Histrionic personality disorder

Sandusky is so creepy, with that goofy half-smile of his, and so narcissistic that he appears to have no clue what he did to those boys. I try to imagine how someone could be enjoying himself sexually while the child he is raping screams for help, and the thought makes my brain want to explode! His wife is an enabler and denier – he must have been controlling with her, because anyone else’s wife would have popped down to the basement once in a while to see if they needed anything, and apparently she never did. That tells me all I need to know – did she not hear that poor child scream? Disgusting! His attorneys trotting out this personality disorder is tantamount to an admission of guilt. But Sandusky has never admitted guilt, and denies what he did. This jury will crucify him for that, and he deserves it! He should have been in jail this whole time, too, not under house arrest! Still being treated like royalty!

If Mike McQuerry hadn’t seen him, would he even be on trial? That Bob Costas interview was the creepiest thing I’ve ever seen, a window into his narcissism and sense of entitlement – it was good for people to see that, to see how their minds work! I went to Amazon to get that book “Predators” by Dr. Salter, and their are bad reviews on their by people who MINIMIZE and DENY that these people exist, or are doing anything wrong! Unbelievable! One of them even uses his/her real name! Probably charter members of NAMBLA. Sickening that anyone could be an apologist for pedophiles, except pedophiles!

I became a needy kid after my father died. I was in 2nd grade, and remember being absolutely horrified the first day I went back to school, and a girl on the playground said to me “Your daddy died, my mama saw it in the newspaper!” My mother went on like he had never existed, throwing away his pictures and everything. I had to grieve by myself, crying myself to sleep every night. She didn’t seem to notice that. Of course, she had lots of reasons to want to hate him because he was an alcoholic batterer. I could not remember any of that. I only knew about it from my 2 years younger sister, who didn’t block it out like I did. It’s like my grief was never validated or acknowledged, and that made me a very lonely child – what parent could ignore their own child’s grief?? It created a confusion and an empty space in me that I couldn’t understand!

I have been a victim of the smear campaign in my own family, and it has been one of the worst things that has ever happened to me, especially because I didn’t understand what was happening, except that all of a sudden I was shunned by my siblings! Finally, after almost seven years, my sister finally said to me that she knew that my youngest sister “had scapegoated me!” I had been waiting for her to say that to me for the last year, after we got back in touch when my mother was dying a year ago. The bad people will out themselves at some point. I sent a letter to my younger brother a couple of months ago, after years of his smear campaign against me, his constant lying, and completely stonewalling me for years. I called him on all of it! I said as long as he feels necessary to lie to people, and pretend that he tries to get in touch with me, we will have no relationship!

While my mother was alive, she was constantly splitting all of us, smearing one behind the other’s backs, and controlling and bullying us with her narcissistic rages. My brother is a chip off the old block! But at least my mother was honest, which he is NOT!

I saw my sister shortly after that conversation, when she happened to be in town for business. We had not spent an evening together in years. I thought we would talk about a lot of these things, but we talked about politics, with which she is obsessed. Ever since, I have been feeling really terrible, like all of those terrible bad feelings I thought were gone, have come back to haunt me.

She is the one and only person to have validated me at this point, but since she has been manipulated in the past, and doubted me because of my other sister’s machinations, I still don’t completely trust her. I feel exposed, and not safe. It’s like finally seeing her brought back all the pain of what my other sister did to me! They live in the same town, and I was afraid to say anything until my sister could see it for herself! Then, I finally broke! I told her that I had broken with my brother when I did, because he is a pathological liar and I don’t trust him. He borrowed money from me years ago and has never bothered to pay it back, and has completely stonewalled me for years while telling other family members that he has “tried and tried” to get in touch with me! At least the “concreteness” of his not paying me back was something easy to explain to my sister. She only sees him a couple days a year here and there, so she has not been able to acknowledge or see his bad behavior! But she and my other sister (all of us, in fact!) do know that he lied to his last 2 serious girlfriends that he wasn’t married! So he also has the obvious track record of being a liar.

My younger sister was sexually abused by a man my mother brought into the family and married a couple of years after my father died. My baby sister was only 3 years old, and that’s when this man began sexually abusing her. I was happy to have a stepfather who was fun, and who would do things with me, as the oldest child. He taught me how to ride a bike, he taught me how to drive later on. He was a buffer from my mom’s complete emotional detachment and rage. When I needed a new bike, he bought me one. He took me hiking and camping. He even bought me a surfboard and wetsuit when I started surfing. He was 12 years younger than my mother, although she told us 10. Almost any fun thing I got to do was because of him, not my mom. I had a new dad!

He went to school on the GI bill, and my mother bore him a son when I was 13 years old. I was so excited to have a little brother – we called him “blueberry eyes!” I always felt close to him. When I graduated high school an was getting ready to go to college, he graduated also, and when I moved into the dorm my family was going to move 3 hours away because of his new job. So my first year in the dorm, away from my family, was very hard, and I didn’t have a car. The next year I moved to the beach with a friend – cheap rents, restaurants to work at, and of course surfing and all the rest. No TV, no phone – had to ride my bike to the fishing pier to the pay phone. At the beginning of my second year my money to buy books didn’t come when I expected it, so I called home, and learned that my stepfather of 10 years had left, and was living with another woman who had left her newborn son for him! That was a shock- I was 19 and on my own, and there was no money to send me, so I borrowed from a friend so I could buy my books, and got a job at the restaurant.

I had to call my mom and ask her why she hadn’t sent me money for school. She hadn’t bothered to let me know this would happen! When I had a chance to get home to visit, my closest sister then told me about the abuse of my little sister. She had finally said something to my mother, who then divorced him. I was 19 years old, and hearing about this totally crushed me. I didn’t know people did things like that! It It was in 1976, and there was no discussion of things like that. I had just lost another father! It put me in a rage, and I wanted to kill him!! How could 5 people live together in a house for 10 years, and not know this was happening?

I am 55 years old now, and this has shattered my family to a point where things will never be the same. My mom kept us all together for years, but she’s gone. My closest sister is the only family I have left, and she believed the lies and manipulations from my other two siblings for years. There is no coming back for people who have betrayed you so awfully. It will no longer be possible for me to have any relationship with those 2 siblings. I was finally doing a lot better, but it’s hard to not trust anyone anymore.

The thought that what this man did 40 years ago has taken my family away from me is tearing me up!! It will affect generations! I have been cut off from my niece and 3 nephews for the last seven years because of this.

I am a good person. i took the high road. I don’t know how to deal with this anymore!!!

Thanks so much for responding, Skylar. I haven’t been here in a while. I have been in therapy – I went back almost a year ago, but in the last couple months i thought I would cut back, because I was doing much better. I had been just physically sick from the stress, so I started therapy and seeing a massage therapist on a regular basis. But seeing my sister definitely snapped something back to a horrible place!

I know my relationship is done with my youngest sister and brother. Done. They have both treated me with judgement, contempt, and cruelty, for no reason I know of. I am an honest person. I would never lie to any of them. They did this at a time when I was very sick and became disabled, and there was no way I could stand up for myself. I could see a lot of it happening, but I had no idea what was going on – no idea! I kept thinking there was some terrible misunderstanding, and waited for some chance to straighten things out, but that chance would never come, because they stonewalled me completely. I didn’t live where they did, and I haven’t been able to travel for 12 years because of my permanent disability. I’ve had fibromyalgia for 23 years, and in 2000 I had undergone 4 surgeries for endometriosis that completely disabled me. Before I did a lot of traveling to see my sisters, because I wanted to be in my niece and nephews’ lives. It was important to me, since I had no children of my own.

At a time when I lost EVERYTHING, my health, my job, my friends, my relationship, because of my illness, they turned on me like a pack of wolves. Years in bed, my life in complete chaos, with no family even in the same state. And on top of all that, shunned by my own family! Nothing like this had happened before – I always thought we were close, although I was never really close to my youngest sister, because we were 7 years apart. I made many trips to see her, after she got married and started to have children. I visited her, on my own dime, at least six times. But in 20 years of my living in the DC area, she never visited me once. She is a cold, manipulative b*tch. I thought that hearing my other sister admit that would make me feel better – I have needed that acknowledgement for a very long time. But I have just been feeling very ill for at least a week, and been just sobbing and in a rage for the last two days, which makes me physically sick and uncomfortable. It’s just an extreme emotional reaction, I think, that I haven’t had before.

There is no one who can tell you what to do in a situation like this! It is sickening to realize your own family members HATE you. LOVEFRAUD is the only place I have found where I can get some understanding of what has happened in my life. I came here four years ago, when I decided to stop contact with my mother, after I had moved back to my hometown to spend time with her. After two years of her denial of how my siblings were treating me, and her narcissistic rages, I realized I had to save myself. That broke my contact with everyone else in my family, which is why I had hesitated to do it. I felt horrible guilt, because she was 76 years old. But the concept of no-contact was completely unknown to me until I came here.

I think my brother has sociopathic tendencies, because his father was definitely a sociopath! My sister doesn’t believe that, but I do, based on his behavior the last 5 years.
I have no doubt that my stepfather did what he did. He was very handsome, very charming, and no one would have a clue what was underneath that. He was like a renaissance man, very smart, all kinds of interests. He was a pilot, who took us up in small planes. He and my mother bought a sailboat with my grandmother’s inheritance, and we all learned to sail. He helped her spend that money while she worked to put him through school. He had many affairs with neighbors and friends of my mothers, and he did what he did I have no doubt. I think he f*cked anything that moved. All he did was use her, and she was the first to say the man was a psychopath. She had read “The Mask of Sanity” a long time ago. My father was a psychiatrist, and she had worked in the medical field a long time. As soon as he had what he wanted, he left her for a co-worker, a woman who abandoned a BABY to be with him. This son of hers grew up to be a criminal – my brother knew him because he had contact with his father for many years.

The psychopath made sure his child support for his son was the minimum possible, and was barely in his life. His mother enabled him, and would never believe the man was a predator. But I lived with my mother and my brother for two years when I first got fibromyalgia – he was 15 to 16 years old. My brother dropped out of high school, and then went to live with his father for a time. The man swindled his own son out of the inheritance his grandmother left him!!! He would not let him go to his grandmother’s funeral, for that reason.
I have no doubt that only a sociopath could swindle money out of his own son!! So my brother has the gene pool, and on top of that the abandonment and my mother’s dysfunction and neglect. I felt sorry for him for a long time, but not anymore.

He came to live in the city I was in for six months, while he was in the army. I welcomed him with open arms. like his father, he is charming, intelligent, good-looking, and fun. But it soon became apparent to me that something was not right. He went into rages over the smallest thing, saying I was “disrespecting” him. I had no secrets from him, but he took that knowledge of my life in chronic pain and disability, and used it to smear me with the rest of the family, telling them that I was a drug addict and god knows what else! I didn’t find out about that for a long time. I could not believe how someone could misinterpret my situation so blatantly, when I was absolutely upfront with him about everything going on with me. I didn’t think he would betray me – I had no idea! I was so naive, I thought that he would let everyone else in the family know that since he had a firsthand look at the hardships I was going through, that maybe I would get some more compassion and understanding because of it!!

Boy, was I ever wrong!!! I saw him borrow money from me, to go back to his hometown to divorce the sociopathic grifter he had married, and who was holding onto him like a life raft. Why would he get involved with such scum as this woman? I think that’s no accident. I think there’s a lot about his life that no one suspects. I have a firm intuition that he’s a sex addict, like his father. He would start “relationships” with a girl he had known for five minutes! This was troubling to me. I saw serious character flaws I had not noticed before! His roommate after he dropped out of college was a drug-addicted stripper, who died running her car into a bridge abutment. No sex, but a lot of outrageous drama in that “relationship!” He is inappropriate and says sexual remarks frequently. He sickens me! I never want to see him again!

Boy, was I ever wrong!!! I saw him borrow money from me, to go back to his hometown to divorce the sociopathic grifter he had married, and who was holding onto him like a life raft. Why would he get involved with such scum as this woman? I think that’s no accident. I think there’s a lot about his life that no one suspects. I have a firm intuition that he’s a sex addict, like his father. He would start “relationships” with a girl he had known for five minutes! This was troubling to me. I saw serious character flaws I had not noticed before! His roommate after he dropped out of college was a drug-addicted stripper, who died running her car into a bridge abutment. No sex, but a lot of outrageous drama in that “relationship!” He is inappropriate and says sexual remarks frequently. He sickens me! I never want to see him again!

When he left my city, I never heard from him again. He would not return phone calls, or emails. Then he went with the army to Afghanistan, which in my family somehow excused all bad behavior. I kept wondering why my mother would cover for him, and not admit the obvious lies. I saw her for who she really was, callous and completely self-interested. After I moved back to spend time with her, the first Christmas I was there, she said my little sister was coming down to take her out for dinner, because she had gotten divorced, and her husband had her kids. I was not invited!! I was like, “Mom, didn’t you tell her I was living here, and that i had no one else to spend Christmas with?” That was just something I could NEVER understand! That was when i began to see clearly that my mother would not stand up for doing the right thing! My little sister had stonewalled her mother for TEN YEARS, so my mother was not going to rock the boat!

That was when I really started to get upset, and go into a depression. I would still spend time with my mother for the next year, until the next Christmas, when EVERYONE in the family EXCEPT ME was invited to my sister’s house to spend Christmas together! I did not get a phone call, or a card. Nothing! I got so upset that at that point I was done! I talked to my mother ONCE during the time she was up there, and started to get upset about it on the phone with her. She said to me (really!!) “Stop it, 7steps, you’re being HYSTERICAL!!!”

I snapped after that. I broke contact with her. She called me ONCE, a couple of weeks later, and left me a message in a voice dripping with contempt, that “I don’t know what I did to make you angry with me, but this silent treatment just isn’t CUTTING IT!”

For the first time, I heard how she was speaking to me, in a completely detached way, like I was someone else. I thought, holy sh*t, i have NEVER heard such hate and contempt in someones voice like that!! This is a HORRIBLE person!! Except, now that I realized it, i had heard that contempt many many times throughout my life, from childhood on. A couple of months later I had a breakdown and dropped ny to see her for a couple of minutes, and she pretended like nothing was wrong. She was very good at that. that’s the last time I ever saw her. She died a year later of cancer. That’s when I finally heard from my sister.

God, that’s depressing!