Snakes in Suits—When Psychopaths Go to Work is a new book published by Dr. Robert Hare, the international expert on psychopaths, and Dr. Paul Babiak, an industrial-organizational psychologist. Although the book is primarily about psychopaths in the corporate world, it contains important information for anyone who is dealing with one of these predators.
Chapters 3 and 4 explain how psychopaths manipulate their victims, and it’s absolutely chilling.
Hare and Babiak describe a three-phase process psychopaths use in their parasitic approach to life. This isn’t a process psychopaths have to plan, they do it naturally. Here’s how it goes, according to the authors:
- First, they assess the value of individuals to their needs, and identify their psychological strengths and weaknesses.
- Second, they manipulate the individuals (now potential victims) by feeding them carefully crafted messages, while constantly using feedback from them to build and maintain control. Not only is this an effective approach to take with most people, it also allows psychopaths to talk their way around and out of any difficulty quickly and effectively if confronted or challenged.
- Third, they leave the drained and bewildered victims when they are bored or otherwise through with them.
Psychological game
As a result of the manipulation, the psychopath establishes a “psychopathic bond” with the victim. Here’s how Hare and Babiak summarize the manipulation:
The psychopath’s psychological game involves analyzing the individual’s expectations and desires, and then reflecting them in a psychological mask that is so convincing the person bonds with him or her. This bonding can take place very quickly, even during the space of one cross-country airplane ride. There are two payoffs: the psychopath wins the immediate game by gaining the person’s trust, and the victim, now in the grip of the psychopath’s power, will soon give up whatever the psychopath requests or demands.
If you’ve been victimized by a psychopath, you’re probably trying to figure out how it happened. Read Snakes in Suits, especially chapters 3 and 4.You’ll find your answers.
Lovefraud mention
Snakes in Suits includes a sidebar about Lovefraud.com in the chapter about personal self-defense. I greatly appreciate the reference.
Another note—although I draw on the work of Dr. Robert Hare in Lovefraud.com, I’ve chosen to use the term “sociopath” in place of his use of the word “psychopath.” The reason is that most people assume a psychopath is a deranged serial killer, which may prevent them from realizing that the spouse, relative or coworker who is making them miserable may have the personality disorder. My purpose is simply to enhance communication.
Twice Betrayed
Renewed: Yeah, you are so correct! I just have to face the fact that even my kids enjoy cruelty. Wow……terribly difficult. My little GD looks just like my daughter when she was little. My daughter was so sweet, helpful and protective of me. And to think this is her now. Sad. I am sorry, Renewed, for your pain. I have nothing to offer, but to say I am there with you.
Gem: I relate. You know, at the risk of being labeled a fanatic: it’s almost like the kids we raised are gone and some demon is in charge. There is no closure…because we want closure….and the cruel game is never give what we want and need.
erin: they are double minded.
conomo
Wow …
that’s a good question…honestly I have been TRIGGERED by many posts that I’ve read….you may even be directing your post at me…
That said, I feel like slamming some posts(not posters) because I think(at the time)WTF…get on with it….but then I realize I can’t judge or move on yet…(I can never judge THEN)
HOW “CAN” WE KNOW THE ENEMY??
IS THE ENEMY OURSELVES?? I AM IN NO WAY BEING FLIP OR TRITE… I TOTALLY GET THE HYPER SENSITIVITY…
REALLY SORRY IF IT’S ME CAUSING IT…
To be sure…I don’t need validation …just want to set your mind at ease if you think I am the enemy…
kim frederick
No. Ptsd, it’s not you. In fact, I read a post you made a couple days ago, and so related. It was the one about your childhood….about how everywhere you turned, your life was sexualized. I Really related. I was molested by a neighbor when I was five, once, I think, but he continued to terrorize me by threatoning my beloved cats, for at least the next 5 years. I remember being afaid that the sound of the bushhes rubbing up against my bedroom windows was him, trying to get in at night…..
I was about 7 when my mom and dad and me went to visit my Mom’s friend who had just got married, and my Mom’s friend sais her husband was at the schoolyard with a bunch of neighborhood kids, and I could go and have fun with them…Well, he was taking pictures of these kids genitals… and I went back, and very matter of factly told my parents about it! I was kind of confused, but I always wondered if I ruened her marriage.
Then I was in J.C. Penny when I was 12 and some guy had to show me his dick….and then I was 12 at the bowling ally and some guy had to show me his dick, and then I was 22 and some guy who I was dating had to force me….
I was pregnant at 17, and the father of my baby got me on the back of a motor cycle and rode me through a rutted feild to get rid of my child…didn’t allow myself to know it at the time. My daughter is now 33 years old.
I have been damaged! I’m so over sex and love I can’t tell you.
But, there is this part of me that wants to educate young women, as to how they are complicitious with these selfish freaks….for one thing, judging themselves,(or anyother woman, soley and comepletely by the way she looks, ie by calling her a fat ugly pig, etc, etc, etc….the enemy has educated you so well, you turn on your own….
Oh well….I’m powerless…I believe that a power greater than myself will restore me to sanity….
conomo
HOLY FUCK…YOU ARE NOT POWERLESS!!! WE CAN NOT BELIEVE WE ARE POWERLESS! I COULD TELL YOU MANY MORE STORIES OF MY POWERLESSNESS….I DON’T KNOW THE END RESULT…BUT I DO KNOW WITH CERTAINTY…THE MORE WE SAY IT…THE MORE WE BELIEVE IT AND DETERMINE TO ACT ON THE DETERMINATION…I DON’T KNOW ANYTHING BUT KNOWING THE FACTS AS THEY COME TO MY MIND…AND…HAVING THE SMARTS/STRENGTH/DETERMINATION(BALLS) TO WORK THROUGH IT…I KNOW WE CAN/SHOULD…WHY NOT??? WE ARE ALLOWED TO MAKE MISTAKES….WE DESERVE HAPPINESS(I’M PRESUMING WE ARE DECENT HONEST FOLKS)
BtW I am not over sex…I actually crave it…maybe someone will slam me for that …
kim frederick
ptsd, when I say I’m powerless, it’s a good thing…it’s a real blessing to realize that what other people do, has nothing to do with me….That th only persons actions that have antthing to do with me are mine.
So glad you still feel sexual. I don’t, and, that too is a good thing.
witsend
Anyone out there at this late hour that can give me a crash course and information about mixed bi polar episodes?
I have researched some about this online and know a little bit. But I would like a more personal view of someone who experienced living with someone with this? What you saw and experienced personally.
Anyone???
alohatraveler
PTSD,
When we swear at LF, we usually do this: F***. It’s a little nicer.
:O)
conomo
I want to and have … educated young and old about values….I came to know the “Lord” at a late age…I am truly grateful for that…it was a spiritual revelation and then some…I took my children to Sunday school(out of the f blue.actually it was due to a mentor that is now RIP)(I got fully baptized with all my children–against the hhh’s beliefs) Oh well…too bad (f*ck him)…I hope my kids remember that battle … the one that allowed them to make an educated / spiritual choice…that’s all lost now….never say never huh? How can a Mom give up on her children?? I have for the most part…simply because I’d be gone if I didn’t….IT HURTS…MANY THINGS HURT…FLASHERS OF ALL KINDS BE GONE!!!!!
I’VE HAD THE UNFORTUNATE EXPERIENCE OF A FLASHER TOO. THEY JUST AREN’T RIGHT!!!
alohatraveler
witsend… Aloha here. I have never heard that term “mixed biploar episode” I assume it would be rapid cycling between two extremes. Something to put on my reading list.
witsend
Aloha,
As I understand it, it is when depression and manic occur simutaneously.