Millions of sociopaths roam the planet. They inhabit all segments of the population. They are male, female, rich, poor, old, young, all races, all religions, all education levels, all demographic groups. Most of them are not in prison, so they move freely among us, living their lives by exploiting others.
Many take pride in their ability to manipulate others. Some who are criminals view crime as fun. They see nothing wrong with their behavior. As long as they keep succeeding, sociopaths will continue to behave the way they do.
So how do we make them fail?
Sociopaths only want to win, so failure is losing. Failure is not being able to exploit others, or at least not being able to get away with exploiting others.
I see four steps to shutting them down, and they all revolve around education.
1. Educating the public about sociopaths. This is the first step. So many Lovefraud readers who have tangled with sociopaths have told me, “I didn’t know these people existed!” Yes, they exist. Sociopaths live among us. And they are dangerous to our mental, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual and physical health.
This is why I launched Lovefraud. This is why I’m embarking on the Lovefraud Education Program to teach high school and college students about sociopaths. (If you’re in a position to bring the program to your school, please contact terry@anderlypublishing.com.) And there are so many more people who need to be educated, including therapists, lawyers and judges. We all need to know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior, so that if we see them, we can respond appropriately—especially by running away.
2. Exposing known sociopaths. This, I believe, is the only strategy that really works against sociopaths. We can’t count on winning judgments against them and actually collecting our money. We can’t count on them being prosecuted or locked up. Sometimes the only way to keep them from harming others is to blow their cover.
We do need to be cautious about this, as I explained in a previous article, Exposing the sociopath. Many of you may not be able to skewer your exes publicly, as I did with James Montgomery. But you may be able to quietly speak your truth in your community, profession, church or wherever you know the predator is trolling for new victims. In the future, a few words of warning, coupled with growing public awareness of the disorder, may be enough.
3. Stop breeding sociopaths. Sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have a lot of sexual magnetism, and many Lovefraud readers have said that sex with the sociopath was the best they’ve ever had. But a consequence of sex, of course, is children. And because sociopathy is a highly genetic disorder, children born of sociopaths are at risk of inheriting a predisposition for the disorder.
One of the big things I hope will be accomplished through the Lovefraud High School Education program is to help young people understand that romantic relationships with sociopaths lead to nothing but trouble. If more people refuse to get involved with sociopaths, that will mean fewer at-risk children.
4. Appropriate parenting for at-risk children. Although sociopathy is highly genetic, inheriting the genes doesn’t necessarily mean that every at-risk child will grow up to be a sociopath. It is the interaction of genetics and the environment, including parenting, which actually creates the disordered individuals.
Many people realize, after a child is conceived or born, that their partner is a sociopath. If this is you, you need to take steps to raise the child so that he or she does not develop this disorder. I realize that this is immensely difficult and complicated, especially when the sociopathic parent will not let go of the child, which is often the case. But the healthy parents should try, as best they can, to teach the child how to love and feel empathy. (For information on how to do this, read Just Like His Father? by Dr. Liane Leedom.)
Perhaps with education, perseverance and time, our descendants will see the end of sociopathy. And they’ll thank us for taking the first steps to hasten the demise.
Since I profiled him on a couple of those sites as someone who didn’t wear underwear all those years with me, he’s probably changed his “M.O.” to wearing underwear, with his new victim..possibly to make me look like a liar.
I agree with Skylar..let’s have a poll..how many of your ex’s (spaths) didn’t wear underwear (went “commando” style)?
Um, wow. Count another in the commando squad. Although he wore them sometimes, at least to work where he became “normal”. Perhaps they were part of his “good guy” costume.
I’ve had concerns for years about how spaths breed. Most the ones I know of have multi kids. Like my neighbor who I suspect and cheerfully says “I have sociopathic tendancies”. Um, no kidding! Plus he is in an “open relationship” so he has 3 kids so far by his wife and at least two others. They are on welfare of course. Another I know has at least 6 kids…two of the moms were only sixteen…at last count. Maybe because so many of them are oversexed they need the ready access?
I do feel education is the answer. Since it would be dangerous for me to go public, I constantly refer people to this site. I said since I first got here it should be taught in schools, I’m so thrilled that is actually happening now! I made my twenty year old friend sit down and take the spath test about her boyfriend. He hit every mark. After that she got serious about NC and being willing to take out a restraining order if necessary. After all, I’m living proof of what a spath can do to you. As for revenge, well, my best revenge is still being alive and spreading the word, no matter how quietly.
Because my X is dangerous, I’ve gotten very good at camouflage. I’ll see if I can put him on those sites, but it won’t be under my name or from a trackable email. I help track spaths by internet, so I’ve learned some tricks. If mine contacts me or my family again he’ll be slapped with a restraining order so fast it will make him dizzy.
Skylar, I have a friend who’s spath sounds like a clone of yours. He also cultivates cops and has literally gotten away with murder. He stalks her constantly, however once when he jumped her in a dark parking lot after she’d had a really crummy day, she screamed at him to go ahead and kill her, she didn’t care. He laughed, said she was tough, and went back to terrorizing her in other ways. I’m willing to bet he didn’t wear underwear either.
OMG!!! ok now I am experiencing the racing heart effect…my socio ex NEVER wore chonies, EVER (chonies= California slang word for underwear) He always said they made him “uncomfortable” I could never understand this, kinda grossed me out a little…
Please, please, please do not try revenge with a spath unless legal, they manipulate everyone, listen to Oxy, Hens those with experience and far worse experiences than I cna ever contemplate.
I have been arrested 14 times due to false allegations by a spath, they lie and are believable, they are con artists. I learnt the hard way, gather all the evidence and do it through the courts. I know this sounds trite and many of you will laugh at me but by our own behaviour due to frustration we come across as mad, vindictive etc and they use this like a leech sucking on blood ..we are insane they are ‘normal’.
Do not use web sites, or make any contact, they are sick, they don’t get upset, it turns them on, they get their rocks off on the attention. I have children with the spath so I have been through the mill for 6 years and am abut to go back to court. I am somewhat non-plussed due to 40 court appearances, and of course reflective now I understand the mental disorder.
Please do not ruminate, they will never change, they don’t care about you and they never did, its just a game. Please do not endanger yourself however angry you are, and if you think they have got off scott free, they haven’t they are getting old and they are simply sick anyway.
Just be grateful you know what they are and keep safe. As my father told me and Oxy commented ‘don’t keep poking a rabid dog, because they will eventually bite back’. Remember that, stay safe and NC unless to safe guard yourself and family. Stay safe.
Dear Movingon,
I am so sorry that you have been through so much with this monster. Believe me I know from first hand experience how it is to be CRAZEEEEE. LOL I came across as crazy and they came across as sane because I was UPSET and they had no emotional involvement so were “calm, cool and collected”—my story was so bizarre that even my therapist thought I was a nut job until I proved with witnesses and documents that I wasn’t the one who was “crazee” LOL
I wish you the best in your court appearance this time, and just think about it like that Verizon phone ad, you have the “network” of loveFrauders behind you. So when you go into court, just envision that WE ARE ALL THERE WITH YOU! It also helps to visualize them NAKED with a tie and shoes on (only that!) LOL ((((Hugs))))
>>In the beginning mine would purposely make me feel bad, make me cry, and then come to my rescue, laughing and apologizing, and hugging me. I see in hindsite that it was just a game to him. <<
Mine does this ALL of the time! If someone is to compliment me on a job well done- he is quick to swoop in and overshadow me, trying to steal the spotlight, shift the focus and 'steal my thunder' if you will.
Of course others will turn to him because he is sooo charming, charismatic or any other personality attribute you wish to heap on him… I just walk away and hold on tight to the compliments. Spath cannot steal away the words of others. Not from me. Is there any wonder why I refer to him as the vortex?
Our children have recently acquired the movie Tangled. Anyone else seen it? How about the song "Mother Knows Best"? Almost frightening how well Disney created the Spath character and the song was written to show how she places Rapunzel on a pedestal, knocks it out from under her and is there to catch her when she falls…
Thanks Oxy, I can’t even get his ‘real’ address, but I do know it as do the courts. He once turned up in court, claimed he had received no summons, so the judge asked him why he was there, his response ‘because she has made me’ ..judge ..but you are the applicant you have brought ‘her’ to court ..idiot ‘no I haven’t’ ..WTF goes on between the 2 brain cells …tennis.
I’m fine its just boring me now ..I would rather not visualise coco the clown with its blue hair naked (fat), with his now pony tail and yellow teeth ..I do not even acknowledge its even in the room, it’s just embarrassing. How can a ‘normal’ person sit there and tell a judge ‘the children are not a priority’ and then think they have a judge onside because it is traumatised having to move house. Its so extreme, it can’t even get how everyone in that court room is looking at it in utter disgust.
Thank you I just have to do it all over again, again and again, but my children are worth it, and anyway I have no choice, the spath is using the courts and manipulating the process as always ..very unsuccessfully ..but hey hoy ..spath world.
God bless you Oxy, you have helped me more than you can ever know, you are one amazing lady, far far away in cyberland but also so close x
I turned my ex in via his command and NCIS as I was holding many, many secrets about things he had done to others and the lies he told. I had to go further up the “food chain” as he advised his command I was the one who was “crazy”. Well now the ex is married to a fellow socio, and they make a great pair, she is very violent and a big bully, he is complicit in her schemes, apparently making her the dominant one of the two. Needless to say, there are ways (sometimes) to get your justice. Personally I am a “saver” I saved every piece of correspondence between us (over 12000 pieces of evidence) I have to believe in my heart that truth will out.
Movingon, I wish you much luck, and believe you will see your justice as well.
Oh yes we are! They are experts at doing little things so all they have to say is one word and you blow in front of people while they seem like the rational one. One of the things that hurt me the most is so called friends believing I would act the way he said I did. I wouldn’t THINK of those things, and nothing in my dealings with people show that. Yet he was so convincing, even those who had doubts he’d work on until they were snowed. Please imagine me standing there cheering you on while in court!
I checked out some of those websites and decided not to post any thing on the two I checked would be dangerous. To give any detail of what happened would point directly to me as giving the information. However on the Cheaterville.com map, the area I have lived all my life is completely solid with cheaters. Something in the water? Same area has an unusual amount of serial killers. I think my choice to not date just got reinforced!