Millions of sociopaths roam the planet. They inhabit all segments of the population. They are male, female, rich, poor, old, young, all races, all religions, all education levels, all demographic groups. Most of them are not in prison, so they move freely among us, living their lives by exploiting others.
Many take pride in their ability to manipulate others. Some who are criminals view crime as fun. They see nothing wrong with their behavior. As long as they keep succeeding, sociopaths will continue to behave the way they do.
So how do we make them fail?
Sociopaths only want to win, so failure is losing. Failure is not being able to exploit others, or at least not being able to get away with exploiting others.
I see four steps to shutting them down, and they all revolve around education.
1. Educating the public about sociopaths. This is the first step. So many Lovefraud readers who have tangled with sociopaths have told me, “I didn’t know these people existed!” Yes, they exist. Sociopaths live among us. And they are dangerous to our mental, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual and physical health.
This is why I launched Lovefraud. This is why I’m embarking on the Lovefraud Education Program to teach high school and college students about sociopaths. (If you’re in a position to bring the program to your school, please contact terry@anderlypublishing.com.) And there are so many more people who need to be educated, including therapists, lawyers and judges. We all need to know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior, so that if we see them, we can respond appropriately—especially by running away.
2. Exposing known sociopaths. This, I believe, is the only strategy that really works against sociopaths. We can’t count on winning judgments against them and actually collecting our money. We can’t count on them being prosecuted or locked up. Sometimes the only way to keep them from harming others is to blow their cover.
We do need to be cautious about this, as I explained in a previous article, Exposing the sociopath. Many of you may not be able to skewer your exes publicly, as I did with James Montgomery. But you may be able to quietly speak your truth in your community, profession, church or wherever you know the predator is trolling for new victims. In the future, a few words of warning, coupled with growing public awareness of the disorder, may be enough.
3. Stop breeding sociopaths. Sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have a lot of sexual magnetism, and many Lovefraud readers have said that sex with the sociopath was the best they’ve ever had. But a consequence of sex, of course, is children. And because sociopathy is a highly genetic disorder, children born of sociopaths are at risk of inheriting a predisposition for the disorder.
One of the big things I hope will be accomplished through the Lovefraud High School Education program is to help young people understand that romantic relationships with sociopaths lead to nothing but trouble. If more people refuse to get involved with sociopaths, that will mean fewer at-risk children.
4. Appropriate parenting for at-risk children. Although sociopathy is highly genetic, inheriting the genes doesn’t necessarily mean that every at-risk child will grow up to be a sociopath. It is the interaction of genetics and the environment, including parenting, which actually creates the disordered individuals.
Many people realize, after a child is conceived or born, that their partner is a sociopath. If this is you, you need to take steps to raise the child so that he or she does not develop this disorder. I realize that this is immensely difficult and complicated, especially when the sociopathic parent will not let go of the child, which is often the case. But the healthy parents should try, as best they can, to teach the child how to love and feel empathy. (For information on how to do this, read Just Like His Father? by Dr. Liane Leedom.)
Perhaps with education, perseverance and time, our descendants will see the end of sociopathy. And they’ll thank us for taking the first steps to hasten the demise.
Hens:
I’m so sorry to hear about your dog. I hope he gets better soon.
Dearest hens, my Poodle {Bobby,} and I are keeping our paws and fingers crossed for Harley.
How old is he?You grieve for them more than people I think.They give us unconditional love.
Thinking of you!
Love, and {{HUGS}}
GemXX
hens – best wishes for you and harley, and that poor stray.
Sky – it makes sense that it is liberating. I would suspect that it won’t be the easiest thing to process over time – given the well established denial system most of us have had built from the spath up when our parents are disordered.
Skylar
Interesting. It’s almost too much for me to process.
Can I ask you to think about it through a different lens?
In your mind, what are the trademarks of a “N” parent? And at what point is it SPATHY? It’s a spectrum, right? So can you show me list “A” and then what is additive to it to make it list “B”?
This might help me understand what you’re saying.
SK
SK,
in my mind, the N’s and S’s both start out as very selfish, egocentric and with a “me” attitude. They are extremely envious, so they will not be happy to see others have something that they don’t.
The spath takes it further by creating a mask of deception. Being completely aware of how abhorrent they are, they put on a mask that is 180 degrees the opposite of their reality. This mask is worn so firmly that they almost believe it themselves. There is no depth to the mask but there is an enormous amount of details. The creation is vast and complex, involving as many aspect of humanity as is possible in order to make it more “real”.
One thing that my mom and my brother have in common, is how they will lapse into baby talk around my cats. Don’t know if they do it when I’m not around, but it’s over the top sometimes.
This is a really hard subject to express. I’m now seeing why she does what she does. Why she ruins every animal and person who comes under her control. She disrespects their personhood, or their cathood or their doghood. She’s not necessarily mean or cruel, she just treats them like objects who have no needs beyond being part of her facade. That aspect is so subtle but the most damaging.
I guess the answer to your question is : the extent of her mask and facade, it boggles the mind. It is just like my spath’s, 180 degrees the opposite of how he portrayed himself.
I’m not sure if I’m making sense. But it’s the type of mask that makes the difference.
OneJoy,
it seems that I had already processed it. I had all the clues, all the evidence, and I had it in the WTF? bucket.
I tried every other label because the spath label was something I didn’t want to use on my parents. I tried N, and Toxic, and enabler and clueless. But what it boils down to is not much different from my spath. She controls her impulses and limits her damaging behavior to her kids. But she has NO friends at all. She knows many people, but she hasn’t kept any friendships long term.
I do think my dad is an N. He doesn’t hide it because he’s blissfully unaware of it. When I pointed it out to him and his behaviors, he cried and said he was sorry. Mom just stood their stone-faced.
Ok I need hugs…Harley is gone..I will be ok in a few days, thanks for all the prayers….he is resting and no longer hurting..the Doc assured me I did the right thing….
ah hens 🙁 🙁 🙁
and cut the butch, ‘i will be alright in a few days’ stuff.
(((((((((((((((((((((((so so sorry for your loss moon boy))))))))))))))))))))
Dear Hens,
That’s heartbreaking to hear. I still get choked up thinking about my dog who died over twenty years ago. But the really bad pain will ease up in a few months. After that, it becomes more “bittersweet” (“sweet,” because of the good memories, etc.)–unlike now, when all you can feel is the grief.
So sorry about your loss. I don’t think there’s anything that hurts so much as losing your dog.
Best wishes,
C.