“D” Spotwell knows the frustration of trying to get a restraining order. She had a violent husband (currently serving a life sentence, which is why I’m not using her first name) and another relationship that turned into stalking. She went to court numerous times to get restraining orders, complaining of telephone harassment. She left court empty-handed. Why? Because she had no evidence of the harassing calls.
Spotwell has since learned how to get proof of telephone harassment that a judge will usually accept. Now, she’s helping women (and men) in similar situations.
Spotwell is a representative for a telephone answering system called SpeechPhone. This is essentially a computer technology that screens all incoming calls, relays the calls to you, asks you if you want to take the call, and if not, records a message from the caller.
SpeechPhone is often marketed to businesses as a way to make sure important calls and messages are never missed. The service uses speech-recognition technology, so callers can just say the person or department they want, rather than punching in extension numbers or weeding through a menu.
SpeechPhone is also marketed to individuals. The main benefit is that you only need one phone number—not a work number, home number, cell number. You tell the system which phone you are currently using. Or, the system can search for you—if you don’t answer one phone number, it tries the next.
The company itself does not promote SpeechPhone as a tool to gather evidence in domestic violence or child custody conflicts. But it’s an application of the technology that Spotwell has found to work.
Court evidence
Here is why the telephone service can help you get a restraining order: It logs all incoming calls, it informs a caller that he or she is being recorded, and it keeps all messages. All this information is available over the Internet—which a judge can access during a hearing.
“It saves the verbal message,” Spotwell says. “The log shows the date and time. If a judge clicks on the call, he can hear the message.” Plus, the system records the fact that you refused to answer a call. This helps you prove that you really do not want to speak to the person who is harassing you.
The system can also record text messages, e-mails and faxes. Everything is logged with a date and time.
Spotwell explains that if you try to get the police to trace your calls, sometimes it takes awhile for them to get started. And, they cannot keep a trace on a phone line indefinitely.
Spotwell says she’s helped hundreds of women. “I’m teaching people to protect themselves at all times,” she says. “When he calls your phone, you’re showing the judge that you don’t want to be an abuse victim. You don’t have to take the call; you can let it roll over to voice mail. And you have documented proof.”
Selling the service
Yes, Spotwell is selling this service. A couple of weeks ago, she posted information about it in comments on the Lovefraud Blog. Several people contacted me to report it as spam, and I deleted the postings. Then Spotwell called me to apologize—she said she was just trying to get the word out so she could help the victims of domestic violence. As a blog newbie, she didn’t realize her posts looked like spam.
Spotwell also says she encourages domestic violence survivors to become sales representatives for the company. “It’s a self-employment opportunity. They can come into the phone company business and sell to anyone,” Spotwell says. “I do work from a laptop and advertise on the web.”
To find out more about the service, call Spotwell at 714-649-5161. Calls, of course, are screened through through her own SpeechPhone service, so she feels comfortable posting her phone number. (SpeechPhone is available in the U.S. only.)
Disclaimer: I have not actually tried this service, but based on my years of writing marketing materials for telephone and technology companies, SpeechPhone looks legitimate. SpeechPhone also calls itself a “Christian-based direct sales company.” I have no opinion regarding its religious orientation.
Hi everyone, I never thought I would need a restraining order but I am beginning to feel threatened. My sociopath has been driving past my house late at night and watching me until I see him and than he drives away. There have been times I was outside walking and I got a threatening feeling and walked back toward my house it was dark out and all the sudden I received a text asking me why I went inside the house and it was him. I went back outside and he wrote me a couple more messages. He was on my street which is a dead end watching me from the woods. Another time he did this and I went outside and waved and asked what am I doing and he wrote waving. He lives so close he can walk to my home. Lately I have been receiving messages from him that go back and forth between “I miss you” to “I don’t care I let you down” to “I’m a liar I need you” and he has become more obsessive about it. He told me he doesn’t care if I’m not responding to him he will not stop. Right before I left he started showing signs of physical abuse by grabbing at me and throwing my things around and getting in my face to back me down. I get this horrible violent feeling from him. I don’t know if this is enough for a restraining order but I feel that I am in danger. Advice? Thank you for reading.
TRINITY
DO IT ! No question! Injunction ! Document every message save every one ! Go start the process ASAP ! Court house , Domestic Violence assesment !
By the time I got an Emergency Injunction Granted , I was being Arrested ! For Tresspass ,the authorities would’nt help me so I had to leave my own home and camp in the woods but at least I was safe ! Once The Authorities where Court ordered to serve the injuction and the domestic violence was documented ! The Sherifs dept and city police went to my home so he was forced to leave ! not by them but he was paranoid with them comming and searching the house! He then jumped countys and they never did serve the injuction . I went to court 4 times once a month but they could’nt or would’nt find him! LOVE JJ
Trinity,
I am not sure where you live, city or country, or US or some where else. Which state. LAws vary from place to place, and how safe you are depends on a lot of things. How much you can “defend yourself” is another thing determined by the laws you live under.
Number one: NOTHING IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR SAFETY
Number two: an order of protection (or wahtever they cal it in your area) is only a legal piece of paper. Good, but it may not stop him.
Get the order, gather the evidence, keep the text messages and report him to the police IMMEDIATELY. Tell them YOU ARE AFRAID, MAKE THE BELIEVE YOU.
Then, make sure that your house is secure as much as possible, dead bolt locks. GEt a yappy dog if you can, or better yet, GO STAY WITH A FRIEND. or GET SOMEONE TO STAY WITH YOU IF POSSIBLE, or if you still feel threatened (by the way DO NOT POO POO YOURSELF ABOUT BEING AFRAID AND TRY TO TALK YOURSELF OUT OF IT)
All else fails, go to a shelter.
Only the fact that I realized my home was not defensible and that it was not worth much to me if I was dead, I left my home, thinking I might never be able to return home. I am back home now, and the Ps are in prison, but if that had not been possible I would have never come home unless I felt safe to do so.
Many women WITH protection orders have been killed or seriously hurt. Keep that in mind. And YES I am trying to make you paranoid. Just cause you are paranoid doesn’t mean someone isn’t out to get you!
In most places the police are better now about listening to wives and victims of domestic abuse, not always, but most places.
Take all threats seriously. He is trying to scare you. Do not text him back, do not listen to his messages, do not respond. He may not stop but it is important that you not respond. ANY response at all is a “reward” for him and encourages him to continue.
One pretty good “weapon” that is effective, cheap and legal, is a can of OVEN SPRAY. It is made out of pure lye and will cause horrible pain if sprayed on the face of an attacker. Get the kind that stinks to high heaven, put a can with thelid off (if you have no small children) in every room in your house, and keep a can in your hand if you are outside. Try not to go outside after dark or alone. If you need to use it, AIM FOR THE FACE.
I will keep you in my prayers, please be safe! (((hugs))))
Straight bleach works good too , in a jet spray bottle , you can get pepper sprays at the spy store! Yappy dog Bahumbug get a ROTTWEILER from the pound or an akita or a shepard or a dobi,bullmastif, rodesian ridgeback, afriggin pit bull! I want a dog so bad LOVE JJ
Hi OxDrover, thank you so much for your message. I live in New York and I am not aware all the rules here for a restraining order but I am seriously considering one after what has happened the last couple months and today. It has been over 2 weeks no contact and for 24 hours he continued to harrass me with messages and calling. I couldnt take it anymore and I know I am stupid for doing this I answered his last call and said what do you want? He said he wanted to talk and I said whatever you have to say say it over the phone. He refused and said I need to talk in person and its 11pm at night here. I told him no he was going to talk on the phone and he refused. I asked what he wanted and all he kept saying was he missed me a lot. He sounded insane on the phone and I could hear him trying to make his voice sound sincere. He just wanted me to go out alone and meet him which I had done before many times but not when he was acting insane. I feel stupid for answering him but I couldn’t take it anymore after 24 hours. I have a horrible feeling about him and I do feel threatened. Everytime I go outside since he lives so close I am looking over my shoulder. I feel in danger and I am afraid I did more harm than good answering his call and I am mad at myself now. His call proved to me though this is serious because the phone wasn’t good enough and he wanted me alone in the middle of the night. I ended it with I need to think. I feel crazy this is really starting to get to me. I thought I was strong and able to do this but I feel weak and scared right now. I will keep in mind everything you said and your prayers mean a lot thank you.
Hi Indigoblue, thank you for all your support. That’s horrible what happened to you. I’m glad your safe and was strong enough to stand up for yourself. I’m scared about going to the police but I think its the righ thing to do I am more scared of him than anything else. A guard dog sounds good to me I would feel a lot more safe. I think since he lives in walking distance I am more paranoid. Thanks again.
Insane : I learned that if he was drunk nothing I said made any difference! the only thing I could do was to leave. The last time I left I had to call the sherifs dept and meet them at a church and go w/them to my house. he had called my phone repeatedly. When they got there they had three officers . as two questioned him the other looked around the house and kitchen . He took the largest butcher knife and put it back in the drawer. MY psyco. was given the option to leave or go to hotel . he left returned and he was Baker acted for the upteeth time. I was left with the mess and a busted front window. that was cheap only 265.00 good thing the doors held LOVE JJ
I feel hypnotized and I dont understand why and what is wrong with me…. everyone around me just says to move on but they have no idea how I feel… how it feels to battle yourself like this… this is horrible. I feel horrible ::cries::
Everyone around you has never dealt with a psychopath and they don’t understand what you are going through. I’m with Oxy on this. Get out and go to a shelter. You need to be safe. And you also need to be able to sleep at night. If there is any way you can have a police presence around, like to help you move your things out or just to cruise around the area, try to get them to do it.
I changed my phone number so now he can’t call or message me anymore… WOOOOO! Thats a start. After he realized I wasn’t going outside in the middle of the night to “talk” to him he hung up on me and wouldn’t answer. It was a game to him and I didn’t give him what he wanted. I am sorry I answered him but it just proves to me how sick and evil he really is and now he can’t reach me unless in person.