Ladies and gentlemen, hello”¦and thanks for inviting me to speak to you about sociopathy. As an audience, you come highly recommended by my good friend Phil, who visited with you last winter as a narcissism expert, and who, I understand, you basically booed off the lectern.
By way of personal disclosure, I can tell you that I’ve been diagnosed as a sociopath separately by several prominent clinicians all of whom, let me establish candidly, were complete charlatans. As a matter of fact, this is the basis of my book, which of course is prominently displayed for purchase on the table in the back, entitled, “How Three Utter Clinical Charlatans Separately Diagnosed Me as a Sociopath.”
Just a little about my personal history”¦
Okay, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, where to begin?
Ladies and gentlemen, I think I’d like to start by telling you that I am a highly ethical personality, a point I choose to stress if only to assure you that I have every intention of returning the wallet that I know one of you is missing because I lifted it off you on the coffee and danish line about fifteen minutes ago.
Please”¦no need to check your pockets and pocketbooks. As I said, I’ll return the wallet shortly, during our upcoming break”¦however—and, of course, consistent with my stringent ethics—I won’t guarantee, because I don’t make promises I can’t keep, that I’ll be returning the wallet with the same cash amount as when I lifted it.
Ladies and gentleman, I’m delighted to be here. My presence here, of course, gives you a chance to glean some insight into the fascinating minds of sociopaths, and me the chance to score, I hope, with one of the more attractive women in the audience, whether she be single or not.
This way, we establish the quid pro quo up front.
My friends, sociopaths, as you know, tend to be deceptive individuals. And they tend to lie very boldly. For instance, my brother-in-law Frank, who, incidentally, tends to follow me around like a stalker—yes, he accused me of stealing money he gave me to start my hedge fund business.
I’ll never forget a recent interaction we had, which I share with you for instructional purposes:
He said, “Ron, you haven’t paid a cent of that loan back. What’s the deal?”
I said, “What deal? What deal are you talking about?”
He said, “The loan, Ron. The 50-grand we loaned you with the stipulation you’d pay it back with 5% interest.”
I said, “That was a loan?”
He said, “Of course it was a loan, you f’ing sociopath.”
See what I mean, folks? The deception? How he tried spinning what had clearly been offered as a gift of 50-thousand dollars into, conveniently, a loan? And did you notice his audacity—audacity being a very sociopathic feature?
Calling me a sociopath, when so clearly he was the sociopath? I believe professionals also call that “projection?”
Yes, I see a hand raised?
Of course my sister supported him! What a moronic question!
She’s my sister, yes, but he’s her husband. Naturally she claimed, with as much nerve as he, that it was a loan, not a gift, which they both made to me. This is a wonderful example, incidentally, of the corrupting influence that sociopaths like my brother-in-law can have on their vulnerable partners.
And to anticipate your next question”¦no, I won’t be paying a cent of that loan—I meant to say gift—back”¦because, that would be enabling their deceipt and I refuse, from principle, to do that.
Ladies and gentlemen, I must be frank and tell you that I’ve been married five times. Now what does this fact tell you? Here’s what it should tell you: It should tell you how absolutely clueless my prior wives were, inasmuch as all they needed to do to keep me satisfied was to appreciate how good they had it with me.
Even my present wife, who recently outed me for cheating on her with an ex-girlfriend I accidentally found on Facebook”¦even she doesn’t get it.
I can tell you—and I’ve told her this, trust me—that I’m on the verge of leaving her because, ladies and gentelmen, I really don’t need this nonsense. And I suspect that some of the men in the audience can probably relate to where I’m coming from?
My good friends, sociopaths really don’t get it.
And so often these perverse characters offer up glib explanations for their appalling behaviors. For example, my present spouse confronted me on the purely accidental nature of my latest liaison outside our marriage.
I remind you, just as I explained to her, that I found myself on Facebook one day and, intending to locate a childhood friend named Tommy who’d moved during Elementary School and whose whereabouts I’d always wondered about, I somehow, accidentally, ended up discovering my ex’s Facebook homepage.
Thinking, naturally, that it was Tommy’s Facebook page (it was his I was searching), I made an innocent friend request, fully expecting to hear back—hoping to hear back—from Tommy, when who should respond with a friend confirmation, but Sarah?
This should all have been enough explanation, but what did my insatiable wife want next? She demands to know how, even “accepting for the moment your lying bullshit,” I ended up screwing this ex-girlfriend for three months behind her back?
I’m laughing”¦.for the reason you can probably guess? What the hell does one thing have to do with the other? See how she’s trying to confuse me”¦jumping all over the map”¦manipulating me!
Sociopaths, my friends, are quite incapable of recognizing, or caring about, the depth and pattern of their abuse of others.
Exhibit A, my friends: each of my five ex-wives, plus the present one, all of whom, I’m convinced, have serious sociopathic traits.
Their contrivance of outrage, as I’ve suggested, upon discovering my countless infidelities during our marriages”¦come to think of it, it’s laughable.
That’s exactly why I’m laughing right now”¦ laughing out loud, and having trouble composing myself. It’s just so funny how sociopaths will contrive emotions to manipulate you.
Evidently my ex’s wanted me to feel guilt? I’m sorry, but I’m still laughing”¦it’s just so funny.
I mean my marriages, every one of them—and my wives themselves—grew so boring, tedious and predictable that—and you tell me—what option, realistically, was left but to search for something fresh and exciting?
And I’m sure you’d agree that a man like me, in these circumstances—and let’s be honest, any guy with a real set of balls—would have to be a fool, or else whipped beyond dignity, to begrudge himself relief from such oppression?
But I digress, I’m afraid.
Glib”¦.yes, I was mentioning the tendency of sociopaths to be glib. It’s good practice, my friends, to beware of glib personalities, because often a very dangerous insincerity lurks beneath the glibness”¦often the glibness is used to cover, to distract or divert from a manipulative agenda.
In other words, it’s not the glibness itself that’s problematic, so much as its function”¦which, so often, is to enable, through a form of obfuscation, an ulterior agenda.
Ladies and gentlemen, on that note, we are coming upon our first break. But wait”¦someone’s just straggled in, irresponsibly late.
Let’s let the gentleman take his seat. Maybe you can introduce yourself, first, sir?
“You owe me $50 f’ing thousand dollars, you asshole, and I’ll chase you down like Dog The Bounty Hunter till you pay up!!”
Excuse me, ladies and gentleman”¦this man must be confusing me with someone else? I apologize, on his behalf, for his rude disruption of our seminar.
Sir, I kindly ask that you”¦
“Knock off the bullshit, Ron! Why don’t you tell these kind people the criminal evasion you’ve been perpetrating on me and your own sister!”
My good friend, not only do I not know what you’re talking about, and not only have I never seen you in my whole life, but unless you leave the room at once, I’ll be forced to have security remove you.
I find it very creepy, sir, that you know my name, but I assure you that we don’t know each other, and whatever situation you’re alluding to is most certainly a figment of your delusional mind.
Yes, thank you, security, for removing this man at once. Yes, take him out kicking and screaming, and hurling his ugly threats. There he goes, ladies and gentlemen, kicking and screaming, removed by the courageous, well-prepared security guards. I’m so sorry for this untimely intrusion.
Have you noticed, my friends, or is it just me, that mental illness seems to be on the rise? It’s such a terrible shame the kinds of delusions people seem to be harboring and their growing tendency to impose them on us?
Well, if nothing else, that was pretty entertaining. I’ll have to check up later on that poor soul and make sure he was properly committed to the right institution.
It’s hard to know what to tell a guy like that, other than”¦next time you make a financial arrangement along the lines you were babbling about, make sure the contract’s drawn-up by attorneys. That way you avoid the kind of trouble he was ranting about so incoherently.
Strange how many people think they know me, and have accosted me over the years with outrageous, paranoid accusations.
I seem to have one of those faces that’s commonly mistaken for others.
Ladies and gentlemen, let us take our first break, and use the next few minutes to recover from the surprise appearance of that very sick man.
Feel free, of course, to purchase the books in the back”¦and more importantly, please approach me about becoming Class A investors in either of my two superstar hedge funds, both of which have yielded annualized returns of over 40% since 2004.
That makes Madoff’s returns look paltry, and he was cheating, whereas we—meaning me, and my accountant, Lucciano—operate strictly on the up and up.
And you”¦over there”¦yes, you”¦who’s glaring at me with that homicidal look”¦come on over and get your wallet.
(This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW)
Read this through to the end before you makeup your own mind , please.
http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/10/12/disturbances-of-character-and-socializatio/
It’s funny the sociopath I knew would occasionally say to me that sometimes she would wonder if she is a sociopath.
The first time she said it the classic logic, if she is worried if she is a sociopath, than obviously she is not. The thing is this might hold up if she only said it once and if she didn’t exhibit every single personality attribute.
Also, the day before we broke up her father turned to me and said, “She’s a sociopath. You’ve picked a tough road to hoe.”
This piece of writing reminded me so much of her it was scary. From the moral immorality to the blaming of others for making such immorality possible, it’s all there.
In hindsight I’m lucky that she eventually found me too boring. I’ve come to see myself not as dumped, but spared… a blessing I am grateful for everyday.
Hey Bob, not only did she walk like a duck, she TOLD you she suspectd she was a duck. Yep. She’s a duck.
I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad she got bored, too, and you were ‘spared”.
Dear Bob,
Welcome to LoveFraud—glad you got dumped—er, I mean SPARED! and you are sooooooo right!
Gem, Yes, I know, and I DO BELIEVE in the sun even when I do not see it, and I DO BELIEVE in God, even when I don’t hear Him—I have had too many miracles in my life from God to know that when I don’t hear Him, it is because I am NOT LISTENING. I think many of the lessons I have “flunked” and had to REPEAT were because I would not hear that still small voioce of God…I don’t think the problem was the teacher, it was with the student, ME!!
It is pouring rain again today and son D is out in it looking for a calf that should have been born last night. I hope it didn’t drown (yea, the rain is that bad!) But if I am complainig about the weather, you can bet it because I have NOTHING ELSE in my life to complain about! And that’s a pretty good life I telll ya! (((Hugs))))
Still have not been able to reach Lily! I’ll keep trying. Keep yp the prayers for her!
g’morning Gem, Bob, Kim and Oxy,
I’m glad you’re here Bob. I guess it’s a gift to be boring and have the psychopath spare you. But be wary, they sometimes come back for a snack, especially if they hear that you’ve done well for yourself.
This amazes and scares me all at the same time.
My ex and I are in the middle of a huge custody battle – court isn’t until Jan, and he is holding our three year old son hostage in the meantime.
He is blatantly outwardly doing horrible things and manipulating, brainwashing, etc…. I could write a mile long list… yet he and his attorney are accusing me of attempting to poison my son against him. SCARY….
I am documenting documenting documenting. I only PRAY that the courts see exactly what I see so clearly.
Easy,
Informative site you linked to 10/13 – 6:04a.m.
This person sounds as though he’s really got something to say; I ‘shortcut’ the page, and will look forward to the book comig out.
~j~
Scared:
Keep documenting……hard cold facts……
They are covert and sneaky…..and do subtle things to cause harm…..Youve gotta keep your strength….resign to the fact this will be a long haul….
Don’t have any expectations of HIM…..
If you have enought to go back to court….do it….
How is he holding your son ‘hostage”?
Are you neot allowed to see him?
Dear Scared,
The best advice I can give you is to APPEAR to be CALM. I know it is difficult to BE calm under those circumstances, but you must turn in an awardwinning ACTING JOB. He will because he has no emotions to control except mean intentions, your very life is at stake, so it will be much more difficult to APPEAR CALM but you MUST DO THE BEST JOB YOU CAN. Hang on, Hopefully he will get bored with you if he cannot see he is torturing you…that is his purpose is to torture you, he cares diddly squat about your child, just using the baby to hurt YOU. ((((hugs)))) and my prayers for you!
OMG.. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry reading this article. This sounds so very much like my ex-husband it gave me chills.
For those of you who know me, yeah I am still alive and doing ok in school. I am always lurking around here but just don’t like to comment much these days.
For those of you who don’t know me, HI. I’m a fellow survivor and warrior against duplicity.
for kicks, I am including part of my ex-husband’s last letter. I get one about once a year or so from him, the last one was extraordinarily polite, so I actually answered it, asking him a few questions.
I got this in response:
Just so you understand what transpired,
hope you get a laugh out of some of this…
Gary got into one of his weird rages over a blender, pushed Michelle and she almost went down the stairs, he has turned out to be a very mean disillusioned homosexual, and he along with Scott (my brother) are lucky to still draw breath…That being said, we left through the front door. I have had some time to reflect. I have to forgive them, but as far as ever trusting them, or having a relationship,they are anathema. Never trust completely in rumors, although the bedroom door was locked, I had installed a touch pad combo door lock to keep Scott (the felon…grand larceny, mom and dad should have let him rot in prison rather than re mortgaging the house for the 100,000 it took to get him off) from stealing our things. In all the haste, I forgot to write down the combo for Gary….selah
As for the ID…I have tried repeatedly to get my birth cert from NYS…the name change for one thing has messed me up. Having to go there in person also presents a problem, as without ID, I cant fly, and I cant drive out there either as that is financially impossible at the moment.The new anti terrorism laws are also standing in my way, so believe me it has gotten way harder since Arizona. I am not trying to make excuses.( Cambridge town clerk no longer handles those things, it is now the nys dept of mess your life up…the same one that has 10000 worth of child support judgements from 3 different counties out, all different # s, and no one is able to consolidate them. so I keep on sending money when I can…Washington county is down to 600, but now Stueben is looking for around 5000, Allegheny wants 2300, etc…
I know that you have forgiven me. and I thank you for that but TPTB never forgive, they just put out tax liens, and judgements. I was rather hoping to have that all paid off by now, but life got in the way.
I would rather that I had not been a drunk, held the same job for the last 30 years, and been able to provide for the children that I love.*
* Please note.. those children that he “loves” have never received so much as a Christmas card from him in 12 years, though he has always had an address for them through my parents.