Millions of sociopaths roam the planet. They inhabit all segments of the population. They are male, female, rich, poor, old, young, all races, all religions, all education levels, all demographic groups. Most of them are not in prison, so they move freely among us, living their lives by exploiting others.
Many take pride in their ability to manipulate others. Some who are criminals view crime as fun. They see nothing wrong with their behavior. As long as they keep succeeding, sociopaths will continue to behave the way they do.
So how do we make them fail?
Sociopaths only want to win, so failure is losing. Failure is not being able to exploit others, or at least not being able to get away with exploiting others.
I see four steps to shutting them down, and they all revolve around education.
1. Educating the public about sociopaths. This is the first step. So many Lovefraud readers who have tangled with sociopaths have told me, “I didn’t know these people existed!” Yes, they exist. Sociopaths live among us. And they are dangerous to our mental, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual and physical health.
This is why I launched Lovefraud. This is why I’m embarking on the Lovefraud Education Program to teach high school and college students about sociopaths. (If you’re in a position to bring the program to your school, please contact terry@anderlypublishing.com.) And there are so many more people who need to be educated, including therapists, lawyers and judges. We all need to know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior, so that if we see them, we can respond appropriately—especially by running away.
2. Exposing known sociopaths. This, I believe, is the only strategy that really works against sociopaths. We can’t count on winning judgments against them and actually collecting our money. We can’t count on them being prosecuted or locked up. Sometimes the only way to keep them from harming others is to blow their cover.
We do need to be cautious about this, as I explained in a previous article, Exposing the sociopath. Many of you may not be able to skewer your exes publicly, as I did with James Montgomery. But you may be able to quietly speak your truth in your community, profession, church or wherever you know the predator is trolling for new victims. In the future, a few words of warning, coupled with growing public awareness of the disorder, may be enough.
3. Stop breeding sociopaths. Sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have a lot of sexual magnetism, and many Lovefraud readers have said that sex with the sociopath was the best they’ve ever had. But a consequence of sex, of course, is children. And because sociopathy is a highly genetic disorder, children born of sociopaths are at risk of inheriting a predisposition for the disorder.
One of the big things I hope will be accomplished through the Lovefraud High School Education program is to help young people understand that romantic relationships with sociopaths lead to nothing but trouble. If more people refuse to get involved with sociopaths, that will mean fewer at-risk children.
4. Appropriate parenting for at-risk children. Although sociopathy is highly genetic, inheriting the genes doesn’t necessarily mean that every at-risk child will grow up to be a sociopath. It is the interaction of genetics and the environment, including parenting, which actually creates the disordered individuals.
Many people realize, after a child is conceived or born, that their partner is a sociopath. If this is you, you need to take steps to raise the child so that he or she does not develop this disorder. I realize that this is immensely difficult and complicated, especially when the sociopathic parent will not let go of the child, which is often the case. But the healthy parents should try, as best they can, to teach the child how to love and feel empathy. (For information on how to do this, read Just Like His Father? by Dr. Liane Leedom.)
Perhaps with education, perseverance and time, our descendants will see the end of sociopathy. And they’ll thank us for taking the first steps to hasten the demise.
People,
a letter would have to be the length of a book.
I’m looking at things from my perspective of how long it took for me to “get” that my spath was evil: 25 years.
I remember thinking that life was so hard. it shouldn’t be but spaths make sure that it is. I thought I just had constant bad luck. Why did life have to suck so bad? Why was I sad all the time? Why was I depressed? was it chemical?
The letter cannot target people who are in the “happy” phaze of spathticity. It will have to target the desperate:
Is your life hard? Your life isn’t how you imagined it should be. Your plans always fail. What was the last good thing that you can remember happening. I spoke with a therapist who told me, “Lots of people come to me for depression, only to find out that they are living with a sociopath.”
You can’t tell when there is a sociopath in your life. That’s very important to know. The sociopath will be someone you love more than life itself. Someone who needs you, someone that you know to be your soulmate, or a saintly parent or your very best friend. The only way to uncover the sociopath is to know what to look for: the red flags. When you see them, you will know and no longer doubt.
etc…
Oxy,
the site doesn’t advocate killing anyone who fails the test, it is only trying to make a case for how pressing this situation is.
They are in control of everything. They are everywhere. We are like cattle being fattened up and led to the slaughter.
We need to find a way to identify and de-activate the spaths.
Gray rock is my contribution. It only works on spaths because they are addicted to drama and our emotions. It is harmless to the normals.
That is why studying them is so critical. We must know their weaknesses.
Skylar, Gray rock only works with SOME of the psychopaths, being “boring” to my psychopathic son ain’t gonna work…..neither is NC, he is a STALKER, and even though ignoring them (NC) and being Boring (gray rock) works for SOME psychopaths, for some there is no answer as long as they are alive and/or free. Some of them just will NOT quit or move on to another victim. They have had “N-injury” if you escape them, and they cannot stand that, they must get revenge at ANY cost, even to themselves. Even when they lose, it is always someone else’s fault and therefore they must seek revenge to even the score.
Ox:
“for some there is no answer as long as they are alive and/or free. Some of them just will NOT quit or move on to another victim. They have had “N-injury” if you escape them, and they cannot stand that, they must get revenge at ANY cost, even to themselves. Even when they lose, it is always someone else’s fault and therefore they must seek revenge to even the score. ”
This is the case with my ex. Absolutely. I do Grey rock, just to keep myself as hidden to him, as possible. Grey rock enrages him though.
Tonight, on his 6:30 phone call with Lil’bit, he told her, ” Mommy and (Friend) are DEAD. He was in the middle of saying that since we were dead, he was planning to use our carcasses …I grabbed the phone and hung it up at that point…
I can’t stand that inhuman spathdard! 🙁
Dear Safeguard,
OMG! That is horrible for him to talk to her like that, the man is a monster, a dangerous monster.
Is it legal for you to tape these and play them for the court?
I can’t bring myself to advise someone to break the law, but my my I can’t believe a court would put you and your daughter in such danger and there be no other option but to take your child and run into hiding. There was a case a few years ago where a woman went to Holland and sought and received asylum from the government there. After he kids were 18 they came back here and the US was going to prosecute her for kidnapping but ended up not doing so. I can’t tell you what I would do, but “he wouldn’t like the outcome.” (To quote Erin Brock.) God bless you and your child and keep you safe. (((hugs))))
Holland huh? I like it…
He is more dangerous than I’ve written about here… It’s all so whacked. it’s a tough tale to tell…
The courts own forensic psychologist heard it though, and although she reported that she felt I was truthful, and said spath was “evasive and deceitful”. She did not make a determination, she just said, “there is more to this man than can be known at this time”.
I’m going to get some advice and keep logging everything. But I rule out nothing.
I think thats a good start on a letter. Depression, red flags are part of it. Sky, in your 25 years of marriage did u realize he was a liar? Im wondering if the lies are a red flag or if u didn’t recognize he was a liar.
Safeguard, whatever you do, play your cards close to your chest so that you do not leave behind a trail of “breadcrumbs” which someone could follow to find you. Not verbally, not in the history of your searches on your computer or anywhere else. NO advance notice to anyone, and realize that if you were to bolt and run, you must do like the government’s witness security program, cut all ties with everyone in your life COMPLETELY.
There are some books on the internet and some here that I have reviewed on HOW TO GET AWAY FROM A STALKER….one woman was stalked for over 40 years by both of her husbands, beaten and bones broken etc. back when the cops wouldn’t do a thing. One of her husbands was mentally ill, the other one was a hardcore psychopath she suggested that California was the best state in which to live and get help from the state to HIDE, check out my reviews either under OxDrover or my name. Good luck.
Skyler spoke my story when she said, “I’m looking at things from my perspective of how long it took for me to “get” that my spath was evil: 25 years.
I remember thinking that life was so hard. it shouldn’t be but spaths make sure that it is. I thought I just had constant bad luck. Why did life have to suck so bad? Why was I sad all the time? Why was I depressed? was it chemical?”
It only took me 21 years though..yay me (sarcasm intended). He went off truck driving when I gave him the “grey rock”. My story has many details which some here like Oxy and I think Skyler have gotten bits and pieces. I am trying at the present moment to stay on topic and not ramble about my story.
As for hastening the demise of the sociopath, my two cents…mothers tell your daughters pay attention to him. Put hormones and the sex aside and pay attention to what he says and does and how often he makes you feel bad.
In the beginning mine would purposely make me feel bad, make me cry, and then come to my rescue, laughing and apologizing, and hugging me. I see in hindsite that it was just a game to him.
I am not sure the public in general can be educated about sociopaths. We have been trained to believe there is good in all people. I think, however, that people would be open to learning about “tactics” and manipulation. To me it is about the tactics not the label we give them. No matter the label we give them it is the slick tactics they use that mess up our hearts and minds.
A while ago I mentioned the book, “In Sheeps Clothing” by George K Simon, Jr. I personally believe if I regconsized manipulation as a young girl I would never had been with my P or N or whatever he is.
This site scared me when I first came across it, I guess the horror of the truth was too much. Reading that book allowed me to first accept just how munipulative he was. Then I was able to start accepting just how bad of a relationship I was in.
In an attempt to educate my exboyfriend’s bosses, I sent an email to three of his direct supervisors explaining who I was and I told them that I thought he uses a portion of his expense account to woo colleagues. He is the director of international public relations for the convention authority in the city we live in. He travels constantly and has created a situation for himself where he is one of a few straight men in a sea of women.
He had cheated on me with one of the sales girls for a hotel here in town while the two were on business together in Mexico. (They do these trips called ‘missions’ to other cities where the convention authority and the resort partners travel together in packs to sell the city.) It was truly a miracle I found out about this tryst because this girl’s mother happened to work with the boyfriend of my friend. My spath convinced me to stay with him and that my friends were the liars, not him.
This all went down in March of 2010. I didn’t move out unitl June 2010, but we stayed together until September 2010 – I even took him to the beach to celebrate his birthday last September. Days after we returned from our trip, the girl finally came clean and admitted she screwed him in September. I had confronted her in July and she denied it at the time. He always denied everything except for a conversation. I called it his ‘dirty talk love affair.’
In November, I was still so bitter, hurt and in so much pain. I wanted everyone to know what a dirty rotten scoundrel he is, so I sent the email to his bosses.
He forced me to send a second email retractiing my accusations – I did for fear. However, he had to write an explanation of the accusation to his bosses before he was granted his pending promotion. He took out a restraining order to back up his bullshit story that he had to come up with. And as totally embarassing and humiliating as that was for me – I take great pride in knowing that it is all on permanent record in his HR file.
At any rate, I suppose my point is this: it’s difficult at best to get any kind of jump on the ‘payback’ a psychopath deserves without taking a little piece of yourself out with it. In my case, by the time I realized the kind of monster I was dealing with, it was too late. I had already become a party to his lies (he left his wife who he said was a lesbian and a cheater for me) long before I became a victim of them. And when it came clear to me I did some things I’m not proud of – namely destroying my stuff that was still at his house and sending the email. I wasn’t able to avoid the consequences of my own rage.