I’ve been thinking lately about God, assuming He exists. Mainly, I’ve been thinking about the Judeo-Christian biblical conception of God, and asking myself, crazy as this sounds, if He exists, Is God a sociopath?
I pose this question seriously, and apologize in advance for offending anyone by probing this idea. But consider:
You are expected to worship Him.
You are expected to acknowledge His perfection.
You are expected to live by His standards.
You are expected to fear His Judgement.
You are expected to please, not disappoint Him.
You are expected to do penance when you’ve strayed from His rules.
You are expected to be in awe of, and fear, His omniscience.
You are expected to be in awe of, and fear, His omnipotence.
You are expected to prize His love, and fear His wrath.
You are expected to seek, and follow, His guidance.
When He feels unheeded, He licenses Himself to unleash cruel, violent, devastating rages (see the Flood, among countless other examples).
He is a punisher.
He is perfect.
He has no guilt; yet He instills guilt.
He “made,” and he “works,” the world and universe from “above,” sitting in Judgement of all who deviate from Him.
He is infallible.
He is unaccountable.
He is callous—a cause of, and silent witness to, untold violence and suffering in the history of humanity.
He is “entitled—”to judge, and punish, as He likes.
He is controlling to a highly pathological degree, for all the reasons stated above.
He is merciful, so long as you heed Him. Otherwise, He can be merciless.
He expects to be idealized and treated like a God.
He rages, and inflicts the cruelest of punishments, when He feels defied.
His word is the bible.
Now you tell me: If I were describing a human being in these terms, what conclusion would you draw? I suspect, if you weren’t feeling defensive, that you’d conclude that we’re talking about someone with a case of seriously malignant narcissism edging, perhaps, into the realm of sociopathy?
But, of course, I’m describing the Judeo-Christian God.
Think about this: from the earliest age, this is your almighty Father figure. You are taught to worship Him, seek His love, His mercy, accept His perfection and infallibility.
You are taught that His word is final; His wrath is justified; to feel shame before His eyes.
You are taught to have to work hard to earn your way back into His good graces, and to be grateful for His forgiveness.
His judgement is final, and even terrifying.
Now if this is the Father figure we’ve been raised to heed and idealize from birth, is it not fair to wonder how much this relationship—with God—might predispose us to end up with a sociopath?
Does one’s adult relationship with a sociopath not replicate, in certain ways, one’s relationship with God?
I pose this as food for thought, nothing else. But I will follow-up this post in the next several weeks, to further flesh out my thoughts, factoring in, as well, your initial feedback.
(This article is copyrighted (c) 2010 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
To answer your questions, Steve:
Now if this is the Father figure we’ve been raised to heed and idealize from birth, is it not fair to wonder how much this relationship—with God—might predispose us to end up with a sociopath?
Yes it is fair!
Does one’s adult relationship with a sociopath not replicate, in certain ways, one’s relationship with God?
Absolutely. It sure did for me. He was even omnipresent in my mind.
One of the main purposes served (even if not intentional) by religion in a culture is to justify the lifestyle of those attending the church.
The Judeo-Christian biblical conception of God helped to justify domination of women, for sure.And animals.
Hi Sherry, I hear you loud and clear. I appreciate what you’re saying and why. Just to offer some food for thought, it seems to me that when we start to see what God is not (fairy tale, Fundie stuff, socipathic, etc.), we have a chance at being able to see what God is. I say keep looking, and you’ll find the understanding that you’re seeking, eventually.
xo, Psyche
Hi Steve-
This is one of my favorite topics EVER. Like, EVER. I can go on and on and talk about this, write about this- as a matter of fact this very topic has been very prominent in articles I’ve written for personal use during the last year, mainly for political reasons. One thing I did want to point out is that Judaism, Christianity and Islam are all Abrahamic religions that deal with this particular god, rather than just the Judeo-Christian sect. In an American view we may tend to mention just the Judeo-Christian vein but in a world view we have to include Islam because the Quran is based on the same characters and contains many of the same stories as the Old Testament and Hebrew bible. Link to Bible vs Quran: http://creationwiki.org/Bible_vs._Qur'an (this link appears to break every time I post it- you may have to copy and paste it.)
My search for truth in religion began as an innocent search, trying to become closer to God. I was born Catholic, but during a long hiatus from church, I allowed well meaning Jehovah Witnesses to come to my home for Bible study once a week- for 8 months. I even attended a Kingdom Hall sermon but came home to find my husband had printed literature on the cult-like grip of the Witnesses, and their quirks.
With the advent of the internet age, things were different for people. You could look stuff up yourself. It is hard for religion to keep the ironclad grip it had on society before the information age. I ended up reading the materials on the Jehovah Witnesses, and then moved onto reading about the Catholic Church, where I had been raised.
It’s funny how the Holocaust wasn’t that long ago so we can look on it as the biggest evil the world had ever known (rightfully so) and condemn Hitler and his army. No one except probably a Nazi-loving white supremacist would admit admiration for Hitler. Everyone else is repulsed. But look at the dismissive tone when it comes to religion. Catholicism employed 4 Inquisitions (intermittently) upon the societies of the world from 1164 to 1860, where it’s estimated that about 6,000 people (that’s a conservative estimate, others insist the number is much higher) were tortured, burned, and killed, while thousands upon thousands of others were coerced into accepting Christianity or die- and this is acceptable and reasonable in the minds of today’s Christians. On 911, 2,995 people died, less than half that of the Inquisitions, yet, no one is turning a blind eye and reassuring the terrorists that it’s ok because they “did what they had to do”.
Someone said, “But the Inquisitions were so long ago.” Were they? America had already seen it’s Revolution, our Constitution was already signed, and the Roman Inquisition was still happening nearly a hundred years after. America is now 234 years old. That sounds ridiculously young, doesn’t it? Just one hundred and fifty years ago, our ancestors lived in a world where Inquisitions had spawned almost a millennium. As a matter of fact, America has only known an Inquisition-free world for 117 years of it’s life, while more than half of America’s life existed in a time when Inquisition was present in Europe. That is based on the year 1776, when America became independent.
Ok, so, Catholicism and Witnesses were out. I searched for something more- well, I happened to discover a nice little Baptist church with a very charismatic speaker and for two years attended this church with my family because it was in fact more Bible based without the scandalous past of the other religions and felt more true to me. This church had me more heavily involved in reading and exploring the Bible, which is supposed to be a good thing, right?
All was going reasonably well until I got to Exodus, which really isn’t even that far into the Bible- I still consider it the beginning. Well, ok, God rescued the enslaved Jews. Great! Some miracles happened, Wow! He was a little nasty to the Jews during their 40 years in the desert, ok, whatever. God’s a little whacked. What really made my jaw drop was when they got to the Promised Land. I expected this to be a land of milk and honey, just like promised, where all would be well and they could dance around flowers all day. Well it wasn’t. It was a land inhabited by another people. God gave orders to slaughter every man, woman, and child, and take that land for themselves, and to not be afraid because he would be with them and he would make sure they win.
You know, at that point, my heart sunk. That stuck in my mind, and now all of the harsh threats and torturous punishments that I had cringed while reading in Deuteronomy really stood out and I couldn’t escape the truth of what I was thinking. I had a real moral conflict about the Bible. And when I brought this up in church, no answer ever satisfied me. This is what God had to do to ensure the survival of the religion. And sometimes God just had to do what God had to do, no matter how brutal it appeared, for the betterment of humanity. And Christianity’s excuse for the Inquisitions is also the same exact answer. So any time there happened to be some God-ordered genocide, it was answered that this was an ugly but necessary thing that had to happen and therefore, it’s ok. Well how come when terrorists use that answer, they are still “the bad guys”? How can I condemn a group when that is what they honestly believe? They were born into their religion- we were born into our’s. We are not any more “correct” than they are “correct”. We do not have any more right to slaughter for the sake of our religious needs than they do. The excuse flies with us, it doesn’t fly with us when it’s about “them”. Isn’t that a bit hypocritical of Christians/Jews?
So I had a real dilemma. Adding to it, I didn’t know but soon found out, as I began to understand more, that I was in church with the religious right. Sure they were super nice and I really liked them. But their thoughts outside of church were not something I could relate to. I find the religious right to have a very callous and cold mindset about fellow Americans. They claim “Free Will” allows this, yet I find Bible verses that condemn those with the self-serving mindset I often feel is presented by the right. Also, Jesus was not of this earth and thought it foolish to be overly involved. And in addition, the Bible condemns rebelling against government: Romans 13:1-2 “Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.” So, the religious right take only what they want from the Bible and ignore the rest that shows they are not behaving Biblically.
I’ve stopped searching “for” God and instead began learning “about” God. Especially with the advent of the Tea Party and their push for a religious revival. I still read the Bible, but more for fun and research, and I like to read about it, too, like what scholars have to say about this or that section.
Here are some favorite links of mine:
About our Founding Fathers (I love this site): http://www.deism.com/deistamerica.htm
Chris Rodda- debunks Glenn Beck’s “guest historian”:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/searchS/?q=Chris+Rodda
Also her research and website: http://www.liarsforjesus.com/
Early America: http://www.earlyamerica.com/review/summer97/secular.html
I’ve got tons of links. Too many to list.
Also, the famous “Paul’s letter to the Corinthians”- I literally laughed out loud reading it. He was blatantly threatening them that they better get with the program before he has to come down there and straighten them out, and if he does, it won’t be pretty! I have a plain English paraphrased Bible as well as a King James- I just love the plain English one. A threat goes over your head when reading the King James because of the ultra fancy wording from medieval times. When I find something that drops my jaw in the Plain English, I go online and I read that section in about 3 or 4 other Bibles just to see how it’s worded in them.
P.S. I don’t consider myself an atheist. I’m open-minded to there being many possibilities. I just don’t necessarily believe it’s what is written in the Bible. I don’t 100% doubt the Bible, I am just skeptical about it. Your conclusion about God’s personality is pretty much my conclusion.
I don’t believe in gods- monotheistic or otherwise. I don’t buy into story books telling us our history, and that archaic bogeyman stories are facts. Irrefutable is an odd word considering archeologists have yet to discover any one “jesus”, but have found several throughout ancient history who seem to fit that title. I don’t like being told by those who comment on Steve’s very insightful post that my thoughts must be theirs, and it is very childish for anyone to say “non-believers do not comprehend” something- when in fact- it’s our understanding of these tenets and man-written tales that further augment our own disbelief in anything other than the human condition. I don’t believe something because failing to do so will cause me harm or post life trauma… faith is a very abused word.
I have faith in people. I have faith in my family. I have faith in myself. I don’t need to use that word for any other context. I also disregard any arguments of theology that assumes the only ‘religions’ are judeo-christian, ignoring cults, fads, alter gods and the like- because it all boils down to the concept of “our thoughts and gods are right, yours aren’t, so there.” Again, childish.
I got a kick out of Steve’s post- I got where he was coming from. I can insert any omni-being, including politicians, monarchs, and even mother-in-laws into the sentences, and laugh about it. I can’t get a kick out of some of these uneducated, harshly worded, and frankly, cruel comments to those of us who are agnostic or atheist. Thanks to the religious or spiritual folks who understand our thought process, and have the live and let live attitude, and I feel deeply sorry for those who can’t see past their own “my way or highway” thinking in a public forum. Sad.
Agree Psyche,
Some need to keep looking and God will continue with the breaking open to see…
Steve’s post was a kick.. comparisons, etc.. but has nothing to do with God..
and comparing God to a sociopath is a distortion. Although, I can understand the mind that can do this..
I have gone through much growth and questioning myself.. but when you experience the truth, you no longer have the need to question… well, sometimes, but even in the questioning you ‘know’…
http://www.womenexplode.com
For me, finding God is like finding a good relationship. Lots of anguish and bubble bursting leads to a better place, inside and out, but it takes enormous amounts of work.
All of us here were fooled by appearances, taken in by charm, lies, manipulations, grotesque selfishness, hideous cruelty. I think that stuff is evil, and that evil rules a big part of this world. I wouldn’t blame it on God.
For me, God is the good part of existence, the part we have to work and grow to find, and to really understand and connect to. Knowing and understanding God doesn’t come easy, it takes real suffering, sacrifice and continued effort.
Evil is the sociopathic power that poses as something good (human or divine) – easy, cheap, cruel, attractive and effective (at least temporarily).
In a twisted, hall-of-mirrors kind of way, I have been able to find good things in the evil that I experienced – so, for example, I’ve learned to develop healthy narcissism, to use the power of confidence and conviction, etc. because I saw what success my Spaths had with the perverted versions of these ‘powers’. And I’ve found evil in what I used to believe was good. I mean, I used to believe that self-sacrifice, a desire to please others and believe everything was sugar-coated was ‘good’ – and these beliefs lead me straight to hell – I had believed in perverted versions of goodness, the kind that allowed me to nullify my own human rights so that my Spaths could be happy.
So what’s good and what’s evil? Maybe my encounter with the Spaths, while it cost me just about everything that ever mattered to me, was ultimately beneficial. It did bring me closer to a better understanding of what really is good, important, true, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still saying evil is evil, and it makes me sick – – but sometimes the evil can work to bring out the good in us, to bring out what’s best in us, to help us see what we couldn’t before. Maybe that’s one reason why God doesn’t put a stop to it. I don’t know, it’s just my impression.
Psyche
btw, Sherry, i didn’t want to ignore the details of your story. it sounds like you’re still in trauma-central. I’m so sorry you can’t get away from your Spath ex just yet. I have to work with one too, one who shares many of my mother’s traits (but she was never my lover, that’s for damn sure). It’s hell, and the only reason I feel like I’m able to stand up to any of it is because I had a short break from hell (about 5 months), so I got some of my energy back, and learned to ‘turn off’ my receptors to any of the stressors she likes to throw at me. There was a time when I had to live with my abusers, and my problems just kept increasing, exponentially. Lots of stress leads just to more stress, more fragility, extra sensitivity to environmental stressors, etc.
It doesn’t sound like you have had a chance to remove yourself at all from your nightmare. I hope you can find some relief soon, it sounds like you could end up with PTSD if there isn’t some way to get some distance.
Take care,
Psyche
I want to say something here about mixing sociopaths and Narcs up with spirituality. I dont make much sense much of the time but here goes… dont mix them. I think that the people I have met or I am related to that display socipathic or narcisisstic traits are like stunted versions of human beings..animals…apes…stunted…arrested development in THE most important areas. To me everything you say about them helping you into another level of spirituality is about YOU painting it in a non animalistic and stunted way. because you are not an animal or stunted. I do understand about the growing from the experience but credit WHERE ITS DUE. NOT with them.
I agree Blueskies!!!! Having a sociopath/psychopath/narc in your life is NOT necessary for spiritual growth. I also don’t believe we attract all that much into our lives….and I was raised to believe we do. But I think we are much more biological than we care to admit….that even most pride is false pride. 99% of the credit for what I’ve done in my life through my hard work and dedication is due to the fact that my mom didn’t do alcohol and drugs when I was a fetus. 1% is due to me. And, yes, I’ve had people answer that I attracted my mom into my life. Huh? I spent far too much time seeing people in other countries suffering so from disease and starvation. I just can’t buy that they attracted that into their lives. It is a nice belief for middle class and upper class US citizens…makes sense in their world. But I don’t believe that it is a universal truth.
I know….if I think about blue, I will see blue all around me, “attract” blue to me. But the really important thing in that analogy is that I have eyes to see with, which I really don’t think is due to my thinking and attracting eyes into my life.
“Spirituality” cannot be that tied to thinking! It just can’t be. That would doom everyone with down’s syndrome….and some of them seem very tied into the “now” and happiness and in some ways seem very spiritual.
Psyche , I do have PTSD. I had a little over a year when I was on a developmental job that was arraged by the management here to help me…. “get over it.” I tried desperately to make the job perminant, but it just didn’t happen.
I worked so hard to make HIS LIFE, MY LIFE, that I’d have to run to the ends of the earth to get away from it totally! Still, the year away did help a lot… As I tell people, “I’m better, just not ALL better.” I still have flash backs, I even have the occational panic attack, etc. When I left I was having 4-10 panic attacks at work every day, that lasted up to 20 minutes. Now I have one a couple times a week.
Still, no matter how much better that is…. it’s STILL unpleasant. It has gotten me a reputation as slightly crazy, though they would never say it outloud. I’ve given up every thing I feel I can in my life, to limit my contact with him. Because of that many of the people I used to think of as friends, are no longer. After all, he’s there all the time, and I ran away. Still, running away from my job in a market that is difficult at best, is not something I’m comfortable with.
I spent two years in the relationship, thinking there was something wrong with me. It took six months after we broke up to stop blaming myself. One year where I had panic attacks because I feared having to come back here… and then finally I’m back in He11. They have TRIED to make it workable for me. They moved my desk three isle over so he doesn’t walk past me all day long strutting like a… well you get it. They assigned me to a lead worker who hadn’t been acting as a lead worker, so I wouldn’t have to be in a direct line of authority with the person that in THEIR EYES, has done NOTHING WRONG, but apparently makes me sssssnnnnnaaaappp.
Now I’ve come full circle. I am starting to question my reality again. I’ve heard so many times from HR, my manager, and every one else that it is ME that’s the problem…. that I’m starting to believe it. I had a therapy session today… I have one every week for the last 2 yrs… and on and off before that ever since I started dating the spath.
There I am in her office 2 yrs 2 months after the final break up, and I’m crying like a baby. I miss my horses, I miss my ex, I miss my old life and my lost inocense. I’ve remarried, and I do love and care for my new husband, but I walk around feeling like I’m lost and don’t belong any where…. like I’ve been pored into someone elses life, and my life was snatched away.
I asked her, “how do you KNOW it’s NOT me? How do you know I’m not the problem?” She said, because she’d gone through the whole trip with me… from the start when we just thought he had some intimacy issues, to the point where we are now and all the secrets I had to uncover to understand what happened to my life. I said, we both believed he was a good guy that just had intimacy issues because of what I had told you. I was wrong, so how do you know that I’m right now?
I have a few that believe me… but they are tired of hearing of it. I have those who straight out tell me to shut up, they don’t want to hear it. And I have those who tell me if I keep talking about it, I could lose my job. The problem is, every time I hear his voice, every time something reminds me of that aweful chapter in my life, it’s like it just happened all over again. It’s sort of hard to avoid triggers to the PTSD when you are stuck in a cage with your spath. When you’re drowing, you grab for anything you can reach…
In some ways being here is making me HAVE to be stronger. Though, I’d say I have to ACT stronger, because any signs of fear and he litterally uses it to cause me more pain. Still, if I ACT strong long enough, maybe I’ll become strong?
It’s not that the life I’m now living is a bad life, it just doesn’t feel anything like MY LIFE, and it has no room in it to bring back the things I miss.
I told