Millions of sociopaths roam the planet. They inhabit all segments of the population. They are male, female, rich, poor, old, young, all races, all religions, all education levels, all demographic groups. Most of them are not in prison, so they move freely among us, living their lives by exploiting others.
Many take pride in their ability to manipulate others. Some who are criminals view crime as fun. They see nothing wrong with their behavior. As long as they keep succeeding, sociopaths will continue to behave the way they do.
So how do we make them fail?
Sociopaths only want to win, so failure is losing. Failure is not being able to exploit others, or at least not being able to get away with exploiting others.
I see four steps to shutting them down, and they all revolve around education.
1. Educating the public about sociopaths. This is the first step. So many Lovefraud readers who have tangled with sociopaths have told me, “I didn’t know these people existed!” Yes, they exist. Sociopaths live among us. And they are dangerous to our mental, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual and physical health.
This is why I launched Lovefraud. This is why I’m embarking on the Lovefraud Education Program to teach high school and college students about sociopaths. (If you’re in a position to bring the program to your school, please contact terry@anderlypublishing.com.) And there are so many more people who need to be educated, including therapists, lawyers and judges. We all need to know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior, so that if we see them, we can respond appropriately—especially by running away.
2. Exposing known sociopaths. This, I believe, is the only strategy that really works against sociopaths. We can’t count on winning judgments against them and actually collecting our money. We can’t count on them being prosecuted or locked up. Sometimes the only way to keep them from harming others is to blow their cover.
We do need to be cautious about this, as I explained in a previous article, Exposing the sociopath. Many of you may not be able to skewer your exes publicly, as I did with James Montgomery. But you may be able to quietly speak your truth in your community, profession, church or wherever you know the predator is trolling for new victims. In the future, a few words of warning, coupled with growing public awareness of the disorder, may be enough.
3. Stop breeding sociopaths. Sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have a lot of sexual magnetism, and many Lovefraud readers have said that sex with the sociopath was the best they’ve ever had. But a consequence of sex, of course, is children. And because sociopathy is a highly genetic disorder, children born of sociopaths are at risk of inheriting a predisposition for the disorder.
One of the big things I hope will be accomplished through the Lovefraud High School Education program is to help young people understand that romantic relationships with sociopaths lead to nothing but trouble. If more people refuse to get involved with sociopaths, that will mean fewer at-risk children.
4. Appropriate parenting for at-risk children. Although sociopathy is highly genetic, inheriting the genes doesn’t necessarily mean that every at-risk child will grow up to be a sociopath. It is the interaction of genetics and the environment, including parenting, which actually creates the disordered individuals.
Many people realize, after a child is conceived or born, that their partner is a sociopath. If this is you, you need to take steps to raise the child so that he or she does not develop this disorder. I realize that this is immensely difficult and complicated, especially when the sociopathic parent will not let go of the child, which is often the case. But the healthy parents should try, as best they can, to teach the child how to love and feel empathy. (For information on how to do this, read Just Like His Father? by Dr. Liane Leedom.)
Perhaps with education, perseverance and time, our descendants will see the end of sociopathy. And they’ll thank us for taking the first steps to hasten the demise.
Hi Melly,
No that time zone is someone else’s. I think it was 10PM when I wrote that.
I’m very happy for you that you have figured out what you need to do and are planning your escape. ((Hugs))
Anyone see that program on Nat Geo last night, “Taboo”? The commentator for the show was good at explaining that, while few might “agree” to be polygamous, polygamy is NOT a “natural” mindset for most of us, that the human mind is set up for a “bonding partnership” for most of us. In that program, one ex rabbi had 7 wives..I guess all of them Jewish because they were “required” to wear a Sheidel or head covering (scarf or hat, to cover up her hair), so that “other men would not be inflamed with desire upon viewing their hair..yet..the husband gets to go hat-free..all women can view his balding head. DOUBLE STANDARD. It was obvious the faces of many of his wives were strained .. had fettered expressions. So then, RIGHT UNDER HIS ROOF, he gets to see the JEALOUS and CONTENTION, SADNESS..right up front. The guy, to me, seemed like just another SPATH. Typical..charming..not a worried look on his face. Of course not, he gets to have as MUCH SEX AS HE WANTS! But what about each of those women? NOT! Had I a life to choose over again and had no other choice but their lifestyle (of having to share their husband with 7 or more wives) and that of certain MATRIARCHAL societies in Tibet, where women can have two husbands, I would choose the latter, wouldn’t you?
Then there was that couple (was it Australia or Holland?) who “agreed” that, as long as they each remained “solely intimate” with each other (“intimate” being defined as “sleeping overnight with” .. “snuggling with” , etc.) only, each of them can invite anyone else over with whom to have sex, while he/she remained in a separate room. Well”all fine and good..but neither partner does not know what “goes on” behind closed doors. Will he/she conceive of a child behind his/her “main” partner’s back? How does he or she know if or not the “stranger” he/she brings to the home has VDs or STDs or not? How does the woman know if or not the ONLY reason he “accepts” her bringing strange men in her house with whom to have NSA sex, behind her “Main” partner’s motives is to later have sex with that SAME man? She doesn’t.
Comments welcome.
Zim
To one/joy_step_at_a_time and her entry,
” i was hacked but my account was not used for sending spam” “My passwords just mysteriously changed and I couldn’t get into my accounts” ..
ummm.. that exact thing happened to me last week..I was “required” to change my password to get into my email account (I did so), then, at one point I could not “see” the emails that were in my inbox before that happened. I sent myself a “test” e-mail with the subject line, “what happened to my inbox?” .. and the list of emails in my inbox suddenly appeared again..after several days of me not being able to see them. I wonder if there IS a virus going around?
Zim
justus5:
I know exactly what you are talking about with the feeling for your spouse like you have for your children…I GET it!!! I FELT it, too!!!
I am having a hard time not smoking right now. I put them down three days ago despite all the massive emptiness I’ve been feeling. I have been getting text messages from the N mother today. Evidently one of my siblings told her where I was and she wants my address. It’s not happening. My landlord also very innocently started some drama with “the woman” and I had to email him and ask him to handle things differently. He wanted me to contact her and I ask him to do it and he agreed to do so. I just want a cigarette so bad. I have been knitting today to try to keep my mind off of it. I feel tense just thinking that SHE might contact me and I hope she doesn’t.
Elizabeth B,
Scream, kick, swear: But DON’T smoke! Sounds like you are doing good. Wow, three days is a long time in the smoking world. Keep up the good work. Good going with the landlord..YES!!
I was about to go out and buy cigarettes til I looked at my newly white teeth in the mirror. I never had them cleaned after years of smoking until this past Monday. They look so good and I put the cigarettes down again at the beginning of the week. I had quit for 3 years and didn’t pick them up again til recently when I was stressed over “the woman” and being unemployed. I put them down a month ago when I left for the job and then picked them up again last week when I had issues with HER and went NC with her.
I was sitting with the emptiness and dealing with it for a week even though it was driving me crazy. Today when the N mother contacted and the possibility of “the woman” contacting me too got me all freaked out-major anxiety. It is hard to crave cigarettes four days after putting them down but it must be my nerves. I think I would rather put up with the emptiness than have this anxiety return like this.
Lizzy just chill I will smoke one for ya ~!
I am not at the point where I can make the public aware of a sociopath. I’m still working on not being burned by one.
I need more firewood. I am afraid to call the guy that I usually buy from cause I thought he was getting greedy. The last load he dropped off was soft/rotted and he charged a reduced price of $30.00. He said it was good wood just was uneven size. No, it was not only uneven it was rotted soft, not worth $30.00, maybe worth $15.00. I think he is getting greedy. I noticed he offered this “soft” deal after he saw a beer can in my yard.
I want to try out another guy who advertises in paper.
Here is my plan. I won’t be so easy going. I will be nit-picky about where he puts it. The wood that is.
My neighbor Dana is nit-picky about everything and people don’t try to take advantage of her. Well, Jim does, but that’s another story.
I would think that some people just take advantage if they can. And if they can’t , they don’t.
I am taking baby steps at this point. I gotta get firewood and I will call on this other ad and I will be nit-picky. Yikes wish me well.
ElizabethB,
Good for you for getting your teeth cleaned. No more smoking!! Gee, three days and stress too. You can do this, I know it. Keep knittin’ or whatevah you need to do to keep the hands busy. It’s the mind you need to sloooow down!! I think you are doing great. Keep up the good work girl.