Snakes in Suits—When Psychopaths Go to Work is a new book published by Dr. Robert Hare, the international expert on psychopaths, and Dr. Paul Babiak, an industrial-organizational psychologist. Although the book is primarily about psychopaths in the corporate world, it contains important information for anyone who is dealing with one of these predators.
Chapters 3 and 4 explain how psychopaths manipulate their victims, and it’s absolutely chilling.
Hare and Babiak describe a three-phase process psychopaths use in their parasitic approach to life. This isn’t a process psychopaths have to plan, they do it naturally. Here’s how it goes, according to the authors:
- First, they assess the value of individuals to their needs, and identify their psychological strengths and weaknesses.
- Second, they manipulate the individuals (now potential victims) by feeding them carefully crafted messages, while constantly using feedback from them to build and maintain control. Not only is this an effective approach to take with most people, it also allows psychopaths to talk their way around and out of any difficulty quickly and effectively if confronted or challenged.
- Third, they leave the drained and bewildered victims when they are bored or otherwise through with them.
Psychological game
As a result of the manipulation, the psychopath establishes a “psychopathic bond” with the victim. Here’s how Hare and Babiak summarize the manipulation:
The psychopath’s psychological game involves analyzing the individual’s expectations and desires, and then reflecting them in a psychological mask that is so convincing the person bonds with him or her. This bonding can take place very quickly, even during the space of one cross-country airplane ride. There are two payoffs: the psychopath wins the immediate game by gaining the person’s trust, and the victim, now in the grip of the psychopath’s power, will soon give up whatever the psychopath requests or demands.
If you’ve been victimized by a psychopath, you’re probably trying to figure out how it happened. Read Snakes in Suits, especially chapters 3 and 4.You’ll find your answers.
Lovefraud mention
Snakes in Suits includes a sidebar about Lovefraud.com in the chapter about personal self-defense. I greatly appreciate the reference.
Another note—although I draw on the work of Dr. Robert Hare in Lovefraud.com, I’ve chosen to use the term “sociopath” in place of his use of the word “psychopath.” The reason is that most people assume a psychopath is a deranged serial killer, which may prevent them from realizing that the spouse, relative or coworker who is making them miserable may have the personality disorder. My purpose is simply to enhance communication.
Eb92044,
His wife not knowing is not going to protect his kids….unfortunately, and I can only imagine how he treats his wife and kids behind closed doors.
“Outing him” or exposing his illegal and immoral behavior is NOT wrong and not necessarily bad for his wife or kids.
If you were HER, and your husband was sleeping around would YOU NOT WANT TO KNOW? What if you keep your mouth shut and he brings her home some form of STD,,,,,Hep B, or Hep C or HIV? that takes her life….you had the knowledge to stop him by exposing him, and if you don’t….how will you feel then? How would you feel if you were the wife? Personally, I would WANT TO KNOW. I would not want to be sleeping with a man who was sticking it into who knows what dark holes.
That is the thing it isn’t just about his job, he is putting his wife’s health mentally and physically AT RISK with his alley cat sexual morals.
Just food for thought.
ps even if she knows, she may choose to stay, but the thing is at least she would have the full picture of what she is staying with.
If spath accuses you of stealing dors this mean hes syolen from you?
Ox Drover:
Thank you so much for your post! I have thought about that before…am I doing harm by NOT reporting?? I have gone back and forth a million times.
Yes, you are right about her staying if she wants. She has already stayed knowing what he is like. I stated in my earlier post how she kicked him out in 2009, but she took him back a year later. I am sure it was for all the same reasons that other women take their husbands back…the kids, the home, all the years they have been married, financial, etc. The list goes on and on. But I have to admit, if she chooses to stay, what does that say about her?? I don’t know…sigh.
Anyway, thank you again for your insight. If you have anymore on this subject, please keep it coming!
eb92044 – here’s my take on your situation for what it’s worth.
I warned the ex (he went back to time after time) She has chosen not to listen…..she hears what I’m saying …..but she chooses not to listen. That is her right, however, I feel I have done my ‘bit’ and that’s all I can do.
She wants him cos she is lonely and she is his ‘supply’. So in a way they are both using each other but she is the one that comes of worst every time.
Now that’s up to her. It’s the old saying ‘you can take a horse to water…….’
candy:
I suspect the same thing with this guy that they both get something out of the marriage so they both stay. She gets all the financial benefits and he gets the facade of being a family man. Pathetic.
eb92044 – Yep. We just have to leave them to get on with it and hope that they (spaths) stay the hell out of our lives.
candy:
Yep, exactly! And so far, he is staying away from me and me from him.
EB, your question about “if she stays, what does that say about her?” It could be that she is “trauma bonded” to him. About 85% of abused women go back to the abuser…..and many of us have done that over and over, so what does that say about us as well?
It is difficult to break the ADDICTION to an abuser just like it is difficult to quit drugs, drinking, or smoking….the chemical reactions in the brain are the same with drugs/alcohol/nicotine….if we leave/quit it is DIFFICULT not to go back. But at the same time, the woman I think DESERVES to have the information to make an INFORMED DECISION about the man she is sleeping with and what he is doing…at least she has a choice.
Many (most?) times when we warn people (like wives or husbands or lovers) about the Psychopath, they don’t believe us, so it may not do any good, but at the same time, it might.
I would want to know…but the DECISION IS YOURS.
Ox Drover:
I know and totally agree with you. I know how I was/am addicted so she has to be also and she has all the other things to consider such as the children. She has known before and took him back. Maybe it will take repeated bonks over the head for her to get the message.
You know what bugs me the most? The fact that he KNOWS or THINKS he can do whatever he wants and get away with it from her because she puts up with it. Or he will change just enough and do just enough of what she wants (such as come home after work and not go have a drink) to appease her. Thanks again!