A Lovefraud reader frequently sends me links to stories in the Daily Mail, a tabloid based in the United Kingdom. Here are some recent articles:
Newlywed ”˜murdered his wife of just five months after she discovered his affairs on Facebook’ (September 3, 2010)
Bigamist who claimed to be decorated Falklands hero to woo fifth wife then fleeced her of £50,000 (September 6, 2010)
Cheating husband bludgeoned wife to death before going Christmas shopping with mistress (September 9, 2010)
Internet Romeo conned dozens of women out of £500,000 pretending to be terminally ill (September 15, 2010)
Here at Lovefraud, we can recognize that the bad actors in all of these cases are likely sociopaths.
The signs are all there. One perp was called, “The man with the golden tongue.” About another perp, a cop said, “he targeted vulnerable women, gained their trust and then fraudulently obtained money for his own needs.” The man who murdered his wife conducted an elaborate charade for four days, using her phone to send texts to family and friends saying that she had left him.
A different story
Yes, I’d say these guys are sociopaths. But to the Daily Mail, they’re just sensational stories.
The Daily Mail has a circulation of nearly 2 million. That means every day, nearly 2 million people read these stories. Can you imagine how helpful it would be if the Daily Mail actually pointed out that there is a common denominator among all these cases? That they are, in fact, sociopaths?
For example, here’s the type of information I’d like to see added to the “Internet Romeo” story:
Good-looking, charming and apparently a successful professional, David Checkley seemed perfect to the women he courted on dating websites.
In reality, however, the 52-year-old was a serial fraudster who cheated his victims out of half a million pounds.
One lent him £10,000 after he claimed to need money for a vital operation to cure his fictional Parkinson’s disease.
Others gave him cash for invented business dealings as he posed variously as an architect, property developer, fighter pilot and Vietnam War veteran. One woman ended up losing her house.
Here’s where I’d elaborate:
How did this happen? How did so many smart, successful women fall for this bloke’s stories?
“In cases like this, the perpetrators often have a personality disorder,” explained one expert. “Often, people who charm others and then take advantage of them are sociopaths.”
The term “sociopath,” the expert explained, does not necessarily mean someone is a serial killer. Rather, a sociopath is someone with no conscience and no empathy for others. They can appear to be charming, glib and charismatic. They often seem to be a lot of fun. But they are social predators, whose aim is to exploit people to get what they want.
So why don’t the media explain what a sociopath is, or connect the dots so that people can start to see the pattern in the behavior described in these stories?
First of all, most reporters are clueless about this disorder, just as we were once all clueless. They went to the same schools and live in the same society as we do. If we never learned it, neither did they.
Secondly, even if the media realizes someone is a sociopath, actually saying it creates all kinds of legal problems. The media are in the publicity business, and publicity gone bad can turn into defamation. The Daily Mail has lost some big libel suits, and I’m sure would prefer to avoid them.
Media suggestions
So what could be done? Here are suggestions for the Daily Mail and other media:
- Publish informational stories about sociopathy, explaining how prevalent the disorder is, and what the symptoms are.
- Watch for stories in which someone has been diagnosed as a sociopath in court, because, in the U.S. at least, anything said in court can be published without fear of defamation.
- When someone is diagnosed as a sociopath, explain what it means, and what kind of behavior the person exhibited that is typical of a sociopath.
If the media could add education to the sensationalism, a lot of people may learn to recognize the behavior and avoid being victimized.
If I were a cynic, I’d say that the media might not want to do this, because then they’d have fewer sensational stories. But I don’t think they’d have to worry. Unfortunately, there are so many sociopaths, and they are so good, that it will be a long time before the predators run out of victims.
Dear Sociosibs,
Not all psychopaths torture animals, though some do. My P son never did torture animals.
My genetics are filled with people very HIGH IN PSYCHOPATHIC TRAITS and behaviors on both sides of my family tree. My P sperm donor is a full blown psychopath who has killed, (but remained out of prison) and who has had at least 7 wives that I know of and has beaten most if not all of them. He has raped, stolen, and an an adult abused animals as well as humans. There are NO socially redeeming factors for him. He is pure “pornography on two legs”—utter and unredeeming FILTH.
My P-son who has never met my P sperm donor his grandfather, is almost a carbon copy of him, ONLY worse. VIOLENCE without remorse. VIOLENCE with PLEASURE.
My adopted son D works for Scouts and the scout program has improved now about protecting the scouts from adult predators on or off staff. I think maybe Jackie’s crimes may have had a positive effect in that direction.
Through OUR FAMILY’S KNOWLEDGE OF PSYCHOPATHS and my adopted son’s connection with young scout leaders and older scout leaders he is using that opportunity to EDUCATE Scouts and leaders about all psychopaths! (not just the sexually directed ones) So it is an ill wind that blows no one good!
I’m glad that you are taking your experience (as bad as I’m sure it must have been) and turning it into something that is healing for you and your children, as well as a site for healing and knowledge for others.
Through the years of healing I have had a desire to pass that knowledge on, and have looked at various ways to do so. I even thought about for a time turning the farm here into a sanctuary for victims of psychopaths and violence.
I’m still not sure what direction my life will take in the future, but I continue here at LF volunteer at other places as well. My life is still a work in progress.
OxDrover,
I suspect that my h-spath resembles his father in many ways, believing that psychopathy runs on his paternal side (he had an uncle who was committed to a state mental hospital for trying to injure an aunt). Some of the stories that I hear about my father-in-law have me strongly suspecting that he too was a sociopath (although not an outgoing one). My sister-in-law who had a hand in raising her younger siblings told me that if her father had a dollar, he would spend it, that he would give the shirt off his back to a stranger (but that she doubted that he would do the same for her), and lastly that whenever he was in the household, you were walking on eggshells. The climate was ripe for my h-spath to develop the disorder because his father was abusive toward the children and his mother was unaffectionate and unnurturing toward them. What puzzles me is why the h-spath is the only one who seems to have turned out a sociopath. I know it doesn’t help to say it, but if I had known more about my h-spath pre-marriage (what his family members already knew about him), I wouldn’t have married him.
Bluejay, your hub may be the only spath in the family, but his siblings are probably spath bait.
It’s like growing up in an alcoholic home. Chances are you’ll be one of two things, an alcoholic or a co-dependant…or, if you’re really lucky, both!
So, it’s possible his siblings learned how to be targets and victims.
Update on this creature.
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/21/20100921/tuk-murdering-husband-begins-life-term-6323e80.html
Yea, the 17 years he got (and of course will get out of prison in much less) is a slap in the face of the woman he killed and her family.
When is MURDER going to be a CRIME again? We send people to prison for decades for a pound of marijuana and someone chokes the life out of his wife when she catches him cheating, and he gets a slap on the wrist!
Since he likes kinky sex so much, I hope he gets Bubba for a cell mate—or whatever they call the UK version of the 400 pound “Bubba the pervert.”
Bubbles?
Being born into a family with a sociopath for a sister has its pros & cons, relative to those who partner up with them. On the one hand, I have never been attracted to, indeed I’ve felt repelled by, sociopathic men, so I have not been at risk of any romantic relationship with one. On the other hand, I am irrevocably connected to the sociopath in my life, and have been her frequent target almost since she was born. Looking back with the knowledge I now have, I see how she’s manipulated my whole family and so many others, even as a very young child. I always knew something was wrong, but nobody else ever saw it, so I usually kept my thoughts to myself. She has always been a master at keeping her true nature under wraps and those with puzzle pieces separated. And even as a preschooler she was a skillful gaslighter.
The gene(s) comes from my father’s side. He left us when we were quite young, and after finding him in my late 20s and getting to know him for myself, I realize now that he was a narcissist. In meeting and learning more of his side of the family, it seems there were and are others similar. My mother’s side is afflicted with addiction and its peripheral dysfunctions, although I see no indication of Cluster B Personality Disorders. My sister was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) after her arrest on 7 counts of felony arson that included burning down her (really her husband’s) house. I am now convinced that had the clinician possessed more accurate and well-rounded information as I’ve recently assembled, the diagnosis would have more precisely been for another Cluster B PD, Anti-social PD, the DSM comparable to psychopathy.
Over the years I’ve healed a great deal from the messy reality that is my family, and have enjoyed a healthy state of mind for at least half my life. I was fortunate to have had my mother as a role model who perpetually overcame obstacles, bounced back from adversity, and went on to make lemonade out of lemons one way or another. For example, when my son and I discovered that the public school system was not equipped to educate such an unusual child (he’s extremely intellectually gifted and multi-exceptional, that is, with special needs), we turned that into a positive. In my undying advocacy for him, together we ended up changing policy itself in the entire school district—in a very friendly, albeit determined way—and we are now pursuing legislation to make changes statewide.
So that’s what I’m doing with this issue of sociopathy. The grief surrounding my mother’s terminal illness and subsequent death was compounded by my sister’s malevolent manipulations and continuing exploits that will result in my losing my home if I don’t do something about it, among other devastating outcomes. Since I don’t operate the way she does, and simply will not, I have to be thorough and methodical in warding off what appears to be inevitable. It was my investigation induced by this pursuit that led to the revelation that I was dealing with and had grown up beside a sociopath. I’d long suspected her of Munchausen’s by proxy, and am now convinced of it, especially after locating and getting a written statement from her ex-husband who independently came to the same conclusion and added evidence to support it. I remember living with a little girl who persisted in abusing our pets, however, incongruously she became and still is known by many around her to be an “animal whisperer” of sorts. Now I have witness statements about her severe abuse and killing of animals to counter her portrayal of herself and more accurately match what I recollect of her.
So, what started as a determination to do what I could to prevent my sister from making my son and myself homeless has expanded to protecting my family from whom I now understand is far more dangerous than I’d ever realized, and further onto raising public awareness in an effort to help myself and family in our situation with the side benefit of helping others. My little website is just one small piece, a place to begin my writing and store the evidence I’ve collected. I’m also penning a manuscript and a screenplay, and just recently renewed my producer’s membership with my city’s public access television channel in order to produce a pilot for a series that will definitely air locally and can be submitted to national cable & broadcast networks. I don’t know how far I’ll get or how successful this will be, but I won’t know if I don’t do it.
When my son was a little fella and my husband left us (like mother, like daughter, oh well), I sought employment that would enable me to remain as close to being a full-time mom as possible. When I couldn’t find a job to support us and keep a roof over our heads (the same roof I’m trying to hold onto now), I made one. That’s when I started my own company which I ran successfully for 15 years, until retiring just this year. And again, that’s what I’m trying to do with this issue. I have not stopped requesting that the existing venues educate the mainstream about this horrific societal affliction that is sociopathy, and encouraging others to do the same because there is power in numbers. But I’m seeing that it isn’t quite happening despite many more able & qualified people who’ve tried and failed before me, although the good news is that I am noticing important victories, such as the hard-won successes of Donna and Mary Jo. So, concurrent with my endeavor to get this information aired on existing shows, I’m making one.
I absolutely believe these things, that everyone has at least one gift to share, and that even those of us who feel we have nothing to give can. It is empowering to know that we can do something, even if we don’t have much ourselves. So, depending upon where each of us is along the path of recovery from the devastation wrought by the respective sociopaths in our lives, each of us has the power to do a little or a lot, but to do something, anything toward prevention of this horrific societal affliction. Preaching to the choir as we talk among ourselves is imperative for the recovery process, but ultimately speaking up, even in a tiny way, to those who know little or nothing about our collective experience is what will incite real change that can help prevent its reoccurrences. It’s healing and empowering, even if it’s just one email to one newspaper, magazine, or local or national show or network, asking for publication of information on this topic.
OK, down from one of several of my soapboxes now. 😉
Dear Sociosibs,
Darlin, I think we are related! My P-genealogy is about like yours! What aren’t personality disordered are enablers/co-dependent.
I agree that in many ways blogging here is “preaching to the choir” but fortunately, so many new choir members come here that this blog is educating so many newly aware victims.
In addition to what goes on here at LF and other blog sites, information to the media is very important as well. Unfortunately, as I am sure you know, the media tends to portray “psychopaths” (by whatever name) as serial killers etc. rather than “the Sociopath next door” as Martha’s book called them. My family is rife with both types, the “every day” psychopath and the murdering psychopath.
As Liane Leedom pointed out, the condition is not either/or but a spectrum from BAD to EVIL, but none of them worth the term “good” in any way.
I’m glad that you were able to change your child’s school, as raising a gifted child is as much or more of a challenge than raising one on the lower end of that scale. Raising a psychopathic one is a NIGHTMARE! Many of us here can testify to that.
I wish you godspeed in your quest for media attention to get the word out! God bless.
don’t know if anyone is around – doesn’t look like it.
i did it. i outed her. so much closer to well and truly done. a bit shakey – adrenaline rush no doubt.
onwards and upwards.
Dear One,
I guess I’m the only one around and that isn’t for long. What does “I outed her” mean? To a web site, cops, ???