Dear Abby and the narcissist

Last week I happened to read a Dear Abby column in the newspaper. A woman wrote to Abby that she had been married to a man for 15 years who was controlling and manipulative, along with being emotionally, economically and sexually abusive. The letter-writer termed her husband narcissistic and passive-aggressive, but in my view he may be a sociopath.

The woman is filing for divorce. Her dilemma is that her husband projects a “good guy” image, and she fears that if she accuses him of abuse, no one will believe her.

Abby’s advice was to tell a few close girlfriends what really happened. “The truth will spread like wildfire,” Abby wrote.

I wonder if Abby gave good advice for this situation. I’m sure the advice would be helpful under most circumstances. But if this guy is a sociopath, there’s a good chance that he’s already started the smear campaign against his wife—telling people that she’s mentally unbalanced, a terrible mother, and cheating on him.

What do you think?

Read the letter, Truth of abusive marriage will tarnish man’s sterling image. Then tell us if you think Abby’s plan will work.

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128 Comments on "Dear Abby and the narcissist"

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It’s amazing how they are oblivious and in denial about people knowing the truth about them. Mine managed to turn the whole thing around on me. He made all his surgeon buddies think that I was the one responsible for the lie. All the nurses there know the truth as I have described it and believe that he is truly the devil walking around in a white coat. Example: our first kiss.

Our first kiss happened at the end of our first date and it was a kiss like no other I’ve ever had. I walked to the coffee shop where we met and he wanted to bring me home after. He pulled the car into the driveway to say goodbye. We hugged. Then, we had the most amazing kiss ever. I could barely breathe.

His account of our first kiss—didn’t happen after a date. After he got caught he told his surgeon buddies that our first kiss happened in the ICU where we worked together. He told them that I pulled him into my patient’s room where the patient was unresponsive and on a a ventilator and sedated. He said that I pushed HIM up against the wall and kissed HIM, right there in the room with the curtain closed. THERE IS NO FREAKIN WAY IN A MILLION YEARS AND FOR ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD, WOULD I HAVE KISSED HIM ON HOSPITAL GROUNDS–MUCH LESS MY PATIENT’S ROOM!

One of the nurses we worked with told me that she knew everything he said was a lie and they all despise him for what he did to me and that he is pure evil. They don’t think that he will ever be able to fool another woman in that hospital again because they warn all the new nurses about what he is about. My story has been re-told by them to keep other young women safe. I hope that he doesn’t manage to do it again.

Now I just can’t wait to get to make my move out of state to a whole new life. For now I am stuck working in the hospital with his wife and the only reason I’m still there is that my landlord won’t let me out of my lease and I need to save $$ to move. I am so getting excited to start over in a big huge city and get on with a big police department and have the time of my life!!!

Dear Erin72,

I guess you raped him too… was ALL your fault, he just couldn’t protect himself from such a violent woman. NOT! LOL

Well, move somewhere it is COOL in the summer! We’re having the hottest AVERAGE temp ever so far here and humidity like NOLA…I wanna move to Alaska, North Pole—somewhere it is cool.


I shudder to think what the P is saying about me…..hope I never have to find out…I would go NUTZ!!! no control over what they say is a hard one….


My h-spath doesn’t badmouth me (fortunately) to others, telling me that I’m a wonderful person, although I have plenty to say about him!

I know what mine says and it’s very cruel and a lie. Anything to make himself look bigger and better than everyone else. My therapist says he’s projecting all his ugly onto others all the time and not to take it personally. I’m getting there. About the kiss Erin, the one I knew told me that I ‘gasped’ between every button when he undid his fly the first time. I DID NOT! How’s that for re-writing history? When he recounted to me what I’d done it was still early on (too early on — my mistake) in the relationship and I was flummoxed and didn’t reply. Then I learned more about who he was and heard lots more stories and learned that arguing was pointless. His was the only acceptable version.

they have a very skewed view of things that revolve around making themselves look Important, puffed up and bigger than the next…their whole psyche is about being superior to everyone…warmhearted, generous people are mugs to be exploited ridiculed and despised…in the end …not at the beginning….mine told me I was wonderful, kind, beautiful…ha ha all the better to screw you my dear! in my opinion that is…

Oxy–I don’t give a crap about what he says and to whom anymore. It was a huge boost for me to hear these women come forward to me and tell me that no one believes what he said. He can continue to live with his horrid wife in misery until he does it again, but I doubt that even if he does, she’ll ever throw him out. His money is too important to her. I just hope that I can go the next 6 months without any crap from her at work. She now knows that we’re in the same building. Her cell phone number showed up on my beeper the other day.

THey can continue to live a shitty unhappy life together. I am moving to Atlanta to live in a big fun city with a big bad ass police department and tons of opportunity for me. They can both kiss my ASS!!

Erin1972 – good for you! And, you don’t want either of their sets of lips near your ass, or anything else within a 10-block radius! 😀


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