By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired)
The Italian cruise ship Costa Concordia wrecked a few days ago and early reports said that it had hit some rocks. Quickly though, reports came out that the captain, Francesco Schettino, had driven the ship closer than normal to those rocks on the way out of port in order to show off the ship to the residents. An article from the New York Times gives more details.
More bodies found on ship, as transcripts reveal rebuke to captain
Interviews from some of the over 4,020 passengers of the liner stated in news reports that it was “like the Titanic.”
Only shortly after the shipwreck it was determined that the captain had left the ship early on, and also that he had been seen drinking on the bridge with a young, attractive woman at the time of the crash, and that he had been drinking at dinner before the crash. This indicates to me that the man may have been drunk at the time he made the decision to go closer than was safe to the reef.
Rescue crews had reportedly told the captain to “go back to the ship” and at that time they were in command with the authority to demand that he return. He didn’t return and was subsequently branded a “coward,” as well as taken into custody by authorities for not doing his duty in the time of the wreck. I have a feeling this man’s professional life as a sailor is over, and that he will become an international pariah.
Videos taken showed the passengers lined up, going down the side of the overturned boat on one rope, like a line of ants going to a food source.
The captain finally came up with a story that he somehow believed would show that he was not at fault for leaving the ship early (excuse me if I laugh). He said he had “accidentally fallen into a lifeboat while trying to help rescue efforts.” This single statement, to me, branded the man a psychopath. Dr. Robert Hare said in his book, Without Conscience, that the psychopath’s brain doesn’t work like other brains when it comes to lies. They will tell a lie when there is evidence to show it is a lie right in front of them, they will tell a lie that is so unbelievable that no one would believe it, but they do not “get it” that their lie is totally unbelievable.
Of course a psychopath would also put his own well-being above those of his responsibility, such as the passengers, and would desert a sinking boat on the first available lifeboat. Capt. Schettino leaving first, by itself, would not brand someone a psychopath, when maybe they would only be a coward, or so terrorized that he became unglued and deserted the sinking ship. But being told to “get back on the ship!” and refusing to do so does seem to indicate that he was either totally unglued or had no concern for the passengers.
The other things that the captain did that were irresponsible, like drinking at dinner, and drinking at the time of the crash with the rocks, and steering the boat close to the rocks so that he could show off, all of those things might have just been a day of poor judgment, and would not necessarily make me brand someone with the term psychopath. But those things, in concert with the unbelievable lie, make me think that this man has not only no conscience, but that his brain is unable to distinguish a believable lie from one that is so unbelievable that only a psychopath would tell it.
I’m not sure that there is a lie that would be believable or that would not damn any captain who deserted his ship like Capt. Schettino did. However, a man who was not a psychopath, who had simply panicked and deserted his ship, who otherwise had a moral compass, would show some remorse for what he had done. He would at least show some shame at having failed in a pivotal moment in his life, in which he should have showed some courage and concern for the more than 4,000 lives in his charge.
I think that anyone can “fail” in a moment of horrible terror, in combat or accident. The overwhelming terror of something like a ship capsizing, the panic of the passengers, and possibly also the man being drunk, could account for him deserting the ship early and refusing to do his duty, or letting go of his responsibility. But the unbelievable lie is the one thing, that taken with all the others, that makes me think this man is truly a psychopath.
Here’s another article about the captain by a former commander of the U.S. Coast Guard on CNN.com:
Strongawoman, it could be the weed because that does impact memory though it’s not unusual for spath’s to have memory problems to begin with. My ex’s memory is like swiss cheese. He doesn’t even recall major events from our son’s childhood now. And he used to be critical of his mother for not remembering his childhood. Both my ex and his mother only have recall of recent years unless it’s a situation in which they felt slighted. They remember that forever.
Parallelgram, great post! I agree with your perspective and am only interested in people who are in touch with their inner soul and also their higher self.
Sweet dreams to all in the US heading off to sleep soon!
Perhaps they do dream-but hate the loss of control that this implies.
That their mind can act independently
But what Strongawoman says makes sense. No emotions-no dreams.
I am an amateur analyst of dreams and the emotional componant is very important. This can be very revealing as most people don’t think about this. I then usually try to tie the dream to what is happening in the dreamers life. What is going on. What problem is the mind, heart and soul trying to work out.
But in thinking Spaths do have some emotions like rage. Perhaps this is what they are frightened to reveal.
But one thing I do know-is that there is too much evidence to ignore on this thread to not question the link between spaths and dreaming.
I too will be listening for the answer to this when dealing with someone who wants to get to know me and vice versa.
As for the sleeping without worry. I think that shows a lack of conscience. Mine just didn’t care that me and his three kids could have been made homeless. He slept like a baby.
Keep safe
STJ
xxx
BBE,
You made me laugh when you said Belichick is a sociopath! I’m from Boston and so sick of hearing about the stupid bowl! I did notice when he talks on camera he is monotone with no emotions. I guess he’s like that in person too.
I’d love to hear your opinion of why you think he’s a sociopath, anyhow: GO PATS!
Panther
I have just read your blogg or website and want to say Hi from a fellow free spirit.
When I was sixteen I left home with a bag and my record player over my shoulder.
I worked from town to town gathering experiences without attachments until I was 24 and got married.
For the next 15 years married to controlling spath were hell.
I broke free ten years ago and started to live my free life again. My home was my base as I had kids but I travelled with them and explored all that life had to offer with them.
It was good.
Then Ex H P (Itook him back and he behaved for six years) exploded on me and his intent was to control control control.
To me-that is the worst thing that anyone can do to another human being. Unless they are deserving prisoners and no true free spirit would ever put themselves in that position.
I deeply value my freedom,and that of others.
I rent because I like to think that I can move on a whim. I don’t want the trappings of a mortgage and the bother of selling.
I lived that life for 15 years and it was like feeding a monster I didn’t believe in.
I always and still do call myself a nomad-a gypsy and I am hoping that I am healthy enough and young enough in spirit to still travel in my eighties.
The sad part is the the experience with my ex HP has left me with PTSD and agorophobia which is really frustrating.
I have been to many places and in naive dangerous situations and never once came to harm. It is ironic that the only harm that has ever come to me was in my own home with someone I loved and trusted.
Deep in my heart I am a freedom fighter-so I have no doubts I will recover.
Salute
STJ
xxx
Sharing the journey,
A lot of people don’t remember their dreams. It doesn’t make them a spath. I read an article about personality differences of people who have a very rich dream life (like me) and remember their dreams. It said they were highly creative bordering on psychotic. Perhaps not in those words but that was what I gleaned from the article. Many people I know, however, have no recollection of dreams. They are just normal people and not spaths. I think these are just personality differences and not an indicator of spathdom. It is never mentioned in the “signs” of sociopathy, so I would not use it as an indicator. The spath I dated probably never dreamed because he hardly ever slept! (Would you be able to sleep if at night if you spent your days conning people?)
STJ, I so relate to your being a free spirit and a traveler. I’ve also been this way since I was 16. I’ve lived in Europe for a year and have traveled to a lot of places. Ironically, I’d give it all up if I could have a family (even a husband) and find a sense of being rooted somewhere. But in the meantime, in our global world, there is no reason to be confined to the borders of this country.
Stargazer
Just because you have a family and a husband you don’t have to give it up. The free life.
I have had my babies taken all over Europe since they were six months old-when I felt that both of us had the all clear health wise.
The only times I never went was when I was pregnant–but I was away as soon as I we were both able.
I went to UNI when I was forty-part of the experience of developing my brain. My subject was sociology–and I loved it as I love studying different cultures and their practices.
Because I read everything about the culture of the country I was visiting- I kind of felt at home immediately when I arrived.
I am the opposite Stargazer. I will never marry again nor have a man live with me. Too stifling and I can’t be bothered with the effort involved. I have done my 22 years. I am not cynical and wish happiness for those that are in good relationships.
Both my brothers had bad experiences with women when young and have only now in their late forties found happiness with their girlfriends.
So you never know Star what’s in front of you.
Take care
xxx
On dream recall:
When you dream during REM sleep, short term memory is shut off… it’s not working. That’s why we don’t usually remember dreaming at all. We dream 4-7 times a night. You’re lucky if you can recall 1. The only way you can recall your dreams is by waking up while you’re dreaming. Because short term memory gets activitated as soon as you wake. That’s why if peope remember a dream, it’s often the last one of the series, towards the the morning right before waking up.
Dreams are thought to be symbolical stories to deal with emotional issues. While spaths may not have rich emotions, they have shallow ones and deep anger and envy. So they do have emotions, and those will produce dreams. I doubt very much though that those dreams are effective for the following reason: during the dream phase the part that ensures we differentiate ourselves from others gets shut off, so that it becomes easy for the narrative to know the thoughts, intentions and feelings of all the characters in the symbolical dream story… It’s like an ultra-empathy situation.
Since they lack empathy, it would be very hard for spaths to be able to do that in dreams. So, they’re in a way dream-handicapped because they cannot actually heal or resolve the emotional issue within them through a dream. It might even be one of the extra reasons why they don’t learn and can’t grow personality wise.
So, I think they dream alright, but the content will often be one of envy and rage, without a resolution or learning ability from it. Not immediately the type of dreams you would relate to someone else.
Also sine they’re such natural liars, there’s nothing to keep them from making a dream up for your pleasure. Here’s how you’ll know if it’s a made up one or not: when they relate a dream that seems to be more of wishful thinking, rather than an actual dream. Since I doubt they can learn from dreams, they wouldn’t even really comprehend the purpose of a dream, let alone figure out the symbolical tone and aspect of a dream. Their related dream therefore would probably lack those aspects, and sound more like what they’d wish you to believe they’d hope and wish for of you in the lovebombing phase.
I’m one of those who can sleep anywhere, though worries can keep me awake… but when I’m tourleading I can sleep on planes, trains, busses, combis, etc… no prob. Kinda lucky in that, because I’m often the last in bed and the first to get up to get stuff organized, so with the napping while on route I get my hours of rest still. I think I learned it because my parents used to travel with me by car and caravan, and though we staked out at the same campsite for 3 weeks with the caravan, we’d often be doing day tours in the countryside by car. Don’t consider myself a spath for it 😉 Nor for having a pisces sign. I know plenty of pisces people, hardly any one a spath (chaotic yes, empathic and emotional), and only my aunt as a narc. My ex-spath was a leo.
Stargazer
I too have a really rich dream life and I love it.
It is in technicolour and I can go in and change the ending if I want with ease. That’s why nightmares don’t bother me unless they are really disturbing.
Right now I am having recurring dreams of being paralysed with a stuck feeling. The last one I had was that I was being coerced into redoing my vows with my ex.
My granny(Now dead) was there and I begged her for a key to her home and she gave it to me.
My dress was getting shabbier and shabbier as I was trying to get down the aisle of the church on my knees to get out.
The church was full of people watching me struggling and I was thinking ‘please don’t tell him what I am doing’.
Then I woke–On awakening I felt relief.
STJ
xxx
Darwinsmon
You can see where you got your sleep pattern from. I too can sleep on the edge of a needle-but NOT if something is worrying me.
My spath would just close his eyes and that was it-even if a member of his family were dying. it was strange to see=but I got used to it.
STJ
xxx
A white wedding dress is an expliit symbol of innocence… it getting dirtier as you walk the isle implies feeling “getting dirty” through association with him. Gradnmothers are often symbol of the wise crone who has seen and lived it all… a symbol of the triad of the Mother Goddess (with the virgin being the other). So you have the symbols of the innocent virgin with the wise one who lived a whole life and therefore no more innocent in one dream. Very powerful. And WISDOM is the KEY to ESCAPE.
I have powerful dreams too. Dream in English (not my native language… and I know it because my mother caught me sleeptalking in English once). And for a period I used to translate my dreams while I was dreaming them… but that kinda took the enjoyment of the dream itself out of it. Started to become annoying to be dreaming and having a voice over explaining me what was what. So, I told myself to stop that, enjoy it and translate after. And the first two weeks after the ditching by my ex-spath that was what I did on and off… sleep and dream, wake up with a new feeling to work through, sleep and dream again, wake up with a new feeling to work through, etc… It’s the fastest way to deal with overwhelming emotions. I slept through my NC the first weeks. After that it became bearable enough to deal with the emotions in an awake state at least.
Anyway, like Oxy and Sky, I just want to caution against speculation of red flags without much evidence to go on at all whether spaths dream or not remember them, astrological signs (there is little evidence for it in general to begin with). It’s interesting to speculate, and I do wonder about their dreaming as well as intuiting capacities because of the link to the emotions and brain center for it… but more along the lines that it might be an interesting subject to research scientifically.