By | April 1, 2015 7 Comments

Her sociopathic husband: lies, cheating, pornography, burglary, and one day, she fears, revenge

Spath TalesEditor’s note: Lovefraud received the following story from a reader whom we’ll call “Gemma.”

I married my sociopath after a whirlwind long-distance relationship. He swept me off my feet, seemed to love everything I loved. He introduced me to his family, I found soon after he had been married three times before.

He said he married his first wife because she was pregnant, his second to get her into the country (she was Columbian), and he married his third wife to give her a feeling of security. I later found out he had cheated on every one of them.

He told me he loved me and had saved the best ’til last.

Things were OK to begin with, then I started noticing his control. He would tell me how to clean, how to load the dishwasher, then he moved on to me. He started picking my clothes for me, wanting me to lose weight and dress provocatively.

I was not happy with this and told him. He then started demanding oral sex in the car whilst driving, and even took out the console, saying he had made it easy for me!!! He wanted oral sex daily, and was always playing with his penis and genitals. I found out from various people that he had a colorful past and had been accused of child molestation.

He obviously denied this. He was never at fault, not even for his previous divorces. I believed him, because he is a professional liar and does it so expertly.

We moved away from his hometown because there was always chaos and drama in his family, and it was making me ill. His daughter was (is just like him) 27 years old 2 divorces, bankruptcy, and many, many new men in her 9 yr old’s short life.

Soon we began a new search for a home hundreds of miles away.

One day his brother arrived on our doorstep with his boyfriend to stay with us for a short while. He was extremely intolerant of him. His brother and boyfriend separated and his brother was suicidal; he sent me a text saying he was going to kill himself.

When I told my ex of this, I was told to be quiet as he was on the phone!!! He was not even interested. I drove 60 miles to see his brother, who was Baker Acted.

My ex did not even ask how he was. He did, however, take the opportunity to steal his brother’s laptop from his home while he was in hospital.

Anyway, to cut a very long story short, he became obsessed with pornography, online sex sites, sex with women in my bed whilst I was at work.

And the lies!!!! My God, they were unbelievable. I knew he had sex with more than 6 women, and found out later he had always been unfaithful to me. I saw his bogus email accounts.

I divorced him after he broke my ribs and had me arrested for domestic violence.

I moved 470 miles away, telling no one where I was. I cut off ties with his family. He had no male friends at all, just women.

I moved away, and 9 months later and no contact with him whatsoever, I came home from work to find my home had been broken into. 12,000 dollars worth of personal belongings stolen, even my Xmas presents. It was 12th Dececember.

I called the police because I knew it was him. He stated I had invited him, but the state attorney did not believe him.

He was arrested and charged with 2nd degree felony burglary. I was again forced to be dragged through the legal system and interrogated by his defense attorney. He had given her some fantastic tale of me inviting him, and giving him my property.

He pleaded no contest and is currently on 2 years probation.

He moved his ex 2nd wife into our home after I left. She gave up everything on his promise of love, security and happiness.

Within 2 years she was out of his home, penniless, homeless and no job. She is currently taking him to court for theft and fraud, and so it goes on.

He has moved on to another woman ten years his junior; she is from Cuba. We tried to warn her, but again he has worked his charm and she is smitten, believing every filthy lie that comes out of his mouth.

I have a permanent restraining order against him and he has to pay restitution to me. But I know when his probation is done he will be back to get revenge, because that is who he is.

He is obsessed with revenge and the police don’t do anything. I have called them three times because he has violated his restraining order. They don’t do a thing, despite me telling them that my ex has threatened to kill me. I had to write to the Chief of Police and threaten to go to the newspapers before they did anything.

And so I wait because I know he will be back. I live alone because I no longer trust men. I have a security system in place, cameras and emails and Facebook in false names, because he has already hacked into every account I had.

In the meantime he continues his web of lies to his attorneys, his girlfriend, the judges and he does not miss a beat. I just thank God for the state attorney who absolutely believed in me 100%. I am sorry I cannot say the same for the local police department.


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Gemma – I am so sorry for your experience. His behavior is abhorrent. And I’m sorry the police are treating you poorly. That happens to so many targets of sociopaths.


Well I have an update. I was in court last week to object to his motion for early termination of his probation (which the judge denied for the 2nd time) But I have discovered how he found out where I live. He called Direct TV and gave them my social security number, birth date and phone number by posing as my husband and asking to verify our mailing address. Of course this is a felony and the state attorney is very interested in it. So please warn your readers that Sociopaths will go to any lengths to get revenge. I honestly don’t know how some people have the nerve to do something so wicked. Thank you for the good wishes


Hi Gemma, I am also sorry for your experience. There are many parts of it that I can’t relate to as I haven’t been through it, but I just wanted to say, the masturbation – yup. It’s amazing how you can become kind of acclimatised to being with someone who plays with himself for, it seems, several hours a day. If I ever experience that again, red-flag the size of a tablecloth flapping in the breeze.


Gemma, huge HUGS to you! I am so sorry that you endured this evil man’s hell. Their craziness is so out of control even when you are in their tornado grips you cant believe their craziness and drama filled lives and their addiction to sex. It’s so out of control my brain still can not wrap around the fact at how they have the energy to run around 24/7. So crazy!!

My ex h was the same with regard to people being sick. When I was sick he wouldn’t even bring me a glass of water or go to the grocery store & cook a meal for me. But if he was sick oh boy you needed to drop your entire life to cater to his crazy demands.

When his mother ended up in the hospital & we were on vacation his siblings could careless along with my ex h. I was ready to make travel arrangements for the 3000 mile trip home but my ex refused. So I ended up trying to arrange for a friends daughter to “baby sit” his mother until be got home. It was all so crazy I honestly at the time was so flabbergasted by their behavior towards their sick mother (not that she was a saint = narcissist). Just more RED FLAGS that added up to their whole families lack of empathy for each other and constant drama filled fighting when they got together.

I am glad that you have a safe place to live and have made the necessary safe guards. They are like boomerangs circling back. The only advise I can give you with regards to the police is try another police station and try to talk with someone in the sex crime unit. I have heard so many stories online like yours about the lack of protection from the police so sad and so sorry that you dont have a safe place to fall.

I am so glad you found your way to LF…it’s really a relief for all of us to know that we are not alone in the hell we lived nor are we the crazy ones they are. I would recommend that you ask a question about what to do when the police do not help on the facebook page One moms battle. (their site is onemomsbattle. com). That site has to do with all legal, court actions. So maybe you will be good advise from others who have endured the same from their local police.

Wishing you all the best! Take care.


I had the same experience I was so ill one day, he did not even bring me a drink, I had surgery on my jaw, instead of giving me the pain meds he kept them for himself and I got Tylenol. Luckily I don’t use pain meds at all but he made sure he kept them all he had complete control, and it did not matter to him that I was in pain. what a monster


I had no clue that so many horrible men existed. I met someone else who seemed very nice approx 3 years after, he told me he had been divorced for 15 years and was not married. I was smart enough to do a background check on him. Guess what? his wife had a restraining order against him for domestic violence and he was still married. He went crazy when he knew I had checked him out. So that relationship never got off the ground. Since then I stay away from men


Hi Gemma,
I had to read your story 3 times with the same gasp of horror each time.
I am so sorry that you had that evilness come into your life.
You are definitely in the right place for support.
May I ask where or how you initially met this evil person?
Reason I ask is that online dating is so popular now(I tried it once a long time ago and found it disturbing).
I believe that most of the men are predators and dangerous.
My expath was from my circle of friends and I never thought someone could do such horrible things.
The part about him taking out the console to make it easier for you to give him oral sex makes me sick to my stomach. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
Moving away, that takes strength and courage and it has run through my mind many times.
Now that I have discarded my expath I fear revenge but have measures in place to keep him away.
I am hoping he will just go away and move on to someone else and leave me alone.
Keep posting here because it really helps and we understand.

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