By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I've written here many times that I used to think that healing was a place we arrived at and that once we got there “everything would be wonderful.” I have learned in my latest tangles with the multiple psychopaths in my life that healing is NOT a place that we arrive at, but it is a Journey. I have no doubt looking back at my relationship with my P-sperm donor that I had PTSD when I escaped from his clutches at least alive, which is more than some of his victims have done. I was 19 and had no one to advise me. Looking back, I wanted to talk to people about this trauma and no one seemed to either believe or care. Even my Egg Donor didn't believe a word …
Wisdom: The Serenity Prayer applied to sociopaths
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Reinhold Niebuhr The definition of wisdom Almost everyone is familiar with the above “serenity prayer,” which is used as part of its program by Alcoholics Anonymous. Until I looked it up, I didn't know who actually wrote it. What is wisdom, though? Albert Einstein says, “Wisdom is not a product of schooling but of the lifelong attempt to acquire it.” Still, that doesn't tell us exactly what wisdom is. Wisdom is defined by Webster as: 1a: accumulated philosophic or scientific learning: knowledge 1b: abili …
Dealing with unhappiness through mindfulness
Editor's note: The following article refers to spiritual concepts. Please read Lovefraud's statement on Spiritual Recovery. By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) While I am a Christian in belief, I also read about the beliefs of various other religions and philosophies because I think there are valuable lessons in the writings of each of them. Lately as I have been increasing my study of “mindful” meditation. Since this was first practiced by Buddhists, there were some interesting points about Buddhist beliefs brought up by the author in a book I read called Mindfulness for Beginners by Jon Kabat-Zinn. This book is about mindful meditation for stress reduction, and is not a religious wor …
Easy and free ways to take care of ourselves
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) When we are in the process of recovering from emotional pain and trauma, we aren't helpless. Even if we don't have any insurance to go to a counselor, or to pay for expensive antidepressant medications that we might actually need but can't afford, , there are many things that we already know how to do, and know that they are good for us. The best part is they are free! Exercise When we are “down” and depressed, we become lethargic and we don't want to move or do anything. We just want to crawl into a hole and pull the hole in after us. We lose interest in the parts of life that are fun, interesting and would make us actually feel better if we would do t …
BOOK REVIEW: The Emotional Life of Your Brain
Reviewed by Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) As many of you who have read my articles and book reviews in the past know, I am fascinated by scientific studies of the brain and how our experiences affect both the anatomy and physiology of our brains. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and other life events affect our brains in many ways. In their book, The Emotional Life of Your Brain, Richard J. Davidson, PhD, with Sharon Begley, reveal more about the power of the human brain. DNA—the building blocks we get from our parents—except in the case of identical twins, is unique for each of us. Our DNA works by turning on or turning off different genes which we have inherited. For example, in peo …
Psychopaths pushing our buttons
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Most of you know I have spent a good portion of my life training animals of various kinds dogs for obedience and to work livestock, horses, donkeys and cattle (oxen). When we train animals, we “condition” them to do X and they receive Y reward. Ivan Pavlov, a Russian physiologist, conditioned dogs to expect to be fed by ringing a bell every time they got fed. Eventually when a bell was rung, even though there was no food in sight, the animals expected to be fed, and their bodies reacted by making them “slobber” at the mouth, just as they would if food were present. B.F. Skinner, and American psychologist, observed that animals who had intermittent re …
Emotional versus sentimental in dealing with psychopaths
By Joyce Alexander RNP (retired) Back when I was a teenager, I had an opportunity to travel to Africa, where I met a man who was to become world famous, and was almost single handedly responsible for the saving of both the black and white rhinos, Dr. Ian Player (the brother of golfer Gary Player.) Recently, the belief of rhino horn as a “cure all” has gotten to where the price for a single horn can top $400,000. This has caused the poaching of these wonderful animals, which still number less than 5,000 black rhinos and about 21,000 white rhinos, most of them located in South Africa. I feel very privileged to have known Dr. Player when he was simply “Ian” in a pair of green parks departm …
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The Red Flags of a Scammer
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Tonight on the news I heard where a local Arkansas non-profit had been scammed for over $100,000 by an employee. It is not uncommon in today's news to hear such things. I recently came into contact with someone involved with a non-profit group that I will call “ABC.org” because I do not believe the management of this group was in any way involved with what I think is the dishonesty of one of its employees. Here's how I became involved with this group's Texas representative. In the effort to get support for my protest of my son William Patrick Alexander's parole release, I decided to contact every “murder victim's support” group in Texas or nationa …
No matter how much you know, sometimes you just fall apart anyway
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) I've recognized that my son is a psychopath since 2006, and have cut contact with him. Unfortunately, he has not forgotten me, and sent one of his friends to kill me, and probably intended to, one by one, kill the rest of the family, so he could have everything we collectively own. Every so often Patrick comes up for parole. I have been working with an attorney who “gets it” about psychopaths, and with others, to protest his parole. I have had wonderful support here from the Lovefraud community, many of whom have sent letters to my attorney in support of my parole protest. Many family members and friends have written some wonderful letters as well. Som …
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Time as a factor in healing
By Joyce Alexander, RNP (retired) Many times our friends, in an effort to be helpful, but not actually understanding what we have been through in a “break up” with a psychopath, may tell us, “It's time you move on with your life, and start dating again,” or words to that effect. Any time you lose something important in your life, you suffer what is known as “grief.” It doesn't matter if that something is a break up of a relationship, a job, a death of someone you love, or you lose the Miss America Pageant when you expected to win. Anything that was important and is lost causes grief. Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, MD, an internationally known psychiatrist, studied grief in the terminally …