Snakes in Suits—When Psychopaths Go to Work is a new book published by Dr. Robert Hare, the international expert on psychopaths, and Dr. Paul Babiak, an industrial-organizational psychologist. Although the book is primarily about psychopaths in the corporate world, it contains important information for anyone who is dealing with one of these predators.
Chapters 3 and 4 explain how psychopaths manipulate their victims, and it’s absolutely chilling.
Hare and Babiak describe a three-phase process psychopaths use in their parasitic approach to life. This isn’t a process psychopaths have to plan, they do it naturally. Here’s how it goes, according to the authors:
- First, they assess the value of individuals to their needs, and identify their psychological strengths and weaknesses.
- Second, they manipulate the individuals (now potential victims) by feeding them carefully crafted messages, while constantly using feedback from them to build and maintain control. Not only is this an effective approach to take with most people, it also allows psychopaths to talk their way around and out of any difficulty quickly and effectively if confronted or challenged.
- Third, they leave the drained and bewildered victims when they are bored or otherwise through with them.
Psychological game
As a result of the manipulation, the psychopath establishes a “psychopathic bond” with the victim. Here’s how Hare and Babiak summarize the manipulation:
The psychopath’s psychological game involves analyzing the individual’s expectations and desires, and then reflecting them in a psychological mask that is so convincing the person bonds with him or her. This bonding can take place very quickly, even during the space of one cross-country airplane ride. There are two payoffs: the psychopath wins the immediate game by gaining the person’s trust, and the victim, now in the grip of the psychopath’s power, will soon give up whatever the psychopath requests or demands.
If you’ve been victimized by a psychopath, you’re probably trying to figure out how it happened. Read Snakes in Suits, especially chapters 3 and 4.You’ll find your answers.
Lovefraud mention
Snakes in Suits includes a sidebar about Lovefraud.com in the chapter about personal self-defense. I greatly appreciate the reference.
Another note—although I draw on the work of Dr. Robert Hare in Lovefraud.com, I’ve chosen to use the term “sociopath” in place of his use of the word “psychopath.” The reason is that most people assume a psychopath is a deranged serial killer, which may prevent them from realizing that the spouse, relative or coworker who is making them miserable may have the personality disorder. My purpose is simply to enhance communication.
Louise
skylar:
Storms always scare me, too. Some people don’t respect the damage they can do and are not afraid.
Eva
~
one/joy_step_at_a_time
Eva – don’t play with this person. just block and delete.
that said – you addressed her as ‘teacher’ you bad! 🙂
i caught someone who i was sure was my spath using a different (one of many) profile on the community site i met her on. i was on a forum on the site and this person showed up, and something about what they said just rang ‘spath’ – so i wrote all the people she was engaging with – who knew she smelled bad (they were a savvy bunch) and warned them. Then i wrote her new profile and taunted her with, ‘ so much work: hide and reveal, hide and reveal’. the spath wrote me back and said – ‘same to you.’ bwahahha. but that profile has NEVER been active since, so if it wasn’t MY spath, it was A spath.
now… block and delete. (I am a very bad role model. :))
skylar
LOL, that’s deep wisdom, One Joy, ala Clint Eastwood style in Grand Torino.
Joy, Kathleen Hawk was talking about our “tools” for navigating through the world, and one thing she helped me understand is that you can use two or more tools TOGETHER and they add up to more than the sum of their parts. So my “gut instinct” doesn’t have to navigate all alone, I can pair it with my intellect and knowledge to get a more accurate bearing, etc…
It takes practice because the only tool my parents gave me was self-sacrifice. That tool is like a lead shield, sure it works, but it gets so heavy after a while that there’s no strength left to live my life.
92044, good to hear you’re ok, now we wait for Hens and Oxy to check in.
Eva, this teacher is getting very creepy. It would be good to find a way to prove he sent those…. it might improve your grade.
Eva
Yes, he’s very creepy. And scaring. What an obsession he has. Among so many people, why has he chosen me to torture?
trimama
As I’ve said on here before, I am finding strength in some of the Twelve Step literature.
Being around these people is very much like an addiction. Working the Twelve Steps is yet another way to heal ourselves.
And one of the defining characteristics of a s/path is substance abuse.
I was reading CrackReality.com earlier and the description of a crack addict is almost exactly what I found with my ex.
Yes, he is a crack addict but also a s/path.
The take-away I got from this is the letting go. We cannot help them. We cannot change them. To attempt either is to prolong our own healing, and interestingly, theirs….if THAT is even possible.
By focusing on ourselves more, we have less room in our heads for them. Many folks here have said things very similar to this idea.
They were correct.
moveingon
I hope everyone is okay. I once was sent to Witchita for Hewlett Packard to decode some hexadecimal dumps for Boeing. I was 22 years old, I checked into a hotel (some religious thing going on), put the TV on and tornado warnings I was petrified. 4 weeks later I left, after being taken to a bar (I was very naive), which turned out to be a strip joint ..me thinks they were trying to embarrass me which they did, (all men of course)!
Most seriously, I do hope everyone is safe, I don’t know you but I feel I do on some level. The pictures and loss of life due to the flooding and tornados as reported in the UK is tragic; puts things into perspective, life is precious.
kim frederick
Trimama, I so agree with you. The twelve steps have been huge in my recovery process. I have mentioned LAA as a possible resource, but it is generally not recieved very well. i have also suggested looking into Alonon, or reading some co-dependancy literature, again, not a very popular suggestion.
But because you have expressed an interest i would like to point out a good article about love addiction and the cycles of behavior in addictive relationships. i have very bad eye-site and can’t really read the url, but if you google, “Love Addiction: Are you caught in the trap of an addictive relationship? you should find it. It’s very enlightening.
Louise
trimama:
Yep, mine is an alcoholic or borderline alcoholic, but a very successful one not a gutter alcoholic. But it’s an addiction and a substance abuse problem. It does go along with the spath behavior. Sad really.
Louise
moveingon:
Yes, I am OK. A tornado did hit south of me; did some significant damage, but no one killed thank God. It is everywhere here in the US.