Millions of sociopaths roam the planet. They inhabit all segments of the population. They are male, female, rich, poor, old, young, all races, all religions, all education levels, all demographic groups. Most of them are not in prison, so they move freely among us, living their lives by exploiting others.
Many take pride in their ability to manipulate others. Some who are criminals view crime as fun. They see nothing wrong with their behavior. As long as they keep succeeding, sociopaths will continue to behave the way they do.
So how do we make them fail?
Sociopaths only want to win, so failure is losing. Failure is not being able to exploit others, or at least not being able to get away with exploiting others.
I see four steps to shutting them down, and they all revolve around education.
1. Educating the public about sociopaths. This is the first step. So many Lovefraud readers who have tangled with sociopaths have told me, “I didn’t know these people existed!” Yes, they exist. Sociopaths live among us. And they are dangerous to our mental, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual and physical health.
This is why I launched Lovefraud. This is why I’m embarking on the Lovefraud Education Program to teach high school and college students about sociopaths. (If you’re in a position to bring the program to your school, please contact terry@anderlypublishing.com.) And there are so many more people who need to be educated, including therapists, lawyers and judges. We all need to know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior, so that if we see them, we can respond appropriately—especially by running away.
2. Exposing known sociopaths. This, I believe, is the only strategy that really works against sociopaths. We can’t count on winning judgments against them and actually collecting our money. We can’t count on them being prosecuted or locked up. Sometimes the only way to keep them from harming others is to blow their cover.
We do need to be cautious about this, as I explained in a previous article, Exposing the sociopath. Many of you may not be able to skewer your exes publicly, as I did with James Montgomery. But you may be able to quietly speak your truth in your community, profession, church or wherever you know the predator is trolling for new victims. In the future, a few words of warning, coupled with growing public awareness of the disorder, may be enough.
3. Stop breeding sociopaths. Sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have a lot of sexual magnetism, and many Lovefraud readers have said that sex with the sociopath was the best they’ve ever had. But a consequence of sex, of course, is children. And because sociopathy is a highly genetic disorder, children born of sociopaths are at risk of inheriting a predisposition for the disorder.
One of the big things I hope will be accomplished through the Lovefraud High School Education program is to help young people understand that romantic relationships with sociopaths lead to nothing but trouble. If more people refuse to get involved with sociopaths, that will mean fewer at-risk children.
4. Appropriate parenting for at-risk children. Although sociopathy is highly genetic, inheriting the genes doesn’t necessarily mean that every at-risk child will grow up to be a sociopath. It is the interaction of genetics and the environment, including parenting, which actually creates the disordered individuals.
Many people realize, after a child is conceived or born, that their partner is a sociopath. If this is you, you need to take steps to raise the child so that he or she does not develop this disorder. I realize that this is immensely difficult and complicated, especially when the sociopathic parent will not let go of the child, which is often the case. But the healthy parents should try, as best they can, to teach the child how to love and feel empathy. (For information on how to do this, read Just Like His Father? by Dr. Liane Leedom.)
Perhaps with education, perseverance and time, our descendants will see the end of sociopathy. And they’ll thank us for taking the first steps to hasten the demise.
Very well said. This is an important subject for me as I have 5 children with the sociopath
In fact the entire culture he comes from is a breeding ground of sociopaths, like a petri dish full of gentetic bad seeds. They are raised to believe the world is there for their taking, and if they dont take advantage of every person they come across that makes them a loser. Im hoping keeping contact at almost nil will be the thing that saves my children. Ive had a few close calls with them and their actions, but am hoping growing up around people now since Im disconnected totally from him will be the healing ground for them. Blessings to you all:)
Dear Wisergirl,
Do get in touch with Dr. Leedom and get her book “Just like his father”—-and go to her blog of “parenting the at-risk child”
Even children whose GRANDPARENTS are psychopath are at some risk. My P son had two psychopathic grandfathers and he is just like them.
This is a good article donna, and I agree with every word of it….what it makes me FEEL though is “hopeless” because it is like telling me that I have to “fix global warming before the world will be safe”—-I know that there is NO way to educate everyone in the world about psychopaths, or that every little 16 year old girl who is conned and sweet talked into bed with a sprouting psychopathic man is going to keep her legs crossed because of the program she heard at school. LOL It FEELS “hopeless”—heck half the people on the planet cant read and write, and way too many people in this country aren’t literate enough to get a job…so, what I have to do is to OVERCOME MY FEELINGS OF “IT’S HOPELESS” and realize I am just ONE person, I can’t fix the entire world, I cant educate every person who comes into contact with a psychopath, but I CAN DO WHAT ONE PERSON CAN DO….I can reach out to others one person at a time, one word at a time, one day at a time, and do WHAT ONE PERSON CAN DO and do it every day. Thank you so much for all you do, Donna. ((hugs))) and God bless.
Donna:
Thank you for this! Right on!
I would love more than anything to expose my ex-husband’s name on one of the other blogs that allow you to publicly name them. But I don’t for 2 reasons.
1. My present husband wouldn’t want it and would probably be livid if I did.
2. My ex-husband is a biker and very dangerous. I believe if I publicly called him out there would be repercussions.
However I did put his name into several of the sites that allow it and although no one has outed him there have been many searches for his name. They’ll let you know how many times the name has been searched. My ex-husband’s name has come up 8 times on some of these sites and I know it has to be him and that other women are looking to see if he is listed in the data banks.
He’s middle age now so I know he’s wracked up a bad history.
Joanie, there comes a time for some of us eventually when “outing” them publicly is no longer so important, we just no longer care enough about them to CARE what others think about them. I am getting there slowly but surely. I hope you can too. It is the NIRVANA OF INDIFFERENCE.
Joanie be careful. Personally I dont want to antagonize a sleeping nest of killer bee’s..he is gone and he is history, he is someone else’s problem now. He warned me not to cause him any grief or he would Rock my World, I took him at his word because I have experienced his wrath and it aint pretty. I do however educate people about people with spath trait’s.
Yea, like the old proverb “let sleeping dogs lie” because you never know what might bite you in the arse if you wake it up!
Thank you Donna for all the work you’ve done with this site and the awareness that you’ve brought to the general public about Sociopaths!!!
Like most people, I did not know what hit me nor how to label “it” until I came here….and since then I’ve been able to “educate” someone else who dealt with my X S and sought out understanding.
Your book has also been a tremendous encouragement to find meaning in the experience and realize my own spiritual path!
Keep up the good work!
Namastee
Joannie,
They are vindictive creatures….BUT, the Sociopaths bring about their own demise sooner or later….they are so miserable even when they have money and power. People in their lives do realize there’s something terribly wrong with them, and sooner or later abandon them as well. I’m seeing it happen with the ex-S in my life.
Thanks Oxy – Louise – Aeylah
Yes – we can educate, one person at a time. But as each person educates another, well, the word will get out.