Ladies and gentlemen, hello”¦and thanks for inviting me to speak to you about sociopathy. As an audience, you come highly recommended by my good friend Phil, who visited with you last winter as a narcissism expert, and who, I understand, you basically booed off the lectern.
By way of personal disclosure, I can tell you that I’ve been diagnosed as a sociopath separately by several prominent clinicians all of whom, let me establish candidly, were complete charlatans. As a matter of fact, this is the basis of my book, which of course is prominently displayed for purchase on the table in the back, entitled, “How Three Utter Clinical Charlatans Separately Diagnosed Me as a Sociopath.”
Just a little about my personal history”¦
Okay, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, where to begin?
Ladies and gentlemen, I think I’d like to start by telling you that I am a highly ethical personality, a point I choose to stress if only to assure you that I have every intention of returning the wallet that I know one of you is missing because I lifted it off you on the coffee and danish line about fifteen minutes ago.
Please”¦no need to check your pockets and pocketbooks. As I said, I’ll return the wallet shortly, during our upcoming break”¦however—and, of course, consistent with my stringent ethics—I won’t guarantee, because I don’t make promises I can’t keep, that I’ll be returning the wallet with the same cash amount as when I lifted it.
Ladies and gentleman, I’m delighted to be here. My presence here, of course, gives you a chance to glean some insight into the fascinating minds of sociopaths, and me the chance to score, I hope, with one of the more attractive women in the audience, whether she be single or not.
This way, we establish the quid pro quo up front.
My friends, sociopaths, as you know, tend to be deceptive individuals. And they tend to lie very boldly. For instance, my brother-in-law Frank, who, incidentally, tends to follow me around like a stalker—yes, he accused me of stealing money he gave me to start my hedge fund business.
I’ll never forget a recent interaction we had, which I share with you for instructional purposes:
He said, “Ron, you haven’t paid a cent of that loan back. What’s the deal?”
I said, “What deal? What deal are you talking about?”
He said, “The loan, Ron. The 50-grand we loaned you with the stipulation you’d pay it back with 5% interest.”
I said, “That was a loan?”
He said, “Of course it was a loan, you f’ing sociopath.”
See what I mean, folks? The deception? How he tried spinning what had clearly been offered as a gift of 50-thousand dollars into, conveniently, a loan? And did you notice his audacity—audacity being a very sociopathic feature?
Calling me a sociopath, when so clearly he was the sociopath? I believe professionals also call that “projection?”
Yes, I see a hand raised?
Of course my sister supported him! What a moronic question!
She’s my sister, yes, but he’s her husband. Naturally she claimed, with as much nerve as he, that it was a loan, not a gift, which they both made to me. This is a wonderful example, incidentally, of the corrupting influence that sociopaths like my brother-in-law can have on their vulnerable partners.
And to anticipate your next question”¦no, I won’t be paying a cent of that loan—I meant to say gift—back”¦because, that would be enabling their deceipt and I refuse, from principle, to do that.
Ladies and gentlemen, I must be frank and tell you that I’ve been married five times. Now what does this fact tell you? Here’s what it should tell you: It should tell you how absolutely clueless my prior wives were, inasmuch as all they needed to do to keep me satisfied was to appreciate how good they had it with me.
Even my present wife, who recently outed me for cheating on her with an ex-girlfriend I accidentally found on Facebook”¦even she doesn’t get it.
I can tell you—and I’ve told her this, trust me—that I’m on the verge of leaving her because, ladies and gentelmen, I really don’t need this nonsense. And I suspect that some of the men in the audience can probably relate to where I’m coming from?
My good friends, sociopaths really don’t get it.
And so often these perverse characters offer up glib explanations for their appalling behaviors. For example, my present spouse confronted me on the purely accidental nature of my latest liaison outside our marriage.
I remind you, just as I explained to her, that I found myself on Facebook one day and, intending to locate a childhood friend named Tommy who’d moved during Elementary School and whose whereabouts I’d always wondered about, I somehow, accidentally, ended up discovering my ex’s Facebook homepage.
Thinking, naturally, that it was Tommy’s Facebook page (it was his I was searching), I made an innocent friend request, fully expecting to hear back—hoping to hear back—from Tommy, when who should respond with a friend confirmation, but Sarah?
This should all have been enough explanation, but what did my insatiable wife want next? She demands to know how, even “accepting for the moment your lying bullshit,” I ended up screwing this ex-girlfriend for three months behind her back?
I’m laughing”¦.for the reason you can probably guess? What the hell does one thing have to do with the other? See how she’s trying to confuse me”¦jumping all over the map”¦manipulating me!
Sociopaths, my friends, are quite incapable of recognizing, or caring about, the depth and pattern of their abuse of others.
Exhibit A, my friends: each of my five ex-wives, plus the present one, all of whom, I’m convinced, have serious sociopathic traits.
Their contrivance of outrage, as I’ve suggested, upon discovering my countless infidelities during our marriages”¦come to think of it, it’s laughable.
That’s exactly why I’m laughing right now”¦ laughing out loud, and having trouble composing myself. It’s just so funny how sociopaths will contrive emotions to manipulate you.
Evidently my ex’s wanted me to feel guilt? I’m sorry, but I’m still laughing”¦it’s just so funny.
I mean my marriages, every one of them—and my wives themselves—grew so boring, tedious and predictable that—and you tell me—what option, realistically, was left but to search for something fresh and exciting?
And I’m sure you’d agree that a man like me, in these circumstances—and let’s be honest, any guy with a real set of balls—would have to be a fool, or else whipped beyond dignity, to begrudge himself relief from such oppression?
But I digress, I’m afraid.
Glib”¦.yes, I was mentioning the tendency of sociopaths to be glib. It’s good practice, my friends, to beware of glib personalities, because often a very dangerous insincerity lurks beneath the glibness”¦often the glibness is used to cover, to distract or divert from a manipulative agenda.
In other words, it’s not the glibness itself that’s problematic, so much as its function”¦which, so often, is to enable, through a form of obfuscation, an ulterior agenda.
Ladies and gentlemen, on that note, we are coming upon our first break. But wait”¦someone’s just straggled in, irresponsibly late.
Let’s let the gentleman take his seat. Maybe you can introduce yourself, first, sir?
“You owe me $50 f’ing thousand dollars, you asshole, and I’ll chase you down like Dog The Bounty Hunter till you pay up!!”
Excuse me, ladies and gentleman”¦this man must be confusing me with someone else? I apologize, on his behalf, for his rude disruption of our seminar.
Sir, I kindly ask that you”¦
“Knock off the bullshit, Ron! Why don’t you tell these kind people the criminal evasion you’ve been perpetrating on me and your own sister!”
My good friend, not only do I not know what you’re talking about, and not only have I never seen you in my whole life, but unless you leave the room at once, I’ll be forced to have security remove you.
I find it very creepy, sir, that you know my name, but I assure you that we don’t know each other, and whatever situation you’re alluding to is most certainly a figment of your delusional mind.
Yes, thank you, security, for removing this man at once. Yes, take him out kicking and screaming, and hurling his ugly threats. There he goes, ladies and gentlemen, kicking and screaming, removed by the courageous, well-prepared security guards. I’m so sorry for this untimely intrusion.
Have you noticed, my friends, or is it just me, that mental illness seems to be on the rise? It’s such a terrible shame the kinds of delusions people seem to be harboring and their growing tendency to impose them on us?
Well, if nothing else, that was pretty entertaining. I’ll have to check up later on that poor soul and make sure he was properly committed to the right institution.
It’s hard to know what to tell a guy like that, other than”¦next time you make a financial arrangement along the lines you were babbling about, make sure the contract’s drawn-up by attorneys. That way you avoid the kind of trouble he was ranting about so incoherently.
Strange how many people think they know me, and have accosted me over the years with outrageous, paranoid accusations.
I seem to have one of those faces that’s commonly mistaken for others.
Ladies and gentlemen, let us take our first break, and use the next few minutes to recover from the surprise appearance of that very sick man.
Feel free, of course, to purchase the books in the back”¦and more importantly, please approach me about becoming Class A investors in either of my two superstar hedge funds, both of which have yielded annualized returns of over 40% since 2004.
That makes Madoff’s returns look paltry, and he was cheating, whereas we—meaning me, and my accountant, Lucciano—operate strictly on the up and up.
And you”¦over there”¦yes, you”¦who’s glaring at me with that homicidal look”¦come on over and get your wallet.
(This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW)
STEVE,
Although I am fully aware how absolutely BRILLIANT you are,
it still amazes me how you are able to think and write in the
persona of such a disordered mind – that you so fully
comprehend the sociopathic mind as to portray one so
effectively. I felt like I was in the audience listening – and
getting
goosebumps because you reminded me how many times I
allowed myself to get sucked in by such a “SALESMAN”.
He could sell the Brooklyn bridge if given the opportunity.
But today, thanks to you, I listened with a new recognition of
the SCAM being perpetrated. And I know , now, to believe
NOTHING that comes out of his mouth – it’s just safer that
way.
P.S. Thanks for my wallet back Sam! you can keep the two thousand dollars that was in it …see it as a reward for finding it! I am just glad to have finally met you is all.
“Strange how many people think they know me, and have accosted me over the years with outrageous, paranoid accusations.
I seem to have one of those faces that’s commonly mistaken for others.”
Uncanny how that reminds me of my XP. Even when it didn’t happen, he says that it did, just to gaslight me.
Sooooooooo interesting!!! I’ve read about how they think, but this really hits a home run… in how empty & manipulative they are. Any info that will help me recognize a N/S in the future is GREATLY appreciated!!!!
How can I explain to the Judge that I suspect he is a sociopath, show him the things he does compare to what they states a sociopath traits are and see if he understands to show that this individual is deceitful will pull whatever he can to make himself look good.
What a brilliant way of pinpointing exactly what’s wrong with these people.
I wonder, given that this post was read by a true sociopath, would they understand that this speech was made to illustrate how sick the speaker is? Perhaps a P/S would agree with the speaker and not see the absurdity of the speaker’s statements?
If this is so, could this post be used as a test to see if somebody has sociopathic tendencies?
I am sure they would instinctively know the manipulative chess game that Steve so cleverly showed us here.
OMG….I’ve heard some of the very SAME statements above out of the mouth of my SP!!! Every former girlfriend and wife was CRAZY. Trying to manipulate him. Using him for what he had to give. Out to take him for all that he was worth. And damn it……there was no way he was going to let that happen!! He told me story after story (after I was hooked, of course) about all the wrong that had been done to him. Never mind that he has children with 3 different women…..2 of whom he fathered while married. And his wife knew!! And I took up for him….believing this poor man had been so unfortunate to find ONLY CRAZY women! I even said to him “how in the world do you attract so many crazy women??” Little did I realize, they were very sane until experiencing a few rounds with him! He would distance himself from me when running around with other women. Wouldn’t respond to my calls or text…..but yet….every now and then tell me how much he loved me but was just busy. He would give me just enough to keep me around but tell me I was crazy and over possessive. What is it that their personality does to us? It made me feel like a stalker, like I was going out of my mind?? Does anyone know why this happens to us?
You know….when I first met him, people warned me about him. No one liked him, said he was cruel and told me I had no idea how he really was!! Told me horrible things about him. Why didn’t I see the writing on the wall? I thought “this poor guy – no one gives him a chance.” He was the picture perfect gentleman around me. I couldn’t understand why everyone was so down on him. But that gentleman didn’t last long at all!! I do think people see that something is terribly wrong with him….but I don’t think they have put together that he is a SP.
Sarasims,
Did we have the same S in our lives? My ex-husband S was the exact same way. He would tell me all of these other women were crazy. He would also seem distant and come home a few hours later when he had the other women on the side. The ridiculout part? This started the SECOND night after we were married. Why weren’t we on our honeymoon? Even though he lived in cheap and dirty apartment and made $7,000 a month, after taxes, he claimed he didn’t have the money. He also claimed he didn’t have the money for a wedding ring. He finally bought one for me for $3.99 (not three hundred and ninety-nine dollars, but three dollars and 99 cents) to try to “make up for everything” later, at a souvenir shop. It was made of wood and broke when we went hiking a few days later. He likes to tell everyone that I just married him “for his money”. Forget about the fact that I knew he was $120,000 in debt from school and that he had just started a post-doc position that he lied and told me he only made $20,000 a year in. Forget about the fact that I paid for everything during our short 2 month relationship. Forget about the fact that I lost thousands in my move across the country to relocate to marry him. Forget about the fact that I lost all of my money for that semester I was to start graduate school. Forget about all of my expensive lost, stolen dreams. Forget about the fact that he was the one without a father who had an abusive mom and was raised with NO MONEY. Forget about the fact that I was the one raised with money and a mother who had been named Woman of the Year in my hometown, before she died of cancer. Forget about the fact that my dad was a prominent politician. Forget about the fact that I WAS THE ONE WHO HAD EVERYTHING GOING FOR MYSELF BEFORE HE TOOK IT ALL AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!! Forget about the fact that when the police took me back to my apartment to retrieve all of my stuff all that was there was one of each of my sets of my mom’s expensive earrings I had inherited and one of all of my pairs of shoes. Everything else? Including my credit cards, laptop (that he had thrown and destroyed anyway), cell phone, furniture, money, clothing and everything I had aquired and WORKED HARD FOR in my then 32 years WAS GONE. Forget about the fact that I was then disabled and very injured from his abuse and couldn’t work, on bed rest and pregnant with his child, who he still has not paid one dime towards. FORGET ABOUT ALL OF THAT. Everyone should suspend all of their beliefs and agree with him that I just used him for his money and that is why I married him. Because, that is why I had been holding out for the perfect guy until my 30s. That is why I turned all of the other nice guys down. I was waiting for him to take him for all he was worth, even though I was the one who was earning all of the money when we first connected. SHeesh. Thanks for listening. I’m happy I got all of that out of my system.
Dear Jill,
Vent away! GET ANGRY! GET PISSED! GET MAD! GET FURIOUS! GET MOVING!!!! On to your new life, on to peace and happiness!!!! On to a lot of wonderful things that you will have again, and to the newer, wiser, “new and improved” woman who will not fall for another con job like this creep!
Whatever you lost in the relationship, you GAINED more! You are NOT HIM! Aren’t you glad about that!!!!???? I know it is difficult to understand why he is like he is and what he gout out of throwing away half of every pair of shoes you had! Aren’t you glad you are not the kind of person who would do such a thing? Who would even consider doing that kind of thing and enjoying the spite! Well, he got his spite, but you are better by far! Better to lose some shoes, or even the earrings you treasured than to end up like Lily and be with that bastard for 42 years! Count your blessings, Jill, and GET EVEN! Live a wonderful life with your darling son! You have the most perfect man in the world! Right in your lap!
That is the perfect REVENGE!!!! He will always be an “empty suit” as Lily calls her X, or a Bad Man as Aloha says. You, however, are a caring, bright and responsible woman who WILL Recover, and will go on to bigger and better things! (((hugs))) and my prayers for you!!!!