“D” Spotwell knows the frustration of trying to get a restraining order. She had a violent husband (currently serving a life sentence, which is why I’m not using her first name) and another relationship that turned into stalking. She went to court numerous times to get restraining orders, complaining of telephone harassment. She left court empty-handed. Why? Because she had no evidence of the harassing calls.
Spotwell has since learned how to get proof of telephone harassment that a judge will usually accept. Now, she’s helping women (and men) in similar situations.
Spotwell is a representative for a telephone answering system called SpeechPhone. This is essentially a computer technology that screens all incoming calls, relays the calls to you, asks you if you want to take the call, and if not, records a message from the caller.
SpeechPhone is often marketed to businesses as a way to make sure important calls and messages are never missed. The service uses speech-recognition technology, so callers can just say the person or department they want, rather than punching in extension numbers or weeding through a menu.
SpeechPhone is also marketed to individuals. The main benefit is that you only need one phone number—not a work number, home number, cell number. You tell the system which phone you are currently using. Or, the system can search for you—if you don’t answer one phone number, it tries the next.
The company itself does not promote SpeechPhone as a tool to gather evidence in domestic violence or child custody conflicts. But it’s an application of the technology that Spotwell has found to work.
Court evidence
Here is why the telephone service can help you get a restraining order: It logs all incoming calls, it informs a caller that he or she is being recorded, and it keeps all messages. All this information is available over the Internet—which a judge can access during a hearing.
“It saves the verbal message,” Spotwell says. “The log shows the date and time. If a judge clicks on the call, he can hear the message.” Plus, the system records the fact that you refused to answer a call. This helps you prove that you really do not want to speak to the person who is harassing you.
The system can also record text messages, e-mails and faxes. Everything is logged with a date and time.
Spotwell explains that if you try to get the police to trace your calls, sometimes it takes awhile for them to get started. And, they cannot keep a trace on a phone line indefinitely.
Spotwell says she’s helped hundreds of women. “I’m teaching people to protect themselves at all times,” she says. “When he calls your phone, you’re showing the judge that you don’t want to be an abuse victim. You don’t have to take the call; you can let it roll over to voice mail. And you have documented proof.”
Selling the service
Yes, Spotwell is selling this service. A couple of weeks ago, she posted information about it in comments on the Lovefraud Blog. Several people contacted me to report it as spam, and I deleted the postings. Then Spotwell called me to apologize—she said she was just trying to get the word out so she could help the victims of domestic violence. As a blog newbie, she didn’t realize her posts looked like spam.
Spotwell also says she encourages domestic violence survivors to become sales representatives for the company. “It’s a self-employment opportunity. They can come into the phone company business and sell to anyone,” Spotwell says. “I do work from a laptop and advertise on the web.”
To find out more about the service, call Spotwell at 714-649-5161. Calls, of course, are screened through through her own SpeechPhone service, so she feels comfortable posting her phone number. (SpeechPhone is available in the U.S. only.)
Disclaimer: I have not actually tried this service, but based on my years of writing marketing materials for telephone and technology companies, SpeechPhone looks legitimate. SpeechPhone also calls itself a “Christian-based direct sales company.” I have no opinion regarding its religious orientation.
rperk6069
I wish I would have known this a long time ago, but even so, it costs more money which alot of us just don’t have especially in the aftermath of a psychopath.
holywatersalt
I know cellphone companies will provide reports such as text messages etc. And you can block anonymous numbers. I woul dthink the phone bill would provide proff you did not talk with Psycho– just shows incoming #s and time.
holywatersalt
Sorry, I thought it wa sunder “Change your profile” but I can’t login there. I am sure Donna will reply.
Ox Drover
It does sound like a good product, and courts willusually use phone bills to prove calls, BUT with the “throw away” phones so cheap and available and UNTRACEABLE to a specific person (maybe the FBI could trace some of them but I’m not even sure of that, I know the local police generally don’t have manpower etc to do it or even try) so even the Speechphone wouldn’t help on that.
Video survelience is coming down in price and can be radioed or sent over wires to your computer, with motion sensing etc.. Some areas let you TAP YOUR OWN phone legally with just YOU knowing it is tapped. My area allows recording of calls. Of course answering machines record voice messages which if they are from the P should be KEPT, along with all faxes, or e mails and all texts.
IN the US STALKING is now a crime if you have enough evidence or witnesses. If someone is really intent on hurting you, though, a restraining order is nothing more than a piece of paper, it is not bullet proof.
“When SECONDS count, remember, the police are only MINUTES AWAY”—DON’T count on anyone to protect you except yourself if you think you are in DANGER. Courts can’t do it, and neither can the police if they are DETERMINED to kill you. It may mean going into hiding if that is the case.
I think you need to be realistic about the “danger level” of your P—is s/he determined? is s/he just trying to get you to fall for his/her con again and harassing you? Or do you really really LOGICALLY FEAR HIM/HER?
I won’t live in TERROR again. I will live cautiously however. I KNOW what my son is capable of, I know what the Trojan HOrse P is capable of, I’m not afraid of the X-DIL, she doesn’t have the backbone by herself, she’ll move on to a new victim if she hasn’t already found one (I think she has). She doesn’t want to go back to jail/prison again. It will be much easier for her to just find a new guy (she’s not physically unattractive and she can “talk a good game”–I’m sure she is telling him how abused she was by her x-husband and his family, poor baby, and he will want to rescue her and take care of her I’m sure).
Being realistic about the level of the threat, and gathering evidence helps, but being cautious and self-reliant about your safety I think is a much better bet than depending on JUST a restraining order. Some psychopaths only see that as a CHALLENGE that they are ready to take up and get even with you for “embarassing” them. Only ones that are afraid of the law will abide by one.
Cheryl
I posted already today; however, I had police reports that were written after the ex left a threatening message. I got a temp. restraining order; which he violated by harrassing me by phone, in front of a cop! We went to court the following week and he showed up with an attorney, and after the judge asked him if he was intoxicated when he made those call, and he said I don’t know, don’t recall, she dismissed the restraining order. And the arrest warrant from his violating the order got squashed. There’s is no justice for me. He still calls me and blocks his number until all hours of the morning. I cannot change my number because I have my # on about 20 real estate signs.
gennyrabbit
just wondering. has anyone tried this service yet?
kat_o_nine_tales
I have never thought of it. With my first husband I made a lot of mistakes throwing out his threatening correspondence, but fortunately got an understanding judge. Even now I have a constant urge to get rid of the few nasty letters I have left. They feel like I’m keeping a little bit of his evil self in my house.
kat_o_nine_tales
Cheryl.. if you truly can’t change your number, maybe you could try the tactic of taking him back to court for every offense until he gets sick of it. Especially if you show up at court looking bored and unaffected by it all. They don’t like boring repeat games and they don’t like their masks taken off in public.
Taken for a ride
The problem when you try to get a restraining order for a woman sp, it can be very hard, but it can be done if you have good evidence, they keep doing the same crazy things.
alohatraveler
Cheryl,
I think you are saying that you can’t change your number because he would just get the new one off the sign. Can you use an office number to leave you messages in the future. Then keep your number private?
Can you use a phone ansering service like a Doctor would? Messages would get taken at al times of day and go ahead and let him leave you all the massage he wants because you will have a record taken for you by a professional service. :o)
It’s is very disappointing that the judge would ask him if he was drunk when he called. Why would she give him an out like that? OF COURSE HE WOULD TAKE IT! If I was the judge I would have said, “Please share with the court what you need to say to this woman so badly at all hours of the day.” Then I would slap the restraining order on him!