Snakes in Suits—When Psychopaths Go to Work is a new book published by Dr. Robert Hare, the international expert on psychopaths, and Dr. Paul Babiak, an industrial-organizational psychologist. Although the book is primarily about psychopaths in the corporate world, it contains important information for anyone who is dealing with one of these predators.
Chapters 3 and 4 explain how psychopaths manipulate their victims, and it’s absolutely chilling.
Hare and Babiak describe a three-phase process psychopaths use in their parasitic approach to life. This isn’t a process psychopaths have to plan, they do it naturally. Here’s how it goes, according to the authors:
- First, they assess the value of individuals to their needs, and identify their psychological strengths and weaknesses.
- Second, they manipulate the individuals (now potential victims) by feeding them carefully crafted messages, while constantly using feedback from them to build and maintain control. Not only is this an effective approach to take with most people, it also allows psychopaths to talk their way around and out of any difficulty quickly and effectively if confronted or challenged.
- Third, they leave the drained and bewildered victims when they are bored or otherwise through with them.
Psychological game
As a result of the manipulation, the psychopath establishes a “psychopathic bond” with the victim. Here’s how Hare and Babiak summarize the manipulation:
The psychopath’s psychological game involves analyzing the individual’s expectations and desires, and then reflecting them in a psychological mask that is so convincing the person bonds with him or her. This bonding can take place very quickly, even during the space of one cross-country airplane ride. There are two payoffs: the psychopath wins the immediate game by gaining the person’s trust, and the victim, now in the grip of the psychopath’s power, will soon give up whatever the psychopath requests or demands.
If you’ve been victimized by a psychopath, you’re probably trying to figure out how it happened. Read Snakes in Suits, especially chapters 3 and 4.You’ll find your answers.
Lovefraud mention
Snakes in Suits includes a sidebar about Lovefraud.com in the chapter about personal self-defense. I greatly appreciate the reference.
Another note—although I draw on the work of Dr. Robert Hare in Lovefraud.com, I’ve chosen to use the term “sociopath” in place of his use of the word “psychopath.” The reason is that most people assume a psychopath is a deranged serial killer, which may prevent them from realizing that the spouse, relative or coworker who is making them miserable may have the personality disorder. My purpose is simply to enhance communication.
setfree and eb92 – the search function doesn’t always work; it will bring up old posts. frustrates me no end.
one/joy_step_at_a_time:
Oh, sorry about that. The very short background of the story is when I left my job, he thought that would be a time when I would report him. You know…now that I was leaving, it was a good time for me to smear him. So his fear stemmed from me leaving and what I would do.
Yes, absolutely other women know and other women are being scammed so you said exactly what I have been thinking…there are so many of us that it could very well be anyone doing the reporting! He would never think it was me. I would be safe.
one/joy_step_at_a_time:
”and my spath thought i was sweeter and more protective of her than i am also. the moment i realized what she was, the switch turned off.
I can relate to this!!! 🙂
eb92 – is he doing something illegal and unethical in the workplace? do you have proof?
how long ago did you leave? I would give it some time – a few months after you leave. (to confuse him). I went after the spath anonymously – first time was within a month (just a few words in a public place) of the devalue and discard, and the next time was months later after I got my ducks in a row. I actively outed her anonymously for a couple of months. Now, i do simple and covert things. I am sure she has no idea the extent of the ongoing campaign, even if she has figured out some things.
one/joy_step_at_a_time:
He is doing something very unethical at work. He is in a position of power and he is sleeping with woman after woman (who are all underneath him as far as position) and plus he is married. That goes totally against the HR policies there. You cannot do that. I am not sure how he has gotten away with it other than no one has had the guts to call him out. And yes, there is proof.
I left ten months ago, but something keeps gnawing at me like I should do this because what he did is so wrong. So I have given it time. One of the main reasons I didn’t want to do anything is because of his kids. If he got fired or they transferred him, I didn’t want his kids to have to suffer in some way.
eb92 – well you are right, his kids are to be considered. does his wife work? does she know? would a package delivered to the workplace and her at the same time have a desired affect?
is there proof that doesn’t implicate you or goes beyond you, and do you have any proof re people after you? just thinking of the things that might be important so that YOU don’t stick out. If there was proof of a few people who are no longer there, but who greatly predate you?
do you know many of the other women? there is a group of women (2who post here infrequently) who got together in australia and outed their spath very publicly.
I would also hazard to guess that he may be doing other things at work that are unethical or perhaps illegal. most of them are serial shits.
one/joy_step_at_a_time:
Yeah, the children are a glitch for me. His wife does not work. She knows he had an affair before; that is why she kicked him out in 2009. That’s when he really started trolling….you know being separated and all…he thought that gave him free reign to cheat even more! And made me think he was not going back home. He went back home after a year. You can see why I thought he was telling the truth…a year is a pretty long time to be separated. I really thought he was on his way to a divorce when in reality, he never had any intentions on getting one. I would report through an anonymous website that the company has set up. The company is so super huge (40,000 employees) that they have proper channels in place to report these type of things so makes me think that there is even more reason to report…they do want to know these things!
There is proof that goes beyond me so yes, I may be implicated, but so would a lot of other women. And yes, I know ALL the women; some better than others. As a matter of fact, me and the OW I spoke of THOUGHT about reporting him together to give it more credibility, but she was too worried about her own job to do it and plus, she was still in love with him and any hopes of doing that anyway went out the door when I realized she was lying to me even more than he was!! Lying tramp.
Hmmmm, very interesting you should say that you guess he is probably doing other things that are unethical at work. I most certainly think he is although I cannot put a finger on what those things are. I am not sure if he is doing anything illegal other than drinking and driving which he was already caught once for.
eb92 – so a person who may still feel some loyalty to him knows that you might out him? her knowing this – evenif she is no longer in love with him, is a liability, so get a story in place as to your lack of knowledge of his outing, and tell EVERYONE that story when the word gets around that/ when/ if he gets fired.
great about the website. i would suggest that if you decide to do it that you use a proxy server and not your home computer – so that it can’t be traced back to you. proxy servers services are cheap ($50 for six months), or you may even be able to do it through the free service package of an online proxy server (some services allow you to browse sites for free, but you cannot make comments or fill out forms without using a paid edition of their service.)
does he have an expense account? does he have control over any monies?
i ask this because he LIKES to get away with things – cheating, DUI…etc. he gets a thrill out of conning people, and getting away with it. would make sense that he might pilfer small amounts of money, if he can do it somewhat under the radar.
okay, peace out. have to do some work. 🙂
one/joy_step_at_a_time:
Yeah, I am sure she still has feelings for him. As we all know, it is hard to get past so yeah, she knows that I could be a potential reporter, BUT…I have been gone quite awhile and there are many others so I really do not think I will be suspected. And even if I am, they will never know since it will be reported anonymously and my story when the shit hits the fan will just be simply one of shock…what??? No worries, I totally know how to handle it. And plus, I don’t see hardly anyone from work anymore so I am well removed.
As far as being traced, it can’t happen. It’s an outside company who handles this for my former company. They just receive the report and then pass the info along and they do not maintain IP addresses so no information linking your computer to the website would be available. Nice!
Nope, pretty sure he does not handle money. He does have an expense account for travel which he does do about 3-4 times per year, but that is controlled by having to enter all info into an expense system and submitting all receipts. He actually told me out of his own mouth one time…”I am a thrill seeker.” This guy is an A #1 spath. No doubt.
Sorry, I know you need to work. It’s easy for me to be on here all day since I am unemployed. I am OK financially though; don’t need to work right now and thank God because I truly think I am suffering from a mild case of PTSD. Thank you so much for your advice. I think this is all pointing to the fact that I need to do something and make a move.