You’ve finally figured out what is wrong with an individual who has taken advantage of you, abused you, perhaps even assaulted you. Reading Lovefraud, you realize that he or she is a sociopath.
Now, you’re an emotional wreck. You’ve been profoundly betrayed. You’re justifiably angry. Plus, the sociopath has caused you real problems. Perhaps all your money is gone. Or you’re in a vicious child custody battle. You’ve lost your job, your savings or your home. You suffer from anxiety, depression or PTSD. You feel so far down that you don’t even know which direction is up.
You are outraged by the sociopath’s actions. You are further outraged that after this individual bulldozed through your life, he or she seems to be facing absolutely no consequences. The predator has simply moved on to a new target, leaving you in a heap of ashes.
You want your life back. You want to sociopath to be accountable for the destruction he or she caused. And you want to make sure he or she never does this to another human being. But the predator turns on the charm, or plays the victim, or convinces everyone that you are mentally unstable. No one seems to be able to help you. In fact, no one even understands what you’re talking about.
It’s infuriating. If you were honest with yourself, you’d have to admit that you really want revenge.
“Living well is the best revenge”
This proverb was recorded by the English poet George Herbert in 1651. Perhaps whoever originally said it hundreds of years ago knew about sociopaths.
Right now, with your life in tatters, you probably feel like “living well” is an impossible dream. But you can start working towards that goal immediately—and stick it to the sociopath in the process.
The sociopath’s prime objective in life is power and control. If you deny the sociopath power and control over you, you take away what he or she wants most.
The power and control that the sociopath exerts is primarily over your thoughts and emotions. You can break that power and control, and it doesn’t even have to cost you any money. The first step, of course, is No Contact. We talk about No Contact all the time on Lovefraud, but if you need a refresher course on how to do it, read:
It’s true that No Contact is difficult in many cases, such as if you share children with the sociopath, or you work together. In these situations, you need to get to Emotional No Contact. That means you detach emotionally; you do not allow him or her to upset you. There are caveats to this as well, because sociopaths are capable of atrocious behavior that really pushes your buttons. In these cases, you certainly deserve to be upset—just don’t let the sociopath see it.
Remember, they want power and control. If they see that they have triggered you, they know that they still have power and control over you.
The key, therefore, is to focus on healing yourself and improving your life. It will take time. It will require processing the pain, disappointment and anger of the betrayal. But if you decide to recover, you can do it. For more on this, read:
5 steps to recovery from the sociopath (they’re not fast or easy, but the healing is real)
This does not mean that the sociopath should get away with what happened. But if you want to hold the sociopath accountable, you need to do it from a position of strength. Working on your own recovery is the best way to develop the strength.
“Revenge is a dish best served cold”
The source of this statement is also unclear—it was first translated from French to English in 1846, but apparently was already a proverb by then.
It’s not a good idea to consciously go out to seek revenge. (Another proverb attributed to the Chinese philosopher Confucius states, “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves.”) But as time goes by and you build your inner strength, you may suddenly find yourself faced with an opportunity to hold the sociopath accountable.
The sociopath, of course, will continue a life of destruction. Eventually, he or she may target the wrong person or seriously break the law, and someone may contact you to find out what you know about this disordered individual. Then, in a calm and collected manner, you can describe your experience, provide evidence that proves a pattern of behavior, and contribute to some type of justice—whether it’s getting the individual prosecuted, exposed in the media, or just ruining his or her efforts with yet another potential victim.
Revenge may be possible, but probably not right away. So focus on your first priority, which is healing your own life. Then, be patient. By releasing the pain and upset of your betrayal, you’ll be ready when an opportunity arrives for justice.
To you, justice will be sweet revenge.
4myshasta – Way to go! It is nice to see them squirm.
Well, I got some revenge because I got the sociopath who screwed me over fired. She wasn’t qualified for the job anyway and was sleeping with the already married CEO. Luckily, there was another man working there who had the ability to fire her. Had he not been there, there would have been nothing I could have done. The CEO would never fire her. He put her in that position in the first place. She is a high school drop out who was making nearly 6 figures to pretend to do a job that she knew almost nothing about. She waltzed around with her expensive things acting all high and mighty when in reality, she’s little more than a hooker being taken care of by a rich married man. I think she really counted on that job with him. It’s more trouble for her to have to lie her way into another company, especially making that kind of money. Also, from her work history, it appears that it doesn’t take companies long to realize that she is a fraud and fire her. When I finally stood up to her, she got so mad and threw a tantrum like a little kid. It was awesome. 🙂
Well, I don’t know about revenge. I didn’t lose much in my two-month relationship with a sociopath. The marriage before that was four years with a sociopath with other problems and addictions. He may have been narcissistic and borderline. Throw in a little powder cocaine and sex addiction and you have quite a nightmare! That was my life.
I never felt I could or would get revenge on either one of these people. I left. It felt at times like they wanted me to leave, especially once I saw through their masks. It is pathetic. It is sad. But I don’t feel sorry for them either. I myself have recovered from a lot of my own problems that stem from childhood. Nobody was going to put up with my bad behavior or bale me out. Nobody could. People have to choose to change and do it for themselves.
Kathyj~(Sorry I didn’t reply earlier…had a VERY hard time re-finding this post.)
You had asked how I feel about warning the next victim(s) and my answer is….I WOULD IN ANY WAY, SHAPE AND FORM, warn the NEXT victim(s).
I am FULLY aware, had I been warned, I would think that the informant was a jealous X and that I would be the ONE.
BUT….I’d do it anyway.
Realizing they’d tell me where to go, I’d laugh and say, “Been there and if you DON’T heed my warning, you will be too…”
I embarrassingly KNEW many things about him from the get go~blatant and childish lies…but I STILL gave him more chances than probably anyone else in his life ever did.
The “cheating” part by finding him corresponding to THOUSANDS on TAGGED, I took as YES, THAT IS CHEATING but I believed that anyone that would see how he lived and how rude he was behind closed doors meant they were JUST online UN know it alls.
I do have proof that he DID meet up (I don’t know what else happened) with one, but on HER turf so he could maintain his facade.
I would have LOVED to have had SOMEone warn me.
It would have helped me fit the missing puzzle piece MUCH sooner.
I guess, what hurt(s) me the most was that he had only TWO friends (if they could even be considered that as he talked SO meanly about them beHIND their backs) and I KNOW they “liked” me so I felt betrayed that they didn’t warn me.
I HONestly believe that not only was I the ONLY one he’d bring out in the company of others (still NO proof but my FEELINGS are that he WENT to the others so MAYbe his friends never knew.(?)
That and the fact that I am SURE, now that everything is 100% over as were his PAST public relationships, he was able to convince them of OUR “crazy~ness” as he sure got ME to believe the OTHERS were and that I WAS.
I’d LOVE to re-connect with his PAST encounters but the ONLY one I know how to contact is his X wife.
I did email her as I knew she knew of me through her sons, and briefly told her that I gave her all the credit in the world and thought of her as a VERY strong person as she was married to HIM for 17 years.
I am fully convinced she was admitted for mental disorders because of him.
Another girlfriend of his died hitting a semi (suicide(?)
Yet another left ALL of her things and just RAN.
His neighbor told me of one girl whose Dad HATED him as he MAXED out his daughter’s CC’s.
SO….bottom line and sorry for yet another book~You BET I’d warn!!
And then just MAYbe, in the END, I’d also get a “You were/are a strong woman” or even a whisper of a thank-you.
Thanks for responding. I decided to go ahead and try to warn this lady(48) he 56. I got all his marriage certificates, (4)his stalking court records where it said he had told his 2 nd wife “I have guns in the truck and I’m not afraid to use them, if I see another man in this house I’ll kill both of you. They dropped it down to a3 rd degree DM. There must have bee 22 pages just on that report. Then the wife he was married to when he was dating me( I did not know for 5 mo. That they were separated and she lived in her home)
She got a divorce on June 18th 2011 and I found a Order of Protection from her, basically following her, calling, driving by her house, the whole time thinking I was his. As a matter of fact ,it was 2 yrs. this weekend the lies and deceit came out. The I wrote her a long letter nd told her , this is the way it is going to go. She didn’t listen, even those I had pages of court documents. He just sent me a a text and said your letter didnt work. He has her convinced I’ m just wanting to break them up because I want him back! So at least I tried, through the grapevine I know he is already answering her phone because he is so jelous( maybe been together 2 mo) he never picked up my phone! But this is what I don’t understand, I hate him because he never cared for me, but I’m sad at the same time. Here I sit alone and in 5 mo. He has already moved on. I just don’t understand it. It makes me depressed knowing he is moving on and having someone and I’m still alone. Plus June 18th is the 4 th anniversary of my husband’s death. I am so lonesome, but I know I could not put up with him, I miss the exciting sex, and waking up to someone.
If I was going to warn another victim, I would probably send Donna’s book to the victim anonymously. The list of the red flags would get him recognized for what he is. I have gone through the process with a previous one where he enjoyed having the first and second wife (me) hate each other to keep us from talking until I called her two years into my marriage to him. I then just felt scared of him and stayed away from him for many years until he called to “make amends” which was also an attempt to win me back. I think a book with a specific list and accounts of what a sociopath truly is would reach a new victim better than a past victim. It truly is amazing how their charisma can completely take away the common sense of seeing court paperwork! But, they are unbelievably charming when grooming the next victim and portraying the last victim as “crazy.” Mine is old and will be dead within a few years and there will be no more known victims. I think he just plays a fantasy life on line….which I’m sure a few are sincere and victims, but they will never meet him. He has no car. He doesn’t have the money or the health for them. Sending an anonymous book could be from anyone and I think a new victim would pay attention to that more than one of us.
Fight: I have also thought of this type of warning… Donna’s book and the book “Without Conscience”…… If the person is INTELLIGENT ENOUGH they will get it, if not… then good luck to them….. hard to find a way to send anonymously though… this site is so helpful!
If I felt compelled to warn a victim, I would mail it to her workplace with her workplace as the return address, mark it personal and confidential (all in font – no handwriting) and mail it from the next city over from mine. Let’s face it, they have a victim in every city, so he would never suspect me. Victim warned and no fingers to point at me. However, I would think for a very long time before doing this. When I contacted people I found out about through social media, I used a completely different name and pretended to know him as an acquaintance who had overheard him speaking in a threatening manner about them in particular. The one who was also a spath doesn’t know my name and has no way of contacting him ever again. I really tried to scare her because she cheated with him the whole time we were together the first time and she knew all about me. He could contact her if he wanted to, but she found herself a disabled millionaire to bamboozle and doesn’t have time for small time spaths.
Fight~~
We MUST have been with the SAME guy!
He is on ALL the dating sites (which is how I met him) and he was BAAAAD off 2 years ago…he has NOTHING, ZILCH, ZERO now!
The ONLY time his yard was done or his house was cleaned was by me.
The only money “he had” was when I was with him and paid or loaned (GAVE) him.
He has NO car OR even insurance to DRIVE one but IS an auto mechanic/car restorer.
He DID have a car when I started going out with him but he RAREly drove it.
He came to my house (40 miles from his) basically EVERY NIGHT for the first 3-4 months~all while “test driving” his customers cars.
MINE is/was oldER~I mean that in the sense that he should HAVE some SENSE! but he doesn’t.
He exudes YOUTH (he looks DAMN good for a 58 year old with the help of Hair Dye) while in the public but behind closed doors, he’d cough up looeys(sp) (I KNOW, GROSS but I’M being REAL and I canNOT believe the REAL me put up with that!!) ALL the time spitting them out in paper towels that are ALL over his house…complained about EVERY LITTLE ache and pain (but I was the NEGative one)which was always the way the wind was coming in off the lake or what ever spice or extra cheese was in his food…ALways analyzed the REASON when it was CONstant.
Oh YUCK!…I know too, I am WAY off the subject of this post, but the no money, no car, old and dying just SCREAMED for a reply from me. 🙂
Hi myshasta:
We find here that we tend to have the Stepford Sociopaths. Their brain differences and common non-human traits make them all pretty similar…except as Donna has pointed out, it is a spectrum so some are worse than others. I couldn’t find enough hair dye to make mine look 58. He looks 78 seriously. He and his walker and an x-ray of his one kidney and 1 1/2 lungs should be a PSA for good reasons to stay away from drugs, cigarettes, and alcoholism.
Oh Kathyj~~
That IS the saddest thing THEY do to us is make US feel alone, sad, depressed”..BUT, and this is a DAILY affirmation I still have to say after I ran 3/25 IS”
WE still have our SOULS”.which is all THEY ever want(ed) from us and the ones that are with THEM, and may ALways be, are the ones whose souls THEY we ABLE to take.
WE ARE the LUCKY ones.
WE know what happy (even SAD) feels like (THEY don’t have a CLUE”what an EMPty life that must be!!)
“Here I sit alone and in 5 mo. He has already moved on.” makes me laugh”not AT YOU”but because I’ve said the same thing but used DAYS/WEEKS instead of MONTHS. 🙂
THEY moved on WAY before WE knew it and more than likely, while WE were still with THEM. 🙁
What makes me sad is that you are SOOO sad and depressed because of HIM!
Keep READing, ALL and EVERYthing you can get your hands on because after a relationship with one of THEM, WE may be sitting all alone for a LOT LOT longer than 5 months.
THEY may have not taken our SOULS but THEY have STOLE our TRUST and I don’t know about you but I am (WAS) one of the MOST trusting persons I KNEW.
Now, because of HIM, I don’t even trust me, myself or I and that is REALLY SCARY STUFF!!
Another thing we HAVE to remember is that although HE has “moved on” HE/THEY will ALways be “moving on.”
That should make us happy cause I don’t WANT to keep MOVING ON as far as relationships go.
Life is just WAY too short (for ME anyways as I am 52.)
That statement reminds me of another thing that makes me LAUGH”.I started seeing HIM 2 months PRIOR to my 50th Birthday and I was never so happy to turn ANY age as I was 50.
WHY? because of HIM!!!
The part that makes me laugh in a very sick way was that on the night of my 50th B-Day party, HE had gone to sleep and I stayed up with my BFF and told her, “My WISH for you is that you find what I have found, by the time YOU turn 50.”
In retrospect, I was wishing my BFF 2 years of HELL! lol!!
I am TRULY lucky that I have a BFF that has been there, done that, (as sad as that is) cause if she HADn’t, I may have lost her SOME where, SOME time in those 2 years!!
Because NO ONE, not ONE PERson will EVER know/understand what we have been through unless they have been there themselves.
How many times do people just throw out the words, Psychopath/Sociopath after leaving a “bad” relationship without REALLY having a FULL TRUE SENSE of what those words mean and what those KINDS of IN~humans are capable of DOING to US!(?)
AND” lastly, (hey, I could get a Degree in Sociopathy with all the reading/studying I’ve done on HIM going on a year this June, YEAH, I KNEW WHAT HE WAS and STILL STAYED!!! ugh!!) everything I’ve read about the EXCITING SEX was for THEM only.
(I STILL don’t understand that as HE ALways made sure things were GOOD/GREAT for me but MAYbe the reason was so I’d boost HIS ego by always commenting how GOOD/GREAT it was with HIM. (?)
I’m GUESSING you are like me (?) a very kind, giving, caring, trusting, loving but NEEDY person”..(???)
I mean HONESTLY, if we weren’t NEEDY, would we REALLY have put UP with all that SHIT???
I was VERY up front with HIM telling HIM what HE was (I had NO FEAR as I KNEW HE was TOO lazy and TOO cheap to harm or stalk me) and HIS reply caught me off guard”.”If that’s TRUE, what does that make YOU?”
All of the studying I had done on HIM then turned to studying ME and I had my shrink laugh cause every time I’d walk into his office, he KNEW I had come up with a 100% SURE diagnosis of ME.
In reality, besides the NEEDY part, I think our OTHER traits are what makes us stay because we can’t FATHOM we had just been dating PURE EVIL and even KNOWing that, we’d give THEM chance after chance after chance cause WE KNOW”WE CAN FIX HIM/THEM when in REAL reality, there isn’t anything there to FIX.
They are inCAPable of being FIXED no matter what WE or what the OTHER’S do for THEM!
NEVEREVERNEVEREVRENEVEREVER!!!!
SO”in closing yet another “book” 🙂 , waking up to NOTHING is what we were doing with THEM.
We MISS the sex as that was what we took as a TRUE bonding as we KNEW, the words I LOVE YOU or PLEASE/WELCOME/THANK YOU were either NEVER said and if they WERE, NEVER said TRUTH~fully. 🙁
What we are MISSING is what we met and fell in LOVE with.
(Basically ourSELVES as THEY mirror us to enable us to fall head over heels and FAST!!!)
NOT who THEY were/ARE.
I know, me saying these things probably aren’t enough words to make you FEEL less sad/depressed/alone as I am STILL a newby at learning to WALK my TALK (although, had I listened to my gut, I would have ONLY been with him for MAYbe 2 MONTHS rather than 2 YEARS) and I still have moments of UN~clarity and text HIM or call HIM and HE never answers HIS phone but does at times, call me back and then I don’t answer.
(REAL FUN, RIGHT?~NOT!!! 🙁
This is the 1st time in all the times we “parted ways”, that we HAVEN’T talked which I KNOW I CAN trust in MY GUT, ONE THING FOR SURE, is the best and ONLY way to keep the pattern from repeating.
(VERY embarrassing to admit but every time HE “ran”, I’d call/text/BEG HIM to take me back which HE wouldn’t until HE was ready and then, by THAT time, I had forgotten ALL the bad and I’d RUN right back into the arms of the SOUL~LESS SOB, without EVER demanding an apology/explanation.
(Back to what I was saying about NOT being able to say anything to make you feel better) just KNOW, you are NOT ALONE.
There are MANY of US out here.
As a matter of fact, when I started my blog at WordPress.com (which has become more of a Journal as no one cares to FOLLOW me lol!!!) I was HELL BENT on writing a BOOK to PRE~warn others”was when I found out I WASN’T ALONE and MANY books have already been published.
I hope, if you take only ONE thing away from what I just wrote is that again”.YOU/ME/WE are NOT alone and THANKfully, I believe we have just fallen on the “right time” (if there IS such a RIGHT) to have been TAKEN by one of THEM as it seems to be on the rise and if not on the rise, people are finally TALKING and we are NOT an epidemic of our OWN accord (CRAZY as THEY made/make US believe!!)”.we are PART of a HUGE group”.lonely, yes, probably, but aLONE”.NO WAY!!!
PS~Last but certainly NOT least, I am TRULY sorry for the loss of your husband.
I’m going to venture another guess that you, like me, went from Dad to married to SOCIO”not something we would have wished on ANYone”especially ourselves!!!
STAY STRONG!!
Good encouragement and comments…helpful. Being alone can be a good thing. Feeling lonely feelings sometimes is uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as being raged at and called horrible names. I am learning to enjoy being alone again….especially now that the weather is getting decent and I can sit in my little, private garden area listening to my fountain and enjoying my trees and flowers.
I got the guy I knew fired from several gyms. Hee.
It did feel good. That said, in the long run what really felt good was when I took my life back, put it in order, and started living it the way that made me feel connected to myself and the people I love. THAT was the best revenge!!
Slim
I contacted some of his financial victims, as well as sexual and some he had hoped would be sexual, but weren’t, this time and told them he was threatening them because he had lost his RN degree, was ill and was getting angry dementia…especially the ones who “helped” him get into treatment that ultimately lost him his license. I do it anonymously through a common social site. They usually thank me. One, he had an affair with almost the entire time we were together is also a spath in my opinion. She ended up marrying a disabled millionaire and believe me, she must have a lot of charm because she has nothing else to offer I can see. I contacted her anonymously also asking her if she had had a sexual affair with the spath during the specific years I was with him. She admitted that she had and told me a few other tidbits about him. He told me he hated instant message back then, yet messengered her regularly the entire time we were together. That was three years ago and when I found that out and finally realized that it was ALL his problem and I was just another victim all of those years ago. I did see many warning signs and ignored them for the love bombing, as Donna calls it, and I doubt any ex could have talked me out of him. I even saw the warning signs this time. But, I needed the money and I thought it would be more convenient to have him here than some of the spath strangers I’ve had. It probably has been a little more convenient since I’ve lowered my expectations for him to be anything except a spath and he does pay his rent.
Slimone;
As always great advice.
Since sociopaths do not possess normal emotions, getting direct revenge is difficult. They see truth as an attack and will counterattack with lies aimed at undermining any accuser. They will use their charm to deny all charges then use their uncanny lying ability to destroy an accuser’s reputation.
In other instances, they will get angry and may assault an accuser, be it physically, electronically, or destruction to an accuser’s property.
However, some will simply ignore any attempt to expose them. After my x-spath swiftly dumped me (by email, one week before Xmas, knowing that I was bed ridden with Shingles and facing the possibility of being HIV+), in one email I called him out for being a sh*t for doing what he did.
He ignored me. After a few days, I got back to him and the emails were like nothing ever happened. Here, I am a complete wreck and he is talking about playing Guitar Hero — of course with a “new” friend of his, Lord I missed that one at the time.
Thus, the best revenge is a good life.
If possible, use your newfound knowledge to emotionally marginalize them.
I had something remarkable happen a week ago. I came here to discuss a matter regarding sociopathic relatives and got into a discussion that required commentary about the x-spath. To underscore his warped thinking, I went to a dating profile of his to copy his exact words about himself. He had posted new pictures and he looks awful, in a way that underscores something that bothered me from the moment I met him — he does not take care of himself.
Well, in 4 years he aged 8, perhaps as some noted from drug use. Since that moment, I finally have the complete break I was looking for — stunning visual evidence that from smoking to drinking and whatever else, the x-spath does not take care of himself.
And a bit of revenge — no gay man wants to age so rapidly, especially one like x-spath who still views himself as a boy.
Unless I am cutting off other victims to help them or to keep myself safe, there is no true revenge happening.
I think raising my self esteem is the best way to go. If a sociopath loses my love, respect, time, money, concern, etc., he has lost someone terrific. Not being with them in our hearts and/or physically is ultimately the best revenge. The worst thing a Sociopath can be told is, “I am just too good for you.” I’ve found saying it by my self-protective, self-respectful behaviors works better than words.
Towanda BBE!!!!! Good for you for finding a new level of distance and perspective. I also got second- hand information along the way that really aided my healing. Getting that total distance, that complete break, is priceless.
And what you say about getting ‘direct’ revenge is so true. Nearly impossible even. Look at some of these types that are incarcerated for heinous crimes. They still believe, and purport, that they are the victims, AND that they are still successful. Even as they rot in prison, playing sociopathic games, and trying to get parole hearings. Their emotional bodies are so damaged that I wonder if they can consciously register any kind of defeat?
If anything, our attempts at revenge are minor irritations…..
There are millions of disordered people in the world. I do what I can to help those in need to understand about these types, and when appropriate, aid them along their healing path. I have found that investing my energy into the wounded-but-willing is FAR more satisfying and inspiring than when I was in the phase (and I think it is a natural phase of healing and emotional processing) of craving revenge.
Unless there is a provable crime seeking revenge can further zap us of what limited vitality many of us have after the chaos of a sociopathic entanglement.
And trying to seek first-hand revenge can be dangerous with some of these folks. Best to try and ride the wave of these angry feelings, and channel that energy in a different direction than direct revenge.
I read Kathleen Hawk’s articles about how we heal. They were particularly helpful for me in understanding all the emotional and psychological phases/changes I was going through. I think it is good to normalize some of this. Because normal feeling human beings follow pretty similar paths when they process trauma, and attempt to become whole again.
Slim
Slim;
I feel that the only way for me to make sense of my sociopathic experiences, both relationship and employer, simultaneously, is to help other and spread the word.
Speaking of which:
http://rt.com/business/swiss-banks-tax-evasion-918/
Double revenge in one week! Life is good!
I want to thank everyone who posted back to me. It helps so much to be a part of this family, I think I have came to the conclusion as one person said, we only inconvenience them, they are sooooo goooood at what they do. I have some sense of peace. I know he has gotten one who he can control, just by comments I have heard, she dosen’t realize it but she is going down the same road all of us others have gone down. You know if she called me after it was over with him I would spill my guts to her. His 4 before me, you would have to pull something from them. I still don’t understand that one. Then they just ignore me if I wanted to ask them anything. I still feel like I did the right thing for her, and she will understand it one day. Now I ‘ m going to focus on me and how did I allow this to happen to me. I Love U Guy’s! Thanks So Much! Me Being Happy Again Will Be the ultimate revenge, they are never really happy.
hi KathyJ:
It does feel very much like family here, doesn’t it? I have been helped tremendously by the information and people here. It just helps to know that I am not alone as I have tried to hard to put together an unsolvable puzzle and I wasn’t alone in that futility.
Fight,
I see that you are wrestling with the warning new victims urge.
I did so in February.
Initially planned to anonymously but then just came right out and did so via Facebook messages.
I gave her no room for doubt- copy of the chain of e-mails on alternate days to me and his other simultaneous target. (we’d made friends on discovery of his evil modus operandi)
I sent her extracts from Donna’s book, (planned also as you suggested to send her Donna’s book- but thought a more personal account may be more effective) also from Thomas Sheridan’s book, Puzzling People, The labyrinth of the psychopath.
I also sent her a copy of the oscar winning 52FFS letter/character assassination written to him by my co-starring dupester. He’d claimed to be 47 to her…only by comparing notes were we able to piece the full horror of him together.
I sent her the copy of his supposed ashamed letter of apology for all his lies and deceit and appalling treatment of people all his life… how he was in ‘professional treatment/ consultation with a psychologist’
I left no stone unturned. Gave her his full, unabridged cv. The multiple women, neighbours, teenagers, almost bigamy, almost paedophilia.
She has not responded.
I got a letter from his lawyer for my efforts.- as anticipated. I’m a lawyer too. Could see that coming! 🙂
They are not interested, not open to truth. Such is the love bombing, the charade, the illusion, the perfect, sublime connection.
It made me feel deflated, battle weary.
Nobody wants to know when in charmed stage..
I believe Donna’s work is only of benefit to those who are out the other side of the emotional carnage. To gain insight and healing retrospectively.
We do not want to know when we are being loved as never before.
I’m a year and a bit on… Still standing.
All of our stories have identical ingredients.
Exploitation, humiliation, defrauding, discard, crazy incredulity…
Love to all
mo mac
You should feel good for trying. Don’t forget…If she has some intelligence she will pay attention when the devaluing starts. I think the red flags will be harder to ignore if you have been forewarned. Wish I had been. I’m pretty sure I would have been out of there much, much sooner. Probably in about 3 months rather than 5 years.