UPDATED FOR 2022. Yes, you can protect yourself from sociopaths. You can stop them from coming into your life and causing serious damage. I’m going to tell you how to do it in three easy steps:
Step 1 — Know that sociopaths exist
Millions of sociopaths live among us. I am not exaggerating that number.
I use the word “sociopath” as an umbrella term for four serious personality disorders. They are:
- Antisocial personality disorder /psychopathy
- Narcissistic personality disorder
- Borderline personality disorder
- Histrionic personality disorder
Although there are clinical differences among these disorders, there are many similarities. People who have these disorders are usually superficially charming. But they also tend to be exploitative, manipulative, deceitful, impulsive and lacking in empathy.
So how many people have these disorders? According two to important studies,* the estimates of personality disorders in the population are:
- 3.05% to 3.6% have antisocial personality disorder (including psychopathy)
- 1.23% to 6.2% have narcissistic personality disorder
- 1.9% to 5.9% have borderline personality disorder
- .83% to 1.8% have histrionic personality disorder
Add the figures up, and they range from 5.5% to 17.5%, with a midpoint of 12%. If 12% of the adults in the United States have a sociopathic personality disorder, that’s about 31 million people.
Plus, there are additional people who have antisocial, narcissistic, borderline or histrionic traits, but not the full disorder. Believe me, you don’t want to get involved with them either.
Sociopaths can be male, female, old, young, rich, poor. They come from all races, religions, walks of life and segments of society.
Unfortunately, most of us are clueless about personality disorders, and how widespread they are. Anyone who is uninformed is vulnerable.
So this is the first step in protecting yourself: Know that sociopaths exist.
Step 2 — Know the warning signs of sociopathic behavior
As my research for my book, Red Flags of Love Fraud: 10 signs you’re dating a sociopath, I conducted an internet survey that was completed by more than 1,300 people. According to the survey results, most people see the warning signs of sociopathic behavior. They just don’t know what the signs mean.
So what are the warning signs?
1 . Charisma and charm
They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting.
2. Sudden soul mates
They figure out what you want, make themselves into that person, then tell you that your relationship was “meant to be.”
3. Sexual magnetism
If you feel intense attraction, if your physical relationship is unbelievable, it may be their excess testosterone.
4. Love bombing
You’re showered with attention and adoration. They want to be with you all the time. They call, text and e-mail constantly.
5. Blames others for everything
Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems.
6. Lies and gaps in the story
You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth.
7. Intense eye contact
Call it the predatory stare. If you get a chill down your spine when they look at you, pay attention.
8. Moves fast to hook up
It’s a whirlwind romance. They quickly proclaim their true love. They want to move in together or get married quickly.
9. Pity play
They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks.
10. Jekyll and Hyde personality
One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch.
People who have one or two of these traits are not sociopaths. For example, someone can be charismatic and sexy without being disordered. For someone to be a sociopath, you need to see pretty much all of these symptoms.
If you do see this complete pattern, get the person out of your life.
For more description of each of these traits, read the Red Flags of Love Fraud, which is available in the Lovefraud Bookstore.
Step 3 — Trust your intuition
According to Gavin deBecker, author of The Gift of Fear, our intuition has evolved over millennia as an early warning system to protect us from danger.
So if you get a gut feeling that something is wrong with an individual, or you just know there is a problem, even if you can’t put your finger on it, pay attention. That is your intuition warning you of danger.
Unfortunately, in Western society we are taught to value analysis and evidence over intuition. So even though you may have an internal siren blaring about someone, you may believe that you need proof of wrongdoing before taking steps to remove yourself from the situation.
This happens all the time. In my research for Red Flags of Love Fraud, I asked survey respondents whether they had an intuition or gut feeling early in a relationship that there was something wrong with the individual.
The result: 71% of people said yes. But 40% went ahead with the relationship anyway.
Why? They doubted themselves. Or, they wanted to give the individual the benefit of the doubt. Or, they wanted to believe the best about the person.
Generally, when a person is bad news, your intuition will warn you. The important point is to act on the warning.
Protect yourself from sociopaths with awareness
Protecting yourself from sociopaths is a matter of awareness.
(The exception is when you’re born into a family with sociopaths. Obviously you have no choice about who your relatives are, so the process of becoming aware and protecting yourself follows a different path.)
You may still meet a sociopath. After all, millions of them live among us, so it is likely that you will cross paths with a disordered person sooner or later.
Learn more: Sociopathic Seduction — How you got hooked and why you stayed
But by knowing sociopaths exist, knowing the warning signs of sociopathic behavior, and paying attention to your intuition, you will protect yourself from sociopaths. You can avoid inviting a sociopath into your life.
*Prevalance of personality disorders in the general adult population in Western Countries: Systematic review and meta-analysis. The British Journal of Psychiatry, 2018. The National Epidemiological Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions (NESARC) Waves 1 and 2: Review and summary of findings. Social Psychiatry and Psychiatric Epidemiology, 2015.
Lovefraud originally posted this story on May 11, 2015.
Suddenly he says his mom died — a sociopathic seduction strategy
Excellent article Donna.
Straight and to the point.
This should be taught in every school.
Even professionals with Master’s degrees are not aware of the destruction these people leave behind.
SITC
Yep! I have an MSW and I disregarded that feeling, and was in denial when a friend told me she thought he was spath based on her observations (she had previously been a criminal profiler)… I told myself there was no way that could have gotten past me bc I had learned about that in my training, but yes way, it happened!
A friend of mine also told me to look up psychopath and that was when I realized the truth, my whole world fell apart, the rug was pulled out from under me, nothing is ever the same since. Its been about 4 years since any real contact and he recently passed away but I still do not trust people, now when I do give someone my trust most of them have messed up but I see it sooner now and back out of the picture, there is no way in He!! I will ever go thru an experience like that again!! I would rather be single for the rest of my life and put my trust in my animals, life is better this way!!
If only I had this information 5 years ago. But then is it even possible to believe this article unless you have experienced a “relationship” with a sociopath first hand?
It never occurred to me that he was a sociopath until that last lie was in front of me….in black and white.
I knew sociopaths existed. I just always thought they were serial killers….. Surely they aren’t out there dating… .married….fathers….
I only saw Dr. Jekyll; Mr Hide only came through in past stories when he was the victim…he was generous, kind, thoughtful, romantic, the perfect boyfriend. Except he wasn’t.
I stuffed the intuition. I traded it for the “love.” I was too busy showing off the flowers and cards….reading texts and emails….how could someone so caring be evil?
Thank you for the continued education Donna. Thanks to the participants on this site for their willingness to give and share their experiences so that I can try and heal.
so true, I had hear of sociopaths but equaled it to people like Hannibal, how could this man that claims to love me and our meeting was fate ever be comparable to something like that……….They are so good at what they do I find it fascinating……and scary!! He read the spath manual alright!!
Amille2…Interesting …like you I knew sociopaths were out there but I pictured them more serial killers …not fathers…people functioning in their community…and it is so hard to wrap my brain around him having been generous…kind…thoughtful…romantic….perfect …Except he wasn’t…….Intuition said something just is not right….but I kept thinking I needed to know why…..even when I found lies and things that did not make sense….I kept trying….I definitely stuffed the intuition for the cards…the flowers…the many wonderful….emails etc…. In the end…Peace and sanity are worth far more….
Wrapping my head around this eludes me. It has only been 2 weeks since I asked him to leave; threw away every card; deleted every email.
Maybe it takes awhile to comprehend.
Logically, I now know he lied to me about everything. Logically, I know he was the perfect boyfriend so he could tell everyone he was the perfect boyfriend. Logically, I understand he has been with another woman/wife the whole time. Logically I know No Contact is the answer to reclaiming peace and sanity.
Emotionally, I don’t understand how I don’t know him after 5 years together. How did it never occur to me that he was a sociopath until 2 weeks ago? Emotionally, how do I reconcile that he never loved me? That all the “I miss and love yous” were meaningless? That he was saying the same words to someone else. Emotionally, how is it that I will never talk to him or see him or hold his hand again?
The conflict is overwhelming sometimes..this site, articles, posts, words of understanding and encouragement…amazing and restores my faith….thank you
amille2, it takes time to process everything you are reading…your brain will sort it all out. it’s a shock to our body, mind & sprit when we finally do see them for who they are & their pure evilness.
It also makes you see the world so much differently, before you knew there was evilness in this world but you never imagined that it would come so close to you & your family. Now you will look at the people in your circle of friends & family and really assess their behavior or anyone you meet in passing.
1 in 25 people on this planet are sociopaths/psychopaths.
Experts believe that we have one sociopath/psychopath in our circle of friends/family without realizing it and that we meet one in passing everyday whether at work, the grocery store, at a friends party etc. They are in all walks of life. THIS IS SCARY they blend into society so well and we are not education on this statistic in school!!!
These guys are masters at manipulating people & hiding their double/triple lives. The fact he was not living with you full time would allow you not to see his mask slip fully. If I remember correctly he was married & living with his wife so you did not see his everyday manipulation, he went to you for fun & his wife got the bulk of his abuse & control.
Look at what Tiger Woods hide, this will give you the understanding of how they compartmentalize their different lives & the different mates they have in their lives. He had a wife who had no clue, he had how many mistress dozens but one main mistress that he told he loved her but the others were just different levels of meeting his sex addiction. Everyone in his circle of friends/people who worked for him had no clue of Tiger’s double/triple life NO ONE not even his caddy that had been with him for years & years.
Sociopaths use mind control, trance & hypnosis to control their victims mind. Was he doing these things to control your mind so that you would not fully see his sociopathic behavior & would suppress your real feelings about the relationship & now they are coming up? My ex did these things from day one I remember specifically in the beginning feeling like I was hypnotized/tranced by him. And I remember just before leaving him having friends at my house having an light bulb moment and saying to myself “he is brain washing me!!”.
I really recommend the book Women Who love psychopaths by Sandra Brown. My counselor gave me this book to read when I first left my husband. I cried reading the book the whole way through as the book fully explained all of the manipulation & mind games that my ex h did to me.
One of the things that we do is project our way of thinking/belief system onto others…you are a good person amille so you project that way of thinking with others. You wanted to believe he was good & wanted the best for you because those are the traits of you…google “projections”.
This site is a god sent for all the support. I am really glad that you found your way to LF to learn the truth about him.
Take care.
As for the fact “how do you reconcile that he never loved me? …..that’s a hard one…for me I just kept reading and learning that his brain literally does not work in the emotional region of his brain. Sociopaths brain are not normal they have a birth defect like a baby born with a heart defect or other illness.
There are some things that over time you will just let go and not need full answers to because you will be at peace that the only thing to do with the relationship was to end it. Closure for me on my marriage/divorce was finding out that he is a sociopath and there was nothing that would change that or his abusive & manipulative behavior. I finally just came to the realization of him at face value.
Amillle, it’s only been two weeks….I know that you want to just understand everything at once your logical side is kicking in but you have to let the emotional side sort things out by reading, analyzing what you read & how it related to your relationship, process it all & then your brain will let go of things and you will have peace again.
Amille, I wanted to post this story of David K and how his wife had no idea that he was living a double life with his other family for three decades until he died unexpectedly! He was on national tv & still was brazen enough to live his double live. While he might not have been a sociopath he certainly was a narcissist. These guys can hide their true self behind their mask for decades. I remember this guy growing up & he would have been the last guy on earth you would ever guess would have been living a double life.
http://www.salon.com/1999/06/08/kuralt/
Thanks as always for your words of wisdom.
Yes, the world is different to me now. I certainly can’t bury my head in the sand. I have been doing that for far too long.
Funny how my friends and family doubt my suspicions that he is a sociopath. Of course he loved me on some level they claim..,or else why would he have done all those things for me? Spent all that time with me? Generous with gifts.,..but at the same time, can’t believe I fell for all the lies..,astounded at the depth of deception.
I remember when Charles Kuralt story broke. How shocked everyone was. I feel bad for the wife. In his case, the mistress knew he was married. I wish I would have known that about my spath…
I was married to a sociopath for 33 years, and suffered as we all have, here. I’ll tell you why I didn’t realize he was a sociopath.
I grew up with parents that loved me and my siblings. When they said they’d do something, they did. The kept us safe, they sacrificed for us, and they always had our best interests at heart. I grew up believing in good people, because that was what I knew at home.
I grew up in the church, where sinners were redeemed and forgiven every day. I was taught to turn the other cheek, not to judge, to forgive and forget, to be loving and supportive, compassionate and empathetic. I was also taught that you did not give up on a marriage, you prayed and God helped you through. Of course, I also believed that BOTH spouses wanted the very best for each other.
I was taught to keep an open mind, and to consider another persons point of view. I was taught not to lie, but to be honest and talk things out. I believed everyone had the best intentions when they stated such. I was taught that a person was only as good as their word, and endeavored to always be truthful.
I was taught the Golden Rule. Do unto others…And that was something I always practiced. I went out of my way to be kind, to give a helping hand, and help those in need.
I never knew there was such a thing as a sociopath. I never knew people would like just to lie. I never knew evil was something other than the bad man with a gun. I never knew some people enjoyed others torment and suffering, especially if that person could cause it. I never knew people would intentionally manipulate others, all the while professing their love. I never knew there were people who were not capable of love.
I never knew there were people who lacked all good intentions.
I’ve faced my ignorance, and have chosen to learn. In doing so, I have come to accept the person I loved for so long did not exist. He was a counterfeit. He never loved me, or our children. He simply is not capable of any emotion, or any interest other than that which affects him, personally. It is a hard understanding to come to, but it is very freeing. I was uneducated, but now I know. You’ll get there, just give yourself some time. Best of luck as you move forward.
Thank you for this post. Very positive approach…. Much needed today as I had to visit doctor to get tested for STDs. Not something I ever expected to do….certainly not even 3 weeks ago
I will continue to learn…thanks again
As a former victim of an ex-husband and decades later, the devastated mother of 5 genetically engineered children, I sometimes feel the non sexual role is often overlooked. This includes such well-known sociopaths as Hitler, Madoff, Lance Armstrong, Jim Jones, many in positions of power over others. For this reason, I would suggest adding the following traits: intimidation/threats, superior attitudes and feeling entitled. Their ultimate goal seems to be endlessly seeking positions of power and control over others and their inherent danger lies when this control is thwarted or questioned in any way.
What do you mean “genetically engineered” children? Are the children showing spath traits?
Yes, all my 5 fully grown children (youngest a med. Dr!) are full-blown psychotics. Upon advice of my attorney and Dr. Mary Ellen O’Toole, I went NC with all of them in 2011 after youngest threatened me with family committal! Ridiculous but hard for a loving mother to accept reality.
my ex spath passed away a short time ago from a heroin od, the relief I felt when it sank in was unbelievable!!! I cut ALL ties to anything that reminded me of him. He was all these things listed and yes he loved animals. Only a person that has been thru this ordeal can understand it completely. I have been on medication and therapy for just over a year now, that helped tons!!! Awareness is the only key, I knew in the beginning something wasnt quite right but I didnt listen to my intuition, at lease now I know better even though I have NO DESIRE whatsoever to date. Life is to good right now to mess it up. Good luck everyone Karma does work!!
Frandee,
Mine seemed to like/love animals too.
Hmph.
The liking animals thing makes sense – a creature that is dependent on the sociopath for food and shelter, that the sociopath literally can control life or death with no consequences.
Picture a dog that is loyal to its master. The master kicks the dog so the dog grovels and licks the master’s boot to show its subservience. Day after day, the master kicks the dog and it begs forgiveness even though it hasn’t done anything. Sociopaths love this, and this is what they do to their human victims through trauma bonding. What the sociopaths never expect is when the dog/victim has enough and bites the master. If it is an animal, the sociopath can exert ultimate control and end the animal’s life. With a human, the ultimate control is harder to achieve. Sometimes the sociopaths are successful, other times they just continue to harass the victim as long as they are able or until they get caught breaking a law and thrown into jail for it.
Mine too. Thats the only thing that did not ring true. I kept waiting for him to hurt the animals as he used all sort of other threats against me. Interestiing to hear that is fairly consistent with other people’s experiences.
Mine hated my animals. He outwardly would shun my dog. He would say over and over how jealous he was of my dog. Which I found absolutely bizarre. I loved my animals like family. They were the only ones that truly were there for me come to think of it ( both passed and lived to an old age) so they were first on the priority list. But so was he. I too was waiting for him to hurt them. For me that would have ended it right then and there- so maybe that’s why he never went there. He went everywhere else to hurt me though so still shocked he didn’t go there.
I guess both ways make sense. Either the admiration of an animals love or the pure hatred of the dependance. This is all so sick. These monsters. Sigh.
Most people just turn their heads and no comments when I post articles on these disordered people, I feel like a lot of them think Im crazy, thats ok, maybe I am to an extent but at least I know what is lurking out in the world, it changed my life, it made me stronger and I feel it is my duty to spread awareness also…………it should be taught in school, parents should learn and discuss with their children, everyone thinks oh that would never happen to me, I know how to read people, well think again…………….they fool everyone, judges, lawyers, police, psychologists, they are just that good.
My thoughts precisely. Kudos for sticking to the truth…regardless!
Thank you Donna,
Mine pretty much meets all ten characteristics…but, yet, I feel I want proof.
My gut told me. After talking with his cousin last night for the first time, I feel left empty.
No proof of previous abuse.
But, of course right? He’s not going to tell people what he does at home.
Dear Donna (and everyone who writes!) You, Donna, are doing so much to help people, not just women, because women can be sociopaths, too. You briefly mention something about people who are born into sociopathic families. I was married to two men who came from sociopathic families. In one, it was both parents who was sociopaths and trained their children to be that way. The father was sarcastic, alcoholic, and physically abusive. The other was a fanatical so-called Christian who denied the children anything that smacked of fun or developing their multiple talents. At least four of the five children, including the one I married, were sociopaths. Two of the women were cheats, and one of them was a con artist who swindled companies out of millions of dollars while she live the high life. She was such a fine manipulator that she could talk circles around me and others. Fortunately, she didn’t manage to talk me out of giving my house to her — my dad was a lawyer, saw right through this manipulation, and urged me and her brother (my husband) to seek legal advice. That same sister-in-law and her husband, too, were fundamentalist, evangelical so-called “Chrstians,” and they appeared for years to be loving, warm, and welcoming. They’d greet me with literally open arms when I’d come to visit. Weird, weird, weird. The other husband’s family used to talk about how much fun it was to emotionally abuse/bully vulnerable, innocent and naive girls, when her sons were in high school. Donna, I would love to see an article for and about people who were brought up in sociopathic homes, and also for the rest of us to recognize these families before we get sucked in.
Great information, but I wish there were other things that a person can do to protect themselves. My situation involves my family and it seems like the more I try to distance myself the worse things get. Recently they obtained a debit card that was sent to their address by mistake by the bank (I use to live there a long time ago). Needless to say they used it and racked up some nice purchases which were taken directly from my checking account. Thanks for that. I got the money back, but what a pain in the ass.
I still receive random phone calls, emails, letters on my birthday, random letters, etc.. I just want to be completely left alone. Filing a restraining order will only escalate their crazy behavior so what’s left to do? I wait for the next punch to come in out of nowhere and I can’t fight back.
All I’m saying is that I’m fully aware that they exist. In fact because I grew up with this particular family member I am an EXPERT at spotting them. Great, thanks for the gift God, but now what? I avoid the new ones I meet and keep them away from myself and my family but again how do you protect yourself once you have them figured out?
Suggestions: change your phone number email address, bank account numbers etc., maybe even your present abode in order to claim your absolute freedom. This entails work but better once than the continual abuse you are suffering. Hardest of all to change is your “friends” perception of the situation. Unfortunately, you may have to drop those as well, finally having to admit that they are not your true friends.
Thank you. I know that you’re right. The only thing on that list that won’t make a difference is moving (which we have done) because mail will be forwarded. But it’s time to change the email address and phone number even though it’s a pain. Great advice that I knew but still needed to hear.
If you decide to move, plan well ahead of time. Get a PO box and forward your mail several months before you plan to move. Anything important will go to the PO box. After the move, open new bank accounts, credit cards etc with your new address. Be prepared to overlap accounts for a few months. Once the new accounts are established, close all of the old ones that were linked to your old address. Once you are down to just junk mail, close your PO box with no forwarding information. You may still pop up on a google search but it makes it much harder to find you. If you can legally change your name it helps but that is a whole other level of flying under the radar and not 100% effective since the court action will be published in legal notices.
Again, excellent advise. I changed my name as well. I haven’t tried everything you said though. I just moved my family in November 2014 and I didn’t have this advise so it may be too late. The PO box is an excellent idea, I wish I had thought of that.
great detailed advice!
It has been over 4 years since Donna’s writings made me see the truth about him. I am still scratching my head in disbelief and no longer have any desire to date or trust another man. That part of me just died that wanted a partner. I am lucky to be alive and am glad I got away.
Great post Donna- very informative!
Two quick notes…
Some folks hear the word “borderline” and think it means that the person is on the “borderline” of being sociopathic. That’s not true. “Borderline Personality Disorder” is a distinct character disorder which is as potent as Narcissism and Anti Social Personality Disorder. Here’s a good description> http://psychcentral.com/disorders/borderline-personality-disorder-symptoms/
At the foundation of all character disorder is the person’s inability to experience conscience. Without a conscience the only thing that prevents them from harming others, whenever the spirit moves them, is fear of exposure or consequences. The three distinct disorder types produce different “affects” in the person’s behavior, but all are toxic.
Also, gut instincts function as a result of experience and exposure. The first time a person encounters a relationship with a sociopath, it’s more difficult to recognize and react to the signs. Once the person experiences the harm in the relationship, “gut instincts” can be more effective in protecting them.
Fortunately, we see information in the mainstream today that can alert people, even if they are yet to fall victim. But they would react intellectually rather than intuitively.
Once harmed, many survivors think that they’ve been ill shaped by their experience because they can no longer trust. In fact, experience is simply the best teacher. Fear puts us on the lookout, and that’s a positive, not a negative thing. None-the-less, victims go through difficulty mourning the loss of their innocence. Embracing that loss is a sign of recovery.
jm_short,
I have been on this site for quite awhile and have done a lot of reading and educating myself on this (these disordered persons)subject.
As the victim of a spath I am in the recovery stage.
I am still trying to understand this.
Why they do this. What are they trying to hide?
Is it that they are so insecure about their own self, even though they appear so confident?
I think I understand and then I get confused.
Stroninthecity
My thoughts and questions precisely.
Strong and Flicka-
I can understand your dilemma. The harm they do just doesn’t make sense to morally intact people with empathy.
What they’re trying to hide is whatever they know they’ve done wrong. They’re not stupid. Far from it. And they’ll discard you for any number of reasons:
They’ll do so if you start catching on to them.
They’ll do so if there is something to be gained by doing so.
They’ll do so as part of a push-pull to get you stuck like glue.
They don’t think like you do. And yes, there is a deeply rooted insecurity about them, particularly Narcissists and Borderlines. It’s an insecurity that is not something that YOU can fix. It was put there in their very early childhood development.
A Narcissist is consumed with their reflection because they need to produce an image for the world to see. They don’t feel confident about themselves. They’re concerned about how they appear. They will undermine you to maintain, protect or improve their appearance.
A Borderline has an innate fear of abandonment. It could have resulted from a death or desertion of a care giver, from abuse, from separation or many other circumstances. That’s not to say all children who experienced these things become Borderlines, but if they also lack empathy, they would be at high risk.
Thank you Jm_Short for your valued clarification. Much of my dilemma lies in this fact: if one accepts that the sociopath simply does not have the capacity of normal emotions, how does this jive with their continual attempts to devastate their now NC, but former victims? They often seem incapable of robotically walking away from ex victims and on to new ones, thereby demonstrating some sort of deep-seated emotional hatred bent on total destruction. This leads to the conclusion that sociopaths are indeed capable of emotions (i.e. fear, hatred) but none of them in the positive column (love, care, responsibility, respect etc.)
flicka,
You are so right on in your observation.
I made a similar statement to my husband. He’d say, “I’m not an emotional feelie person, never have been.”
And I’d argue back to him, “yes you are VERY emotional, but only with the dark emotions of rage, anger, revenge. You give those emotions full expression.”
And funnily enough, he agreed although he’d correct me and say, “I don’t feel anger. I feel frustration because they don’t comply when they know better(animals, people that he wanted to do certain things). It did not occur to my ex that people’s choices should be respected. Thus he thought “getting them to do what he wanted” was acceptable and appropriate, and Not doing what he wanted was a sign of weakness.
You see, I did learn his moral reasoning, just as I was able to learn the moral system of my birth family. I understood it, but I completely disagreed with it.
Flicka
part II of my thoughts
Narcissists are insecure.
Sociopaths KNOW themselves. There’s no insecurity about their core belief of entitlement and superiority.
My ex is very strong in his core beliefs that he is entitled to put people in their “place”. Pecking order matters very much to him.
The law (for stupid people) might interfere with his core beliefs, but that’s why sometimes he has to bide his time until the opportunity presents itself. And he accepts that delay” but he does not forget anyone who has slighted him.