Millions of sociopaths roam the planet. They inhabit all segments of the population. They are male, female, rich, poor, old, young, all races, all religions, all education levels, all demographic groups. Most of them are not in prison, so they move freely among us, living their lives by exploiting others.
Many take pride in their ability to manipulate others. Some who are criminals view crime as fun. They see nothing wrong with their behavior. As long as they keep succeeding, sociopaths will continue to behave the way they do.
So how do we make them fail?
Sociopaths only want to win, so failure is losing. Failure is not being able to exploit others, or at least not being able to get away with exploiting others.
I see four steps to shutting them down, and they all revolve around education.
1. Educating the public about sociopaths. This is the first step. So many Lovefraud readers who have tangled with sociopaths have told me, “I didn’t know these people existed!” Yes, they exist. Sociopaths live among us. And they are dangerous to our mental, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual and physical health.
This is why I launched Lovefraud. This is why I’m embarking on the Lovefraud Education Program to teach high school and college students about sociopaths. (If you’re in a position to bring the program to your school, please contact terry@anderlypublishing.com.) And there are so many more people who need to be educated, including therapists, lawyers and judges. We all need to know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior, so that if we see them, we can respond appropriately—especially by running away.
2. Exposing known sociopaths. This, I believe, is the only strategy that really works against sociopaths. We can’t count on winning judgments against them and actually collecting our money. We can’t count on them being prosecuted or locked up. Sometimes the only way to keep them from harming others is to blow their cover.
We do need to be cautious about this, as I explained in a previous article, Exposing the sociopath. Many of you may not be able to skewer your exes publicly, as I did with James Montgomery. But you may be able to quietly speak your truth in your community, profession, church or wherever you know the predator is trolling for new victims. In the future, a few words of warning, coupled with growing public awareness of the disorder, may be enough.
3. Stop breeding sociopaths. Sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have a lot of sexual magnetism, and many Lovefraud readers have said that sex with the sociopath was the best they’ve ever had. But a consequence of sex, of course, is children. And because sociopathy is a highly genetic disorder, children born of sociopaths are at risk of inheriting a predisposition for the disorder.
One of the big things I hope will be accomplished through the Lovefraud High School Education program is to help young people understand that romantic relationships with sociopaths lead to nothing but trouble. If more people refuse to get involved with sociopaths, that will mean fewer at-risk children.
4. Appropriate parenting for at-risk children. Although sociopathy is highly genetic, inheriting the genes doesn’t necessarily mean that every at-risk child will grow up to be a sociopath. It is the interaction of genetics and the environment, including parenting, which actually creates the disordered individuals.
Many people realize, after a child is conceived or born, that their partner is a sociopath. If this is you, you need to take steps to raise the child so that he or she does not develop this disorder. I realize that this is immensely difficult and complicated, especially when the sociopathic parent will not let go of the child, which is often the case. But the healthy parents should try, as best they can, to teach the child how to love and feel empathy. (For information on how to do this, read Just Like His Father? by Dr. Liane Leedom.)
Perhaps with education, perseverance and time, our descendants will see the end of sociopathy. And they’ll thank us for taking the first steps to hasten the demise.
Ana – is this really what they do once you discard them completely? I thought they’d be more incline to move on to the next victim?
Things to look forward to huh!!! Great 🙁
Hi Melly,
NO, I don’t think it was spath…just some email hacker that needs to make money. It was all spam, junk email, and disgusting links. Don’t think I did the password thing correctly the first time…Hope so this time!
I like this blog, but I think I will stick to posting at DS, its far too cliqish over here. I have posted countless times and no one has even said so much as go to heck to me. I wish you all the best in your recovery, thats why we come here, is it not? for SUPPORT and recovery. Thanks for the warm unwelcome.
Dear Goldn,
If I failed to welcome you I am quite sorry….Donna used to call me the Welcome wagon lady. LOL But it was not intentional. Sorry you are offended. There’s a lot of great information and support here in spite of what you may feel. I hope you’ll stick around, but if not, then I hope you find peace. God bless.
Goldn,
I’m so sorry that I didn’t respond earlier. I saw that you replied to the “commando” post, but then I had to leave all day and haven’t had a chance to post. Truth is, I’m having a very hard day with lots of stress, so, I haven’t felt like posting much.
But you are very very welcome here. Though I’m sorry for what you went through, which brought you here. It sounds like you were smart and kept evidence. Whatever you can do to get justice, do it.
In the end though, remember, it is about you. Here you will learn more about what made you vulnerable and how you can protect yourself. Please stick around and share your story.
Hi Ana – sorry… I must have caught the tail end of your conversation and assumed you were talking about spath… ewwhh.. Thats all I’d need is to have him hacking and stalking during the aftermath. Although from what I hear, alot of them do until they find their next victim.
Hi Goldn68 – I’m new to LF blog myself. Although I caught wind of LF a year or so ago, I only recently plucked up the courage to start chatting. When I read what every person writes on here there is so much I want to write back to each and everyone of them who post something that is clearly affecting their emotions and they way they are feeling. Unfortunately it is rather impossible to give my input on everyones comments. Personally, as sad as this may sound, just reading what everyone posts is reassuring enough for me to find the courage to stay strong and focused. I hope that if there were any one of us in desperate need of someone to talk to who understands what we are feeling, that everyone on here would be there to offer their words of wisdom. Lets face it, we wouldn’t be on here to begin with if we didn’t understand what each other was going through. I by no means take offence if no one comments on my blog. I’m well aware that this is an American founded site and since I am from Australia, the time difference can make it a little difficult for us to all be on here at the similar times of the day or night to have a chat.
Please know that I am always around at some point to offer my support 🙂
Ladies,
I have been lurking on this board for 4 months, garnering inspiration from everyones recovery. I sent an email to Donna telling her what had happened to me (being left to bleed to death after a violent miscarriage, being bilked out of 45k, losing everything including myself etc…same socio playbook as many others) She responded so quickly and was so wonderful I joined the boards…I was seeing all the support so many others were getting, mind you I was left with nothing, I cannot afford traditional therapy, this is what I got, and myself…hell, I don’t even have a car anymore.
I don’t mind sharing my story, its as ugly and grim as so many others here.
I wasnt trying to be snotty in any way, it just seemed that no matter what I have said on here since I joined, no one has said a word to me, like not existing all over again.
I appreciate your responses, indeed, I want to help others that may be in the discard stage, as I have passed that…but I want to learn from others who are long passed my stage too…
I will give this one more shot…
Wow, this was a great article!. I truly hope that education at an early age will help alleviate the “sociopaths rampage through the universe” and close all doors for them or at least get a few slammed into their faces. However, for me, it is the slowest but most effective method of exposing the sociopath that seems to give me the most solice. It has been over two years since I got rid of my “spath” and at first I wanted to tell the world!! I wanted it plastered everywhere! But it only ended up making me look crazy! I finally bit my tongue and swallowed my pride and started working on me to get better. Patience IS a virtue and the tangled webs my spath weaved slowly have started to backfire. One of her greatest games was weaving a triangle between her, myself, and the new love interest. Starting dramas that could have been seasons and seasons of soap opera material and I played into it everytime defending her(which was what she wanted) and I fought for what “I thought we had.” When I finally got the strength to stop that viscious cycle my new responses to the residual drama changed the entire dynamic for me. Her new love interests would contact me out of the blue(which let me know they had questions of their own) and I would give them my honest answer in which again, I ended up looking crazy because they are still ignorant of what is happening to them and they go into their defensive modes. However so far, I have gotten one email thanking me for the “warnings” as they put it and an apology for believing what my spath had told them about me. Currently, I am now in another EXPOSURE! Seems the new girlfriend is going to be the worst victim yet. My spath met this person and within four months had convinced this person to move to another city, leave all her friends, and purchase a house(in which my ex spath was eligible to buy because I fixed her credit for her by alleviating her debt collections in the beginning and co-signing loans I ended up paying for) and from the get go I was made out to be the evil one to the new lover. I recieved a check in the mail made out to my EX-spath for a substantial amout of money for a refund on some appliances apparently for the new home that was purchased and returned. I was petrified because all I could think is “What is she trying to do to me now?”
After all it had been two years!! I made the executive decision to contact her and tell her I was returning the check to the establishment. Her response was, “dont worry, it has been taken care of, Ive stopped that check and the new washer and dryer and the new check was delivered yesterday. My response was, ” if they delivered the washer and dryer to your NEW address how in the first place did the check get sent to me?!!! Then all of a sudden the new girl was on the phone saying it was an honest mistake. I laughed out loud and got to say the truest statement ever to her as my first words to her. They were ” There is nothing honest about(name ommitted) She still defended the ex-spath and the conversation didn’t end well. Several months later I was minding my own business hanging with friends downtown at a festival and the new lover comes out of nowhere and speaks my name and and is trying to be my best friend. There stands my ex next to her and another person. She introduces me to the stranger as this is “bleeps” ex girlfriend”, I extend my hand and say “Yes, one of many, nice to meet you” (my ex rolls her eyes) They didn’t stay but a few seconds after that comment and moved on. Just last week, I get an upbeat message on a social site from the new lover saying she and my ex spath had joined a softball team and she wanted to come get some equipment that had been left at my house (over two yrs ago mind you) and she appreciated if she could pick it up. My response was “it was donated to Goodwill along with everything else she left at my house but I commend you for cleaning up after her messes” She sent back a message defending my ex saying “she said you would say that, almost verbatim” I sent another one back that read, “of course she would know what I would say, it is part of her plan. And you are going to be the worst victim yet…..And then i got the oppportunity to proceed in spilling my guts on what really happened and told her I had proof of everything if she needed it. The next message was from my ex spath on her new girls message account which she hacked and that was her first sentence..You have been hacked…LOL and then she proceeded to say that the conversation between her new lover and I was not necesary because their is always two sides to a story and I never got to know her and she then proceeded to tell her new girl she loved her on her own message account! I sent back one final message which read. “Wow, you hacked your own girls account??!! Must be something you need to hide!” I recieved one final message from the new girl three days later that said only “I hope you are wrong” I AM NOT WRONG and as petty as it may be my exposure will chip away and the funny thing is….I have been minding my own business and the opportunity has come to me!
Golden,
Everyone on here can relate to you in some way, I used to LIVE on this page when I first found it and it was extremely a great avenue to my healing. I come back from time to time because it is just a breath of fresh air to be able to connect with people who truly understand. You will find that this site is the bst thing out there for your revoery and healing from our predators. Best wishes to you!!!
Goldn,
there are “stages” in getting over the spath, but you will find that you don’t necessarily experience them in sequence. As Oxy has explained many times, they are more like 2 steps forward 1 step back, 3 steps forward, 4 steps back and basically, our learning takes place but then internalizing the learning has to be repeated over and over until it sticks.
It’s very difficult but soooo much better than living in hell with a spath.
For the first time in my life, I’m learning to put my needs first. That was really hard.