Millions of sociopaths roam the planet. They inhabit all segments of the population. They are male, female, rich, poor, old, young, all races, all religions, all education levels, all demographic groups. Most of them are not in prison, so they move freely among us, living their lives by exploiting others.
Many take pride in their ability to manipulate others. Some who are criminals view crime as fun. They see nothing wrong with their behavior. As long as they keep succeeding, sociopaths will continue to behave the way they do.
So how do we make them fail?
Sociopaths only want to win, so failure is losing. Failure is not being able to exploit others, or at least not being able to get away with exploiting others.
I see four steps to shutting them down, and they all revolve around education.
1. Educating the public about sociopaths. This is the first step. So many Lovefraud readers who have tangled with sociopaths have told me, “I didn’t know these people existed!” Yes, they exist. Sociopaths live among us. And they are dangerous to our mental, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual and physical health.
This is why I launched Lovefraud. This is why I’m embarking on the Lovefraud Education Program to teach high school and college students about sociopaths. (If you’re in a position to bring the program to your school, please contact terry@anderlypublishing.com.) And there are so many more people who need to be educated, including therapists, lawyers and judges. We all need to know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior, so that if we see them, we can respond appropriately—especially by running away.
2. Exposing known sociopaths. This, I believe, is the only strategy that really works against sociopaths. We can’t count on winning judgments against them and actually collecting our money. We can’t count on them being prosecuted or locked up. Sometimes the only way to keep them from harming others is to blow their cover.
We do need to be cautious about this, as I explained in a previous article, Exposing the sociopath. Many of you may not be able to skewer your exes publicly, as I did with James Montgomery. But you may be able to quietly speak your truth in your community, profession, church or wherever you know the predator is trolling for new victims. In the future, a few words of warning, coupled with growing public awareness of the disorder, may be enough.
3. Stop breeding sociopaths. Sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have a lot of sexual magnetism, and many Lovefraud readers have said that sex with the sociopath was the best they’ve ever had. But a consequence of sex, of course, is children. And because sociopathy is a highly genetic disorder, children born of sociopaths are at risk of inheriting a predisposition for the disorder.
One of the big things I hope will be accomplished through the Lovefraud High School Education program is to help young people understand that romantic relationships with sociopaths lead to nothing but trouble. If more people refuse to get involved with sociopaths, that will mean fewer at-risk children.
4. Appropriate parenting for at-risk children. Although sociopathy is highly genetic, inheriting the genes doesn’t necessarily mean that every at-risk child will grow up to be a sociopath. It is the interaction of genetics and the environment, including parenting, which actually creates the disordered individuals.
Many people realize, after a child is conceived or born, that their partner is a sociopath. If this is you, you need to take steps to raise the child so that he or she does not develop this disorder. I realize that this is immensely difficult and complicated, especially when the sociopathic parent will not let go of the child, which is often the case. But the healthy parents should try, as best they can, to teach the child how to love and feel empathy. (For information on how to do this, read Just Like His Father? by Dr. Liane Leedom.)
Perhaps with education, perseverance and time, our descendants will see the end of sociopathy. And they’ll thank us for taking the first steps to hasten the demise.
If I run into my ex spath, what should I do?
Recovering-What do you mean you ran into him?
Recovering-Opps, I’m sorry, you said IF I run into him. I don’t think I can help you with that. I haven’t even advandced to the ex position yet. I can say when mine comes into town a couple days every two weeks I act numb, I might laugh at him once on a blue moon when he gets really passive aggressive.
Everyone sat’s not to show any emotion. What’s the best way to look confident and show that I’ve moved on? Mine us the type to flaunt a new victim or say something dirty or mean in private.
Recovering
The best way to humiliate a person is to deny their humanity. The best way to deny their humanity is to IGNORE THEM.
Don’t give him a way to reach you.
Don’t respond.
Don’t look.
Be your happy self.
Happy, healthy, engaged in a life separate from him for REAL.
If you fake it, people can tell.
Recovering,
SK’s advice is excellent.
Trying to look confident shows that you give a rat’s ass.
Look blank instead. Look boring. Ignore them, give them NO EMOTION.
This is the most painful thing for them.
You see, they live for the ability to manipulate your emotions. But since they can’t feel emotions themselves, they look for cues on your face. My spath was constantly saying, “you should have seen his face…!”
The spath’s lack identity or self esteem because they are are still infantile, emotionally. They only have identity when you give them one, by paying attention to them. It gives them the feeling of importance and only then do they feel they exist. Deny them that. It’s so painful to them.
If everyone wore expressionless masks, spaths would die.
Thanks OxDrover!
I just want to know what’s wrong here. Everytime I’m on the phone, my dad thinks its okay to talk over me. Its annoying and very rude! I don’t understand why he thinks its okay cause its not. Growing up, I wasn’t allowed to talk on the phone in the car cause my parents spoke over me and yelled inappropriate things to the person on the phone. What’s wrong with these people?
If spath don’t think anything is wrong with them why do they try so hard to conceal their true selves?
Hurtnomore,
Yes, your father’s behavior is rude, but you are NOT GOING TO CHANGE HIM NOW….he does not care that you think it is rude. The only thing you can do is to AVOID talking on the phone when you are forced to be around him. He is using that as a way to “get to” you and to make you uncomfortable or upset. You can’t control him, but you can control the situation, just say to your friend (and yes, I know it is irritating) “I will call you later, I cannot talk now” The BEST thing you can do about your father is to STAY AWAY FROM HIM as much as possible until you can go completely No Contact with him when you become financially independent. When you are financially independent, making your own living, providing your own phone, your own home, you do NOT have to have contact with anyone that treats you poorly. THAT INCLUDES HIM! Just because he is your DNA donor does not give him the “right” to be around you….but, for now, you don’t have a choice until school starts. When does school start?
Recovering,
they know they are different, but AFAIK, they don’t see it as “wrong”, they think they are better. They also know that they love to hurt others. Actually, they know that they love to manipulate others. I’m not sure that the “hurt” part necessarily registers with all of them, because my spath did love to hurt others, but another N that I know(the house husband), told me he was attracted to his wife because he could easily manipulate her. so there are degrees of spathticity.
The N, also said, “my wife gets home from work and wants her dinner ready, but I don’t make her any.” WTF?
So, she works all day to put a roof over his head and food on the table and he wants her to put the food on the table too !
So even the ones who don’t actively work to make you miserable, also don’t want to see a happy look on your face. It makes them envious. And that’s what they all have in common.