Millions of sociopaths roam the planet. They inhabit all segments of the population. They are male, female, rich, poor, old, young, all races, all religions, all education levels, all demographic groups. Most of them are not in prison, so they move freely among us, living their lives by exploiting others.
Many take pride in their ability to manipulate others. Some who are criminals view crime as fun. They see nothing wrong with their behavior. As long as they keep succeeding, sociopaths will continue to behave the way they do.
So how do we make them fail?
Sociopaths only want to win, so failure is losing. Failure is not being able to exploit others, or at least not being able to get away with exploiting others.
I see four steps to shutting them down, and they all revolve around education.
1. Educating the public about sociopaths. This is the first step. So many Lovefraud readers who have tangled with sociopaths have told me, “I didn’t know these people existed!” Yes, they exist. Sociopaths live among us. And they are dangerous to our mental, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual and physical health.
This is why I launched Lovefraud. This is why I’m embarking on the Lovefraud Education Program to teach high school and college students about sociopaths. (If you’re in a position to bring the program to your school, please contact terry@anderlypublishing.com.) And there are so many more people who need to be educated, including therapists, lawyers and judges. We all need to know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior, so that if we see them, we can respond appropriately—especially by running away.
2. Exposing known sociopaths. This, I believe, is the only strategy that really works against sociopaths. We can’t count on winning judgments against them and actually collecting our money. We can’t count on them being prosecuted or locked up. Sometimes the only way to keep them from harming others is to blow their cover.
We do need to be cautious about this, as I explained in a previous article, Exposing the sociopath. Many of you may not be able to skewer your exes publicly, as I did with James Montgomery. But you may be able to quietly speak your truth in your community, profession, church or wherever you know the predator is trolling for new victims. In the future, a few words of warning, coupled with growing public awareness of the disorder, may be enough.
3. Stop breeding sociopaths. Sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have a lot of sexual magnetism, and many Lovefraud readers have said that sex with the sociopath was the best they’ve ever had. But a consequence of sex, of course, is children. And because sociopathy is a highly genetic disorder, children born of sociopaths are at risk of inheriting a predisposition for the disorder.
One of the big things I hope will be accomplished through the Lovefraud High School Education program is to help young people understand that romantic relationships with sociopaths lead to nothing but trouble. If more people refuse to get involved with sociopaths, that will mean fewer at-risk children.
4. Appropriate parenting for at-risk children. Although sociopathy is highly genetic, inheriting the genes doesn’t necessarily mean that every at-risk child will grow up to be a sociopath. It is the interaction of genetics and the environment, including parenting, which actually creates the disordered individuals.
Many people realize, after a child is conceived or born, that their partner is a sociopath. If this is you, you need to take steps to raise the child so that he or she does not develop this disorder. I realize that this is immensely difficult and complicated, especially when the sociopathic parent will not let go of the child, which is often the case. But the healthy parents should try, as best they can, to teach the child how to love and feel empathy. (For information on how to do this, read Just Like His Father? by Dr. Liane Leedom.)
Perhaps with education, perseverance and time, our descendants will see the end of sociopathy. And they’ll thank us for taking the first steps to hasten the demise.
Shalom,
I too am sorry to see Goldn go, and sorry she was offended. In different stages of grief and pain, people perceive “slights” when there are none intended, and become offended, because they have endured REAL SLIGHTS and REAL INSULTS from people they cared about and they become hyper sensitive to others. It is a normal response to a situation of great injury. It is like someone is RAW and even a touch on their skin is painful. Sort of like if you have a bad sunburn and someone hugs you, it HURTS. I hope that she will come back later and realize that there is no one here either ignoring her or trying to hurt her, but several of us reached out to her, assured her that we had no intention to ignore her (we do have different time zones here) and that is all we can do.
Each of us is responsible for our own path to healing, and we accept or reject the hands that are held out to us, the information that is offered to us, etc.
Oxy
That is what I mean, you are suppose to have a different kind of for your spouse then your children but after having children I realized that I “loved” my “spouse” the way I love my children. I also realized he treated me the way a spoiled brat treats his mom.
Justus5, Ah ha! Yep, I have seen that for sure, they expect us to be a “parent” to them and be RESPONSIBLE for everything for them…..and they demand it the way they want it, just like a spoiled brat.
Actually, I don’t think we should allow our kids to behave that way, so why would we allow an adult to behave that way?
Oxy
Well, to answer your question, I guess it is because at first they are so charming just like the little spoiled brat is. To deal with someone like that in the adult world, however, is way worse then dealing with the child spoiled brat.
I have always “loved” him as if he were my child. I remember lying in bed while he slept 20+ years ago and feeling the feeling of love for him like I have now for my children. Ugh, HOW did I have 4 kids with a child. Something even back then told me something was off but I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Red flag…I love him like he is my child. ?
Oxy- I would love to be a part of the Saturday Evening Posts, but I still live with the vortex and am dealing with things in getting out. Hence my name The Phoenix, as I too shall be rising above the ashes of what was once my marriage and life. Speaking of which, I found more stuff that incriminates the skutch (sorry, made up word) and I am in the process of creating his paper trail to failure as I type…
Golden- I hope you do decide to come back. I am fairly new to things around here, but have been online blogging for some time. I have XXX number of followers on my blog but only a handful who regularly comment. Even some of the ‘regulars’ don’t show up all the time for every post. Life gets in their way and crap happens. Then the ‘regulars’ get deemed as a clique and new posters get scared off. It happens in a lot of places in cyberland.
For whoever it was upwards in the posts who said their spaths mother was an enabler- I can relate. My spath? His parents think they are helping him. Instead they are enabling him to be the whiny, immature, selfish, overbearing, egotystical, biggoted, racist, pschypathetic asshole he has become.
Oh and Oxy- I’m not afraid to hold anything back either in case you couldn’t tell…. ROFL! =:-D
Dear Phoenix,
We don’t do the saturday night Part-tays like we used to but we got really funny some nights! None of us had dates so we hunkered around the cyber camp fire, or danced around under the full moon! Our humor was sometimes pretty crude, but heck you have to laugh at SOMETHING or you die! LOL
Good luck and play your cards close to your chest! Don’t let the jerk off know what you are doing! get your ducks in a row and then pounce!
Oxy- no worries there. I will have to reply tomorrow as I have to leave for an appointment. If you would like to email me feel free. Not sure of how through the blog, but if need be I can post my email addy tomorrow. Take care!
Phoenix, don’t post your e mail, you can contact me through the LF author’s list there is contact information there. My name is Joyce.
Oh man, I miss my illusions/delusions! But I’m soooo much happier and healthier (and alive) without them! And one more good thing. He set such a high standard when he was still in the romancing stage that anyone reality based could never match it. I have never felt so free in my life! I don’t need a daddy for my child, emotional support (which I get much better on here) or financial security. I don’t have to worry about getting old and losing my looks because I already have, LOL. Now when young people hang out with me, it’s because they like ME. Not that I’m old, mind you, because I feel about 30 years younger than when I met the spath. The world has changed since I was in my relationship induced coma and I’m having so much fun coming back into the world. Literally could NOT have done it without you guys.
Goldn68, I ‘lurked’ for a year and when you do get the courage up to post ..because by this stage you feel strong enough to reach out, you may feel you are ignored.
It happens to us all, people go off on a different tangent, some people come and go, sometimes I read for months and post nothing ..then when I just need to rant/support/wobble on NC I reach out. I am in the UK so time difference as well …please believe me, everyone on here is working/living through this, and without the likes of Oxy, Hens, Skylar, Candy etc who do respond I would have gone mad. Stay with us we all know what you are going through.