Millions of sociopaths roam the planet. They inhabit all segments of the population. They are male, female, rich, poor, old, young, all races, all religions, all education levels, all demographic groups. Most of them are not in prison, so they move freely among us, living their lives by exploiting others.
Many take pride in their ability to manipulate others. Some who are criminals view crime as fun. They see nothing wrong with their behavior. As long as they keep succeeding, sociopaths will continue to behave the way they do.
So how do we make them fail?
Sociopaths only want to win, so failure is losing. Failure is not being able to exploit others, or at least not being able to get away with exploiting others.
I see four steps to shutting them down, and they all revolve around education.
1. Educating the public about sociopaths. This is the first step. So many Lovefraud readers who have tangled with sociopaths have told me, “I didn’t know these people existed!” Yes, they exist. Sociopaths live among us. And they are dangerous to our mental, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual and physical health.
This is why I launched Lovefraud. This is why I’m embarking on the Lovefraud Education Program to teach high school and college students about sociopaths. (If you’re in a position to bring the program to your school, please contact terry@anderlypublishing.com.) And there are so many more people who need to be educated, including therapists, lawyers and judges. We all need to know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior, so that if we see them, we can respond appropriately—especially by running away.
2. Exposing known sociopaths. This, I believe, is the only strategy that really works against sociopaths. We can’t count on winning judgments against them and actually collecting our money. We can’t count on them being prosecuted or locked up. Sometimes the only way to keep them from harming others is to blow their cover.
We do need to be cautious about this, as I explained in a previous article, Exposing the sociopath. Many of you may not be able to skewer your exes publicly, as I did with James Montgomery. But you may be able to quietly speak your truth in your community, profession, church or wherever you know the predator is trolling for new victims. In the future, a few words of warning, coupled with growing public awareness of the disorder, may be enough.
3. Stop breeding sociopaths. Sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have a lot of sexual magnetism, and many Lovefraud readers have said that sex with the sociopath was the best they’ve ever had. But a consequence of sex, of course, is children. And because sociopathy is a highly genetic disorder, children born of sociopaths are at risk of inheriting a predisposition for the disorder.
One of the big things I hope will be accomplished through the Lovefraud High School Education program is to help young people understand that romantic relationships with sociopaths lead to nothing but trouble. If more people refuse to get involved with sociopaths, that will mean fewer at-risk children.
4. Appropriate parenting for at-risk children. Although sociopathy is highly genetic, inheriting the genes doesn’t necessarily mean that every at-risk child will grow up to be a sociopath. It is the interaction of genetics and the environment, including parenting, which actually creates the disordered individuals.
Many people realize, after a child is conceived or born, that their partner is a sociopath. If this is you, you need to take steps to raise the child so that he or she does not develop this disorder. I realize that this is immensely difficult and complicated, especially when the sociopathic parent will not let go of the child, which is often the case. But the healthy parents should try, as best they can, to teach the child how to love and feel empathy. (For information on how to do this, read Just Like His Father? by Dr. Liane Leedom.)
Perhaps with education, perseverance and time, our descendants will see the end of sociopathy. And they’ll thank us for taking the first steps to hasten the demise.
Movingon, I am so grateful that my experience has helped you, and believe me, that is something that is VERY important to me, and I also believe to Donna and Liane and others here at LF. I am ever so grateful to Donna for forming this site so that we have a venue to express support for others and to educate others to what we have been through. It is sort of like AA for us, we know that those who post here have BEEN where we have been, and KNOW that there are just some people in this world who are TOXIC.
Not every person who does bad things or is mean or manipulative is a psychopath, but there are plenty of people in this world who are TOXIC by whatever name you want to call them.
In general, people have patterns of behavior and those patterns show what they are most likely to do in the future by measuring what they have done in the past. It take WORK and EFFORT to change your pattern of behavior that is dysfunctional. I know that in the past my pattern of behavior contributed to my own pain, and the abuse that was measured out by others. I allowed it to continue, hoping that it would change, it did not change, but I decided that I did not want to participate in the “dance” any more. I CHANGED, THOUGH I COULD NOT CHANGE THEM.
I have complete control over how I behave, and that is what makes me secure. I AM IN CONTROL OF ME. That is all I can do, that is all anyone can do. I can’t do a darned thing about how they behave but only how I REACT and RESPOND. Life ain’t fair, and I no longer expect it to be.
Reaching out to someone else with a hand of support is very satisfying, but I no longer take responsibility for how they receive that hand, and when their hand is a FIST, I get out of the WAY. NO CONTACT to the extent possible works because they cannot reach us. My heart goes out to those of you with children with these people, they use those children as weapons to hurt you with, and the biggest damage is done to the3 children themselves. Decades ago I SAW this but didn’t understand why people would use their kids as CLUBS to bash their X over the head with, but now I understand to some extent how these people function, even if I don’t completely understand what they”get” out of it which to me seems POINTLESS.
Hang in there Moving on, that’s all any of us can do. God bless you.
Romantic fool no more,
Yep, I am not worrying about finding a “soul mate” either. LOL Every guy I have been even a bit attracted to since my husband died has been a ring-tailed-tooter and not someone I would want to have a relation-shit (thanks for the word Henry!) with. I am quite happy just like I am! If a good man comes along, fine, but if not, that’s great too!
I agree with you about trying to warn others, generally it is futile effort and exposes you to revenge.
Ox Drover- I love the word relation-shit. Ranks right up there in my vocab with psychopathetic and a few others I have learned thanks to the web.
Phoenix, well you can thank “Henry” (Hens) for that word, we have several like that that various LF bloggers have come up with. We don’t do it so much any more but we used to have regular Saturday night “parties” where we would stay up half the night blogging and laughing and making up funny things just to laugh at ourselves and find some humor in the situations, even BLACK GALLOWS humor is better than no humor. I like “psychopathetic” that is one I hadn’t heard. Thanks.
Zimzoomit,
Yes, my whole family experienced the earthquake here in Virginia. Amazing, since I’ve never experienced one before. The house was literally shaking.
What everyone said rings true, especially about making life so damn hard for those around them. I now refer to him as “the crazy uncle,” the relative that you realize is “off,” doing one stupid thing after the next. It never stops. It can be amusing (by others), but for those who live with the constant barrage of unecessary craziness, it wears you out. I told the ex-spath that I believe in being honest, but that he is the opposite, preferring to lie, acting like a nutcase. I’ve also told him that I have wasted too much time crying, being stressed out over his ridiculous stunts (over the years), that I am done reacting to his drama. If he ends up in jail, so be it. The kids and I will continue to live, being fine.
right after my ex finalized the divorce, after accusing ME to the court of all the horrific deeds he did to me, he called me to tell me he loved me and wants to be my business partner – right!
We still have some property together that he wants me to sign over because he is sooooo entitled (parasitic). I get physically sick when he sends me little Bible quotes on how God will deal with me.
At work they know he is a nut-case, however, he does the job and that’s all that matters. His secretary asked to be transferred for ethical reasons. His management just made the switch, no questions asked. He is applying for a concealed weapons permit. You can imagine where that is going to go after he left a bullet in my jewelry drawer.
His biggest kick is to verbally vomit all over me to destroy what ever little self esteem I have left.. I pray that his covert actions expose him… quick!
Dear Somebody,
You can’t control what he says to you, but you can control how you allow it to effect your self esteem…as they used to say in school, “CONSIDER THE SOURCE” and his opinion doesn’t matter! You know what he is. Learning to VALIDATE OURSELVES is the hardest I think, but in the end, helps us more than anything else. TRUTH doesn’t change depending on who or how many believe a thing, truth is true because it is truth….he can’t change that. (((Hugs)))
Ox Drover – One thing I will say I am ironically thankful for after all the horrible experiences I’ve endued with this ‘so called’ man of mine… It has completely opened my eyes to the ‘real world’ and what people are actually capable of. I use to think that having a man in my life was what completed me. Through all the hurt and heartache of the past 8 years, I now appreciate my independence and how much I have come to realise that having a man does not put a smile on my dile everyday! I do that all on my own. With my ‘room mate’ (which is simply all he is to me now) being away for the past 3 and a half weeks, I haven’t enjoyed myself so much in a very long time. I’m more relaxed, I’m more focused and I dread his return on the weekend.
To me now, soul mates are not always the men in our lives. They can be the people that make us the happiest, the people that make us smile, that are always there for us and vice versa. Some one/s who appreciates us as much as we do them.
somebody – how does he send these quotes? test, letter, email.? how about blocking him?
One Joy Step,
My email got hacked last week AND this week. Believe me my friends were not happy with me. I would do a virus scan then change your password, then junk his mail when it comes..or block.
This is the man at work? SAVE THEM if it is 🙂 snort.