Snakes in Suits—When Psychopaths Go to Work is a new book published by Dr. Robert Hare, the international expert on psychopaths, and Dr. Paul Babiak, an industrial-organizational psychologist. Although the book is primarily about psychopaths in the corporate world, it contains important information for anyone who is dealing with one of these predators.
Chapters 3 and 4 explain how psychopaths manipulate their victims, and it’s absolutely chilling.
Hare and Babiak describe a three-phase process psychopaths use in their parasitic approach to life. This isn’t a process psychopaths have to plan, they do it naturally. Here’s how it goes, according to the authors:
- First, they assess the value of individuals to their needs, and identify their psychological strengths and weaknesses.
- Second, they manipulate the individuals (now potential victims) by feeding them carefully crafted messages, while constantly using feedback from them to build and maintain control. Not only is this an effective approach to take with most people, it also allows psychopaths to talk their way around and out of any difficulty quickly and effectively if confronted or challenged.
- Third, they leave the drained and bewildered victims when they are bored or otherwise through with them.
Psychological game
As a result of the manipulation, the psychopath establishes a “psychopathic bond” with the victim. Here’s how Hare and Babiak summarize the manipulation:
The psychopath’s psychological game involves analyzing the individual’s expectations and desires, and then reflecting them in a psychological mask that is so convincing the person bonds with him or her. This bonding can take place very quickly, even during the space of one cross-country airplane ride. There are two payoffs: the psychopath wins the immediate game by gaining the person’s trust, and the victim, now in the grip of the psychopath’s power, will soon give up whatever the psychopath requests or demands.
If you’ve been victimized by a psychopath, you’re probably trying to figure out how it happened. Read Snakes in Suits, especially chapters 3 and 4.You’ll find your answers.
Lovefraud mention
Snakes in Suits includes a sidebar about Lovefraud.com in the chapter about personal self-defense. I greatly appreciate the reference.
Another note—although I draw on the work of Dr. Robert Hare in Lovefraud.com, I’ve chosen to use the term “sociopath” in place of his use of the word “psychopath.” The reason is that most people assume a psychopath is a deranged serial killer, which may prevent them from realizing that the spouse, relative or coworker who is making them miserable may have the personality disorder. My purpose is simply to enhance communication.
candy
(((((((((((((hens))))))))) how about ‘hyscoxadanglin’?
This made me think of something else that’s funny from my nursing days.
I was in a clinic and the doctor diagnosed this woman with the Andon Syndrome. Not wishing to appear dim I waited til she left the clinic and then I asked the doctor what it meant as I’d never heard of this condition.
He said nurse it’s called the Andon Sydrome cos she goes ON and On and On!!!
I still laugh about it to this day.
We had a German surgeon and one day in theatre he was performing surgery on a man’s penis and he needed tape ( I was a naive 18 year old) I passed him the 2 inch tape and he yelled (good God nurse, do you think that his man has a penis the size of a donkey?” OMG I still blush at the thought!
ElizabethBennett
Candy-that O.R. surgery is hilarious!!! LOL 🙂 🙂 🙂
candy
It sure was Nolarn:)
hens
oh my….
moveingon
They forgot to call …hey ..they do it on purpose, they are manipulative, and care for no one other than themselves. They are a spath, could not careless, how anyone could conceive the ‘notion’ they forgot is totally deluded, all part of the game.
All the best
trimama
Superkid? If it gives you any comfort, your having reached out to your spath prevented me from reaching out to mine.
Also…after six weeks of NC.
I wanted to text him, to pick him up, have wild sex and forget all the pain.
I wouldn’t be looking for anything more. There is no more.
I sat outside on the stoop and drank coffee and sobbed.
I had the phone in my hand.
And at one point, I scrolled through the numbers. But then stopped myself before I got to his.
If I had gotten that far, it would have been nothing to text.
And then the descent would have been rapid.
I feel your hurt for having reached out and offered him comfort…and his not even bothering to call you back.
It was huge for you to break NC. And then to have to hear of his having sex with yet another other woman.
I am so sorry.
He had no idea of the impact of your calling him.
He could not appreciate it. But we do.
We know how you struggled to keep NC. And how humiliated you now feel for having broken that only to hear more nutshit and to be treated so offhandedly.
We are here, SK.
trimama
And MovingOn?
Yes, there is so much cruelty to these people. There is so much more than self-absorbed, manipulator operating here.
At one point, my ex was supposed to pay his half of the rent. And disappeared.
I had suspected there was another woman.
When I called him, it was her voice on his outgoing voice mail greeting.
I was devastated nonetheless.
I left a message asking how could he. And I was sobbing.
Do you know he played that message to her for entertainment?
There is so much more.
But that just confirms your point about the way they go out of their way to rub in the pain. It is not enough to cause hurt….they need to remind you of it.
Louise
trimama:
I have thought that…I’ll just hook up with him and have the sex with no emotions that he had with me telling myself that I could do that now that I know there is nothing there anyway. I don’t think I could pull it off without the emotion at least in the long run.
Louise
trimama:
I know that was devastating and he is CRUEL!
trimama
I tried that, EB, the hooking up for the sex part.
It didn’t work for exactly the reasons you noted. There is just too much history and emotions there for it to be easy for us, as women.
Piece of cake for them.
And we are just not wired that way, at least in regard to them.