Donna Anderson’s important latest post reminds me that one topic which will never be worn out is that of the psychopath’s lies and their impact on others.
This week I want to very briefly introduce yet another take on this inexhaustible topic. Everyone lies, but there’s something else at stake in the case of the psychopath’s lies.
To illustrate: you might say about any regular (non-psychopathic) person, “Things would be better if s/he was to lie less often. Her/his soul or psyche would be healthier as would her relationships.” That’s true. Now try this on for size and notice how wrong it seems: “Things would be better if the psychopath was to lie less often. His soul or psyche would be healthier as would his relationships.”
Weirdly, this is patently not the case. The psychopath will be just as sick/evil no matter how many or how few lies he tells. It’s not a quantitative but a qualitative matter.
It is commonly said that a defining characteristic of psychopaths is that they are pathological liars. This is right if you mean that they are profoundly dishonest and not to be trusted. It does not mean, though, that psychopaths lie a lot. They do lie a lot and those lies cause havoc. But as I hope my illustration above shows, lying less will not make them better people.
So, how does this work? The thing about psychopaths is that even their truths are lies! Or rather, whether or not they happen to be telling the truth or a lie at any particular moment is not what makes them psychopathic. What makes them psychopathic is that they use and destroy people; truth or lies are for them just so many weapons for pursuing their prey.
M.L. Gallagher said a lot when she wrote this:
He is the lie….
From hello to good-bye. I love you to I hate you. You’re beautiful to you’re ugly.
It was all a lie….When friends or my family ask, but what about this, or what about that, I tell them. It was all a lie. There was no truth in him.
If I spend my time trying to figure out fact from fiction, all I am doing is trying to prove I wasn’t so stupid. See, this was true. That’s why I fell in love with him.
Truth is. I fell in love with him because I believed his lie.
When I discovered the truth, I was so enmeshed in his lie, I couldn’t find the truth in me. And so I sank.
Oh yes: Going to be over 100 here by this afternoon as well.
First day of summer! Yipppppeeeee! 🙂
All quiet on the stalker front today! 🙂
Been a whole 11 days! Wonder how long until the next time IT makes contact with me when it has been told repeatedly to stop it. If IT continues, I will make it stop. I continue to maintain NC as I always will for the rest of eternity.
I have been too busy being ILL and fighting for MY LIFE to give any of that garbage ANY of my time nor efforts. It’s all for ME now and that garbage can keep away or I will MAKE it keep away legally. Period.
Yah, it’s a GREEEEAAAATTTTT week without sp in it!
Going to be a great rest of my life too!
I would have NO PROBLEM putting the criminal away where he belongs and that disgusting spath he is now with. It’s scarey that people like that are allowed to procreate and increase the spath gene pool. Seriously.
*HUGS to all*
DUPED
Yes, Duped, I’m glad it’s summer too.
I’m looking over my shoulder less and less – last time I saw my spath I think it was April – that’s GOOD for me – not knowing (or caring) if he’s stalking me is even better.
It’s still drama.
I can feel myself getting further and further away from his grip.
He reached out and kept me there as a toy, he didn’t care how much he hurt me.
Getting away, truely, feels very good.
SK
((((((((((((((((superkid)))))))))))))))))))))))))
YAY! I was just thinking the exact same things all day today. 🙂
It’s like a revitalization of some kind; isn’t it?
NOBODY would understand this what we speak. 🙂
Oh yah, just the THOUGHTS are continued drama. Truly.
“…looking over my shoulder less and less….” That’s good. If I were you, if the authorities aren’t aware, make them aware and that will give you added peace. 😉 Little bit anyways.
Oh yes, definitely can FEEL the ‘drawing away’…we just have to let ourselves go with it, superkid, and we’ll be fine. You remember that WE are in good hands now because WE are in control of OURSELVES and OUR LIVES.
Oh yes, kept me there as a toy; I can so relate.
They don’t care how much they hurt someone, superkid, because they are not wired like we are. They don’t have the capacity to care about anything except for their wants and needs and desires and are prepared to do whatever it takes.
Yes, getting away, TRULY, feels very good.
Languish in the peace and quiet about you, superkid….
Don’t feel sorry for it being over because they only used our kindness as weakness and ‘right’ will always win over ‘might’. Always. If there is one thing I have learned in this lifetime is that ‘goodness’ will always snuff out the darkness.
I hope I live through this summer. I have a fatal heart condition that could take me at any moment but I am trying to not only recover from this ‘roadshow’ but also my own medical difficulties. It has been a long road for me but one that has brought me so many Blessings. It has brought me an awareness and an understanding that is priceless.
I shall NEVER again waste MY PRECIOUS TIME on the likes of someone such as “IT” was. UNBELIEVABLE. Simply unexplainable and unbelievable that there are people like this walking the streets, out amongst us. We need to make more people aware of the existence of this type of personality. People who have absolutely NO regard for anyone but themselves. SOCIOPATHS.
You stay safe superkid; don’t take chances. I don’t know what your situation is but if it’s anything like mine, sp is on the edge of the cliff and I don’t think it really matters to him anymore how many he takes with him. The more the merrier, I guess he figures. I don’t know but NC is in full effect except and despite HIS breaking it to threaten me from time to time.
*BIG HUGS SUPERKID*
I am very proud of you and the strength you have.
xxoo
DUPED
The last words ever spoken between us was his useless, pointless, “I am sorry for hurting you” as he stomped his foot like a two year old. There is no amount of “I am sorry’s” that will EVER take the fact away that he tried to kill me. There is no excuse for someone heartlessly treating an innocent, caring person, the way I have been treated and quite maliciously and with intent.
There are some things in life which hold no forgiveness.
When a person maliciously invades your ‘safe spots’, deep inside your own thoughts, that person is doing something malicious to you with full intention.
A person needs to keep away from people like that because they will only take your last breath from you if you allow them to. I have heard so many “I am sorry’s” that it makes me puke. I always gave the benefit of the doubt, unconditionally caring and accepting and each time I did that, IT”S treatment of me only escalated in deeper and further disrespect and disregard for me and my life.
Before I called NC I found myself only lecturing and telling him exactly what I thought and felt because the disrespect and disregard was overwhelming. No social graces whatsoever. It was like dealing with a wild, meat eating animal. I do not and will not subject myself to this kind of treatment. Especially when undeserved. We all need to think more of ourselves and not allow this around us.
I don’t care what kind of sob story there is any longer for the way I have been treated by this sociopath. All the “I am sorry’s” in the world won’t change the fact that he purposely tried to destroy me all because he COULD. THAT is a predator.
I refuse to look over my shoulder because that is only a continuation of the drama. I just rest assured on the fact and the promise that if anything happens to me, KARMA is a biotch once it finally comes back around. I have seen it before and I am grateful I was able to live my life with a certain amount of grace and appreciation that I haven’t ever received the full effect coming back on me. Perhaps sp is Karma coming back to me….who knows?? (Eerie thought; never thought I was that bad of a person, actually….) 🙂
Yah,yah, yah, ruminations: thanks for giving me a spot to blow a cork….only HERE am I understood.
Hang tough superkid; I am so proud of you!!!
xxoo
DUPED
DUPED
Just a quick hello to say thank you for the ‘pep’ talk. All of what you say makes sense and helps me get stronger and stronger. I’ve been trying to understand why I had a bit of a ‘relapse’ with the NC and why I kind of sabotaged my own recovery from the nut job. I’ve been reading a bit about PTSD and starting to wonder if that has anything to do with the way I feel.
I was married for 26 years before I got out and for 19 of them I suffered with chronic fatigue syndrome. He was emotionally and mentally abusive and He always kept me on the back foot. I never knew how he would react in any situation, and was always waiting for him to start a row or a tirade. He would follow that up with not speaking for days, weeks or even months. The longest was for 18 months after my lovely Mum died. I eventually found the strength to leave and not long after met the nut job.
Anyway, I’m not sure if this makes any sense but if there was PTSD from the marriage I wouldn’t have had any way to tell up from down by the time I met the nut job. My daughter said he was the exact polar opposite of her Dad and I’m sure now, that’s what he wanted me to see.
I’m wondering that, since I had another car accident of Thursday last week (not badly hurt, just shaken), could that have triggered PTSD symptoms? I googled the symptoms and they seem very close to what I’m experiencing.
I don’t know if any of this makes sense but it’s very late and I wanted to get it written down before I go to sleep. My daughter is going travelling round Europe starting tomorrow and I’ve been helping her to get ready to go. I’m going to miss her so badly. She’s a wee darling and has had her own version of hell over the past few years.
Thanks to everyone for the help and support xxx
PTSD: I know a lot about it, unfortunately, lifegoeson….
If a person was prone to PTSD in the first place, before the sp, the sp only triggered it and made it worse than ever for sure. I know that has been the case for me.
I have been diagnosed, before my heart attack, with MDD and PTSD. I was stuck on ‘stress’ for just about five years, just with THIS situation, not counting everything else we run into along the way. I don’t do any medications as I find them totally unhelpful and off point. Why should “I” have to take drugs and do major, in depth counseling over this MORON?!
He was proud of himself when he recalled how he had pushed me off the edge. As he giggled and eyes sparkled as he recounted his trying to maliciously harm me. NO THANK YOU!
If you think you have PTSD, lifegoeson, go get some counseling. I have been doing EMDR therapy for my PTSD and it has helped me tremendously. It is drug free therapy and hard to find a therapist who works with it but it DOES work and helps a lot ‘grounding’. Check it out sometime.
I have never in my life seen sincere and genuine concern and compassion returned with hate, malicious intent and evilness. I have seen it all now, I think. 🙂
Oh yes, car accidents can trigger PTSD. There are lots of things that can trigger it but most of all a SPATH. That is like the trigger of all triggers. Trust me.
Blessings to you lifegoeson. I know you will miss your daughter as she travels but take that time to spend on YOU and to get to know YOU. Be nice to yourself. xxoo
DUPED
DUPED
Thank you,
Compared to you, and a lot of others here, I think I’ve been very lucky. You have had a nightmare to cope with and are an inspiration to me.
I’ve been awake most of the night and tried to put together a coherent post but not thinking straight.
Today I’m just going to concentrate on helping my daughter empty her flat and getting her to the airport. I can’t lift cos of wee bit whiplash but can provide wheels and moral support!
(((((((Hugs))))))) and thanks again, I hope to catch up soon and hear more about EMDR – it sounds interesting xoxox
hi lifegoeson, I have had a lot of success with neurofeedback for PTSD
http://www.brainandhealth.com/
i just read anoher post of yours about your fibro symptons flaring due to stress – i take extra b vitamins (multi and tb5, b6), c and dessicated adrenals when i have a stress response. helps me a lot.
Duped in Social: My mom had PTSD from my accident and my brother’s death. My dad spath truly made everything worse. He took off and went to party the days we had to take my brother to the hospital to pass away. 🙁 Then he said he got ashamed because of me and didn’t like to see my wheelchair. He drank and beat my mom, and then went to rehab to do harder drugs and cheat. All within a year. My mom divorced his ass and he left for years. Barely ever talked to him during those times.
She’s in therapy for it now. I just wondered if I’m likely to develope PTSD as well.
Hello Near: Sorry to hear about all of the upset in your family. Makes for not such a great childhood. I know; I came from a spot just like that. At an early age, like 8 years old, I decided that when I grew up, my life would not contain such dysfunction. Life is meant to be lived in peace and as much happiness and joy as you can possibly muster.
You asked me if I thought you would develop PTSD as well.
You probably DO have some issues, I would suspect. Without meeting and knowing you, it is hard for me to say for sure. I would direct your attention to several places on the internet, askabout.com is great for symptoms and some direction on PTSD issues. They are a lot different than major depression and if you have them both going on like I do, well, the ride can be like a hellish roller coaster, most days.
A HUGE aspect of my recovery was getting rid of sp and all that drama and chaos out of my life. I would not have made it through recovery from my massive heart attack and two heart surgeries had I not severed those artificial ties of abuse and deceit.
I would say, Near: familiarize yourself with signs and symptoms of PTSD and if you think you may have it going on, get to a counselor and find one who understands PTSD and the causes and symptoms – there are a lot of counselors out there trying to medicate us all instead of giving us the straight up honest truth about things some time. Be very choosey who you counsel with. A lot of them like pushing those drugs and all they do is cloud the issue. Best to deal with it in clarity and then it sticks. I never found any tranquilizers, mood alters, etc., of any help or assistance to me. In fact, I think they made it worse.
Yes, Near…research PTSD. If you think that’s you, seek assistance. If you don’t, you will always feel that pressure. It has taken me years to learn how to deal with MY PTSD and I think I have done pretty well considering I have never harmed anyone in a fit of rage. hehehehehehe Lucky spath! 🙂
God Bless you on your journey, Near…
Do check in and let me know how you are doing.
I feel your pain. I had a rotten childhood too.
But we all make our own choices in life and I refused to let mine defeat me! Gungho and cowabunga, all the way! 😉
xxoo
DUPED