Sociopaths, as a group, tend to be predatory personalities. But does the converse always hold? Are predatory personalities, by definition, sociopaths?
Is it possible to prey on innocent people, and victimize them, yet not be a sociopath?
I think the answer to this question is yes…it is possible to be a predator and not a sociopath, although let me state as strongly as possible that, sociopath or not, the predator’s exploitation is no less damaging.
How one defines the predatory personality makes a difference. For purposes of this discussion, here’s how I’m going to define it: The predatory personality recognizes (if not actively seeks) opportunities for personal gratification, and seizes those opportunities knowing full well that, in doing so, he or she will cause someone else to feel victimized.
This must be a pattern of behavior to constitute predation.
While hardly comprehensive, this will be my working definition.
Predatory behavior can be driven by compulsion, but not all predatory behavior is compulsively driven. When it’s not, as a matter of fact, I think that sociopathy is a virtual given.
Compulsion can be a driving feature of predatory behavior. And many of us can attest personally to the power of compulsion. Compulsion is, by definition, an incredibly hard force to resist. When we feel compelled to do something, even knowing it’s an unwise thing to do, we often do it anyway…and sometimes again and again. Resistance to the compulsive urge proves enormously difficult.
We also know that sometimes, what “compels” us, at the same time violates our general standards and personal values (causing most of us, in these cases, internal disturbance).
This makes compulsion a quite fascinating experience, among other reasons for its seeming power to drive us to actions or thoughts that sometimes fly in the face of our self-respect, and sometimes respect for others.
Of course, not everyone who feels compulsively driven to perform self-violating or violating behaviors even has an underlying value system to be contravened. In these cases, I’d again suggest that sociopathy is likely to apply.
But things grow murkier in cases of individuals who, otherwise seeming to possess and adhere to reasonable moral standards, find themselves “compelled” to actions that profoundly transgress their standards—actions, especially, that leave a wake of victims in their trail.
Theoretically these may be cases where the urge to perpetrate the behavior—the compulsion itself—is so powerful that it’s as if it overrides and corrupts the standards the individual normally applies, and from which he or she draws his or her self-esteem.
In such cases, shame, self-contempt, guilt, and conscious or unconscious acts of penance can follow.
In August an interesting story broke in The New York Times headlined “Star Pediatrician Fights Accusations of Sex Abuse.” It concerned a pediatrician, researcher and writer, Melvin Levine, MD, who is recognized for his work on children’s learning styles and differences. Levine has written several popular psychology/education books on children, and his innovative research has been embraced by school districts across the country.
The front-page story (Aug. 6) reports that multiple former patients, either directly or else through their families—victims who could not possibly have known each other—alleged that, over a period of decades, Levine sexually molested them in the course of physical examinations he conducted with them alone.
Some of the accusations surfaced while Levine was still practicing, others later. None of the accusations, it turns out, was rigorously investigated, as a result of which Levine was never made professionally accountable at any point.
Levine has denied the allegations despite the fact that the complaints were spread across different states, over long stretches of time, contained virtually identical descriptions of his sexual abusiveness and, as noted, were made by disparate, disconnected patients. Thus, the probability of some sort of conspiracy to undermine him begs credulity.
Who, then, is Melvin Levine, MD, assuming the allegations are true and that, over a period of decades—as he was simultaneously contributing undeniably meaningful work to the better understanding and academic growth of children—he was also selecting some of them to sexually molest?
Is he, by definition, a sociopath? Certainly, if the accusations are true, he meets the criteria of a predator. But does this necessarily make him a sociopath?
I could be wrong, yet I can imagine that Melvin Levine falls into that category of individuals who find themselves in the throes of a compulsion that insists as if tyrannically on its expression. I can imagine that Melvin Levine has secretly despised himself from his first, and every subsequent, capitulation to his compulsion.
I can imagine that Melvin Levine has been filled, over the years, with a private self-mortification, believing himself to be incorrigibly corrupted and beyond help or forgiveness. And I can imagine that his good works—his career that, so oddly, has been devoted to the same children he’s abused—derived and evolved from a genuine need to contribute his talents to society in a meaningful way.
I can imagine that Dr. Levine has been living for decades in awful confusion, trying to reconcile his good, perhaps even admirable values,with behavior that’s made a shameful mockery of those values.
Of course, it’s possible that Melvin Levine is a sociopath, and that I’m giving him way too much credit. But I entertain the possibility that he isn’t; that instead, from the first time he indulged his compulsion, he began digging himself as if into a psychic hole of shame and self-corruption so deep and inescapable that, at some point, his survival came to depend on denial and lies and, of course, his capacity to compartmentalize.
Skepticism here is valid. Where do you draw the line? How about serial rapists? Or serial killers? After all, isn’t a monster a monster, regardless of the role compulsion plays in his or her deviance? Who cares what the diagnosis is, one can rightfully object! It’s the behavior that marks the man (or woman)!
I’ve merely scratched the surface of this discussion, and intend to continue it in a future post.
(This article is copyrighted (c) 2009 by Steve Becker, LCSW.)
Steve, thanks for another thought-provoking post.
I think that the factor of compulsion makes the distinction between addiction and sociopathy a moot point. If a person comes to believe that something — a drug, a behavior, some consumable — is necessary to emotional equilibrium, it doesn’t matter if that person is “functional” in other areas of life. The potential exists to destroy anything in the way of getting that thing, without compassion or remorse. (And unless remorse includes commitment and action to change behavior, it doesn’t count. It’s just wanking.)
In “Strategy of the Dolphin,” the authors define “sharks” as addicted to winning. So there is the factor of needing other people to lose in order to feel like they’ve won. As you wrote, some activities — such as contract negotiations or competitive sports — involve dividing finite resources. Not everyone can have everything, and at the end of the day, there are going to be losses on someone’s side. While normal, healthy people might need to act shark-ish in order to do these activities, other people’s losses are not the point of the exercise. They are unfortunate by-product.
But sharks need “power over” to feel whole. Or they need to see that they can outsmart, steal from, hurt, or otherwise diminish other people to feel like they are not nothing. They start from a less-than position — even if they mask it with a lot of grandiosity or arrogance or insistence that they have it all figured out. Despite this strong front, they compulsively parasite off people who have what they don’t have. The intensity of their need creates a sense of entitlement. Just like any other addict, willing to destroy anything that gets between them and their drug.
Again, thank you, Steve for a really thought-provoking piece.
Kathleen,
thank you for reminding me of that book. I have not read it, but your summary helped me.
I have seen lawyers who act a little sharkish, as the situation mandates it, but nonetheless have limits about fairness and trying to create a win-win situation as much as possible. You have hit the nail on the head that, for them, other people’s losses are not the point of the exercise.
I saw one corporation’s total culture change when they lost a good lawyer as I just described, and got one addicted to winning!
Has anyone had any experience of Ps acting together? I know a couple (male-female) who seem to cooperate as sexual predators.
I’m bringing my response to James and others from the Coleman thread as I didn’t want to deviate from the original post.
James, you and Glinda mentioned that there must be more sociopaths in Ill as the news articles seem to be proliferated with their evil accounts. And from your own personal experiences.
Not so, my dear friends. I seriously consider this a national epidemic, crisis. I can’t say global as I just don’t know.
Ever since I have flung those deceptive rose colored glasses to the ground and fiercely stomped them into obliteration, I see now once what I did not see. Once you saturate your brain with the predictable actions/behaviors of the pathological personality disordered…there ain’t no going back.
It would be self defeating to deny reality, the truth we are all seeking on LF and in meatspace. We can’t undo our learning of valuable, priceless, survival oriented knowledge. And I bet we all sure as heck don’t want to. EVER!
With that said, I see many occurences of maybe not outright sociopathy but evidence of self obsession, narcissism on a daily basis just by frequenting stores, restaurants, the usual places to go.
Yesterday I was at the grocery store and as I was standing in line, the cashier, a woman in her 50s, was rambling on and on about her little cold, her allergies due to the overabundance of pollen and dust.
I could feel compassion for her but me and many others had suffered the same sinus conditions. We just weren’t advertising to the mass public as everyone becomes ill a time or two during allergy season.
Anyway, my turn came and I looked over at the lovely young woman who was bagging my few groceries. She had her brown hair down and it was profusely curly. She’s gorgeous with big brown eyes and olive skin. I told her she looked very pretty today and asked if her hair was naturally curly. She said it was. I said it was gorgeous hair.
I looked back at the cashier to see what’s what and she immediately started touching her hair and saying hers’ is naturally curly also but she had it in a pony tail. And off she went on a tangent about her hair.
I wasn’t even talking to her! I was directing my words to the young woman. Seems like such a minor incident to write about but when I’m around a person who wants and needs all attention focused on them….I get more than a little leery.
That’s a red flag warning, right? Hmm…
JaneSmith
“Not so, my dear friends. I seriously consider this a national epidemic, crisis. I can’t say global as I just don’t know.”
How I wish I could disagree with you, oh how I wish I could but you are right. I thought about that 1-4 percent I keep hearing about for those that suffer for being an NPD today. The more I thought about it the more I realized how this number is just too low. Just how many people out there walking around who suffer from a PD? I don’t believe we will never really know and then do I really want too?
James, darling, please don’t despair when coming to terms, realizing that predators abound anywhere and everywhere.
It just is what it is and by us striving to educate ourselves, those of us who truly are good, decent, compassionate and loving folks, we can protect ourselves and loved ones from further future predation.
I’m a hopeful optimistic lass. I exist, you exist, all the awesome peeps who read and comment on LF exist so the odds are in our favor that there are oodles, plenty of good people who live right alongside us on this planet.
My unwavering belief is that there must be a balance at all times otherwise chaos and destruction would rule the day. That balance of good vs evil.
That hasn’t happened yet and not likely to, either. Because even though we are the gentle and loving we are also fierce and determined. Ain’t no damn way evil can always win when confronted with such stubborn warriors like us.
We live in an enlightening time where we have access to as much information, material, knowledge that we need to preserve what’s right, good and decent in the world.
LF is only one such place on the internet that is offering such knowledge, support and education. And think about other avenues provided in the community that are helpful, concerned and benevolent. Many such places are out there just waiting for other good peeps to join in.
Peace, Love and Joy for all…….
🙂
Hi JaneSmith- I was really just being, well, me. If I don’t joke about it, I’ll cry. And I’ve cried enough 🙂 I wish there was just a pocket of monsters but unfortunately, I know they are all over. I wish it were just Illinois as we could board it up and move on. Alas, I’ve dated losers from Missouri too. I don’t currently date because I have what I call “UPM”. Unerring Psycho Magnestism. If there is a room of 50 women and 1 psycho, he’ll be at my side in as long as it takes to push the non vulnerable women out of his way to get to me.
All kidding aside, I have 2 small children, boys, to raise into non-sociopathic men. The xs is in prison so while I don’t have to constantly do damage control, I’m flying solo here. Any time I take to pursue things (including a relationship) that don’t involve their care and feeding would be taking time from them. And the xs is in prison for sexually abusing my oldest daughter from the 1st xs- I couldn’t possibly go through that again. Do I really have a clue now or not? I don’t care to risk their well-being to find out. Or mine.
And I agree with the narcissism…look how long I talked about myself. 🙂 LOL I was in a gas station recently and a woman came stomping in and demanding to speak to the manager because the card reader on the pump wouldn’t read her card. good gravy- I wish I had her problems that that would get my knickers in such a bind.
I’m still basking in the glow from living life without the chaos of an s/n. I don’t need anything else. I am content. 🙂
Hello there, Miss Glinda…
Joke all you want. Is good for the soul and healing. Many or most of us former victims, now undefeated soldiers who write on LF have developed the most remarkable humors. Yeah, sometimes morbid but still alive and kicking, ya know?
And please don’t compare yourself to a person with NPD when you are discussing, sharing your awful experiences with LF. Completely, entirely different situation and circumstances.
You have a working functioning heart and conscience. Therefore, you honestly expressing your misery and suffering at the merciless hands of one or more predators is more than acceptable. It’s downright customary on here!
We all care about others’ pain and suffering. We are very loving and compassionate people. We all extend our care and concern to those who visit and in return, the newcomers extend and share with other peeps. I refer to as reciprocity. The genuine real deal here on this awesome site.
And I quote Miss Kathleen Hawk when she said…”You’re suppose to talk about yourself. I love it when you talk about yourself”
I totally agree! How am I going to get to know you folks better if you don’t talk about yourselves and your experiences? That’s how it works here.
Just hang in there and hang in here because it will most certainly get so much better.
Peace
🙂
PS….you really don’t need to be involved with a man to have a sincere life of peace, joy and love. Take me for example. Been single on and off for a bazillion years and I’ve realized the times where I was the most serene and content was when I was alone. Without male companionship. Funny that, huh?
Must be because I’m a weirdo introvert. Yeah, true dat!..haha
I as a single parent can see how one’s “dancing card” can be filled when raising our children. Then there is the desirer to return to school and finish up one’s education. My new found skills which are writing and poetry. With all this in hand I feel at times so blessed and lucky. I now am able to see a horizon I never would have dare to look at before. Ironic in a way I sometimes tells myself that how my ex s/p wanted nothing less then to destroy me only it didn’t work and in so many ways it only help me grow up more and become more then I would have expected could ever be.
I often find myself smiling when there no one else there
I often see the joke of me and laugh with no one there
I often find myself enjoying me like never before
I often see my child smile and laugh so much more
I often see my children at play so carefree and happy
not like those three years ago
When it rains and sometime storms in this life
Instead of running for our own shelters we now
Run to each other knowing there is support and trust
Once I was a fixer but no more
Each one of us will learn more
When we all understand we can be one
and still be part of the whole
So I ask myself am I willing yet to share what I have with another so soon? Maybe for a short time I want to hold what’s dear to me albeit selfishly I know but maybe it’s all part of healing and a willingness to grow both for my children and I?
James,
I also get pleasure from the simple things in life, now. I used to think, OMG, how will I ever survive being alone? I have finally learned(& still learning), the company of myself isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I work outside in the fresh air & sunshine, & find myself smiling or chuckling for no reason at all, except I am happy to be alive & free. I may have lost everything I own to the s, but he couldn’t take my spirit away. I will, & I am surviving this. I have been badly wounded, but I am here, among the best friends I have ever known.