Gov. Eliot Spitzer, a beacon of probity, has been caught allegedly hiring a prostitute. He has appeared on TV to apologise – see it here. And what an inadequate job he did.
I was reminded of a previous apology he made in the New York Times last July for his administration’s involvement in ordering the State Police to record the whereabouts of State Senate majority leader Joseph L. Bruno – read it here.
In neither case does he even do the first thing that any apology worth anything should do – he does not state what he did. If you’d missed news broadcasts you’d have no idea what he was apologising for.
According to Perfect Apology the key steps in any good apology are:
1. a detailed account of the offence
2. acknowledging the hurt caused
3. taking personal responsibility
4. recognising one’s role
5. stating one’s regret
6. asking for forgiveness
7. promising that it won’t happen again
8. offering resititution
Spitzer’s apology fails miserably on several of these counts. But even if he’d successfully ticked off each of the above criteria – say a savvy aide had written something more fitting – his tone means that the apology would have failed anyway as an apology. At the heart of any decent apology is genuine contrition, remorse, regret, sorrow, guilt, shame. These emotions are to my ears totally missing from Spitzer’s ‘apology’. I imagine that his wife loyally standing next to him must have been suffering a lot.
Let’s just recall what he’s alleged to have done. He patronized a high class prostitution service called Emperors Club VIP and met for over two hours with a $1,000-an-hour call girl. The call girl traveled to Washington, D.C., from New York City for the tryst. Spitzer paid her $4,300 in cash, which included $1,500 as a deposit with the agency toward future services. Spitzer had at least seven or eight liaisons with women from the agency over six months, and paid more than $15,000. Speaking on condition of anonymity, a law enforcement official said on March 11 that Spitzer, in fact, had spent tens of thousands of dollars with the Emperors Club. Another official said the amount could be as high as $80,000. So, not one “disappointing” mistake – an ongoing series of events involving who know whose money.
(Interesting side note: Spitzer registered at the hotel under the alias of George Fox, the name of an uninvolved friend, and the Governor’s own Fifth Avenue Manhattan address. So revealing – but a topic, perhaps, for another day.)
My conclusion is that an apology like this is actually an insult. It’s cruel, and perhaps that’s it’s point.
Dr Steve,
I have followed this story on the net and CNN news. I know that we are not supposed to apply labels but I see Eliot Spitzer’s bizare misconduct as classic behaviour of a nracisisstic personality.
I wonder if anyone commenting will have the courage to say this as it would be a great example with which to educate the general public. Sadly, I think probabaly not as they are always so good at fooling most people. He’ll probably manage to convince everyone that he is the victim!! except perhaps for those of us unfortunate to have encountered these disordered personalities first hand.
Swallow
Thanks Dr. steve-
I was going to write on him too. Classic, but it’s amazing how obvious they are when you know.
Dr. Steve,
Matt Lauer, in an interview with a NY reporter this morning, was told Spitzer has been reputed to be extremely hypocritical, appeared aloof with an inability to connect personally with others, exhibited no compassion and confusing behavior with saying one thing but then doing the opposite, and was described by one official at the beginning of his term saying “that guy scares me.” At least in this case, Spitzer will lose his office and possibly face federal charges.
I listened to Bill O’Reilly last night argue and stand his ground with two mental health professionals sitting on either side of him that Spitzer’s problem was merely that he had an inward desire to be found out, against both professionals insisting that was but one minor trait among many others in pathology. Narcissim was mentioned, but neither sociopathy nor psychopathy was.
What’s scary to me is how Spitzer climbed into a governership in the first place and how uneducated, misinformed, and outwardly belligerent someone so public and so self-touted as a scholar can be. But what really sends shivers up my spine is how prevalent this behavior seems to be and how much power they actually wield that is either whitewashed or contained behind a veil of deceit, privilege, and all too often, immunity.
It’s funny, I checked the lovefraud blog tonight to see if Donna had an opinion of the Spitzer saga.
I spent a number of years working in hospitality – the book Hotel Babylon is completely accurate. It is more the norm than the exception for wealthy men, and any traveling men, to have a mistress or affair while out of their significant other’s sight.
So I wasn’t surprised to see yet another powerful man misbehaving. What strikes me as completely stupid is why he would pay for prostitutes when so many American women – beautiful, educated women – are loose and will give it up for free after a few drinks at the hotel bar. And, what dumba– pays $4000 for a hooker? ??
Also, he should KNOW that since 9/11 and the Enron/Worldcom scandals that the Patriot Act and Sarbanes-Oxley have changed everything. Anti-money laundering rules have become a lot more stringent; bank computer systems have automatic reporting that goes direct to the federal government, filing “suspicious activity reports” for all kinds of transactions.
How can the former New York Attorney General not know what the laws are?? He must have some kind of sickness.
One addition: I wonder what Spitzer has done to his wife that she feels like she had to stand next to him for his public apology? I hope she transfers all the money into her own name and exiles him. It’s not just an affair, it’s potentially exposing her to a deadly STD. He doesn’t deserve to keep his family.
The “fake apology” that seems to me to be the NORM for psychopaths and narcissistis, or the verbal only “apology” is what they use to say “I SAID I WAS SORRY, WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?” When they have failed to show any of the 8 things you mentioned.
If you pled guilty to a crime the judge will MAKE you tell the details of the crime or they will not let you take a guilty plea. Of course this is supposed to keep innocent people from pleading guilty instead of going to trial just to “cover their bases.” But it seems to me that even the law recognizes that saying you are guilty (and supposedly being sorry for what you did) you must verbalize what the crime was and admit that you actually did it.
Unfortunately the “fake apology” seems to be the norm with polititcians caught with their pants down around their ankles. I loved Bill Cliinton’s “I did NOT have sex with THAT WOMAN” and the spin that Hillary put on it as a “VAST RIGHT WING CONSPIRACY.” LOL
In a way it is so transparent that it is laughable, but I bet his wife is not laughing, or his family, or his political friends who are quickly sheding him like water off a duck’s back.
As far as the “wanting to get caught” comments, to me that just shows how ignorant the person is who says such a thing. It isn’t about wanting to get caught, it is just that they are SO ARROGANT it never occurs to them that anyone would ever be “smart enough” to catch them, after all, they are the smartest people in the world. The rest of the human race are idiots.
I believe they wont say what they are sorry FOR because they are just plain sorry they GOT CAUGHT! Sorry has become an empty word really.
Maybe, he thought going with the high priced gals, his secret was going to be better kept… the cheap gals might “talk” around town.
Of course they were 1000 an hour gals…only the “best”
Blech-This guy is a psychopath–the idea they could careless about STDs not to mention fathering children is telltale of evil.
I linked on my blog to a photo-essay of women who “stood by their men.” The Chicago Tribune put it together- it’s just sad. These women from Ted Kennedy’s wife ( she was pregnant with the fourth child at the time) to Spitzer…
These psycho even use their wives for cover when all blows up.
We, of all people, should have empathy for the wives of these psychopaths—we’ve most of us endured the hell that they must be going through—plus they have PUBLIC humiliation in addition to what we have been through (most of us were at least not humiliated by our P on national television.)
As far as him going for “high priced gals” I think he thought he was entitled to ONLY THE BEST, since he was so exalted, an ordinary woman wouldn’t do for him.
Since the Feds have been apparently investigating this group of prostitutes, I wonder how many other political and prominent men are walking the floor tonight wondering when their names will be made public, surely he isn’t the only customer exposed by their wire taps.
Who knows, maybe his wife will post here, it would be I think an appropriate place for her to learn details about her husband’s personality disorder, that is unless he can convince her that she is responsible for him “disappointing” his family.
While I totally see the connection now of Spitzer being likely an N, I disagree that he was uneducated or “climbed into” government. Before this point, I was a big Spitzer fan because he is intelligent and he did earn/work his way to his current position, spending many years in the AG office.
Can we stick to his KNOWN failings and transgressions without putting a political slant on it and attacking him for what we don’t know (his education, background, alleged “aloof” personality, etc. All that is hearsay. His own actions speak loudly enough.)
My first thought after hearing this news was that he is a classic N. Thanks, Lovefraud, because I will never again miss the red flags.
I also disagree with wiretaps because I think they’re a political tool more than one used to catch terrorists.
But none of that excuses Spitzer’s behavior. It’s one step shy of Senator Craigs and others whose deeds I also found appalling. Such a shame. I’m convinced by the failed apology and his actions that he is suffering from N’ism.