If you’ve had a sociopath in your life — as a romantic partner, family member, work colleague or acquaintance — you may have observed that the person always seems to be in overdrive. What is it with these high-energy sociopaths? They never let up.
Lovefraud received the following email from a reader who had the misfortune of being romantically involved with someone she described as having the traits of a malignant narcissist. Here is her question:
How do sociopaths/narcissists/psychopaths have so much energy? I would feel completely exhausted after getting engaged in any sort of conversation. He, on the other, he felt fine despite the fact that he was my only source of emotional and verbal abuse and he had to live his life that way with others as well.
The short answer to our reader’s question is that sociopaths are simply wired that way. Excessive energy is a common symptom of exploitative personality disorders.
As a reminder, at Lovefraud, the word “sociopath” is used as an umbrella term for people who could be diagnosed with antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic or psychopathic personality disorders. There are differences among these diagnoses, but many affected people have a lot of energy.
5 underlying traits of high-energy sociopaths
I’ve never seen any research that specifically explains why sociopaths have such extreme levels of energy. In fact, the descriptions of their abundant energy are mostly anecdotal. But there is plenty of documentation about the traits of psychopaths, antisocials and narcissists which could be the source of the extreme energy.
1 . Need for excitement
In his classic book about psychopaths, Without Conscience, Dr. Robert Hare describes the key symptoms of psychopathic personality disorder. One is the need for excitement. Psychopaths want to live in the fast lane. They’re always looking for the next thrill, and put a lot of effort into pursuing it.
2 . Low tolerance for boredom
The flip side of their need for stimulation is an extremely low tolerance for boredom. To many psychopaths, boredom is worse than death. They simply can’t stand it, and if there’s a lull in their lives, they’ll often look for ways to stir up some action. In The Mask of Sanity, which was the first book to systematically describe psychopaths, Dr. Hervey Cleckley related multiple stories of psychopaths behaving badly just to entertain themselves.
3 . ADHD
In her book Just Like His Father, Dr. Liane Leedom notes that there is a genetic connection between antisocial personality disorder and attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Therefore, many antisocials also have ADHD. The three core symptoms of ADHD are inattention, impulsivity and hyperactivity. Criteria for diagnosing ADHD, according to the DSM-5, includes “is often ‘on the go,’ acting as if ‘driven by a motor.’” Does that sound familiar?
4 . Hyperfocus
When sociopaths want something, they hyperfocus. This means they intently pursue whatever has caught their attention. It could be a new romantic interest — perhaps you experienced this. It could be a new hobby or business plan. But then someone or something else grabs their attention, and they hyperfocus on the new object of desire.
5 . Power and control
Keep in mind that for sociopaths, the prime objective in any relationship is power and control. What they really want is to win, and they are relentless in pursuit of winning. In romantic relationships, as I wrote in Red Flags of Love Fraud, they love bomb you, move quickly to hook up and try to make you feel sorry for them, all to get their hooks into you before you escape. Their pursuit of the prize — whatever it may be — contributes to the phenomenon of the high-energy sociopath.
Sociopaths do not sleep
One manifestation of sociopathic energy is that they frequently do not sleep. Many Lovefraud readers have described sociopathic partners who are up all night. The best reference I found to this was on Quora, where someone asked, why do most psychopaths/sociopaths have sleep problems or insomnia?
Several self-identified sociopaths answered the question, and what they said is enlightening.
Michael Merritt wrote:
I wouldn’t say it’s sleep problems. Most of the time I can stay awake and be fine. I have a hard time going to sleep though, and I’m pretty sure I know why.
Doing nothing is one of the worst things I can think of. Sitting in bed with my eyes closed is extremely boring.
I usually sleep 2–3 hours in a night and then go to sleep for an hour or two after work. I’d be lucky to get more than 30 hours of sleep in a 5 day week.
Lack of stimulation is hell. Being left alone with my thoughts is bad. I’m pretty creative, so auto-stimulation is pretty easy, but I’m sure it would be harder for a less thoughtful person.
I’ve tried melatonin but it doesn’t work. No medications for sleep have ever worked on me. I guess I have to rely on myself.
David Horst wrote:
It’s now 3:00 and I’ve been trying to fall asleep for 2 hours. Doing nothing makes my mind creative to get at least a bit stimulation. I have the following hypothesis for this question:
- The psychopathic brain is constantly understimulated, so laying down and doing nothing quickly turns into wild thought processes to get stimulation.
- It’s also reward seeking. Laying down and waiting to pass out is not really rewarding, thus not Very interesting. There are so many better things one could do.
- Lack of stress during the day leads to not being mentally exhausted as easily and recovering fast. Thus no need to sleep to recover.
- High level of energy. I don’t know if that’s true for every, or most pps, but I have a high level of energy, always doing something. Hell, as a child I used to throw my head from the left to the right and back for 10 minutes straight, only to be exhausted enough to get sleep.
My sociopathic ex-husband
Interestingly, I did not see this pattern of insomnia with my sociopathic ex-husband, James Montgomery. He slept, although the hours were odd.
Typically, Montgomery would record a movie for us to watch — this was in the days before streaming services. Then he’d go to bed at 8 p.m., partway through the movie, and leave me to watch the end by myself. Then, he’d get up at 4 a.m., claiming he needed to be available early so his international business contacts could reach him. I later found out that during those early hours before I got up, Montgomery was engaging in online sex with other women.
So why did Montgomery need eight hours of sleep every night? I speculate that it’s because he was older — 55 when I met him. As I say in my book Senior Sociopaths, as they age, sociopaths do not change their antisocial behavior. But maybe they sleep more.
Learn more: Senior Sociopaths — How to recognize and escape lifelong abusers
Sociopaths bullying the disabled