Ladies and gentlemen, hello”¦and thanks for inviting me to speak to you about sociopathy. As an audience, you come highly recommended by my good friend Phil, who visited with you last winter as a narcissism expert, and who, I understand, you basically booed off the lectern.
By way of personal disclosure, I can tell you that I’ve been diagnosed as a sociopath separately by several prominent clinicians all of whom, let me establish candidly, were complete charlatans. As a matter of fact, this is the basis of my book, which of course is prominently displayed for purchase on the table in the back, entitled, “How Three Utter Clinical Charlatans Separately Diagnosed Me as a Sociopath.”
Just a little about my personal history”¦
Okay, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, where to begin?
Ladies and gentlemen, I think I’d like to start by telling you that I am a highly ethical personality, a point I choose to stress if only to assure you that I have every intention of returning the wallet that I know one of you is missing because I lifted it off you on the coffee and danish line about fifteen minutes ago.
Please”¦no need to check your pockets and pocketbooks. As I said, I’ll return the wallet shortly, during our upcoming break”¦however—and, of course, consistent with my stringent ethics—I won’t guarantee, because I don’t make promises I can’t keep, that I’ll be returning the wallet with the same cash amount as when I lifted it.
Ladies and gentleman, I’m delighted to be here. My presence here, of course, gives you a chance to glean some insight into the fascinating minds of sociopaths, and me the chance to score, I hope, with one of the more attractive women in the audience, whether she be single or not.
This way, we establish the quid pro quo up front.
My friends, sociopaths, as you know, tend to be deceptive individuals. And they tend to lie very boldly. For instance, my brother-in-law Frank, who, incidentally, tends to follow me around like a stalker—yes, he accused me of stealing money he gave me to start my hedge fund business.
I’ll never forget a recent interaction we had, which I share with you for instructional purposes:
He said, “Ron, you haven’t paid a cent of that loan back. What’s the deal?”
I said, “What deal? What deal are you talking about?”
He said, “The loan, Ron. The 50-grand we loaned you with the stipulation you’d pay it back with 5% interest.”
I said, “That was a loan?”
He said, “Of course it was a loan, you f’ing sociopath.”
See what I mean, folks? The deception? How he tried spinning what had clearly been offered as a gift of 50-thousand dollars into, conveniently, a loan? And did you notice his audacity—audacity being a very sociopathic feature?
Calling me a sociopath, when so clearly he was the sociopath? I believe professionals also call that “projection?”
Yes, I see a hand raised?
Of course my sister supported him! What a moronic question!
She’s my sister, yes, but he’s her husband. Naturally she claimed, with as much nerve as he, that it was a loan, not a gift, which they both made to me. This is a wonderful example, incidentally, of the corrupting influence that sociopaths like my brother-in-law can have on their vulnerable partners.
And to anticipate your next question”¦no, I won’t be paying a cent of that loan—I meant to say gift—back”¦because, that would be enabling their deceipt and I refuse, from principle, to do that.
Ladies and gentlemen, I must be frank and tell you that I’ve been married five times. Now what does this fact tell you? Here’s what it should tell you: It should tell you how absolutely clueless my prior wives were, inasmuch as all they needed to do to keep me satisfied was to appreciate how good they had it with me.
Even my present wife, who recently outed me for cheating on her with an ex-girlfriend I accidentally found on Facebook”¦even she doesn’t get it.
I can tell you—and I’ve told her this, trust me—that I’m on the verge of leaving her because, ladies and gentelmen, I really don’t need this nonsense. And I suspect that some of the men in the audience can probably relate to where I’m coming from?
My good friends, sociopaths really don’t get it.
And so often these perverse characters offer up glib explanations for their appalling behaviors. For example, my present spouse confronted me on the purely accidental nature of my latest liaison outside our marriage.
I remind you, just as I explained to her, that I found myself on Facebook one day and, intending to locate a childhood friend named Tommy who’d moved during Elementary School and whose whereabouts I’d always wondered about, I somehow, accidentally, ended up discovering my ex’s Facebook homepage.
Thinking, naturally, that it was Tommy’s Facebook page (it was his I was searching), I made an innocent friend request, fully expecting to hear back—hoping to hear back—from Tommy, when who should respond with a friend confirmation, but Sarah?
This should all have been enough explanation, but what did my insatiable wife want next? She demands to know how, even “accepting for the moment your lying bullshit,” I ended up screwing this ex-girlfriend for three months behind her back?
I’m laughing”¦.for the reason you can probably guess? What the hell does one thing have to do with the other? See how she’s trying to confuse me”¦jumping all over the map”¦manipulating me!
Sociopaths, my friends, are quite incapable of recognizing, or caring about, the depth and pattern of their abuse of others.
Exhibit A, my friends: each of my five ex-wives, plus the present one, all of whom, I’m convinced, have serious sociopathic traits.
Their contrivance of outrage, as I’ve suggested, upon discovering my countless infidelities during our marriages”¦come to think of it, it’s laughable.
That’s exactly why I’m laughing right now”¦ laughing out loud, and having trouble composing myself. It’s just so funny how sociopaths will contrive emotions to manipulate you.
Evidently my ex’s wanted me to feel guilt? I’m sorry, but I’m still laughing”¦it’s just so funny.
I mean my marriages, every one of them—and my wives themselves—grew so boring, tedious and predictable that—and you tell me—what option, realistically, was left but to search for something fresh and exciting?
And I’m sure you’d agree that a man like me, in these circumstances—and let’s be honest, any guy with a real set of balls—would have to be a fool, or else whipped beyond dignity, to begrudge himself relief from such oppression?
But I digress, I’m afraid.
Glib”¦.yes, I was mentioning the tendency of sociopaths to be glib. It’s good practice, my friends, to beware of glib personalities, because often a very dangerous insincerity lurks beneath the glibness”¦often the glibness is used to cover, to distract or divert from a manipulative agenda.
In other words, it’s not the glibness itself that’s problematic, so much as its function”¦which, so often, is to enable, through a form of obfuscation, an ulterior agenda.
Ladies and gentlemen, on that note, we are coming upon our first break. But wait”¦someone’s just straggled in, irresponsibly late.
Let’s let the gentleman take his seat. Maybe you can introduce yourself, first, sir?
“You owe me $50 f’ing thousand dollars, you asshole, and I’ll chase you down like Dog The Bounty Hunter till you pay up!!”
Excuse me, ladies and gentleman”¦this man must be confusing me with someone else? I apologize, on his behalf, for his rude disruption of our seminar.
Sir, I kindly ask that you”¦
“Knock off the bullshit, Ron! Why don’t you tell these kind people the criminal evasion you’ve been perpetrating on me and your own sister!”
My good friend, not only do I not know what you’re talking about, and not only have I never seen you in my whole life, but unless you leave the room at once, I’ll be forced to have security remove you.
I find it very creepy, sir, that you know my name, but I assure you that we don’t know each other, and whatever situation you’re alluding to is most certainly a figment of your delusional mind.
Yes, thank you, security, for removing this man at once. Yes, take him out kicking and screaming, and hurling his ugly threats. There he goes, ladies and gentlemen, kicking and screaming, removed by the courageous, well-prepared security guards. I’m so sorry for this untimely intrusion.
Have you noticed, my friends, or is it just me, that mental illness seems to be on the rise? It’s such a terrible shame the kinds of delusions people seem to be harboring and their growing tendency to impose them on us?
Well, if nothing else, that was pretty entertaining. I’ll have to check up later on that poor soul and make sure he was properly committed to the right institution.
It’s hard to know what to tell a guy like that, other than”¦next time you make a financial arrangement along the lines you were babbling about, make sure the contract’s drawn-up by attorneys. That way you avoid the kind of trouble he was ranting about so incoherently.
Strange how many people think they know me, and have accosted me over the years with outrageous, paranoid accusations.
I seem to have one of those faces that’s commonly mistaken for others.
Ladies and gentlemen, let us take our first break, and use the next few minutes to recover from the surprise appearance of that very sick man.
Feel free, of course, to purchase the books in the back”¦and more importantly, please approach me about becoming Class A investors in either of my two superstar hedge funds, both of which have yielded annualized returns of over 40% since 2004.
That makes Madoff’s returns look paltry, and he was cheating, whereas we—meaning me, and my accountant, Lucciano—operate strictly on the up and up.
And you”¦over there”¦yes, you”¦who’s glaring at me with that homicidal look”¦come on over and get your wallet.
(This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW)
This is the devils trick, start out by flattering us, then confuse us, then insult us, then divide, and conquer.Dont forget these Narcs are tools of satan and his evil angels,if we give these trojan horse ps an inch, theyll take a mile. They LOVE all this attention, makes no difference to them if we insult or praise them, its all food for their voracious egos!If we try to spar with them, dance with them,play word or mind games with them, hey, guess what, we feel terrible we are back where we started,all this does is bring back all the old horrors from our past, that we are trying to lay to rest. Its NOT helpful or healing to pit our wits against these subhuman creatures. At thir core they ar EVIl ,pitiless, they mean us harm,not good,so my question is, why engage with them at all? Within 2 or 3 posts they show us exactly what they are. At that point, I think, NC. They HATE to be ignored!Love, gem.
Gem, I was being honest about the fact that I find it empowering to be able to laugh at their stupidity and almost blatant self exposure. That I am not in the dark gives me satisfaction. “I can SEE YOU!” gives me satisfaction.
I DO NOT want to ‘play with fire’ though. That is not going to give me ANY satisfaction. Do you get what I mean?xx
Oxy, thank God they caught him. There must’ve been flags, people just don’t recognize them. That is so distressing to me. I’m actually getting upset at this. The P didn’t bother me at all. Our old “cactus” member didn’t bother me.
The only thing that bothers me is the thought of people not recognizing and being vulnerable to the P’s.
Dearest Blueskies, Of course, I get that you find it empowering to be able to laugh at them, they are so pathetic. But maybe if we laugh, up our sleeves, quietly, an privately its much more effective,what do you think? If we engage with them, spar words with them,enter into any kind of power play or “oneupmanship with them,-we are only feeding their giant egos, and dont forget, that psychic energy were feeding them is depleting us, as they seem to have the power to suck us dry, energy wise, even online!So, I still think Oxy and Erin are right, NC is the best, they will shrivel and die without our precious energy which we need to healourselves with! Love, peace, and {{HUGS!!}} gem,XX
Gem, Blue,
there was also another reason for giving him rope. Yeah, exposing him to the LF community was necessary, but exposing him to HIMSELF was part 2.
Granted, I won’t be able to follow up and help him in his growth process. and granted, he will deny that he learned anything, he will continue to feel love as hate and fear as hate. I grant all those things, but the first step in change is to realize your thinking process has been wrong. This became apparent when the WEAK, LF gang showed up with their inner-P’s I made it clear, that we have free-will. We can make a choice to be empathic or psychopathic. He can’t, he gave up that choice when he chose fear and hate over love.
In the Art of Selfishness, David Seabury said that you can’t make a man turn away from evil by pointing out that it’s evil. That just makes him want it all the more. The only way to convince a man to turn away from evil is to point out – rationally and in terms that HE can understand – that it’s STUPID. People don’t mind being evil, but no one wants to appear foolish.
Quote ya back:’I would rather be a bit cautious with someone “new” than to “brand” someone who doesn’t know the culture here a troll, because they ALWAYS reveal themselves pretty quickly. I am proud of those that spotted he/she/it right from the first.
We are learning guys, and that is the most important part. The thing is, those of us who have been here a while need to hang tough and hang together!’
I came on here just to check in last night (I was on wild Duck rescue watch) and ‘it’ just jumped off the page immediately,all there, like in Steve’s ‘send up’ BUT I have been SOOOOOOO wrong before about people… as Henry said on another thread we are all a work in progress.x
Lessons. lessons. lessons. All the time:)x
Skylar,
Each of us must recognize them on our own. YOU are not responsible for others not seeing them….each of us has different talents and knowledge and we need to HONE these skills, AND disengaging from a person HERE who is acting inappropriately is the BEST Thing to do.
He/she/it did “catch on” when some of the bloggers were talking about “potted plants” and it infuriated he/she/it when they did, so I wasn’t sure what was going on and I responded once to he/she/it…reason, IF (and I was cautious) it was a real person then I didn’t want them offended, but didn’t have a lot of confidence it was a “real person” so made my “welcome” cautious…and disagreed politely with a couple of hi/she/its “truths”—oh, well, the thing is they did not last long. They usdually don’t.
The other one chiming in was pretty much a tip off too…saying how smart he/she/it was but nothing showing up very smart on either part, really. Just typical self agrandizing crap. They are SO PREDICTABLE. I know they are here, and I know they read and laugh and even probably get ideas on how to dupe others, but they have a problem learning from their mistakes and “don’t get the tune” even if they learn the words.
The main thing I think we need to learn to do is not let them push our buttons and disengage AS SOON AS YOU SPOT ONE.
I agree Gem! I yawned. then went away.(still too much involvement I guess, but like Oxy says I do feel protective of this site) I had a real duck to take care of xx I am learning.:)x The last thing I want to do is end up in a sparing contest with a waste of space.xxx I am down with that COMPLETELY.xxx
Sky, I thought that these people never ever change? Everyone has been telling me this for 4 months since I found LF. How is it possible to xpose a Narcopath to himself, when his huge ego cannot find anything wrong with his perfect, faultless being?I think that by engaging with this creature all it did was expose the Narc tendencies in some of us LF members! How can we help someone with their growth process when they feel they have done growing and are perfect,flawless human beings?I still think if you dance with the devil, the devil will win, if you pet a wild tiger, sooner or later, its going to come in for the kill!Love,Gem You could never expose him to himself , he is perfection in human form, remember?
Gem, you got that right. they dont ever, ever, ever. all we can do is alert the board admin /authorities/wives/husband ect. and move away. even that wont stop them. But, wrapping your head around the stone cold fact that you cant do a THING about THEM is tough… at first. We are over-riding everything we once believed about people. Re-writing circuits.xx Its taken me almost a year, to REALLY get it, and 35 to ‘wake up’.xx