Ladies and gentlemen, hello”¦and thanks for inviting me to speak to you about sociopathy. As an audience, you come highly recommended by my good friend Phil, who visited with you last winter as a narcissism expert, and who, I understand, you basically booed off the lectern.
By way of personal disclosure, I can tell you that I’ve been diagnosed as a sociopath separately by several prominent clinicians all of whom, let me establish candidly, were complete charlatans. As a matter of fact, this is the basis of my book, which of course is prominently displayed for purchase on the table in the back, entitled, “How Three Utter Clinical Charlatans Separately Diagnosed Me as a Sociopath.”
Just a little about my personal history”¦
Okay, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, where to begin?
Ladies and gentlemen, I think I’d like to start by telling you that I am a highly ethical personality, a point I choose to stress if only to assure you that I have every intention of returning the wallet that I know one of you is missing because I lifted it off you on the coffee and danish line about fifteen minutes ago.
Please”¦no need to check your pockets and pocketbooks. As I said, I’ll return the wallet shortly, during our upcoming break”¦however—and, of course, consistent with my stringent ethics—I won’t guarantee, because I don’t make promises I can’t keep, that I’ll be returning the wallet with the same cash amount as when I lifted it.
Ladies and gentleman, I’m delighted to be here. My presence here, of course, gives you a chance to glean some insight into the fascinating minds of sociopaths, and me the chance to score, I hope, with one of the more attractive women in the audience, whether she be single or not.
This way, we establish the quid pro quo up front.
My friends, sociopaths, as you know, tend to be deceptive individuals. And they tend to lie very boldly. For instance, my brother-in-law Frank, who, incidentally, tends to follow me around like a stalker—yes, he accused me of stealing money he gave me to start my hedge fund business.
I’ll never forget a recent interaction we had, which I share with you for instructional purposes:
He said, “Ron, you haven’t paid a cent of that loan back. What’s the deal?”
I said, “What deal? What deal are you talking about?”
He said, “The loan, Ron. The 50-grand we loaned you with the stipulation you’d pay it back with 5% interest.”
I said, “That was a loan?”
He said, “Of course it was a loan, you f’ing sociopath.”
See what I mean, folks? The deception? How he tried spinning what had clearly been offered as a gift of 50-thousand dollars into, conveniently, a loan? And did you notice his audacity—audacity being a very sociopathic feature?
Calling me a sociopath, when so clearly he was the sociopath? I believe professionals also call that “projection?”
Yes, I see a hand raised?
Of course my sister supported him! What a moronic question!
She’s my sister, yes, but he’s her husband. Naturally she claimed, with as much nerve as he, that it was a loan, not a gift, which they both made to me. This is a wonderful example, incidentally, of the corrupting influence that sociopaths like my brother-in-law can have on their vulnerable partners.
And to anticipate your next question”¦no, I won’t be paying a cent of that loan—I meant to say gift—back”¦because, that would be enabling their deceipt and I refuse, from principle, to do that.
Ladies and gentlemen, I must be frank and tell you that I’ve been married five times. Now what does this fact tell you? Here’s what it should tell you: It should tell you how absolutely clueless my prior wives were, inasmuch as all they needed to do to keep me satisfied was to appreciate how good they had it with me.
Even my present wife, who recently outed me for cheating on her with an ex-girlfriend I accidentally found on Facebook”¦even she doesn’t get it.
I can tell you—and I’ve told her this, trust me—that I’m on the verge of leaving her because, ladies and gentelmen, I really don’t need this nonsense. And I suspect that some of the men in the audience can probably relate to where I’m coming from?
My good friends, sociopaths really don’t get it.
And so often these perverse characters offer up glib explanations for their appalling behaviors. For example, my present spouse confronted me on the purely accidental nature of my latest liaison outside our marriage.
I remind you, just as I explained to her, that I found myself on Facebook one day and, intending to locate a childhood friend named Tommy who’d moved during Elementary School and whose whereabouts I’d always wondered about, I somehow, accidentally, ended up discovering my ex’s Facebook homepage.
Thinking, naturally, that it was Tommy’s Facebook page (it was his I was searching), I made an innocent friend request, fully expecting to hear back—hoping to hear back—from Tommy, when who should respond with a friend confirmation, but Sarah?
This should all have been enough explanation, but what did my insatiable wife want next? She demands to know how, even “accepting for the moment your lying bullshit,” I ended up screwing this ex-girlfriend for three months behind her back?
I’m laughing”¦.for the reason you can probably guess? What the hell does one thing have to do with the other? See how she’s trying to confuse me”¦jumping all over the map”¦manipulating me!
Sociopaths, my friends, are quite incapable of recognizing, or caring about, the depth and pattern of their abuse of others.
Exhibit A, my friends: each of my five ex-wives, plus the present one, all of whom, I’m convinced, have serious sociopathic traits.
Their contrivance of outrage, as I’ve suggested, upon discovering my countless infidelities during our marriages”¦come to think of it, it’s laughable.
That’s exactly why I’m laughing right now”¦ laughing out loud, and having trouble composing myself. It’s just so funny how sociopaths will contrive emotions to manipulate you.
Evidently my ex’s wanted me to feel guilt? I’m sorry, but I’m still laughing”¦it’s just so funny.
I mean my marriages, every one of them—and my wives themselves—grew so boring, tedious and predictable that—and you tell me—what option, realistically, was left but to search for something fresh and exciting?
And I’m sure you’d agree that a man like me, in these circumstances—and let’s be honest, any guy with a real set of balls—would have to be a fool, or else whipped beyond dignity, to begrudge himself relief from such oppression?
But I digress, I’m afraid.
Glib”¦.yes, I was mentioning the tendency of sociopaths to be glib. It’s good practice, my friends, to beware of glib personalities, because often a very dangerous insincerity lurks beneath the glibness”¦often the glibness is used to cover, to distract or divert from a manipulative agenda.
In other words, it’s not the glibness itself that’s problematic, so much as its function”¦which, so often, is to enable, through a form of obfuscation, an ulterior agenda.
Ladies and gentlemen, on that note, we are coming upon our first break. But wait”¦someone’s just straggled in, irresponsibly late.
Let’s let the gentleman take his seat. Maybe you can introduce yourself, first, sir?
“You owe me $50 f’ing thousand dollars, you asshole, and I’ll chase you down like Dog The Bounty Hunter till you pay up!!”
Excuse me, ladies and gentleman”¦this man must be confusing me with someone else? I apologize, on his behalf, for his rude disruption of our seminar.
Sir, I kindly ask that you”¦
“Knock off the bullshit, Ron! Why don’t you tell these kind people the criminal evasion you’ve been perpetrating on me and your own sister!”
My good friend, not only do I not know what you’re talking about, and not only have I never seen you in my whole life, but unless you leave the room at once, I’ll be forced to have security remove you.
I find it very creepy, sir, that you know my name, but I assure you that we don’t know each other, and whatever situation you’re alluding to is most certainly a figment of your delusional mind.
Yes, thank you, security, for removing this man at once. Yes, take him out kicking and screaming, and hurling his ugly threats. There he goes, ladies and gentlemen, kicking and screaming, removed by the courageous, well-prepared security guards. I’m so sorry for this untimely intrusion.
Have you noticed, my friends, or is it just me, that mental illness seems to be on the rise? It’s such a terrible shame the kinds of delusions people seem to be harboring and their growing tendency to impose them on us?
Well, if nothing else, that was pretty entertaining. I’ll have to check up later on that poor soul and make sure he was properly committed to the right institution.
It’s hard to know what to tell a guy like that, other than”¦next time you make a financial arrangement along the lines you were babbling about, make sure the contract’s drawn-up by attorneys. That way you avoid the kind of trouble he was ranting about so incoherently.
Strange how many people think they know me, and have accosted me over the years with outrageous, paranoid accusations.
I seem to have one of those faces that’s commonly mistaken for others.
Ladies and gentlemen, let us take our first break, and use the next few minutes to recover from the surprise appearance of that very sick man.
Feel free, of course, to purchase the books in the back”¦and more importantly, please approach me about becoming Class A investors in either of my two superstar hedge funds, both of which have yielded annualized returns of over 40% since 2004.
That makes Madoff’s returns look paltry, and he was cheating, whereas we—meaning me, and my accountant, Lucciano—operate strictly on the up and up.
And you”¦over there”¦yes, you”¦who’s glaring at me with that homicidal look”¦come on over and get your wallet.
(This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW)
Big wavy flags:)x Its interesting how they shoot themselves in the foot just by opening their mouths (or typing on their key pads) for self declared geniuses of disguise they find it just so difficult to feign humility. They cant resist their own grandiousity… even when they’re really trying.x
When there was another on here a couple of months ago, he/she/it couldnt resist making reference to its own ‘web source’ in the language he/she/it was using…so he/she/ it, got ‘busted’ straight away. Its a good job they’re not as clever as they think they are.x
(P.S For all my ‘mocking’ of their stupidity/mistakes/self exposure, they are still evil dangerous things to be avoided completely… trying really hard to stop rattling that cage even though it gives me a, I guess, twisted sense of satifaction.)
My first trigger…
The first few post showed an arrogant individual here as a newcomer to HELP us, by sharing HIS wisdom.
Shortly thereafter, insult after insult, yet very adamant about not being questioned of his own “authority” of the subject.
We have a long way to go in learning not to let these people turn us against each other here. They seem to be able to “divide” us even though we are in the “same boat”. We all choose to navigate the boat differently. Thats the “human being” in us all. Some welcomed, some sent out alerts and some chose to expose.
But afterwards we are saying sometimes not such nice things to each other…
Why is that?
This is not the first or the last. This person wasn’t “new” just stumbing onto here last night.
He/she knew to much from the past.
so how do we deal with that?
Blueskies, Sky, and Kim,Am I missing something here? How come if we all say and believe how stupid and vain and dangerous they are,{the Ps who sometimes rattle our cages on LF}, how come you all get a twisted satisfaction in rattling their cage?Its like a sick game. I really think if we descend to their level, we are no better than them, and are behaving like Narcopaths ourselves.They get a twisted sense of satisfaction, so do we, well DUH! Were just like them if we swallow the bait.
A bit like masochism, “Feels so good to hurt so bad!!LOL!
Erin is right, we all need to channel a grey rock.Love, Gem.
I understand that people don’t like to see P behavior, but I’m really concerned about people’s inability to recognize it. I mean, this is just online and he can’t hurt anyone, but in real life, half of LF would’ve given him a big ol’ hug.
Why are we here if not to learn self-protection starting with recognizing the big red flags.
I just posted my own dissection about an hour ago. It was very similar to oxy’s and it GOT DELETED. Someone complained? That’s not helpful at all to the purpose of this site.
Gem, I would hope that the point is exactly what happened. People didn’t recognize it so we gave him rope. Rope is always the answer. Jesus said, “you will know the tree by the fruit it bears”. A little rope gets that tree to bear fruit faster and in a directed manner. Then everyone can see the bright red fruit. Before the rope, some people were giving him hugs.
Newlife, Timeheels, Anetsu, Joordeez, SisterSister, Mr. Buffalo, and others…thanks very very much for your feedback!!
Hearing that what I’m writing resonates with your experience inspires me tremendously. So many many thanks for that.
Newlife, I’m late in responding to your very early post, but no less appreciative of what you had to say. You constantly keep my brain-wheels cranking…and bring me great energy and karma. Thanks, Newlife!!!
Steve
Dear Blue,
QUOTE: “they are still evil dangerous things to be avoided completely””
Yea, they are. I saw the first post (I think that one above is it) and then saw everyone above me sniffing he/she/it out, and raising a caution sign. I wasn’t sure, so I posted a “welcome” but a CAUTIOUS welcome…then left the computer, and came back a couple of hours later to the diatribe he/she/it had gone into.
Of course Donna can’t read 24-7 so some of these creeps get on and stay on a few hours until someone reports them. I’m glad we’ve got the button, and as SOON as we spot them, we need to DISENGAGE from them.
Our own “member” here a while back that went into a tirade of spewing anger is another example. After I saw that poster was trying to split us up and spewing nasty at some of us, I disengaged and never addressed them again. Of course that just made them “madder”—-even people who are LEGITIMATE VICTIMS sometimes become angry, and if someone has been on here a while, I give them more “rope” than a person who comes on and immediately (or after a post or two) shows up as malignant, but I’m getting to where I don’t even feel it necessary to engage with them, or to “put them straight”—they have nothing to offer me, and I am not “into” trying to “out wit” them, they are ALL SO MUCH ALIKE, what’s the POINT?
Sometimes they “trigger” newbies, or even others on here who buy into their “pity play”—-that hanged girlfriend should have been more of a tip off (for me) than it was so I got caught by a post or two, but I’m not going to worry about it. The thing is, they CANNOT HURT US BY CALLING US NAMES.
I would rather be a bit cautious with someone “new” than to “brand” someone who doesn’t know the culture here a troll, because they ALWAYS reveal themselves pretty quickly. I am proud of those that spotted he/she/it right from the first.
We are learning guys, and that is the most important part. The thing is, those of us who have been here a while need to hang tough and hang together!
I just loved he/she/its “donna sent me to test you” crack—like WE would belive that one! ROTFLMAO Of all the people in the world who would NOT send someone here to “test” us, it is Donna! If there is ANYONE I have met on the internet I DO TRUST COMPLETELY it is Donna!
Oh, well, another FREAKING RAINY DAY!!!! But it is predicted we will have Fri, Sat and Sunday sunny and NICE!!!
oH, WATCHED THE NEWS LAST NIGHT, and they caught a guy in North Little Rock who 19 years ago kidnapped and raped an 8 year old, then cut her throat and left her for dead. She was found 14 hours later, still alive—she drew a picture of the man who attacked her, but there was no way to find him.
That was in 1990, in 1996, he was convicted of raping and cutting an adult woman in Hot springs, AR and his DNA was taken. A cold case investigator had stayed on that 1990 case, and sent in DNA to be retested, and guess what? His DNA came up from the 1996 case where he was convicted, and they arrested him yesterday to send back to Texas.
They interviewed the girl from the 1990 attack and she did really well on camera, a few tears, but a GREAT LADY NOW!!!
The guy’s neighbors all thought he was a GREAT guy and he was married and his wife was with him as the FBI and the NLR police arrested him as he left for work. He even has grandkids now….If he raped that woman in 1996, and has been living in that neighborhood for several years under his own name, he sure wasn’t in prison in Arkansas long. He was also not (I think) on the sex offender web site. I couldn’t find him anyway.
I want to know WHEN Arkansas is going to get serious with Sex offenders, the “assessment” department is 5,000 people behind already, and get 5,000 new cases PER YEAR so they will NEVER CATCH UP with assessing these guys, and they “assessed” the Trojan Horse as a “level 2” because his THREE CRIMES AGAINST 3 CHILDREN occured in ANOTHER STATE! Make sense to yOU? NOT ME!!!
Steve,
Timeheels, Joordeez and Mr. Buffalo are all Trojan P’s. You missed the carnival last night