Snakes in Suits—When Psychopaths Go to Work is a new book published by Dr. Robert Hare, the international expert on psychopaths, and Dr. Paul Babiak, an industrial-organizational psychologist. Although the book is primarily about psychopaths in the corporate world, it contains important information for anyone who is dealing with one of these predators.
Chapters 3 and 4 explain how psychopaths manipulate their victims, and it’s absolutely chilling.
Hare and Babiak describe a three-phase process psychopaths use in their parasitic approach to life. This isn’t a process psychopaths have to plan, they do it naturally. Here’s how it goes, according to the authors:
- First, they assess the value of individuals to their needs, and identify their psychological strengths and weaknesses.
- Second, they manipulate the individuals (now potential victims) by feeding them carefully crafted messages, while constantly using feedback from them to build and maintain control. Not only is this an effective approach to take with most people, it also allows psychopaths to talk their way around and out of any difficulty quickly and effectively if confronted or challenged.
- Third, they leave the drained and bewildered victims when they are bored or otherwise through with them.
Psychological game
As a result of the manipulation, the psychopath establishes a “psychopathic bond” with the victim. Here’s how Hare and Babiak summarize the manipulation:
The psychopath’s psychological game involves analyzing the individual’s expectations and desires, and then reflecting them in a psychological mask that is so convincing the person bonds with him or her. This bonding can take place very quickly, even during the space of one cross-country airplane ride. There are two payoffs: the psychopath wins the immediate game by gaining the person’s trust, and the victim, now in the grip of the psychopath’s power, will soon give up whatever the psychopath requests or demands.
If you’ve been victimized by a psychopath, you’re probably trying to figure out how it happened. Read Snakes in Suits, especially chapters 3 and 4.You’ll find your answers.
Lovefraud mention
Snakes in Suits includes a sidebar about Lovefraud.com in the chapter about personal self-defense. I greatly appreciate the reference.
Another note—although I draw on the work of Dr. Robert Hare in Lovefraud.com, I’ve chosen to use the term “sociopath” in place of his use of the word “psychopath.” The reason is that most people assume a psychopath is a deranged serial killer, which may prevent them from realizing that the spouse, relative or coworker who is making them miserable may have the personality disorder. My purpose is simply to enhance communication.
skylar
(((SuperKid)))
It DOES matter that he is a spath. I’ll tell you why: a spath does what he does with the specific intent to hurt you.
A normal person might not be in love with you, or might forget to call you, but they don’t gleefully plot and plan for your pain.
You know this already, but you forgot and you anthropomorphized him. You thought of him as human and treated him as such.
Find a way SK, to remind yourself that he is evil when you feel weak. Find a picture or a youtube video that you can play.
I like this one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vgQalXaIxs
Edit:
I’ve actually seen all those expressions on my spath brother’s face. It’s uncanny!
moveingon
Darwinsmom – of course you are not to blame, 95% of the population or whatever it is, are not like this. Most people are caring, loyal and supportive, spaths suck you in, they spot us at a mile away. They play with our empathy, manipulate, how were any of us to know ..I have never met anyone so manipulative in my life and I married it!! I believed everything he told me, did not question for a moment, then I learnt and it took me years.
I did though enable, because once I have spoken my mind and he agreed to help, be truthful blah, blah, I expected change, it never happened. But still I persevered over and over again and let him get away with cr*p, until the point of no return.
All the best.
Louise
skylar:
Love that video!
moveingon
Superkid, you are a fish on a hook, he plays a while, reeling you in, gets bored, gives you slack, you get off the hook you swim away. Then you choose to go back, same bait, same hook, you bite, he reels you in again just to make sure you are still available.
You did so well at NC, Skylar is right.
Sorry if I sound harsh, he is not real, he said he’d phone he didn’t because he knew you would be sat there waiting, he is simply cruel.
All the best
Allergic to Spandex
Is it possible the spath said he’d call back, but actually forgot, because his priority list consists only of himself and thus anything else goes right in one ear and out the other?
I have several chronic health conditions. Toward the end of my hideous marriage to my spath, I would ask him to pick up prescription refills for me at the shopping center only a few blocks away (but too far for me to walk). He would agree, and then totally, completely forget, because anything other than getting through his work day, gaining status among his peers, and then getting drunk or high was simply nothing he could process. At least this taught me to call in my refills well in advance!
darwinsmom
no, he didn’t forget… he just doesn’t care
hens
When I changed all my phone numbers it wasnt just to keep him from calling me, it was also to prevent me from waitng on a call that may or may not ever come.
Eva
It is very probable he forgot it as they forget everything that doesn’t report them benefits. I think most of spaths are not evil incarnated, except few exceptions like Skylar’s spath for example, but unconscious, unempathetic people.
hens
He didnt forget. Not returning the call makes him feel powerful and in control.
ElizabethBennett
Eva-I do think that some of them are evil too. Mine is just as evil as Sky’s I think. I call mine The Dark Triad. I’m sure that if he’d ever consider therapy, that would be a likely diagnosis for him.