Snakes in Suits—When Psychopaths Go to Work is a new book published by Dr. Robert Hare, the international expert on psychopaths, and Dr. Paul Babiak, an industrial-organizational psychologist. Although the book is primarily about psychopaths in the corporate world, it contains important information for anyone who is dealing with one of these predators.
Chapters 3 and 4 explain how psychopaths manipulate their victims, and it’s absolutely chilling.
Hare and Babiak describe a three-phase process psychopaths use in their parasitic approach to life. This isn’t a process psychopaths have to plan, they do it naturally. Here’s how it goes, according to the authors:
- First, they assess the value of individuals to their needs, and identify their psychological strengths and weaknesses.
- Second, they manipulate the individuals (now potential victims) by feeding them carefully crafted messages, while constantly using feedback from them to build and maintain control. Not only is this an effective approach to take with most people, it also allows psychopaths to talk their way around and out of any difficulty quickly and effectively if confronted or challenged.
- Third, they leave the drained and bewildered victims when they are bored or otherwise through with them.
Psychological game
As a result of the manipulation, the psychopath establishes a “psychopathic bond” with the victim. Here’s how Hare and Babiak summarize the manipulation:
The psychopath’s psychological game involves analyzing the individual’s expectations and desires, and then reflecting them in a psychological mask that is so convincing the person bonds with him or her. This bonding can take place very quickly, even during the space of one cross-country airplane ride. There are two payoffs: the psychopath wins the immediate game by gaining the person’s trust, and the victim, now in the grip of the psychopath’s power, will soon give up whatever the psychopath requests or demands.
If you’ve been victimized by a psychopath, you’re probably trying to figure out how it happened. Read Snakes in Suits, especially chapters 3 and 4.You’ll find your answers.
Lovefraud mention
Snakes in Suits includes a sidebar about Lovefraud.com in the chapter about personal self-defense. I greatly appreciate the reference.
Another note—although I draw on the work of Dr. Robert Hare in Lovefraud.com, I’ve chosen to use the term “sociopath” in place of his use of the word “psychopath.” The reason is that most people assume a psychopath is a deranged serial killer, which may prevent them from realizing that the spouse, relative or coworker who is making them miserable may have the personality disorder. My purpose is simply to enhance communication.
Dear eb92044 ~ YES. My husband’s ex-P did that to him. First, she filed false charges on him for DV. (she was the guilty one)
She had also requested a restraining order against him. At this point, he decided he’d had enough and filed for divorce.
She did EVERYTHING she possibly could do to try to convince him to come back. Thankfully, he did not.
Reporting or not?? It would depend on whether or not you have proof of what you want to report. From what I have seen, spaths seem to be VERY good at manipulating folks into believing them. So, without solid proof, I probably would not report him. Although, it might not hurt to suggest that he be monitored in some way… just a thought.
Darwinsmom.
Ok. That makes sense. What if they know you are still attracted to them? This guy and I see each in passing. He used give me the stare. I know I lost to his game back then, but I went nc for six months and now I just say hello. He fliers with other woman obnoxiously in front of me. ( he dumped me at first then kept me hanging again for a while) I blew up at him in the fall and that is when the nc began.
I just worry he can see I still am attracted to him.
Btw how do you find old comments you write? I want to see if ere was any reply to one I posted yesterday.
eb92 – yes, of course spaths do that; in fact, all abusers do that.
reporting: yay or nay depends on so many factors.
can it be traced to you; can you do it anonymously? in your case he already knows that you have threatened to do this. which may well mean that he will come after you or smear you in some way.
what has he done? is it illegal? are there other people or institutions (po-lice) who could bring him down?
do you live in the same town with him? again the smear campaign and breaking of NC – these people are ‘shitstorms’ – once they get going you will get some of it on you.
there is something we call the ‘backspath’ on lf – it is about waiting and biding ones time until the right word in the right ear will bring the spath down in some small or large way. the important ingredients are patience and stealth.
getting to the place of being able to backspath takes time. and it has to be done coolly. Most of us here are waaaay too hot headed to be able to pull it off, until we have healed to the point that we are able to develop a sound strategy and keep the backspath op. to ourselves (tell no one), so that when the shitstorm starts we don’t get slimed.
i hope lots of folks will respond to your question – everyone has such different experiences – I’d say more are negative than positive in the outcome for the poster – but some folks are VERY successful at it, like Erin Brockovich, and Oxy.
Hope to heal:
Exactly! That’s why I have not reported so far is because he is so adored and valued at work, I was afraid it would fall on deaf ears and then I would be even more upset because what he was doing was absolutely wrong and he should not get away with it. It went against all HR policies. I think the company legally has to do a full investigation. There is definitely written proof IF they do a proper and thorough investigation. I just wonder if they would turn a blind eye??
For my ex… I expect him to stay off my radar for a while. He knows I’ll make too much trouble if he bothers me for the moment. And for the responses I have already made in the first week the mask came off, his own ego will demand to pretend as if he never wants anything to do with me again. I think I’ll not hear or see of him again until he feels I’m truly at peace again, am starting to forget and starting to move on. I’ll bet that the first day or week that I haven’t thought of him at all without being aware of it even, will be the time he’ll try to mend the broken stuff and at least want to be “friends” again. And the time I’ll be meeting a new man I’m interested in will be the time he’ll say he misses me and us and blablabla…
one/joy_step_at_a_time:
Hahaha…love it!!! No, he doesn’t think I will report. I never said I would and actually told him I would never do that so then he felt he was safe. You just gave me all the info I need to know!! 🙂
And yes, I can do it anonymously. And yes, I live in the same town, but it is a pretty large city…never have to see him.
eb92 – sorry, i misinterpreted his fear as something you had said you would do. the other question i would have is: do other people know what he is doing? if they do, it would be harder for him to know for certain it was you.
…and my spath thought i was sweeter and more protective of her than i am also. 🙂 the moment i realized what she was, the switch turned off.
setfree:
Just go to the Search area on the left hand side and put in some words you know you had posted…they should come up!