… the mask is off… and everything changes.
THIS IS PURE EVIL.
he also said to me upon catching him, “I did a real bad thing. I took avantage of a very kind, caring, giving, vulnerable person.”
He had just told me that morning how hed never take advantage of me. that what we had was real love and how much he loved me and would do so for the rest of my life.
Kittylover, yes, it is PURE EVIL.
Mine told me that (after oh, 7+ mini discards) he would never do it again, because he had finally realized that every version of the future he imagined included me. That when we bought our (very expensive) home together, I had nothing to worry about, since he would NEVER leave the relationship, if it ever ended, it would be because I left it. And if I did, he would “make me whole”, so that I never had to worry about buying myself another home.
That was before he abandoned me in “our” new home where I ended up losing $150k+ and starting from scratch at 56”while he was in his original home with his soon to be new wife.
Honestly? If a man ever said anything REALLY nice to me now, I’d assume it was a lie. I mean it.
hmoon.
i am so sorry to hear what you have experienced.
how is it possible that they all use the same lines and words?
hmoon, im going to use this nightmare to make me better, not bitter as i saw my birthmother become bc of her spath
i know i will find , when time is right, a healthy man to love and to be loved by. the fact that this pathetic excuse of a man out so much energy and time intobeing sure my kight only shined for him and no one else. and the fact that alll my gut reactions and thoughts about him were ACCURATE…. makes me believe that not only am i special but im smart and im strong
Kittylover, your attitude is completely right – your thinking and reactions were accurate and you ARE special and strong. Now you will think twice and trust your own instincts. It is because we are so GOOD that we were targeted.
The more I read here, the more I think they all use the same playbook (only half kidding)! 🙂
Kitty lover
Jeez yours sounds so much like mine in so many ways
Mine would say very very similar things to me
-the same things about how I don’t deserve him and how he would do many things to hurt me
-there was not much of a future that he could give me
-I am too wonderful of a person to hurt like he had
The craziest things he would say but then he would contradict himself
-I was the only one he wanted to spend his life with, now that he can compare me to his new wife, he’s made a mistake
-im the most giving and loving woman he’s ever been with
-he never wanted to hurt me and he’s done a horrible thing and lives with it each day
Unbelievable…what’s the point in destroying us but feeding us with how so sorry they are and never wanted to hurt us…of course they wanted to hurt us..they did what they did with a full conscience!
JaneD,
Mine mentioned the google thing too. If you google your name what comes up? He said nothing comes up on mine.
So much happened, but i’m starting to remember bits n pieces from the very beginning when he was trying to act like he was so sensitive and a caretaker type, and how after he told me who’s bmw it really was- how I should look back to that if I ever thought he was lying to him-
Ha. Preparing me…..
Lying to me I meant…
Jane/Remember
Mine made a big deal of staying off of social media and same on telling me that he hired a company to scrub his name on google. He has a common name so many many results if you google his name anyway.
He explained this by saying his ex girlfriend was stalking him.
I found the truth by googling her name.
I have added this to the red flag list….
amille2
is it possible he used other aliases?
when i first met mine and he added me on fb, i discovered over 600 contacts and most of them women..when i read comments and saw pics of things and told him about it, within an hour i was blocked from reaching him on there…he claims someone reported him on fb and they closed his account…
yeh ok because not much longer after, i saw on my fb “people you may know” and low and behold, there he was, under a different name…he never told me about this account..and when i approached him about it, sure enough i couldn’t get access to it, because he blocked me…red flag right from the get go!!!
he had different names and accounts and emails everywhere!
Jane..funny you should ask. During my phase of shock and trying to find validation that he was married/living with his supposed stalker, I searched his families’ profiles to see if he was listed under an alias…..didn’t find.
However, that doesn’t mean he isn’t out there. It wouldn’t surprise me.
amille2
yes you’re right, he could still be out there under false identity, regardless…
mine was so sneaky and conniving i now know he is capable of doing everything i thought..
once i found him on a site with his picture and the name that appeared was not him..i asked him about it and he said it was the name of an old teacher of his…and their two accounts must have gotten “mixed up together” and it was not him…
ok, really? did he expect me to believe that?
Jane, I think that was one of the hardest things to deal with when all the lies flooded my thoughts….how did i believe his lies? Did I really or did I shrug them off because he was so busy telling me he loved me….and I chose to believe that instead?
He was so convincing with the explanations. Things that I think about now and shake my head in disbelief. Disbelief at myself.
I could easily picture him telling me the name on the wrong photo story. How he contacted Facebook to have it corrected. That he is so sorry that it upset me because he loves me and doesn’t want anything to upset me. And this is why he hates social media…..maybe produce a tear or two…
janedoe, Remember, amille,
Strange. #2 would like to brag about how I couldn’t find info about him online. No aliases as far as I know. You can find him on linked in through searches. One time we talked and I asked him what he was up to. He said he was online for hours making sure he was off search engines..
#1 had many fake profiles on FB. Mostly women. When we broke up many women and some men contacted me. All of his fb profiles looked the same when you clicked them. Many foreign friends, no activity, etc. It was creepy. I’m glad I don’t do social networking anymore!
Makes me wonder the extent they have actually gone to. Free time much?? Oh, that’s right, they don’t sleep. They troll and torment.
Big red flag, indeed! I will never trust another man who brags about being hard to find!!
remember
they are creeps, all of them…nice or not…just very disturbed men
all mine did… from the fire station… b/c it is a very slow station … was social media. women. flirting. sex.
me! telling me from morning til night how deeply in love he was with me. and missed me. and kisses baby. and do you love me?
oh my god how evil.
Kittylover, government agencies are the WORST. I lived it. As a government official, my ex was in the PRESS for harassing women who worked for him, up to and including unzipping his pants and exposing himself to a woman who reported to him.
Passing notes to women on his staff.
Touching them at department functions.
I only know this because I read it in the press AFTER I was discarded because a friend sent me the links. This happened when we were in escrow for “our” new home.
You are not alone.
hmoon…. i read that most folks drawn to politics are spaths
i am glad that you received validation however ad to what a creep your spath is and always will be
remember
i understand and yes its like you’re going through the motions…
time and distance is a great healer…you will get there, i know its tough, probably the toughest thing
read as much as you can and learn everything…xo
JD,
Hahaa.
That is crazy all the 2 timing flags…ugh.
I would just watch him in the store and felt like he wasn’t really mine-my love…
He was always crying (fake ish) about his kids being taken…
Also, I felt very weird when we were out and we saw kids. I can’t explain it? Also, my neighbor has little kids and I am very friendly to them but I would notice he was stand offish. I thought he was a kid guy…hmmm.
After we broke up I never felt that strangeness when I saw kids again. I felt relieved.
Weird, huh?
Ameille,
I feel the same way you do about the lies, lies, lies…
Did we believe, or just shrug off because we were too busy being engulfed by them?