Millions of sociopaths roam the planet. They inhabit all segments of the population. They are male, female, rich, poor, old, young, all races, all religions, all education levels, all demographic groups. Most of them are not in prison, so they move freely among us, living their lives by exploiting others.
Many take pride in their ability to manipulate others. Some who are criminals view crime as fun. They see nothing wrong with their behavior. As long as they keep succeeding, sociopaths will continue to behave the way they do.
So how do we make them fail?
Sociopaths only want to win, so failure is losing. Failure is not being able to exploit others, or at least not being able to get away with exploiting others.
I see four steps to shutting them down, and they all revolve around education.
1. Educating the public about sociopaths. This is the first step. So many Lovefraud readers who have tangled with sociopaths have told me, “I didn’t know these people existed!” Yes, they exist. Sociopaths live among us. And they are dangerous to our mental, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual and physical health.
This is why I launched Lovefraud. This is why I’m embarking on the Lovefraud Education Program to teach high school and college students about sociopaths. (If you’re in a position to bring the program to your school, please contact terry@anderlypublishing.com.) And there are so many more people who need to be educated, including therapists, lawyers and judges. We all need to know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior, so that if we see them, we can respond appropriately—especially by running away.
2. Exposing known sociopaths. This, I believe, is the only strategy that really works against sociopaths. We can’t count on winning judgments against them and actually collecting our money. We can’t count on them being prosecuted or locked up. Sometimes the only way to keep them from harming others is to blow their cover.
We do need to be cautious about this, as I explained in a previous article, Exposing the sociopath. Many of you may not be able to skewer your exes publicly, as I did with James Montgomery. But you may be able to quietly speak your truth in your community, profession, church or wherever you know the predator is trolling for new victims. In the future, a few words of warning, coupled with growing public awareness of the disorder, may be enough.
3. Stop breeding sociopaths. Sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have a lot of sexual magnetism, and many Lovefraud readers have said that sex with the sociopath was the best they’ve ever had. But a consequence of sex, of course, is children. And because sociopathy is a highly genetic disorder, children born of sociopaths are at risk of inheriting a predisposition for the disorder.
One of the big things I hope will be accomplished through the Lovefraud High School Education program is to help young people understand that romantic relationships with sociopaths lead to nothing but trouble. If more people refuse to get involved with sociopaths, that will mean fewer at-risk children.
4. Appropriate parenting for at-risk children. Although sociopathy is highly genetic, inheriting the genes doesn’t necessarily mean that every at-risk child will grow up to be a sociopath. It is the interaction of genetics and the environment, including parenting, which actually creates the disordered individuals.
Many people realize, after a child is conceived or born, that their partner is a sociopath. If this is you, you need to take steps to raise the child so that he or she does not develop this disorder. I realize that this is immensely difficult and complicated, especially when the sociopathic parent will not let go of the child, which is often the case. But the healthy parents should try, as best they can, to teach the child how to love and feel empathy. (For information on how to do this, read Just Like His Father? by Dr. Liane Leedom.)
Perhaps with education, perseverance and time, our descendants will see the end of sociopathy. And they’ll thank us for taking the first steps to hasten the demise.
Hi Sky, I think that in part this ignorance about sociopathy is bred by the belief that is hammered into us that ‘all people are’ at base ‘the same’, are ‘okay’, just damaged, needy, blah blah. This belief is relentless in North American culture. All the self help books, etc. Well, we well know that this is not the truth
It’s unfortunate that the written comments section was closed, or I would have left a comment.
…and yah, that’s the problem with fairy tales – control is made to look like caring, protection, love and romance. it’s a big thing to sort out. this evasive patronizing jerk i have been doing some work with keeps saying, ‘don’t worry’ (seeming caring and protective) whenever he does something that is worrying. small example – but i see it and now i can work with it.
I was reading something today that I couldn’t BELIEVE when I read it:
http://news.yahoo.com/police-parents-punished-dead-boy-denying-water-225321416.html
Are THESE people spaths? Or p-paths? Hmm?
Sort of “Casey Anthony-ish” wouldn’t you agree?
Whatever they are ~ they need to be punished for what they did to this little boy. Where are all the HEARTLESS PEOPLE coming from?
May this little boy find peace in the arms of the Angels.
Dupey
Duped,
glad to hear you are doing well and that your medical tests were passed. Are they all done now?
That poor little boy, if only he had been able to call for help, but you know, I don’t think it would’ve done any good. Without bruises, the parents can almost get away with murder. If he had run away and gotten water, he would have been rounded up and sent back to his abusers.
I ran away when I was 15. I knew I was being abused but I didn’t know how, I only knew I was in constant emotional pain. I was “caught” and sent back. The state workers sent a counselor to work ONE TIME with us. I told them I was being held prisoner and not allowed to go out with friends or to date. The counselor suggested I be allowed to have friends and boyfriends as long as my parents got to meet them first. We all agreed. After that, my parents just allowed every pedophile who came over and shook their hands, to date me. My boyfriends were anywhere from 18 to 30 and my parents said nothing.
The state workers couldn’t see how evil they were, because the parents just put on a sweet nieve act and the counselors aren’t trained to see through it. I couldn’t see through it either.
I now understand that my parents wanted bad things to happen to me to teach me that they were right and I was wrong. They didn’t care how badly I was hurt as long as there were no repercussions to them. They suck.
I totally get now why they never said a thing about what they knew about my spath. And when only good things seemed to happen to me, it floored them. The envy must have been driving them insane.
I just realized. Just now. After posting this. That my parents really are sociopaths. They aren’t N’s and they aren’t toxic. They are sociopaths. They hide it very well. But they have all of the important traits. Right down to the tells.
Why do you say that Skylar?
What made you realize it?
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Skylar))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
(((OneJoy)))
It’s actually very liberating. I also need labels to be able to grasp concepts.
Superkid,
The post about how they allowed me to date pedophiles…everything pivots on that. They wanted me to date people who would hurt me. And then there was the sociopathic tell: “Children who are not disciplined by their parents will be disciplined by the world.”
They said this over and over again. It was like their mantra.
They were abusive, physically and mentally, up until the point where I ran away. Then everything changed. They let me do WHATEVER I wanted. And I did. I hitchhiked everywhere and they knew that I did. That’s how I met the green river murderer. (but didn’t realize it was him until a decade later).
One day, I bought a car for $200 from a guy who had given me a ride. It was a piece of junk. My parents saw it and said nothing. After a couple of days, they called the guy and told him that he better come get the car and give me my money back because he had sold the car to a minor, which is illegal. They told me they did that because if I was going to have an accident, they would be financially liable.
So you see, they didn’t care what happened to me, at first, but when they saw that they would suffer consequences, they quickly moved in to cover their asses.
My realization is that they are garden variety spaths. They want to be in control of their kids – even now that we are adults – and they will do anything to keep that control. Because I would not submit, they wished for me to “be disciplined by the world”. In other words, they wanted to see evil things happen to me. It gave them pleasure.
That was just the pivot point. All the narcissistic behavior and the triangulations were clues. My family comes from a long line of spaths. My grandmother did something that makes my exspath look like a saint.
When I put everything together, it’s clear.
Finally, the fact that I was so confused about it, is what really clinches it. When you have a narcissistic family member, it’s obvious because narcissists don’t hide what they are. They are just too clueless to be able to hide their narcissism. But the spaths go to an extreme 180 of their real self, so that you would never suspect what they are.
My parents portray themselves as saints. They seem so selfless and self-sacrificing. It’s quite a facade. But the occasional mask slip…when it happens, it’s jarring. It’s like being in a minor earthquake. You feel like you’ve lost your bearings and are temporarily out of touch with reality.
Then there is the fact that my mother does pray ever night. But then I remembered that my spath actually wrote a prayer down and begged God for help, in private, on his own and didn’t tell anyone. I only found it this year. So spaths do believe in God, they do pray: “God answer my prayer because I said so.” They don’t pray “Thy will be done.”
I’m no longer confused. it’s pretty clear. My spath was extremely evil, yet he did pray, so prayer doesn’t mitigate the red flags.
it’s a cruel fuckin world
one of my wieners is very sick
I aint in a good mood.
somebody dumped a little dog off down the road from me, have tried to get it to come to me but it has been abused and is scared, will call animal control tomorrow..
and take Harley to the vet again….
just venting………
(((Hens & Harley)))
My prayers for Harley. As bad as the world is – and it really is – we need to be grateful for the good because otherwise we have no reason to get up in the morning and the spaths win.
I’m grateful to have everyone here on LF and to Donna for her work.
Hens:
OMG I hope Harley recovers soon. I am praying for the both of you. (((Love))). Shalom