UPDATED FOR 2020
A Lovefraud reader who posts as “LadyA” sent Lovefraud the following email. At the end, I suggest how she can recover from the sociopath.
I’ve spent a lot time thinking about my experience with my spath, and how it affected me and the people around me. I have read article after article, story after story. I now fully understand what spaths do and how they do it but I didn’t understand why I don’t feel any better about it. What was I missing?
When I left my spath it was a fairly dramatic experience. He had just been sentenced to serve jail time on the weekends for an obstruction of justice charge. My mom flew into town and in one swoop we packed up everything we could get in the car and left the province to go back to my hometown. I had to quit my job over email and send a goodbye text to all my friends.
I am thankful every day for what my mom did for me. I sure wasn’t happy about it at the time but I knew I needed out and this was my chance. What I didn’t know is how much moving back to my hometown would affect me emotionally. I had originally planned on only being back for six months. Just long enough for him to move on and get me out of mind, but it has now been just over three years and I still haven’t moved back. I got settled in a new job, new friends, and a new relationship. Even after all of this I haven’t been able to figure out why I’m not happy. Until three days ago.
Pride. I was proud of myself for the life that I had built. I moved 1200 km’s away from home right after high school to a big city. I was on the fast track to a strong career in a competitive field. I had a brand new car, paid all my bills on time, and was saving to buy a house. I was independent, reliable, strong, caring, and had a really great outlook on the world. Not many people can say that at 22.
All of that was ruined by a six-month “whirlwind romance.” I’m no longer proud of myself. I feel like I have failed because I came back home with my “tail between my legs” to my mommy. I no longer have a new car because it was repossessed as soon as I got back here. I am jaded, I don’t trust people easily, and I am no longer as strong as the face I put on the outside. I’ve gained weight because deep down I just don’t care anymore. My career is now on a plateau due to the location where I live. I don’t have one reason to be proud of myself right now.
How do I get my pride back when I know what happened? I want to feel proud of myself for my life but I just have zero idea where to start. I’ve thought about moving away again, but I don’t really know if that’s the answer. How can I be proud of what has happened in my life? I’m really honestly just so ashamed.
Donna Andersen responds
Dear LadyA,
I am so sorry about your encounter with a sociopath. Although this is not a normal breakup, the good news is that you can recover from the sociopath.
Right now, however, it does not seem that way. Why? I can see two reasons.
The first is that betrayal by a sociopath is a huge emotional injury. In the beginning of your email you said that, after all your reading, you now “fully understand what spaths do and how they do it,” but you don’t feel any better.
Understanding is a critical first step to you to recover from the sociopath. But understanding is an intellectual process, something that you do with your mind. The wound you experienced is also emotional. It needs to be dealt with emotionally.
How do you do that? You allow yourself to feel the pain of the injury.
This means letting yourself cry. Letting yourself scream and wail. Letting yourself experience anger — I’m sure there is anger — perhaps by working it out on a punching bag.
This isn’t pretty, and you probably want to do it privately, because other people often have difficulty being around this. Or, you may have a good therapist who can help you.
One way or another, any bottled up emotion you have within you needs to come out.
Underestimated the injury
Next you wrote that you identified the reason that you’re not happy as “pride.” But it seems like you are regarding pride as something bad, like one of the seven deadly sins.
You had every reason to be proud, because your pride was based on your achievement. And the sociopath took this away from you.
Here is what I think has happened: You have underestimated the scale of the injury, and the severity of the betrayal.
LadyA, you were building a life for yourself. You went out on your own; you started building a career; you were moving forward.
And some manipulative, deceitful parasite, who did something bad enough to end up in jail, ruined it for you.
Not only did he cost you money and hurt your career, he corrupted your outlook on life. You’re jaded; you don’t trust; you don’t care. You are not the young person you once were all because of the sociopath.
Recognize that this was not a normal breakup after all, you had to flee your home, job and friends.
Your life was shattered. Your psyche was deflated. This is a massive shock to your system. It’s no wonder that you are still struggling.
Drain the emotion
So what do you do? In my opinion, you do exactly what I suggested earlier — allow yourself to feel the pain now, knowing that the pain is bigger than you originally thought.
So you cry. You stomp. You imagine him standing in front of you and yell at him. (Do not, however, attempt to confront him in person. This would be counterproductive.)
The idea is to drain off the negative emotion.
As you drain the emotion, a void will be created within you. It’s very important to fill that void with joy.
This may sound preposterous to you, like you have no reason to be joyful. But don’t look at the totality of your life right how.
Do any small thing that makes you happy: Go for a walk. Play with your pets. Have lunch with a friend. Listen to music.
To recover from the sociopath, it may require many rounds of draining off the negative and replacing it with positive. But with time, you’ll find that your entire outlook will change, and you’ll be able to get back on track.
Importantly, with the wisdom you gained through this experience, you’ll never fall for a sociopath again.
Lovefraud originally published this article on May 12, 2014.
High school boyfriend pursues her, then abuses her
Hanalei
What a great idea, digging holes , then planting beautiful flowers. What I did was walk , and more walking. Sometimes I would walk 10-15 miles in my community and I also prayed and left it all up to God. It was out of my control anyhow. God hates divorces, as much as he hates fear. I learned how to not fear, to completely let go. Like you I wasted days and days responding to his ugly emails. Accusing me of being crazy, accusing me of thus and this. Suggesting I should see a psychatrist. All the while he was sipping exotic drinks on the Bahamas with her. Eating fancy seafood in key west. (I did not know until he turned financials into court). While I was crying my eyes out and begging for him to come back home, he was getting tattooes , bought a Harley Davidson, bought her jewelry , took her out for dinner. While he was throwing insults at me, he lived the life of a “king”.
Just thinking of last year, I am so blessed to have good friends, co workers , bosses , pastors and my family by my side. I survived as many here did and so will Taralev.
I hope I do survive. I swear this has been the most painful thing I have ever went thru. With my sisters death..i thought that was most painful. But there was a end..i knew she was not coming back. It gave me closure in a way. This is everyday me knowing hes out there..lying..living his life and forgetting us. He had a diamond ready..2 weeks before he left!! We had plans..i never saw this coming. Never. And how stupid was I the whole time..he was securing his next victim. I believed every word he said. He was my very best friend..I just cant believe the monster he is now.
Tara, we had just bought an $800,000 house together…three months later he discarded me. We had a lot of other plans too…he interviewed for a job in the new town the day before he discarded me. I didn’t see it coming either. I mean, who would do such a thing? I now know – a psychopath – a person who wants to destroy you.
You will survive.
Think of him as dead…he’s not coming back either, and if he did, YOU might not survive.
You will be lucky if he forgets you. I thought mine was my very best friend too – he was NOT.
Save yourself.
I can not even imagine. I don’t even know how you got thru it..WHY would he buy a house and then do that. I just don’t know how long this will take me..how long has it been for you again? I feel I should be moving slowly on. I am frozen.shocked..pained so bad I can feel it all over my body. I just want to be home..where I can cry and get in bed
Tara, I beat myself up trying to figure out WHY and the answer is, he is a psychopath. I went into it with great consideration and great commitment. He seemed to also, but it was a lie. It meant nothing to him. Normal people do not walk away like this and go on as if it never happened. In the end, WHY doesn’t matter.
I got through it because I had to. Simple as that. I did what needed to be done, because I wasn’t about to let my credit get ruined (at that point, about all I had left).
I would say I was in the phase you are in full time for almost 3 months, but I had gone no contact in the first three weeks or so. Then I got a job and had to scale it back to part time and weekends. Meanwhile, I talked about it to anyone who would listen (I didn’t yet know he was a psychopath or about this and other sites) and drove people away because they didn’t get it either. Then I found some books, and this site and a couple of months later, started therapy. I also had a watershed moment when I had a complete meltdown because someone didn’t call me when they had promised and realized I had looked forward to it all day, the chance to talk about it over and over and over again. This woke me up, and I decided to try something new – not talking about it so much. Almost immediately, I realized that continuing to talk about it all the time was getting me nowhere and keeping me wound up. Then the thinking started to calm down, little by little.
I didn’t want to get busy with life either, but really, it does help. When I started to be around new people, I didn’t tell them about it, so they didn’t see me defined by it. They couldn’t understand anyway. People here have talked about not even putting the bed together to sleep in it – I slept on the couch, or the floor during this time.
I didn’t have a job when this happened to me – I had three full months of nothing to do in a town where I knew no one – I was a wreck. Once I got a job and had to be presentable halfway, it helped. Use your job to your advantage.
You are moving slowly on, you just can’t see it from this vantage point yet. You will when you get farther down the road. It’s agonizing and that’s NORMAL. But you do need to do as much as you can to help yourself – staying in the place you are in your head is only hurting you more. You are armed, knowing what he is, and that is miles ahead of where I was.
In August it will be 3 years since the discard. The man, and the relationship, no longer trouble me, or occupy my mind, and haven’t for a very long time. The fallout (financial, career, etc.) will continue. But I am in control of that, making the most of what I have and where I’m headed.
I am glad to see your felt the same way I do now. Like I have said many times- you all have had it way worse then me. I think I am just taking ot very very hard right now. But my situation is nowhere near as bad as yours. I dont feel like I am moving, it has been since febuary he has been gone..although he led me till April saying he loved me..would come home for nights…until I caught him with her. I thank you for your posts..they really keep my hope alive
Taralav,
I hate that he’s manipulating you like this.
Have you really seriously thought what it would be like if he came back? Make yourself think of how it would feel living every day wondering what he was doing, who he was with and when he was going to walk out again. There is. Nothing that will ever satisfy his need to please himself.
Even if he decided he would come back, it would only be because he thought maybe he could manipulate you easier than someone else. They live in the moment. Always twisting and contorting words to make each victim react. They really don’t care if it’s a positive or a negative reaction….just as long as they get a reaction.
You are free now. All the pressure of trying to convince yourself that he was real is over. Think about how miserable you would be sleeping with someone who you can never ever trust. Think of how every breath would be a moment of fear for of the next hurt. Now that he’s shown his cards, he would certainly feel free to hurt you more because, hey, you know what he is now.
You really are trying to force yourself back into hell. As my wise daughter once told me…”Mom, you are drowning, and God keeps rescuing you and bringing you to the shore. But you are so determined to drown that you rush right back into the water and let the undertow drag you out and then you are drowning again.”
She was right. We’ve all done it, Tara. We’ve all been so distraught and confused that we’ve thrown ourselves right back into the cesspool so that we can lose control and start drowning again. It’s absurd, but it’s the power of our love and their manipulation.
You really don’t want him. He’s nasty. He’s a liar. And he’s an embarrassment to you. You are soooo much better than that piece of trash.
You really do not want to live with his sorry low life self. You are just caught up in the reality that he created, so you think you want him.
Once you stop communicating, you will see that it’s your choice. You have already decided in your head, but your heart is so attached that you keep hoping
You DONT WANT HIM. He is gross!!! Honor yourself with the life you deserve, not the life he’s forcing you to accept. He is disgusting.
Look at him for what he truly is. Not the moments you shared, not the life you thought you had. Look at him. He is a sorry excuse for a human. He is someone that would be an embarrassment to be with. He is cold hearted, mean, deceitful, immoral, unfaithful, irresponsible, insecure, overconfident, undependable, callous, perverted, untrustworthy and a habitual liar. Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!
You don’t want him. Tell yourself that. You don’t want him. You don’t want him.
If you would just have no contact, you would see that you have all the power. You have to power to stop his manipulation. You know that you don’t want him. Please focus on that.
I know my words are pushy, but I really want you to think about how horrible your life would be if he came back. There would never be a chance for healing or peace. He will never change.
I hope the rest of your day is better. You are just so kind and nurturing and do not deserve this abuse! You are getting better and we are all so proud of how hard you are trying. Keep it up.
We are here for you.
He is gross, I know exactly what you mean. I would go insane and never trust him. I nevr questioned him before..if I had checked his phone I would have seen!! If he ever came back I would not even let him have a phone..or work at the same place. It would be crazy. I cant control that.
I just cant believe..he can DESTROY a person and get away with it. His ego is just crazy too..in texting the other day, I told him that he crushed our future…that I stuck with him despite his salary, his beat up car, and 2 kids. He always brings up his looks…he said to me ” I can have any woman I want”,..and trust me when I say..he is not anything to look at. I would tell you…hes ok..i am not one to date someone based on looks. I loved him..he charmed me.
He also was not fabulous in other areas..so really..i did love him unconditional.
I like what your daughter said..someone said to me that God is giving me a “escape route”. And I can choose to take it or not. I know I need to take it..but the road to it is killing me.
Tara,
Part of my Bible reading today was these verses from Proverbs 17:12-13-
12 Better to meet a bear robbed of her cubs
than a fool bent on folly.
13 Evil will never leave the house
of one who pays back evil for good.
Verse 13 is especially revealing to me. For me, there were times I felt like it would soothe my soul and end the turmoil by wanting and taking my abuser back in hopes that he would change. But we read in this verse that our decisions to overlook evil will have a huge impact on us forever. “Evil will never leave”…… That is a very strong declaration that we should not ignore and should keep close to our heart.
God is protecting us. If someone repents and truly changes (which a Spath cant do) then the outcome may be different. But if we continue to give our love and support to someone who openly chooses evil, then we invite evil to stay, and it will. Ugghhhh. That’s scary !
Taralev
I believed every word my ex said also. Even when he told me I was mentally ill. Talking to a counselor cleared that up. She said “you are not mentally ill, he is abiding you.” It’s a shame it wanted to marry you and then did what he did. Maybe it’s a very good thing you are not married to him. It would be even more complicated to separate everything . I think you are improving. At least you realize now what a monster he is. That’s a huge step forward.
Taralev
Like Hanalei , mine refinanced the house to higher mortgage shorter term 7 days before he left. I did not see it coming. But like someone said they plan their exit strategically months or even years before. I was discarded in March of 2013, went no contact in June and filed for divorce in July. So it dies take a few months to clear your head.
Hanalei, unbelievable he bought a almost million dollar home and left. Did you see it coming ? Did he leave for a co worker also?
Yes Taralev , I believed everything he said. Like you, he was my best friend, my husband of 20 years, the father of our only child. But in reality he wasn’t. In his mind we were nothing. In his mind he was having sex with the little co worker. He was so obsessed with taking nude pictures, to this day if makes me nauseated. At the end he was not even embarassed anymore. I mean what kind of respect should the son have for him. It’s just crazy. They are the ones who need desperate help. But they are incurable. So no need. Like the counselor said “he should never have a relationship with any woman, casual sex or prostitutes is best for him.
Kaya, I saw nothing coming. We had been looking for homes for a couple of years and had considered buying a lot and building (thank God we didn’t go that route) and I’ve written here before how the choice was driven by some of his “must-haves”. I had concerns about the finances, but with both of our incomes, and proceeds from the sale of two homes, we would have been fine. I see it as we both stood on the edge of the cliff holding hands to jump but only I jumped. Of course the mortgage was set up to be deducted automatically out of MY checking account. Then, he was irked because the utilities were in my name and not his, because of course it was me setting them up.
He changed almost immediately after escrow closed, becoming surly, unhappy with everything and very disconnected. He came out for two weeks right away and watched tv the whole time (when he wasn’t criticizing me), like he was in a hotel, not our dream home we had been so excited about.
I didn’t find out about the other women until much later. I know he had someone at the time he discarded me, but have no idea if it is the woman he married. She was not a co-worker.
I fully believe that he planned this years ahead. He got me to love and trust him, give up my career, sell my home, and left me with a house that took 2 incomes to support. He intended to destroy me.
Mine won’t leave..I’m a front for a whole other life. The perfect husband and father with the assets…god what was I thinking?
Hanalei
How similar. My ex always said “this house does not feel like a home ” and always criticized . This was suppose to be out dream home also. You are so right, like he was in a hotel, no emotional connection to the home . And it took 2 incomes to support it. When he left , shortly after he stopped paying the mortgage . (I was also on the mortgage note and he wanted to ruin my credit along with his). I don’t understand what he would accomplish with that other than being vicious. Luckily the court intervened and I sold the house before it went into foreclosure. He was not concerned where I would live with his son. No worries in the world, just take everything away. And now after the divorce is almost final he tried to be “friends ” with his son.
I did not see it coming, but after finding the nude picture exchange with the co worker , nothing seemed “right” anymore. I had an uneasy feeling of distrust and anger against him for such a cowardly betrayal. Thinking back, I should have filed for divorce right there and then.
Hoping
Thank you for making my day with the words you chose to describe my ex. All of them fit him perfectly. YUCK.
And your daughters words are so wise. Just like my son who kept saying “why do you want this scumbag back, he makes you cry, why?”
Thanks. Taralev , Hoping so right. Would you want someone that disgusting sleeping next to you ?
🙂 Colorado has become world famous for her legal definition of the Spa.
On the front page of the Denver Post, there are ads for the best pot and recipes for making marijuana butter for baked goods. The state Attorney General has cracked down on edibles manufacturers who don’t have enough (or too much) of the stuff in their cookies. Tourists are entitled to purchase enough to have fun, and there is no limit on how many shops they can visit before they leave.
It’s like being in an Andy Warhol painting. Even if your cell phone does work, nothing else makes sense so it really doesn’t matter. 🙂
Yes he left me without tv..he doesn’t even care to get the boxes and. Dvrs to take back. His bill is $783 to direct tv and doesn’t care. I have Internet. .he hasn’t shut it off but hasn’t paid it. Once its off I will get cable and internet .I sit out on my deck and smoke..think. .I have been just in a terrible pain today I don’t know why. Mote then usual. I loved being a caregiver. I love to cook..and always made cookies. .planted herbs and a garden. I have not cooked really since he left. I lost 39 pounds. .so at least thst is good. Because I do need to lose. I sleep with a pair of his sweatpants. Sick huh. I feel like it helps me sleep. I’m a zomboe
Tara,
It just breaks my heart for you. But I think you should stop defending yourself about how you are handling this. You are doing the best you can. If you need to sleep with sweatpants, well at least you are sleeping.
I found LF in late Dec, early Jan.. I realize I was separated from a Spath. In Feb of this year, I found out he loved someone else. I haven’t cooked since that day. I’m much better emotionally, but still have not returned to my normal activities.
It’s ok to work through this the best way you can Tara. If you don’t talk to him, he can’t make it worse, so NC is the best advice. But you need to do whatever you can that soothes you. It’s ok. You are doing very well and are getting better. I can see it in your post.
Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. And eat something. Even when you don’t feel like it, Eat something. You need strength. Again, I’m so sorry for you.
Tara, I was a nurturer too. I loved cooking great meals and new recipes, gardening and keeping a home for someone. After the discard, I lost about 20 pounds and stopped cooking also. I lived on oatmeal and Taco Bell bean and cheese burritos (I always bought two – one for dinner and one for breakfast the next day). Even then I had to choke it down.
Find something you can eat…even if you eat the same thing every day. I stop eating when I get stressed, and it is very hard on our bodies. Also, drink a LOT of water – I mean CHUG it.
I had cable, but never turned it on. When I started coming out of it a little bit, I used to record and watch “Too Fat for 15” and I became so involved in the lives of those kids on the show, it took me out of myself for an hour…I rationed out the episodes. I will always equate that show to being a friend during that horrible time in my life.
Like HopingToHeal, I have heard a very subtle shift in your posts and think you are moving in the right direction.
We who are nurturers need to learn to nurture ourselves. And you can do that even if you don’t have any money (I sure didn’t). I never gave up burning a candle in the evening, even if all I had was a bag of cheap tea lights. I loved up my pets and they never failed to make me feel better. Some days, I took two bubble baths. I found joy in buds in spring, a light snow in the winter, a summer storm blowing through. After awhile, I got sick of the bean burritos and started cooking again, started listening to music again, looking forward to things again.
I’m still rebuilding, and these are good reminders for me too. I know they work, and I know they are good for me. This path isn’t a straight line and if you’re like me, once you start stringing a few good hours (days, weeks, months) together and you hit a speed bump, you will panic and wonder if all is lost again. It’s not.
Here are two quotes I have carried around with me for years, maybe they will help you.
“Attempt to discern the evidence and actual circumstances from the emotions they create”. (perfect for me who can be a doomsday thinker)
“Not everything can happen all at once and it is going to take a little while to figure it all out”. (good advice even when not just discarded by a psychopath)
Hang in there.
You sound like me..I will get a chipolte burrito and literally eat it for 3 days. I just have no will to cook. I always cooked for a house full..now its just me. My son is with his grandfather now..for the summer in florida since graduation. And i come home to nothing. I usually walk in..look around at pictures on the walls..and cry. I talk to my sisters ashes…then I work from home usually a hour or so.
I smoke..then i lay down. Its really sad..I loved to plant..he and I would mulch the yard and we liked to sit outside and use the grill. I feel so much is gone. My life as i knew it. I dont want to start over. I want to know why…he sent me a message earlier..they normally all sound the same. He said ” we could have worked it our but you made it seem I was the worlds worst person and exposed me to everyone”. I had to reply. I said ” you ARE the worlds worst person. look what you did to me …you are lucky you have your balls intact”. He said nothing.
He doesnt see it wasnt just a breakup..we were not married..so as he says people break up everyday. Yes. But NOT like this. Not like the lies and months of strining me like a puppet and being cruel..and slapping ME with a order because he got caught. I just dont know why he doesnt get it.
Tara, mine also said we could have worked it out…but he was already with someone else (I didn’t know that until later). He wanted to make me spin and knock myself out trying to fix it, just to amuse himself. He had no intention of getting back with me.
Right now, your job is your salvation…like I said earlier, use it to your benefit. When I found a job, I did…otherwise, I was alone all the time. On the weekends I dug my now famous patent pending holes.
Try to go a whole 24 hours NC. See how it feels. I know you will feel like you’re missing something urgent that you need to see, know, respond to, but fight that feeling. You can read them later if you need to. Just try 24 hours. See what happens…she how it feels.
Chipolte is good – add a salad once in awhile. 🙂
Be glad that you don’t get why he is like he is and does what he does. Who’d want to understand? This is the big question that torments and frustrates most of us; and I think each person resolves it in her own way. I prayed a lot and found my answer in the theology of the Bible – good, evil, God’s role, mankind’s free moral agency, and God’s ultimate solution to evil in the world. I am unable to discern where my ex P fits in, so I turned it over to my Higher Power, whom I trust to solve the problem the best way possible in His time.
Consider that you didn’t have to respond. He wants to control you and he wants to make you respond. He wants you to have to respond. It’s not easy, but you can choose not to respond. He knows what you are going to say before you do. He wants to squeeze emotions out of you. Then he stonewalls because he knows it will make you feel awful. He knows exactly what he is doing. He does get it. It is a game to him. He already knows anything you could tell him; he just doesn’t care, and he is choosing to do exactly what he wants to do. He may be stringing you along right now while he hangs out with Ms. New Thing, and he’s planning to come back to you with some BS story to justify it and frame it so he’s not responsible for what he chooses to do. My ex P kept saying he now saw the light, and recycled that concept as long as I fell for it.
His contacts to you are exactly what it takes to keep you hooked; that is why he is contacting you and saying what he’s saying.
It’s a lot to take in, I know. It took me years to come to believe it. He gets it; he just doesn’t care. He likes doing exactly what he is doing. It’s his number one choice.
I lived on raw organic Trail Mix (Ingredients: Hunza Goji berries, Hunza mulberries, Hunza golden raisins, cacao nibs, cashews, and pistachios), was pretty healthy really, and I didn’t have to do anything except go to the kitchen and get it. Some days, that was all I ate; and maybe got one thing done.
I drove around some, which helped distract me.
I am enjoying knowing we all went through similar things!
Before the final discard, I had three solid years of regular gym attendance behind me and I was in the best shape of my adult life. After the discard, I let it go.
When I finally felt like going to the gym again, one day I was on the treadmill and started having a conversation with him in my head…which turned into imagining me knocking him down, kicking the f##k out of him until he was begging for mercy and then saying to him, what’s the matter you mean this isn’t fun for you and stuff like that, letting him get a breath and then kicking him some more. I never imagined kicking him to death, just to within an inch of it, then looking at him with contempt, nudging him with my foot and saying, yeah, you can’t handle it before I walked away.
I did this happy visualization several times and then was done with it. I am the least violent person you will ever meet, I will pick a snail up off the sidewalk and move him to safety. But this helped get some of the anger out.
Glad you’re happy to lose some weight, but……there must be a more pleasant way!
Consider that if you keep his clothes close to you, you strengthen and continue the physiological bond to him, to his persona. There is some very strong chemistry.
Taralev
I did the same. The first few months I lost 30 pounds. I could not eat, cook, clean , watch tv. Nothing. My thoughts raced around him and only him. I think it’s a normal reaction because what was done to us was so sudden, so vicious, so evil, like pulling a rug underneath us and leaving us on a bare, cold floor. I was there for a few months but every day I started to get stronger. I don’t want to be a bitter , weak person because if his actions. I started to think less about him. Suddenly it didn’t matter to me anymore what he was doing, who he was seeing. Why, because he already left me and the family.
Now a days I hardly ever think about him anymore. It just faded away. You will get there. I was able to show him in court who is in control with the help of my lawyer. He was nothing to me. The court ordered I should give him the car, I parked it at the place they ordered. I got out if the car I know he was there. I never turned around and looked at him. Because he does not exist anymore. Honestly it is a blessing he is out of my life. Nothing was truthful about him and I don’t need or want that. I would rather be myself , working 60 hours a week and having my sanity
I hope I get to the point i can think less. My brain is tired. I work all day..really computer work and come home..my thoughts are all on him. Its like I have nothing else in my life.Its is terrible. I am glad i have lost weight..id like to weigh 150..but the depression is the worst. I hope the meds start soon making me feel better. I dont know if I will ever cook again..it just is too sad
You don’t feel like things will ever get better now. They probably will get better. You are doing a great job taking care of yourself. It takes a lot of strength to work every day when you’re feeling this bad. You are strong and you can do this. It will get better, even though you can’t imagine it now.
HopingToHeal,
“Evil will never leave the house of one who pays back evil for good.”
This is talking about the spath…he pays back (with) evil FOR good.
It’s not talking about us, who pay back (for) evil WITH good. Do you see what I mean?
Whoso rewardeth evil for good, evil shall not depart from his house: this is the KJV, it’s a little clearer here I think.
We should always forgive and if possible, help that person who is repentant.
But sometimes, especially for A TIME, we don’t need to be sleeping with the enemy, literally. We CAN wait for the manifestation of repentance, that is…SHOW ME THE MONEY, HONEY. Put some shoe leather to ur words! St. James says, don’t just yak about it, DO IT.
the disordered person is unable to do this. hellbound? i think so. so i wipe the dust of them off my feet and move on to the next town, so to speak…on to better things.