A Lovefraud reader who posts as “Mani” asked a question that I’m sure is of interest to many others, so I’ll address it in a blog post. Mani writes:
I was one of the children who lived with a psychopath for a long time. I fought all my life not to let him be a part of my personality. In comparison to what I was exposed to I think I have been successful. But is there anybody out there who can shed more light on the effects of a psychopath father on children, particularly boys?
I know there is tendency to label these children as secondary psychopaths but I haven’t seen anybody talking about the mechanics of it. And I am sure all these children don’t become secondary psychopaths.
This is a complex situation with many variables, depending on the individuals involved. I will describe in general terms the two basic types of outcomes. Lovefraud has a lot more information in the Explaining the sociopath archive. Dr. Liane Leedom has written many articles on the topic. You may also want to get her book, Just Like His Father?
By the way, the term “secondary psychopaths” doesn’t necessarily apply to children of psychopaths. It refers to which set of psychopathic traits are predominant in an individual.
Genetic risk
Psychopathic parents, both fathers and mothers, definitely affect their children in many ways. There are probably two general categories of effects, depending on whether or not the child has inherited a predisposition to become psychopathic.
Psychopathy is highly genetic. That means a child can be born with a predisposition for the disorder to develop. Genetics, of course, is a crapshoot, so a child may or may not get the genes. In fact, a child is more likely to inherit the genes when the mother is psychopathic, rather than the father.
However, psychopathy results from both nature and nurture. Whether this disorder actually does develop is due to the parenting a child receives and the environment that the child grows up in. It is possible, with extremely attentive parenting, to prevent psychopathy from developing, or at least mitigate it. Essentially, parents must teach the child love, empathy and impulse control.
Psychopaths make terrible parents. They will not bother to instill love, empathy and impulse control in a child. They can’t teach what they don’t know.
Abuse
Psychopathic parents do not love their children. They are not concerned about a child growing up to be healthy, productive members of society. They look at children as possessions, like a car or a flat-screen TV.
Some psychopaths neglect their children. Others engage in physical abuse and sexual molestation.
But even if psychopaths don’t engage in outright physical abuse, they usually inflict psychological and emotional abuse. They lie to kids, break their promises, and keep changing the rules. The parent may say something, and then insist the words were never spoken, which distorts a child’s sense of reality.
The net result is that a child grows up in a very unstable environment. If the child has inherited the genes for psychopathy, chances are good that he or she will develop the disorder. If the child has not inherited the genes, he or she may develop other psychological issues, such as anxiety and depression.
Children of psychopathic parents who are not themselves disordered often have much to overcome related to their families of origin. They may not know what a healthy relationship or a healthy family looks like. They may become involved with sociopaths themselves, because it feels normal.
I think people who have grown up in these situations have a lot of internal untangling to do. They likely need to address and heal deep emotional pain, either through formal counseling or through self-help.
I invite any Lovefraud readers who have more information to share on this situation to contribute your insights.
I am the first child of a male sociopath and and a neurotic, paranoid, anxious, and broken mother.
I’ve made a shaky peace with my mom, based partially on geographical distance (she can’t beat the shit out of me if I am not within driving distance, and she does not feel as jealous and threatened by me if I am not around). I suffer PTSD symptoms from the abuse that I suffered at her hands:
-repeated beatings for things like a C grade, the dog pooping on the carpet, getting my period and staining my underwear, or talking back when I could no longer stay quiet
-sessions of screaming abuse, sometimes 45 min to an hour long, about how my brother anfd I ruined her body, her life, her dreams. How our Dad is horrible and left her with us, thereby destroying any chance for her to meet anyone else. She would often flail at us or hit us with objects, foaming at the corners of her mouth, and if we tried to stare at the floor in an attempt to block out the abuse she would grab us by the hair and scream right into our faces.
-making my brother eat his own vomit, and me eat food out of the trash, (my brother gagged on a slimy tomato and zucchini casserole which had been microwaved for 45 min. I had tried to sneak something similar into the trash)
-stapling my curtains to the wall in my bedroom because she thought I was a show-off hooker wannabe at age 14- for 3 years I was not allowed to open my curtains OR my window)
This all may seem extreme and horrible, until you understand that, although my mom was definitely wrong in the head, she did have a conscience and loved us.
My father deserted us and disappeared when I was 14 to avoid child support payments, which he had been skipping since I was about ten. My mom would make me ask for a check every time I visited him, and he would give his fourth grade daughter answers that smacked of manipulation: “does your Mom give you this money when she cashes this check?” “What do you get from this money?” “Wouldn’t you rather live with me?” (he refused custody) “Who do you like better, remember, I never hit you / I have a pool / I’ll get you a camera”
He did disappear, leaving us to depend on my mother’s income, supplemented by my paycheck and checks from the state..for the entire time I was in high school.
It was very hard.
My junior year, I applied for financial aid and got enough to get me through four years at the state university. I felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel; although I felt terrible leaving my brother alone with my mom’s increasing insanity, I did think maybe I could get an apartment my sophomore or junior year at college and ‘rescue him’.
However, my freshman tear, my father reappeared and called me at the university. He used every ounce of his considerable charm (he’d already fooled three adult women into marrying him) to ooze my social security number out of me, saying he felt terrible about my previous struggles and wanted to put me on his insurance.
I fell for it like a ton of bricks.
A year later, I was called in to the administration building at my university and accused of fraud- taking the grants and loans who were meant for low-income families and needy students- while I was apparently, on paper at least, the daughter of a well-off man.
I never got any degree. I finished three years at the university on high interest private loans (which I had to take out to replace the ‘fraudulent’ loans I got when I originally applied)
Then., my mom applied to nursing school, in my hometown, in my name, and got me in. I had to move back- back into the beatings, the screaming, the abuse, the trapped and hopeless hell. While my dad lived a mile away with his new wife in his new house while we lived in a shitty roof-leaking tralier. He had the gall to laugh at our living situation and refer to us in Jerry Springer terms.
I am 42 years old.
I still don’t even have an associate degree, only an LPN
I owe over $45,000 in student loans for the education I never got.
My father still lives in a lovely three bedroom house on a golf course while my mom lives in the same trailer a mile away.
“Dad” has never visited me once in the 25 years I’ve lived ‘away’, while my mom scrapes and sends as much money as she can for airfare or pays me back when I buy here a plane ticket.
My father SWEARS he never disappeared, he ALWAYS paid his child support, he NEVER stole my SS#, and that I flunked out of university and that’s why I am where I am, therefore, I am wrong to even consider asking him to help with my loan payments.
For about a decade he made me feel guilty that I only visited him twice a year, even though he NEVER visited me.
His favorite defense, when I accused him of substandard parenting skills, is to contrast his behaviour with that of my mother- “I never hit you.”
I am at the very edge of insanity, trying to reconcile the truths I know from my memory with his claims of what HE says happened- I think this term is called ‘cognitive dissonance’?
In all my life, even during the worst suffering when I thought the abuse would never end and there was no light at the end of the tunnel. I NEVER felt suicidal.
But when I listen to him telling me black is white and up is down, I do sometimes feel better off dead.
tiffd98133 – what a nightmare you have endured, from both your parents. I am so sorry for your experience.
I suggest you have No Contact with your father. What he did is despicable. He is trying to get you to doubt your perceptions and your memories – this is classic gaslighting. Hold fast to what you know happened, and do not listen to him.
Your father will never give you the money. Did you file fraud charges against him for stealing your SS#? Is it too late to do that?
If you can’t file fraud charges, you may want to consider bankruptcy. There is no reason for you to continue to carry that burden. It’s not your fault, so why should you pay it?
I would say that your mother is severely disordered as well, and I’m not sure you would benefit from any continued involvement with her either.
I know it is painful to separate yourself from both of your parents, but it might be the best way to finally get your own life on track.
Thanks for your input, Donna. Unfortunately, it is too late to prosecute my father for what he did; the statute of limitations on this type of thing has expired.
And also unfortunately, student loans cannot be discharged through bankruptcy. They are with you until you die, and if you’re in default at the time you retire, the government can take a percentage of your social security.
My only hope short of coming into a very large unexpected windfall is to leave the US and start over in a different country. I have spent a lot of time in Mexico but my mom gets really upset when I speak of moving there.
I don’t think I can break off contact with my mom. She did do horrible things to my brother and me, but she is at least a human being with emotions and I definitely do know she loves me. She has made a lot of sacrifices.
My brother still lives near them both, and I love him more than anyone in the world. I can’t just leave him holding the bag for both of their care as they age. Neither if them planned for retirement or saved any money, and my brother will not abandon them and so I can’t abandon him.
My compromise is this: no contact with my father- I have previously tried this only to be convinced by my brother or other relatives to give him “one more chance” but I think my brother finally sees that it is destroying me and he has backed off. I am also refusing contact with anyone else who persists in trying to get me to speak with him. This includes my aunt and my grandma, both of whom I love and miss. If they can abide by my boundary they can come back into my life.
As for my mom, she has mellowed with age and I only see her a few days a year.
I just hope anyone who reads my comment thinks LONG AND HARD before having children with a person who exhibits sociopathic traits. It is not a good life for anyone but the sociopath.
tiffd98133-
You have every reason to be extremely proud of your accomplishments!
Coming from two emotionally disturbed parents, you are an empathetic person who relates to the safety of your brother.
Feel proud of your LPN degree! Many people in your shoes would not have gotten that far! You are strong and a survivor!
“Neurotic, paranoid, anxious and broken” could all be symptoms of Complex PTSD which could have resulted from years spent with your father. Your mother was victimized by him, however, physical and emotional abuse is never excusable, and you may want to confront her over that through therapy so that you can resolve your differences.
Your father’s issues seem to be total Narcissism, for which there is no cure and nothing to be gained by therapy.
Donna’s right about investigating bankruptcy, or maybe an attorney could give you advise on another solution. If you can’t afford an attorney, try Legal Aid in your area.
Hi All,
I am happy to see this posting come up in the threads.
This is very informative and helpful for the victims who are on a path to self discovery.
Hugs to all of the children of the sociopaths and kudos for speaking up and teling your stories.
I have my own childhood story, but I don’t think I am ready to go there quite yet. I mean today!
I think that both of my parents have played a role in my acceptance of men that have abused me emotionally and physically.
Thank goodness for this site!
Stronginthecity
I think my parents are to some degree sociopaths, but I’m not completely sure how to categorize them. I’m a broken 34 year old single mother of three. I always thought I was strong enough to overcome. The beatings in my childhood. The screaming. The walking on eggshells. The invalidation of my existence. I was told I wasn’t even a real person. My father insisted he had never been born but came out of a lightning bolt since I was very young. When I was older and tried to speak up about the abuse he constantly repeated to me and everyone that I “rewrote history” that nothing bad ever happened to me and everyone needs to accept the fact that I’m 1)schizophrenic and 2)need to be permanently removed from society (like all gays and most foreigners).
In the past few years I’ve been diagnosed with severe anxiety and posttraumatic stress disorder, but not schizophrenia. My parents who act charming and charismatic to the public has warned all family away from me and painted themselves out to be my victims. I did run up a phone bill before I ran away at age 17. I’m not proud of it or other things I’ve done, but they refused to give me my life savings which was about $700 from a savings account I had since age 10. They are super religious and use religion to rationalize everything they do. They’ve told me I’m possessed with the anti Christ and the devil. My dad crippled my leg and had me arrested on false pretenses 5 years ago after my mother did her Mr Hyde thing and attacked me. He contacted every one of my friends and threatened them if they help me. Tried to steal my children. Got out false restraining orders where they describe my behavior like a scene from the exorcist.
I just want to be healthy enough to raise my kids. To feel safe in my own home.I’ve been in therapy for years. I just feel like it’s all caught up. Faking it isn’t working for me. God, I just wish i had a parent that loved me. Why bring children into the world to crush them?
It is crushing to still feel so defeated, betrayed and be affronted with such perversity. And the fact is, this is our family, and we are the only ones who can pull ourselves out of their sewage pit and swim to shore. I have made it to shore. I slowly found and grew healing. Now, my power is no longer given away to spiritually ungrounded people. I remember that: Step 1: I admit I am powerless over my personality disordered parents and that giving in to their chaos, my life can become VERY unmanageable. Step 2: I have come to believe that there is a power greater than myself, loving and caring, than can restore me to balance. These are my support group, loved ones, my therapist, my pastor, and my husband. All are extensions of my higher power whom I chose to call God. Step 3: I direct my attentionn to my healing plan and do what is necessary to stay on course. When I steer off course, I get help. Please feel free to reach out to me in the future. I have also learned that to help others, it gets me out of a funk too sometimes. Blessings Terri Jo
Hello all….. Our entire family has been affected by sociopathy. A father who was cruel, sarcastic and sexually and physically violent. This behavior has been interspersed with charming manipulation over the years, with a total lack of remorse. Still I can be sideswiped with a comment of perversity.
Not that I go around my father alot. Over the last 20 years of healing from addiction (17 years clean), PTSD and maladaptive coping strategies, I have accepted that my father is one twisted individual. My fantasy of having a respectful protective caring father is buried deep in the ground with several other fantasies. I no longer concern myself when others ask “Why don’t you go see your father at holidays?” I simply reply, looking right into the person’s eyes, “My dad is very harmful for my mental health”. Believe me, the person never asks me that again. In my healing, I have promised my “inner child” that I will protect her and never make her visit my twisted father again out of shame or obligation. Now I have an obligation to myself. Blessings to all who struggle with that shame and pain. We can overcome! I am proof! Never give up. Admit we have a problem, seek the solution and get help and support, and then spread the news! Terri Jo
Thank you for posting that. I have been struggling with some feelings of guilt over not giving my children any contact with their SP father, who used to be the center of their lives [of course!]. I know they feel bad for not seeing him, but I think it is out of a sense of duty. I just know a visit [supervised] would be damaging and set them back on their development as normal humans.
NoMoreWool-
Keep in mind that Terrijo was not denied access to her father. She came to understand what he was “about” on her own. Had she been denied access, she probably would have developed longing for him, rather than aversion to him.
Lack of access to a parent can be a double edged sword that can come back to haunt you.
You had a child with a sociopath. Don’t expect your life or your children’s lives to be “normal.” Seek help from a professional therapist in dealing with this minefield.
Thank you. They are seeing a counselor. After being with him without me as a buffer, they experienced firsthand what he can do. They have seen their god’s lead feet and stone heart. We are moving forward as best we can.
I would like to ask those who married suspected anti-socials what their advice might be to their younger self?
I believe my family are on the spectrum but either hid or learned good morals early on and so many experiences I wouldn’t change for anything.
I noticed abuse happened when their ego was threatened. It seemed that situation was something they are not born to handle.
Their urge for power is a trigger but if they can be exposed and embarrassed enough to be seen as flawed they stop. It was about accountability.
I’m with someone now who is not an emotional person but then can be. I’m not sure. We have wonderful experiences and if his masculinity is threatened from my being separate from him and not including him then it’s a trigger. But I feel myself.
I wondered whether the advice is to avoid everyone on a spectrum?
Maybe I’m in the buttering up stage but hard to tell until it’s too late.
Dear Star,
You pose an interesting question that I have pondered. I can’t come up with an answer that would reflect my younger self’s personality. I think I would not have heeded any advice then and my naïveté was so emebedded in me. But maybe I would say to my younger self listen and heed your grandfather’s advice,”Never argue with a liar, they are always one lie ahead.” maybe if I had spent less time arguing with a liar I would have wizened up sooner.
I would tell myself that the old saying, “it’s not me, it’s you” is the most important message I could ever heed!
I’m finding this topic very interesting.
I have been undergoing healing from my upbringing for years. The statement of: “he or she may develop other psychological issues, such as anxiety and depression.” This statement holds true for me and all the siblings I grew-up with.
The other statement of: “Children of psychopathic parents who are not themselves disordered often have much to overcome related to their families of origin. They may not know what a healthy relationship or a healthy family looks like. They may become involved with sociopaths themselves, because it feels normal.”
This statement holds very true as well for my life and my siblings as well. I have tried hard in my past to be accepted by others and to learn to live like people who have not grown-up with this kind of dysfunctional upbringing. Now through the grace of my God, I feel loved and am learning to trust in my God. This might sound ridiculous to someone who wasn’t raised by such a mentally ill caregiver but the truth is I never felt safe or loved. Even though I yearned for acceptance and rescuing. I didn’t trust anyone who told me they loved me it just felt wrong and creepy to me. Now I know my God does love me and is working on healing me. Slowly he is taking down the walls I had erected to protection me since childhood.
I now feel sad for this caregiver that she will never know the joys I have loving my children. This is a gift from God to be able to love and sacrifice our needs and wants for someone we love. To have a conscience to know when we have wronged someone to ask for forgiveness and to learn a better way to handle situation that use to baffle us because: it hurt us to know we have mistreated someone. These are gifts from God that sadly this woman will never or cares to ever know.
I cry at times wishing what could have been and knowing for my own sanity that I can never be around her she is so toxic.
My father is a narcissist who drove my mother that suicide when I was nine.
I could write a book, but I’ll just include my most recent experience. At the age of 48, I found myself juggling a sociopath and a narcissist at the same time.
I am now 50, and see a therapist once a week. I am just learning why I was so drawn to such men.
Number one, it was my normal, even though I really, really, really tried to avoid men like my father, and secondly, I have been made to believe that if I just love harder, my relationship will work, attempting the same with my father, in absentia, as I have not spoken to him in 15 years.
My father never loved me.
My advice: If you find yourself incapable of “loving your partner enough”, you may be the child of a psychopath. It’s not you, it literally is them, and you are all you need to heal. Not them, they don’t think they need it. Treat yourself to a good therapist, who specializes in childhood trauma.
You deserve it, sweetheart!
Dee
I think if it’s hereditary. it definitely makes more sense than having parents who are simply “narcissistic.” What some people would share their stories about their narcissistic mom or whoever, were not really severe things. The seriousness of what a “psychopathic parent” would put a child through travels deeper than emotional or physical scars. It gets embedded into their psyche. And like you say “undoing it” is probably the hardest thing to heal from. My brothers also lack the empathy that both my parents cannot attribute to. My mom will cry so easily for some stupid tv show but cannot shed a tear for her own kids. My father is the BIGGEST PSYCHOPATH out of everyone in the house. I believe his behavior in this household has contracted a disease and triggered more of psychopathic characteristics in everyone in the house. The fact that many people also say that not all psychopaths are criminals, DEEPLY surprised me. I remember my mom would hit me and mock me for wanting to call the cops on her. She would laugh and even get more angry. But there were times I should’ve called CPS at least. They were not fit to be parents.
Hi Mani,
I too am a daughter of a psychopathic father named Howard. He and my mother divorced when I was 6 and he moved out of our home. I related to what you said about “not letting him become part of my personality.” It may be that you did not inherit the psychopathic genes or traits. My psycho father has been dead since 1976; he died a miserable death with high blood pressure; hypertension, high cholesterol; and (I think) alcoholism.
As a child, I worried about him constantly. He was unable to hold down a job; never paid his bills; got drunk and disorderly at night in bars. He was a horribly reckless, dangerous driver with multiple DUIs, etc. He tailgated other cars driving 3 feet off the bumper of the car ahead while barreling down the freeway at 70 mph. He took clover-leaf freeway exits at such high speed that the car would tip up on two wheels momentarily (very scary)! Other times he’d drive down the California freeways going only 40 mph; other cars blaring their horns and him not caring a whit about how terrified I was.
His mensa-level I.Q. was his primary tool for getting attention and receiving narcissistic fuel.
I’d never faced the enigma of my father’s disturbing lifestyle and behaviors until about 6 weeks ago. I’m a 60-yr. old woman–better late than never! Once I began accepting the possible diagnosis of his psychopathy, I experienced an astonishing emotional release! Gone was the confusion and frustration of his puzzling personality.
When I was 15 yrs. old and got my Learner’s Permit to drive under California law, I kicked my father into the back seat of his FIAT Sedan. I told him to “shut the F— up” and with my sister beside me in the passenger’s front seat, I taught myself how to drive his stick shift car in and around Redwood City where he lived. With that Learner’s Permit and subsequent Driver’s License when I turned 16, I never ever allowed myself to be a passenger in the car where he was the driver. If we had to drive somewhere, I drove.
By age 17, his malevolent silences and not-so-subtle digs and putdowns finally drove me away. I stopped visiting him entirely. It was truly difficult emotionally because I thought I still loved him as he was my father. He died from esophogeal varices on the operating table at Stanford University Hospital on 11-19-76. He was alone when he died because he’d driven his family away by his irrational, psychotic behaviors. Such a sad story!
As you, I consider myself to be a survivor of a psychopathic father. I did not inherit the psychopathic gene; of this I am certain. Perhaps you owe your emotional independence from your father to a fluke of genetics. Whatever the reason, you are to be commended for not adopting your father’s modus operendi. You are probably strong inside too. Thanks for reading some of my story. This is the first Post I’ve ever done.
Warm regards,
Serenity 10
Hello,
I am going “no contact” with my narc bf of 2.5 years after he abandoned me while I’m in the early stages of pregnancy. I feel super irresponsible for getting pregnant by this nightmare of a human being who has abandoned and fuct over 2 other women and children. He knows that there is nothing I want more than to have a baby, but I am willing to change my mind as it has occurred to me that I will be connected to him forever through this poor innocent gift. I’ve heard and read so many horror stories about others in my very position and I can’t bare to run the risk of exposing my child to his garbage or to his abuse. I have blocked him and I am inching to “no contact”. I can’t do this alone. I am going to need support and help as I don’t trust myself with him. My friends and family aren’t around as they are sick of his abuse, the impact it has on me and my life and me enabling him. No one knows I am pregnant. I appreciate you reading my post and any input and advice you can share to help strengthen this new position I am taking in this situation.
Hi F11ckb11bs,
You should be so proud of yourself for having the courage to not only research his horrible behavior but also for having the courage to post here tonight.???
I’m so sorry that you are going thru this nightmare, especially doing this without your family & friends. But know that We hear you, be believe your & we are here for you.
My advise to you is to READ, READ , READ everything here at Lovefraud to open your mind up from his brain washing & mind control. He is your cult leader & you are his cult follower…once you grasp this, it is easier to close the door on him & impose the no contact rule.
I would suggest that you do a search here on Lovefraud for the following:
No contact rule
grey rock method
gas lighting abuse
smear campaign
triangulation
Take care of your health right now! It is extremely common for a victims of a sociopath to have PTSD. I believe one of the major issues with PTSD is adrenal fatigue. Look up symptoms of adrenal fatigue:
Adrenal fatigue. org
Dr Lam. com
and just google the words “Adrenal fatigue” to watch videos & read on this info. Once you get your health in order then you can think more clearly. One of the issues of being in a toxic relationship with a sociopath is brain fog, anxiety, depression, sleep issues, memory issues etc etc ALL ISSUES OF ADRENAL FATIGUE. This is why it’s important to get your health in order but also now for you being pregnant it’s even more important.
PLEASE DO NOT MAKE ANY HEALTH CHANGES WITHOUT CONSULTING A DOCTOR FIRST!!!
I know right now you feel overwhelmed, I know you feel alone…been their too when I was deciding to leave my ex h. I was not educated like you are now. SO you are doing great hon. You are seeing the truth with this EVIL man!!
You deserve so much better.
Just take one day at a time, some moments might be tougher so just take one hour or minute at a time.
I also want you to know that sociopaths typical use the same con game to suck women (or men) into their con game. The fact this guy has gotten several woman pregnant by him is NOT surprising. I have read this same situation several times. Sociopaths do not want to let go of their victims. So it’s common to get a woman pregnant because then they will still (in their minds) have control over the woman no matter what because of the child.
He has trained you hon, just like all sociopaths train everyone around them to cater to there every need (you become an enabler). It happened to me…even thought I recognized me giving up my life to deal with his needs only…ie taking care of the house, yard, grocery shopping etc I still was doing the things he “needed help with”. while he went out & endlessly cheated.
The good news is YOU SEE YOUR behavior too…so know you need to just start catering to YOUR needs right now…ie taking care of your health, connecting again with your family & friends, if you can go to your local abuse center for free counseling & most importantly free women group meetings where you can open your mind and then impose the no contact rule.
I’ll write more later.
SENDING YOU HUGE HUGS!!! ???
YOU ARE STRONGER THEN YOU KNOW!! Pat yourself on the back for making the first huge step of getting out of this toxic relationship with this evil sociopath. Be proud of yourself for these steps out!!!! ??
Wishing you all the best,
Take care.
(ps also go to the home page of Lovefraud and scroll down to the yellow box & read everything and also up at the top of this site look at the book store and most importantly watch the free videos up there over & over & over (i must have watched them 1000 times when I first left my ex & found out who he was from a counselor) especially if you want to call him or see him. They will remind you of exactly who he is.
Wow. Thank you for your supportive and uplifting message. You don’t even know me and you exerted all of that effort for me and I am grateful beyond words. Thank you for your advice and recommendations. Wow, this is the most love I’ve gotten in a while. Ok I sound silly. Thank you very much!
Hi F11ckb11bs, You’re Welcome!! ? We have all been exactly where you are now…emotionally, mentally & physically stuck in the sociopaths con game. So many helped me on my darkest days & nights when tears were streaming down my face & now thanks to Lovefraud support section I try to help those that post just like Sunnygal and others.
Ask questions, vent here & search & read everything here at Lovefraud. Donna’s book Lovefraud 10 signs you are dating a sociopath is worth purchasing, it will not only give you the understanding of the true hell you are in right now but it will help you down the road when you are healed and want to date again. These crazy people are everywhere in our society blending in, so take the time now to really educate yourself to spot one in your future.
I know it’s so hard right now for you. I know that you are most likely mentally, emotionally & probably physically exhausted from all of the sociopaths chaos & drama, but you will get thru this hard time in your life. When you become over whelmed just come here & Read & vent it really does help to clear the mind to have some peace for the rest of the day.
I’m glad that my post gave you a little love. I know that it’s hard when your family & friends have had “enough” and they also are not educated on what you are emotionally & mentally enduring everyday by this sociopath in your life & how hard it is to escape their grips. During my marriage to my ex (a sociopath) I had zero self esteem because of his daily mind games & abuse. And it seems then the whole world starts treating you horribly.
I promise you this…with time & taking the steps to heal from all the abuse emotionally, mentally & physically & imposing the No contact Rule, you will come out stronger then before….because know you have one of the keys to how this planet operations. Now you know that there are evil people who will try to destroy you. And then you will listen to your gut instinct & kick them out of your life immediately. I know it feels that you will never get to this place but you will !!!
Google: “Oprah Gavin Debecker you tube” to watch their powerful interview on listening to your gut instinct. Gavin Debecker’s book The gift of fear is a must read (I feel) for every woman on this planet especially if you (we) have been abused by a sociopath. If you go to the top right corner you can do a search on this book. Your local library may have this book.
Know that when you have a normal breakup the body release large amounts of cortisol & adrenaline which cause anxiety, sleep issues, depression, mood swings, brain fog etc…but with a toxic sociopath relationship…everyday the body is releasing larges amounts of cortisol & adrenaline (adrenal glands regulate these hormones) and the adrenal glands become fatigue. So beware your body is going to release these two hormones when you start to expose the No contact rule & it’s not fun to feel them. This is why for you it’s a good idea to check with a doctor since you are pregnant.
Endocrinologist doctors deal with the adrenal glands.
Take care. ?