I’ve been thinking lately about God, assuming He exists. Mainly, I’ve been thinking about the Judeo-Christian biblical conception of God, and asking myself, crazy as this sounds, if He exists, Is God a sociopath?
I pose this question seriously, and apologize in advance for offending anyone by probing this idea. But consider:
You are expected to worship Him.
You are expected to acknowledge His perfection.
You are expected to live by His standards.
You are expected to fear His Judgement.
You are expected to please, not disappoint Him.
You are expected to do penance when you’ve strayed from His rules.
You are expected to be in awe of, and fear, His omniscience.
You are expected to be in awe of, and fear, His omnipotence.
You are expected to prize His love, and fear His wrath.
You are expected to seek, and follow, His guidance.
When He feels unheeded, He licenses Himself to unleash cruel, violent, devastating rages (see the Flood, among countless other examples).
He is a punisher.
He is perfect.
He has no guilt; yet He instills guilt.
He “made,” and he “works,” the world and universe from “above,” sitting in Judgement of all who deviate from Him.
He is infallible.
He is unaccountable.
He is callous—a cause of, and silent witness to, untold violence and suffering in the history of humanity.
He is “entitled—”to judge, and punish, as He likes.
He is controlling to a highly pathological degree, for all the reasons stated above.
He is merciful, so long as you heed Him. Otherwise, He can be merciless.
He expects to be idealized and treated like a God.
He rages, and inflicts the cruelest of punishments, when He feels defied.
His word is the bible.
Now you tell me: If I were describing a human being in these terms, what conclusion would you draw? I suspect, if you weren’t feeling defensive, that you’d conclude that we’re talking about someone with a case of seriously malignant narcissism edging, perhaps, into the realm of sociopathy?
But, of course, I’m describing the Judeo-Christian God.
Think about this: from the earliest age, this is your almighty Father figure. You are taught to worship Him, seek His love, His mercy, accept His perfection and infallibility.
You are taught that His word is final; His wrath is justified; to feel shame before His eyes.
You are taught to have to work hard to earn your way back into His good graces, and to be grateful for His forgiveness.
His judgement is final, and even terrifying.
Now if this is the Father figure we’ve been raised to heed and idealize from birth, is it not fair to wonder how much this relationship—with God—might predispose us to end up with a sociopath?
Does one’s adult relationship with a sociopath not replicate, in certain ways, one’s relationship with God?
I pose this as food for thought, nothing else. But I will follow-up this post in the next several weeks, to further flesh out my thoughts, factoring in, as well, your initial feedback.
(This article is copyrighted (c) 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
Dear Teacher123,
Glad to find you are still around! Sam Vaknin the self proclaimed narcissist did an article just like this one only it was “Jesus was a Narcissist” and about as …… hummm….having trouble finding an appropriate word here….anyway, about AS…..helpful…? nah, that’s not right….kind….? Nah, that’s not right either…well I’ll just say Sam’s article was LIKE this one, and just about as disturbing as this one, but also, I was more gobsmacked by WHO wrote this one, “just to pose this as food for thought” on a blog for healing, with many people here who ARE Christians, and who have also been ABUSED by people POSING AS CHRISTIANS, so I do think the whole article was in an INAPPROPRIATE VENUE quite frankly. If someone wants to post an article to discuss the demerits or bad aspects of Christianity, in part or as a whole, I think there are better places to do it than here.
One of the things that I previously valued about LF was that there was tolerance here for differing beliefs of a spiritual nature, generally without open ridicule of other’s religions or beliefs (or lack of beliefs for that matter) so the publication of this article in a “tolerant” venue where people are struggling with spirituality in light of being so traumatized has rather disturbed me, and made me reassess my prior thinking, not about my spiritual beliefs or religion, or about my views of God, but about actually more about LF in general.
wowzers. Steve as opened a ‘can of worms’ here that is completely beyond my comprehension.
I am English. atheist … but open:) For me, politics is not about religion, and shouldn’t be… just as healing from a relationship with someone (Human) who is pathologically incapable of ‘feeling’ human should not be either…
It’s separate. for me.
I think steve was brave in posting this, but I wonder why he did…
shaking things up a bit for us?x;)
I was one of the ones who came on here the other night and made some ignorant comments regarding this article. Maybe I shouldn’t have done it. I was already angry because I had just read and responded to something on another thread that seemed to be directed at me, and it pissed me off. I still don’t like this article at all. I still think that Steve had a lot of nerve for putting it up here. I feel like it caters to Frank Lee and I am opposed to anything that comes out of his mouth.
I REALLY don’t even know why Frank Lee is here. He keeps talking about this loving woman he has and his solid relationship with her. If he’s so happy in that, why is here other than to stir up shit with the people who came here for healing and need the messages posted here.
I have made no secret of my mother’s twisted obsession with “the Lord” and the bible and all that. I can say that I definitely have a love-hate relationship with God. The problem is that mother is a narcissist and a little crazy and she totally screwed me over in my upbringing and made me prey to socios/narcissists–all in the name of God. So, I do have a problem with the right wing fundamentalists who preach all the hellfire and damnation stuff because it reminds me of what my mother used to spew at me 24/7 my entire life. I have a hard time drawing a distinction between her crap and who God really is to me. I believe that he IS terribly strict but he is love also. He sometime allows us to go through misery to teach us and bring him closer to us. I appreciate that but I also have a problem with it. My mother used to beat the heck out of me with a switch and then tell me she loved me. She would emotionally abuse me and then tell me she loved me.
I try to have a relationship with God but it’s really hard for me to do it. I do think that he brought be to this blog because I needed it. I also think that he allowed my being caught up with the ex socio/malignant narcissist that tore my life down.It’s like the drill sargeant in basic training. I feel as if I was torn down to nothing and am now being rebuilt. I think I am being taught a lesson about my self-esteem and I think that having my heart broken by the malignant narcissist/socio tells me that I need to heal my self esteem. It’s the only way to rise above my upbringing and make me a complete person.
Dear E72,
I can relate to the hell-fire and brimstone egg donor, who held me to a standard of “righteousness” she could not approach, then punished me for not getting there. It is painful when you are scared of their “god” by the time you start to school, but at the same time, the trauma I have been through and the example from my step father, my wonderful daddy, of what a Christian should be, has brought me closer to a loving heavenly father, than I ever have been before. Not a sociopathic concept that is expressed in Steve’s article.
A parent should teach and guide their offspring, and sometimes that offspring things we as parents are arbritary and mean, when in fact we aren’t. However, I no longer see the God I now know as the sociopathic concept that my egg donor used as a club to beat me into submission. So over all, though it has been a painful journey at times, I have in the end, gained more than I have lost and find comfort and solace in my intimate relationship with a HEAVENLY FATHER.
I think it was Benjamin Franklin who said something along the lines of “sin isn’t a sin because it is labeled sin, but it is labeled sin because it is bad for you.” (I know the quote isnb’t right but the intent is) and that is true. If you “sin” by drinking or drugging you get a punishment that is a natural consequence—a hang over to start with and then a deteriation of body and soul—and most other “sins” are the same way. If we do things that are bad for us we get CONSEQUENCES. So by the concept of “God” saying “don’t do those things, it is a sin (i.e. bad for you)” we are given guidance on how we should conduct ourselves.
The Bible is filled with stories of how to conduct ourselves to have a better life than if we violated all 10 commandments and the other things we are advised to do. “Love your neighbor as yourself” (love here meaning treat with good will) love your neighbor, AS yourself, also means to treat yourself well.
Do unto others as you would they would do unto you. Obvious. But it also means I think that we should expect that others do well unto us to if we are to associate with them.
The story of the Good Samaritain is another example of how the “righteous” religious elite walk by on the other side of the road and observe but do NOT help a man beaten and robbed, while the Samaritain who was despised by the Jewish elite, stopped and helped the man, left money for his continued care until he could go on his way.
All these examples are ways in which we are instructed to be kind, good to others, to keep ourselves from “sin” (acting badly and against moral compasses) and how we should forgive others (get the bitterness out of our hearts) but also to forgive ourselves as well and to TEST people by observing their ACTIONS not just listening to their words.
Everything that we here on LF say a victim should do to have a good life is written in the words of the Bible—from Do unto others….to thou shalt not kill.
There are also examples of people who have been “great sinners” and yet, who showed repentence and a conscience and did their best ot make amends and were “menn after god’s own heart” King David for example. No matter how badly you have behaved in your life, you CAN change if you want to, the Psychopaths could change, they just don’t want to.
I think the stories and the parables in the Bible show us ways in which we CAN improve our lives, our relationships and ourselves. With kindness to others, compassion, charity, and good will, but NOT be door mats to anyone. That is very affirming to me. Even if I didn’t believe in God’s love, the many lessons in Psych 101 written in the Bible are still great lessons.
erin72 your childhood sounds familiar to mine – I can blog all day about my X socio BF, but when I try to talk about my mother I go numb, it’s just to painful I guess, she is evil personified. But as I told ya before the encounter with the xspath brought me to my knees and forced to me examine my childhood. .but if nothing else I was able to let go of alot of guilt and shame that I was not responsible for…ok goin to go put some pork chops on the grill and boil me some corn on the cob, ya’ll come on over…
Oxy, I totally agree with what you just said. It is the best response to this article. God and I are not having the greatest relationship right now, but I do not agree at all with what Steve wrote. I DO get real disgusted with my mom and her family and anyone who is constantly acting like they have to be all super loud and obnoxious about being a Christian. My daddy is a Christian man. He’s not perfect but he is quiet about his faith and doesn’t feel like he has to shout it and be boastful about it and behave like my egg donor did. He was an ex Marine and was controlling in his own way that was detrimental to my upbringing. The difference is that he has admitted to his faults in how I was brought up and apologized. He feels bad that he was off working for us and wasn’t around to curb her behavior.
It will be awhile before I am able to heal and reconcile my relationship with God, although I am trying. I too am quiet about my faith. I don’t try to convert others and push my beliefs on them. My mother supports all those pushy TV preachers who establish these great financial empires in the name of God–all of whom are terribly narcissistic and are now being investigated for fraud by the FBI. They take the last bit of money from old ladies and men who are faithful and it all goes to themselves.
I don’t agree with my mom and her sisters who say that they don’t need to pay for health insurance because Jesus is going to take care of them. My mom ended up with a brain aneurysm and had to have surgery and be in ICU without insurance. Who do you think paid for that? Those of us who work hard and pay taxes. My mother hasn’t worked for years. She didn’t have to when we were kids and then after we grew up, she still didn’t want to work-when dad needed some help and couldn’t do everything by himself. Her sisters husband was the same way. He died of cancer that started in his lung and went to his bones-no health insurance once again. My mother has 5 brothers and sisters. Out of all those kids, only 1 has health insurance. He is a stock broker/financial advisor and has his own thriving business. I’m sorry to bring up all this but I think it’s SO arrogant for them to take that attitude.
OxDrover,
I am still here; I just haven’t had time to read and post as much lately. I like your last entry as I would like to be able to write as well as you do. I guess I should be as tolerant as what I am claiming God to be like, so I shouldn’t be so upset at what people choose to believe or not believe and give some slack like anitasee says. Yes there have been many evil and even devilish things in the name of religion, but I think there is also a pure religion as well. With that said I also was a member of a cult who did teach me more of the Bible than what I could have learned probably anywhere else. But of course even Jesus’ own family thought he was crazy including his mother and brothers. I have seen and witnessed too much for anyone to make me doubt what God can do. I have seen and been a part of people being healed for real, and seen people who have had devil spirits in them that were cast out. I have prayed for things that should not have come to pass, but they did. Once when I was in Cincinnati I prayed for some sunshine so I could watch a Reds game when it was in the middle of what appeared to be a horrific storm. It was a downpour; rain just doesn’t come and go around there. Well it cleared up amazingly like nothing had happened until the end of the game. I had left a college scholarship where I played baseball to go on a mission trip to Cincinnati. The tickets to the game were the only time I sniffed of baseball for that year. Even my fellow mission friends thought I was crazy to pray for sunshine. I guess it was selfish, but hey it happened that way. I even credit my help from the psychopath I encountered to be from prayer. I called a radio station that had an all night show, and they mentioned my situation on the air. I believe I had many people I didn’t even know praying for me. At that time I was facing allegations of sexual harassment that could have ruined my career, my marriage, and my life basically. Well it turned out only how it could have that I not only got away from the situation, but I think I am in a way better place now with my new job and friends.
Hens-corn on the cob sounds awesome. You are right about what you said about your relationship. My relationship with the socio/malignant narcissist brought me to my knees and had caused me to examine my upbringing. It all explained why all relationships were very similar and with similar people-none quite as evil as this last “love of my life”. I am on this major journey of discovery about it-along with rebuilding my self esteem.
The Bible tells us that “tribulation worketh patience” and I think that is true. People who have never experienced “bad times” or “grief” don’t kinow how to handle things when it does come. They go to pieces over a “paper cut” but with enough practice and learning we can “lose a leg” and still function. My years in rehabilitation nursing taught me a lot….it isn’t the end of the world when you are paralyzed from the neck now! You can still have a life. It also taught me to be GRATEFUL to be able to wipe my own butt!
Compared to most of the people in the world we are SOOOOO BLESSED that we should all be BOINKED a good one for complaining about ANYTHING! LOL But Dr. Viktor Frankl who was in the Nazi camps for years taught me in his book “Man’s Search for Meaning” that pain is TOTAL, so in reality, we have suffered the same TOTAL pain that he and the other millions of people suffered and are suffering today. TOTALLY in pain, but we can learn from it, we can learn to be compassionate toward others, and toward OURSELVES as well. To give to others but first to give to ourselves. To take care of ourselves is a GOOD WORK, not selfishness.
There is EVIL in this world and it is personified by Satan and there is LOVE and goodness in this world, and to me it is personafied by God. I choose to try to emulate the good, the love and the kindness—to myself and to others.
I can’t stamp out the totality of EVIL in this world, but I can learn to recognize it, refrain from it, and to recognize and paractice the goodness. I am just one, and I can’t do everything, but I can do what one can do. That is all that God or the Universe expects me to do, but I do feel obligated to do that.
Ditto on that Oxy!