Millions of sociopaths roam the planet. They inhabit all segments of the population. They are male, female, rich, poor, old, young, all races, all religions, all education levels, all demographic groups. Most of them are not in prison, so they move freely among us, living their lives by exploiting others.
Many take pride in their ability to manipulate others. Some who are criminals view crime as fun. They see nothing wrong with their behavior. As long as they keep succeeding, sociopaths will continue to behave the way they do.
So how do we make them fail?
Sociopaths only want to win, so failure is losing. Failure is not being able to exploit others, or at least not being able to get away with exploiting others.
I see four steps to shutting them down, and they all revolve around education.
1. Educating the public about sociopaths. This is the first step. So many Lovefraud readers who have tangled with sociopaths have told me, “I didn’t know these people existed!” Yes, they exist. Sociopaths live among us. And they are dangerous to our mental, emotional, psychological, financial, sexual and physical health.
This is why I launched Lovefraud. This is why I’m embarking on the Lovefraud Education Program to teach high school and college students about sociopaths. (If you’re in a position to bring the program to your school, please contact terry@anderlypublishing.com.) And there are so many more people who need to be educated, including therapists, lawyers and judges. We all need to know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior, so that if we see them, we can respond appropriately—especially by running away.
2. Exposing known sociopaths. This, I believe, is the only strategy that really works against sociopaths. We can’t count on winning judgments against them and actually collecting our money. We can’t count on them being prosecuted or locked up. Sometimes the only way to keep them from harming others is to blow their cover.
We do need to be cautious about this, as I explained in a previous article, Exposing the sociopath. Many of you may not be able to skewer your exes publicly, as I did with James Montgomery. But you may be able to quietly speak your truth in your community, profession, church or wherever you know the predator is trolling for new victims. In the future, a few words of warning, coupled with growing public awareness of the disorder, may be enough.
3. Stop breeding sociopaths. Sociopaths are hard-wired for sex. They have a lot of sexual magnetism, and many Lovefraud readers have said that sex with the sociopath was the best they’ve ever had. But a consequence of sex, of course, is children. And because sociopathy is a highly genetic disorder, children born of sociopaths are at risk of inheriting a predisposition for the disorder.
One of the big things I hope will be accomplished through the Lovefraud High School Education program is to help young people understand that romantic relationships with sociopaths lead to nothing but trouble. If more people refuse to get involved with sociopaths, that will mean fewer at-risk children.
4. Appropriate parenting for at-risk children. Although sociopathy is highly genetic, inheriting the genes doesn’t necessarily mean that every at-risk child will grow up to be a sociopath. It is the interaction of genetics and the environment, including parenting, which actually creates the disordered individuals.
Many people realize, after a child is conceived or born, that their partner is a sociopath. If this is you, you need to take steps to raise the child so that he or she does not develop this disorder. I realize that this is immensely difficult and complicated, especially when the sociopathic parent will not let go of the child, which is often the case. But the healthy parents should try, as best they can, to teach the child how to love and feel empathy. (For information on how to do this, read Just Like His Father? by Dr. Liane Leedom.)
Perhaps with education, perseverance and time, our descendants will see the end of sociopathy. And they’ll thank us for taking the first steps to hasten the demise.
No Ana, the poster known as ‘somebody’ was (some screen names are trickier than others!) and that was my advice to her.
was your account that was hacked a yahoo or ymail account? I have talked to a couple of other people in the last few months, whose yahoo/ ymail accounts were hacked. I am wondering if this isn’t a systemic problem with yahoo.
One Joy Step,
My email account is with hotmail. Hmmm. I think I solved the problem on my end. I have not been hacked for a few days. It’s awful when that happens cause all your friends get these awful emails with links..it’s shitty for sure.
ana – i was hacked but my account was not used for sending spam – that usually comes with opening spam…like your email with links. (Although it is quite possible that my accounts were being used to relay info without my knowing/ seeing it.) My passwords just mysteriously changed and I couldn’t get into my accounts. I figured it was the spath at the time, and it freaked me out – she has the ability to see through walls me thinks. i now regularly change my passwords.
basics that many people don’t know: never open an email from someone you don’t know; never open a link that doesn’t have a message in the email; never click on links recommending merchandise; you can always email your friend (and not through replying) and ASK if they have sent you an email if you are suspicious; never write a string of email addresses in the ‘to’ or ‘CC’ lines. – this is a major distribution network for viruses. Always write your own email in the ‘to’ line and everyone elses in the ‘BCC’.
One Joy Step,
Thanks for so much info on that subject. Thanks, Thanks, Thanks! It’s been so stressful for me that sooo many people got these emails from “me” Ugh
I hope you get your email sorted out soon. How the heck does someone change your own password??? That is freaky! Well, I have to go to sleep now, or I’ll die tomorrow on the ol stairmill..elipitcal…etc..lolol
Goldn,
I’m very sorry to see you go. it’s 3AM here and I woke up and now I can’t sleep. Your kind words helped assauge my misery.
The fact that many of these “agencies” don’t believe us, tells me that they are either stupid or spaths themselves. Either way the light of exposure is the answer. Go to the media, write a book, EXPOSE, EXPOSE, EXPOSE. Do whatever you can to open people’s eyes. Donna has set the example, she is our shining beacon.
Goldn and Onestep,
it was the spath that taught me that trick. When someone immobilizes your car by attaching something to your car, just remove that part of your car. I still had to pay the protection racket (which BTW, does not protect, that’s why its a racket), but at least I was mobile enough to do what I needed to do.
Spaths can teach us because they are always plottting. I’ve learned alot about attitude from my evil spath.
One step, I don’t know what the situation is at work, but worrying won’t solve it. That is another thing I learned from the spath, inadvertanty. All his fear mongering never panned out, because that’s all it was. Yes, get out of fear and start being resourceful. Do whatever you have to do. I know it’s hard because you have a heavy heart. I wish I could hug you and comfort you in real life. It’s for selfish reasons, though, because then I would get a hug back.
🙂
http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/08/18/modern-life-rough-on-men/#comment-225593
Interesting study on the decline of testorsterone in men.
It’s interesting because, it seems to me that I see more and more men who want to be supported by a woman. They feel entitled to have the woman take care of them. My spath was just one, but I see the emergence of house husbands everywhere. Most of these house husbands are extreme narcissists.
I missed something with Golden. Does anyone know what upset her so bad?
I also have another question, is a red flag when you feel the same way about man the same way you do about your children? Do you tend to “love” a P the way you love your children? I hope those questions make sense.
Goldn:
Goldn, please don’t be offended. I don’t believe anyone on this blog meant to dis you in any way. Your posts inspire and I was looking forward to more.
I never had the courage to post my experiences and applaud those like you, who can. Please come back. I have been here for years and know of no cliques….just dear ones in various stages of healing. (((Love))). Shalom
Goldn68,
I’m sorry that you have felt ignored, not having anyone respond to you promptly. Once in a while, I “come here”, read the articles, posting in response to any that I relate to. I don’t have it all together still, so I don’t always give advice to others. Be aware that the readers who read your posts are totally sympathetic to what you are going through, the turmoil that you are currently experiencing. You were wise to “speak up,” letting others know how you feel. Please keep “talking,” allowing others to respond, helping you along the road. Peace.
Justus, l don’t understand your question, there are different “kinds” of love for sure. I LOVE Ice cream, and I LOVE my dog. I LOVE my kids, and I LOVE my husband….each can be intense and deep, but of course you would put your children’s welfare before the dog’s even though you love your dog dearly…you are RESPONSIBLE for the welfare of both your children and your dog, but you LOVE your child in a different and more profound way than your dog. If that makes any sense.