Last night Larry King Live of CNN hosted a discussion about whether criminals can be rehabilitated. I think it will be re-aired this weekend so try to watch. One of the guests drew a distinction between “learned” criminal behavior and psychopathy. She stated she believed that criminals who have learned to be that way can unlearn but psychopaths cannot be rehabilitated. I know many of you also hold this belief so I would like to tell you why I strongly disagree.
First I will tell you my position:
ALL criminality stems from an interaction between a person and a situation. A person is a product of his/her genetics and experiences. So in a sense what makes up personality (the “person”) is learned for everyone including the psychopathic. We are preprogrammed by our genetics to learn certain things better than others.
In terms of situational variables solid research has demonstrated that antisocial associates, poor work and educational performance, substance abuse, poor family ties and poor recreational achievement are all associated with criminality. These variables operate independently from personality variables and are important for even the most psychopathic individuals.
The more psychopathic a person is, the more deeply ingrained is the lifestyle of parasitism and predation BUT even those with lower levels of psychopathy can be very resistant to change and very dangerous to society. The definition of response to treatment depends on what you are looking for. If a person cheats 8 people a week, then goes into a program and cheats 1 person a week, that is a change. Everyone has a different definition of “rehabilitation”.
Coincidentally, I just read a great book, Persons in Context: Building a science of the individual. It is a tribute to Walter Mischel, Ph.D. one of the great thinkers of modern psychology. In his chapter “Intelligence as a Person-Situation Interaction”, Robert Sternberg lists five fallacies of thinking. He says, “There is another dimension to person-situation interaction: the extent to which particular situations elicit ‘stupid’ thinking in intelligent people.” All of his 5 fallacies occur in the context of perceived power or dominance. They are:
- The unrealistic optimism fallacy. This occurs when one believes that one is so smart and so powerful that it is pointless to worry about the outcome of what one does.
- The egocentrism fallacy. This occurs when one comes to think that one’s own interests are the only ones that are important.
- The Omniscience Fallacy. This occurs when people think they know more than they do.
- The Omnipotence Fallacy. This results from the power one wield or believes one wields.
- The invulnerability Fallacy. This derives for the illusion of complete protection.
Dr. Sternberg is one of many scientists who have discovered that the experience of power changes the mind/brain. Some people are more prone than others to these effects of power. Since psychopathic individuals seek out power constantly like a heroin addict seeking a fix, they are never free from all of the above fallacies of thinking. Life is a situation of constant power or perceived power.
In the absence of a loving nature all power pursuit becomes antisocial. Now power pursuit and attainment can also stomp out a person’s loving nature, if it was ever present in the first place.
To rehab the psychopathic we have to strip them of any power and teach them to love and care for others. To my knowledge there is no program that has yet succeeded in doing this even for those “sociopaths” who score at the lower end of the psychopathy scale.
I read the articles and all the comments here on a regular basis, but I don’t post often. Today I just wanted to let you all know that you inspire me, you make me laugh, and you make me think. My x is an spath and my 3 year old son has started really showing his true genes. I try desperately to show him love and compassion, teach him patience. Every other weekend when he goes to his dad’s it seems he unravels at least half of what I’ve done. It’s a constant ravel-unravel-ravel-unravel. Sometimes I fear that I am going to lose this battle no matter what I do. But I will persevere. Lately he’s been worse and I’ve been worse with everything on my shoulder’s but I finally went to the doctor and got anti-depressants. I’ve always thought that people should try to resolve their problems that are making them depressed instead of taking anti-depressants, now I see that some problems are not resolvable and I need help to get through this. Last week, because my son didn’t get his way, he kicked me, told me he wished he could turn into a bird and fly away but first he would come back and bite me with his beak. His dad tries to pit him against me and sometimes I wonder if my love is enough to overcome their genes. Of course I know the x won’t change but it is damn hard to change my son when he is subjected to the xpath so often. I can’t move yet. He will take me to court of course as soon as I move to try to get custody and with his convincing lies, he may win. At this point I have no good reason to tell the judge I’m moving other than to get him away from the xpath and of course I would be the villain there so I am busting my butt in college so I can get my degree, get a good job lined up far away from here and I will have valid reasons for the move. This will take me years. What can I do in the meantime to keep him raveled?
Hey Henry….
“I just wonder if he is going to haunt me the rest of my life?”
Only if we let them. Only if we agree within ourselves to let them remain in our thoughts…
There comes a point and time where we no longer have to beat ourselves up for choosing to be giving caring loving and hopeful. The person we were with could not genuinely be that person. Sure they could talk the talk but they couldnt walk the walk.
Henry, you seem to hold on to this thing that it was something to do about YOU. Let that go. You know by now if he could treat one person that way he can treat many that way. Imagine what he put his previous “bf/lover…turned roommate…turned enemy” through!!
The one who should be humiliated and embarrassed is him – but he is a self=centered sick monster.
And Henry, we were both lonely and alone when we were with these particular losers…. in a different way in that they kept us busy with negative attention or have to come to their rescue or be their doormat – but the bottom line is its a much more lonely and alone feeling to be involved with an abusive user.
What are you doing with your free time these days Henry? If you wish not to be lonely and alone – there are many things you can do to fill that void. It doesnt mean having to have a bf…it may just mean finding meaningful things for you to do and enjoy with others. I know it sounds trite, but it has helped me to get out of my rut…
Im not haunted as much anymore. I look at it as I loved and cared about someone who didnt and couldnt love me back. period . the end.
ps. I too look back and see I was “TRYING” to turn a nightmare into a once in a life time love…. I needed to stop trying and started to just look at what and who came into my life at face value. No more trying to make things right — those things that are meant to be that way really do happen on their own naturally between healthy people…I really look and take in now – and process it for what it is — not what I want to make it be or want to fix. And for things that are just off, or uncomfortable or not right…I accept that its not something I need to delve into to fix or save…its a red flag waving me away from it and into another more positive direction.
So the question is when do you want him to stop haunting your life? Because you have the power to make that happen when you choose the day! Xoxo
learning – thank you for your post to henry – lots in there for me.
best,
one step
Hey Learning – I want to thank you and Onestep and Erin 72 for my morning dose of reality. I think this oppressive heat has thrown me into a depression. Learning I am staying busy with work, I have lot’s of energy and have regained my health and have lot’s of ‘things’ that keep me busy. My ladyfriend is moving back from Ohio in a few weeks, she and I do lot’s of things, movies, dinner, lots of laughing etc, she also has dachshunds..Erin72 when that new man comes into your life you will be ready to do it right and so will I – no more illusions for any of us..thanx again for the pep talk I am sure Ox will be here with her skillet before too long…
hens –
http://www.seattlepi.com/photos/gallery.asp?SubID=5930&page=1>itle=Emerald%20Downs%20Wiener%20Dog%20Races
Onestep – I love weiner dog races, my lady friend and I went to one a few years ago it was a blast. I think Crickit woud win because she is fast as a bullet and fearless. Onestep you asked if you should include your spath experience in your speech on poverty….NO~! thanks for the clip it made smile..
Hey one_step,
Your welcome… its such a process…Ive come to find the answer for me was – when I am ready, willing and able to commit to releasing myself/letting myself let go of an experience/time in my life that wasnt to be long term – just long enough to get me to the place I am today.
Oh boy, did I ever beat myself up along the way and did I rip his being apart (in my mind)…and yes for me this process was necessary so I could find the parts of myself that were unhealthy for me which I wanted to improve/strengthen and I could find parts of him in others that I could recognize as unhealthy for me as well – and accept that! Not try to change that – but rather just move on because some people just arent good matches
Im ok now with acceptance that once the jig was up I made some choices that kept me in it because I didnt have the tools to deal with it. Im ok now with acceptance that he can and will only survive in life off of people who either dont have the tools to deal with his type or people who have yet to learn the importance of taking care of oneself/protecting oneself and wanting basics of respect/truth/trust etc from themself and from others. And if its not given to get the heck OUT.
I seriously want to interview people in their 70’s/80’s about their relationship experiences along the way….I often wonder if the majority of the world has been matched up with an unhealthy partner and it caused some to spiral down and others to rise above….I guess Im saying I dont think we are in the minority in terms of having experienced an unhealthy partner — I almost wonder at times if its a right of passage for many of us who choose to learn and grow and move on…
Im rambling, I know, but when Donna shared what she believed about (Im not quoting because I dont remember exactly) but it was about her soul wanting her to go through the experience she did/ or choosing a painful lesson for her – for a reason….to learn more about herself and others and ultimately realizing the right path and direction to take going forward in relationships – was something positive that came out of that experience in her life…
Anyway, went off in left field in this post…but guess what Im trying to say is we have alot of power and control within to end the haunting and move forward with newfound ways and protections and insights for a better life ahead with ourselves and with others… xo
it’s such a beautiful picture. i miss my folks’ weiner dogs!
well your opinion will be taken to heart. thing is, it IS part of what created my poverty. i wouldn’t speak to the whole of it, just to the aspect of PTSD and how that has affected my ability to find and maintain work.
x one step
learning – you have ‘normalized’ the experience. categorized the disordered with the dysfunctional or unhealthy. there is power in diminishing the disordered to this, and that’s one of the thing si found so good about your post.
and…
i wasn’t in a bad relationship with an unhealthy person – i was purposefully conned by a ppath. you know my story , right? there is NO maybe she loved me or cared….this was purposeful, impersonal, evil. and perhaps that is the big diff – i am not integrating a ‘bad relationship’ experience, but the concrete experience of evil in the world.
that may take a little longer. 😉
One-step,
I was purposefully conned by a ppath.
or
I was in a bad relationship with an unhealthy person.
To me both statements are saying the same things.
Why? Because the bottom line is both are an unhealthy painful horrible experience. As well as in the beginning maybe joyful, exciting, fun, memorable….
To me a ppath equates to unhealthy. Mine stole from me, mine cheated mine chose me based on my goodness/kindness but Im not sure I can label mine a ppath….and yet others can say with 100 percent certainty theirs is a ppath – the end result is still the same — it was an experience in ones life that wasnt meant to be long term. Even Donnas relationship was one with someone evil – it was purposeful impersonal and evil too. To me an unhealthy relationship experience runs the gamet from dysfunctional to selfish to narc to ppath ” There is no maybe he loved me or cared about me either…there is only he was a person who didnt love or couldnt love me – there is only the acceptance I met an unhealthy human being – no matter what the label is. Now what can I do to protect myself going forward, recognize red flags and find my path and direction with healthier souls that DO exist in the world . 🙂
Take as long as you need for it to take to get to the place where youre willing to release yourself, let yourself go from that experience. It took me nearly 2 years… its an individual personal healing journey and a long tough journey coming out of and releasing /freeing oneself from that experience