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A classic story of sociopathic manipulation

The following letter, written by a young woman who we’ll call Chloe, is one of the most complete stories of psychological manipulation that I’ve ever seen yet. Chloe wrote this letter secretly while the sociopath she is living with was at the gym.

I met my boyfriend two years ago. I was 18; he was 33. He’s a photographer; we live on an island that is very small. He has lived here forever (10 years) and I had only been here a few months when I met him. Everybody, especially women on the island, adore him, he is THE BIGGEST charmer.

He told me that he had moved here with his fiancée, that she had said she was going home for a week, and then never came back. He said she’d gone to therapy back home and been “mindf*cked” and never returned, breaking their engagement. I felt for him. He was so normal and sweet. He was living with his parents (because they were taking over his place) and he was moving out. He/we lived with them for a year, he’s still in it to this day, though his parents left a long time ago.

Always telling me what I should and shouldn’t eat. I’m 5’7” and 115 pounds, and I’m size DD and he’s always showing me plastic surgeons that do the best boob jobs so I can make them bigger. He was normal for four months, then told me he didn’t want me hanging out with or speaking to other guys. He even would get annoyed when I’d talk to my mom or dad.

Long story short, when I started moving out, which has happened a million times, he became violent. Touching me, I’d ask him to stop, gently pushing him off me but he wouldn’t and that’s when he started strangling me. I’ve told people about him and they take his side, because he’s such an upstanding member of the community.

He says guilt is a useless emotion and therefore feels none. He’s broken six cell phones, and in turn I’ve broken things of his. He uses this as a way to twist it and say it’s all my fault. He has every symptom on the sociopath checklist; I could go on and on. He got me a dog for my birthday and has started to use her as a tool to keep me home.

I’ve lost all my friends, rarely see family, but I’m so scared of life without him. I hate him, but every time I think about not having HIM in my life my chest hurts and it’s hard to breathe. I’ve gone to the hospital because he choked me too long, and spit in my face and held me down and rubbed it in, and I can’t or won’t leave. Isn’t that sick?

Initially I stayed because of the sex. Now I stay because I’m scared to be without him but also, I don’t want him to be with someone else, although I think he might have cheated on me once. When I tell him all these things, he calls me insane and “such a victim” and that I’m “sandbagging him and that’s all in the past.”

I’ve called Women Helping Women, but your site was the most helpful so far and I don’t know what to do. Everyone loves him; even the cops are his “braddahs.” He’s an SMU graduate; I only have high school (although I’ve gone to private schools my whole life) so he says no one would believe me, and they don’t!

His ex told me he stalked her until she moved back to the mainland, and no one believed her either… I used to be really strong and confident, but now I can’t leave the house without his approval of my outfit. I don’t want him to be with someone else, I don’t want to be with him, but I don’t want to be without him. He’s becoming more and more negative and aggressive towards me, but I’m scared to leave and scared to stay.

I feel dumb, ugly, depressed, anxious, and trapped. He’s drilled into my head for almost the whole two years that no other guys will date me or love me, and that they would only cheat on me. I know that’s not true because I get asked out all the time, but now I’m terrified of being cheated on! What should I do? Oh also he has naked pics and video of me that he’s threatened to release, even make money on.

Classic sociopath

This guy is a classic sociopath, employing every trick in the sociopath toolbox. He used the pity play to snag Chloe, with the story about his previous fiancé being “mindf*cked” in therapy to leave him. Yeah, right—she probably fled because it was the only way to get rid of him.

Then the guy used sex to get his hooks into Chloe. As Dr. Liane Leedom explains, in normal people, intimate relations creates bonds between them, and it worked with Chloe. These bonds, which are both psychological and hormonal, are Nature’s way of holding the human race together for our own survival.

But it’s possible for the bonds to become pathological. That can happen when someone—such as a sociopath—deliberately tries to bring another person under his or her control. Here’s how this guy did it to Chloe:

  • Telling Chloe what she should eat and wear
  • Telling Chloe to get breast implants, even though it sounds like she has a fabulous figure
  • Isolating Chloe from her family and friends
  • Refusing to comply when she asks him not to touch her, then strangling her
  • Breaking cell phones—her way of contacting other people
  • Telling Chloe she is insane
  • Telling Chloe that no other man will have her
  • Twisting everything around so that all problems are Chloe’s fault

Cycle of fear, anxiety, intimacy

Make no mistake—this is abuse. So what happens as a result? The guy creates fear and anxiety in Chloe. Fear and anxiety strengthen those attachment bonds, which started out being normal. What usually happens in these situations is that the victim turns to the abuser for relief from the fear and anxiety. The abuser then “forgives” the victim for “making him” act abusively. Then they have sex.

This cycle of fear-anxiety-intimacy keeps strengthening the psychological and hormonal attachment bond, actually rewiring the victim’s brain. So now, even though Chloe knows the guy is bad news, it is almost impossible for her to get out of the relationship. This is apparent in the physical symptoms Chloe is showing just by thinking about leaving—her chest hurts and it’s difficult to breathe.

Off the island

Yet Chloe must leave. She must find the strength to get away from the guy, even if it means voting herself off the island.

Leaving this sociopath will be much like breaking an addiction. This, too, is normal. As Dr. Leedom explains, the bonds created in these relationships use the same pathways in the brain as drug addictions. That’s why Chloe has to go cold turkey with this guy, and why it will feel like withdrawal. The secret, as they say in recovery programs, it to take it one day at a time.

Chloe, do whatever you have to do to get out. Be prepared for the guy to pursue you, perhaps to the point of stalking, as he did with the previous woman. He may plead, beg, and even threaten. It’s not because he loves you. It’s because he doesn’t want to lose his property. Because that’s all you are to him—property.


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382 Comments on "A classic story of sociopathic manipulation"

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Thank you for sharing this story Donna.

I am part of a working group that includes psychopathy researchers, clinicians and victims. As shocking as this may sound the professional members of the group would not say that you provided evidence of psychopathy here. Although they would say that PERHAPS this many has “psychopathic traits.”

This is the problem with cut off scores on the PCL-R. By my calculations Bernard Madoff and Denis Rader wouldn’t make the cut-off either.

We have had very heated discussions about this in the group and you can imagine how the line is drawn -victims on one side, clinician/researchers on the other.

The failure to recognize that ones behavior with an intimate partner speaks volumes about the structure of a person’s personality is part of the problem. They would say that psychopathy is pervasive and extends into every relationship and every facet of life.

This opens the door for a separate category “batterer”. Didn’t you know that these are just psychologically normal men under the influence of society? NOT

So the root of the problem is also ignorance of the nature of healthy psychological functioning.

I point all this out to help victims who are told the batterer is not a sociopath/psychopath.

Dear Liane,

All I can say is “if it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck”—it is probably a DUCK!

I’m not suprised at the professionals’ and researchers’ (A) lack of understanding and (B) failure to come to some agreement or concensus of “what is a P/S/ASPD?” and even NAME the problem, much less agree on the complete definition.

A bit of it seems like the old question about sound, sound is the vibrations of energy that hit our ear drum and is then interpred as ‘sound” by our brains; so—if a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a “sound?”

So if a man consistently beats his women and tries to control them, but can still be charming to those not close to him, and doesn’t punch out the hostess at a dinner party for something he would beat HIS woman senseless for, then he isn’t a psychopath???DUH?

Does that make the BTK killer NON-psychopathic? What would they call him? Neurotic? Oppressed? A victim of society who just acted out because of his mother weaning him too harshly? BULL HOCKEY!

[He was normal for four months ]

I don’t believe this for a moment. But I feel this is a key issue in why some people get snagged and others bolt early on.

Those with family of origin issues are more likely to overlook, excuse, or otherwise downplay unacceptable or just plain weird behaviors and stay.

In retrospect, the “normal” and “nice” really aren’t. It takes some people a very long time to realize this.

“He was normal for four months.”

That statement jumped out at me, too. So many of us on this site have commented that a bell seems to go off in a S’s head at months 3 to 4 and everything changes and the devalue and discard begin.

Chloe, I was a criminal defense attorney and I still got taken by one of these subhuman creatures. By the end of the 15th month I was ready to kill myself. Somehow I found the strength in me to finally drive him off. I think it is a good sign that you are waking up to your reality. In your shoes, I would advise you to walk and don’t look back. Leave your clothes — everything and get out.

In my study of the subject, I find that most of the academic research has been done on psychopaths “in captivity” — on people from the prison population. I don’t see very much that describes the “psychopath in the wild,” and the defining test — the PCL-R — looks at the activity that puts people in prison, but doesn’t adequately describe the other behaviors that we here have come to call “red flags.”

For example, telling Chloe what to wear if she’s going out, or encouraging a 20-yr-old with a generous bra size to get breast augmentation, is not something that would help in a “professional diagnosis” of a psychopath, but it points to pathologically controlling behavior that should strike fear in us — because it hints at his capacity to do damage in many other ways.

This man is danger-danger-danger! Chloe can find help to break her addiction to him if she can get away. But this man sounds like the ultimate “bad news.”

I don’t often recommend a book of fiction, but I recently read “Rose Madder” by Stephen King. The first chapter is an amazing description of a woman in a profoundly abusive marriage who has shut herself down for 14 years so that she could survive. And then she wakes up . . . I compliment Mr. King for his ability to portray the thoughts of a woman in that situation.

I hope that Chloe breaks away as quickly as possible. At her age, she can get free and live a full life with a much wiser point of view. But first she has to “wake up” and get out.

Dear Chloe…You are lucky! Believe it or not. you do not have children so gather up some self esteem if there is any left and i know there is and leave. i have 5 kids…48 years old…this sociopath has put me 500k in debt…all the while blaming me…and I am trying to figure out what to do. I will be moving in his house since I have no choice (YET) but I’ll be working on plan B the whole time. Had I been single…I would have run for the hills! No one u nderstands and forget lawyers and the court system…they dont “get it” because its too $$$ and they dont really want to deal….make a move far away…changing your life can be so refreshing. Get to know who you really are not who someone tells you you are. If this man is telling you no one will want you be happy…it is better than who he is…Screw the sex…there is always someone better out there who will make REAL LOVE to you without the [email protected]#t Its funny…I can giva advice but trying to learn how to get out of my situation…but I am finding there are angels here on this website that have lived the hell and actually survived it and actually get it and want to give advice because they truly know what its like to lose EVERYTHING..but they manage to get the strength to end this no matter what it took! I am so proud of the people here that have done that and is taking the time to help others get through their situation…Thank you ANGELS and keep writing here CHLOE…..I know you can get your power back here. Even domestic place really dont get it…You are worth it…you have one life….try to strive for the happiest you can be.When I get through my hell I want to make a difference in people lives like mine. If I win the lottery….I will spend the rest of my life to help people like us. Its hell but you can do it…with love…bopeep

Bopeep: Your experience gives you understanding and wisdom. As hard as your lessons are, you can share from your heart. You know what Chloe faces if she doesn’t GET OUT!

I don’t know your skills and talents, but you’ve said that you were the “engine” in your business. Can you work with that to get yourself established without being around this predator? If you care to brainstorm, I know that people will help.

These are CLASSIC signs of most ANY domestic abuser per virtually any literature written by experts in the field,, whether he is sociopathic/psychopathic or not and I have read extensively on domestic abuse (books, articles), including taking a victims advocacy course.

But per Dr. Leedom’s comments where she seems to indicate that domestic abusers are all either psychopathic or considered by professionals to be psychologically “normal” batterers as I think she put it (as if ANOTHER DISORDER COULD NOT APPLY BESIDES PSYCHOPATHY)—

even Dr. Hare himself says on page 57 in SNAKES IN SUITS, that “as many as one in five persistent domestic abusers are psychopathic”. Note that word PERSISTENT domestic abusers. If one in five are thought to be psychopathic, that means that 4 out of 5 have some other personality disorder or mental or emotional problem or reason. Meloy in Violent Attachements and also in The Psychology of Stalking explores different PD’s or mental disorders that can contribute to this. Not EVERYONE who domestically abuses is a psychopath, but some have OTHER disorders.

IMO tossing everybody who does really bad behavior into the category of sociopathy or psychopathy just weakens the category to such an extent that it makes it almost meaningless, so why not just throw out the DSM and all those other disorders that contribute to people doing abnormal or horrible things and just say everybody who behaves badly is a psychopath. But let me make clear I am NOT weighing in on whether the man in question is or is not a psychopath, but I am simply saying the info provided fits the criteria for generally most domestic abusers regardless of whether he is or is not a sociopath or psychopath.

Bottom line though, a domestic abuser REGARDLESS OF THE REASON/DIAGNOSIS is dangerous and Chloe needs to GET AWAY FROM HIM, realize the period immediately after leaving him (and up to two years) is the MOST DANGEROUS period of time for her so she needs to take precautions.

And for you Chloe, I can so identify with the way you “intellectually” know you need to get away, but seem stuck there regardless. Read up on trauma bonding. Chloe, I tried getting out and no contact while still in the area with my ex, but I could not even turn on my phone without him immediately popping up, couldn’t walk outside my house without him showing up at odd times, endured all sorts of property damage etc. Mine’s goal was not to get me back, but as he put it “I will not rest until I have done everything in my power to destroy you emotionally and financially”. I will tell you the ONLY thing that worked for me and that was to move so far away that he cannot show up in person without great effort on his part. Since your man stalked the former girlfriend, I would “guess” he will be a real problem for you if you remain in the area by probably stalking you, terrorizing you (he has already shown extreme violence by strangling you). My best advice is to make a plan and disappear from his life, leaving no forwarding address. You may not want to do this and may come up with all sorts of reasons not to such as not wanting to leave an area you love, friends, family or whatever you hold dear–including your continuing attraction for him. I made all sorts of excuses and delays and thought I could manage to stay no contact, things would die down and I could remain in the area. But bottom line is that iI had to move so that is what I ended up having to do and I could have saved myself much time, grief, terror etc. if I had just done it immediately. Treat him like a drug addiction, Chloe. You may want him on the one hand, but you KNOW he is extremely bad for your mental and physical health. Go cold turkey and leave him behind. It won’t be easy but you can do it. Good luck Chloe and you will be in my prayers.–Jenn

Dear Rune…you are an angel.I get strength from the understanding and reality sets in that it is not just me ..unfortunatly. So how do you go far away when you can be traced by your bills and your children in school, which involves transferring records ect. My sociopath has a way of getting information out of EVERYONE. I don’t know how he does it. during a time of seperation , he managed to get my payroll info from the company despite I had them put a red flag on my account to not release info to anyone!. He did get copies of all transactions for the 6 months we were apart and brought it to court to use against me. He is the ultimate evil genius. The only reason i went back to him…( I refer to it as making a deal with the devil) was because I had 10 days and I was going to be thrown out of my own life..business, house, other house ect.Of course..the master maipulator had the power to keep it all together(for now) and I still barely have it all…so I am buying time to save for plan B…which involves moving into his house because I can no longer afford the house I am living in. I do have a trusted friend that I will be giving money to hold for me…so I can accomplish plan B but my enormous debt will be there probably forever. my credit is gone..but I still feel I can get some of my life back but it is not going to be easy..I just dont want to end up in a shelter because I had always accomplished everything in my life myself…and that would put me over the edge to have to be in that situation. Its amazing how he blames the financial situation on me and tells me he is in bad shape financially because of ME..I am going to order some books now that some people here recommended to me and once again thank you…Bpeep

Chloe:

This guy is 15 years your senior? My sociopath boyfriend was 11 years older than me. For me, the age difference made me “respect” him even more, because he was so “experienced”. Mine was also the BIGGEST CHARMER and adored by all.

He would HINT about what I should wear and how long my hair should be etc.
Older men are MASTERS at making younger women feel insecure about themselves.
Chloe, you only lost 2 years with this guy.
It took me a HELL of a lot longer than that to figure out mine was bad news!!

THIS IS GOING TO END BADLY, CHLOE.

CUT YOUR LOSSES AND GET OUT NOW!!
(and do NOT telegraph what you are going to do in advance. Just get out.)

Chloe:

You are a young girl with your whole life ahead of you. Don’t let this 2-year relationship turn into a 10-year ordeal.

Only you can determine what this relationship is costing you.

There are people on this site who have lost a lot of money, not necessarily time in their toxic relationships, or their health has declined, or their self-esteem is at an all-time low, etc. There are a lot of “cost factors” to look at in any relationship.
But, it is pretty obvious this guy is going to “work on you” until there is nothing left. GET OUT!

Dear Chloe,

Your story reminds so much of mine….
Especially when you said

“I’ve lost all my friends, rarely see family, but I’m so scared of life without him. I hate him, but every time I think about not having HIM in my life my chest hurts and it’s hard to breathe.”

I remember wishing that by some miracle he would just go away, but I just could not bear myself of ending the relationship. The idea of being with him made my feel that same feeling you describe. It felt like being sentenced to death penalty.

If I could go back, I would have dumped him very early on. Unfortunately I spent 7 years with this a–hole. He has drilled into my head that he has “saved” me and that I was a mess. He said he put me on the right track. He also controled the way I dressed, he wanted me to wear clothes just like him, baggy black t-shirts and shorts. He would not tell me outright what to wear, but if I wore something he did not approve he would just shake his head and grimace his face. Or say something racist like “wow that top looks like something a big titty black momma would wear”

He even shaved my head. He filmed the head shaving, and to this day I am terrified that the film will re-surface on some freaky web-site. He also filmed me once drunk, just to show me how f***ed up I was in his opinion.

I would drink occasionaly with friends but never been a drinker or a bad drunk. In fact I am pretty level headed and friendly after a drink or two. But I think he filmed me to shame me and keep this as a proof, leverage of my dysfunction.
Of course all his previous girlfriends were messed up. I would be curious to talk to them and see.

Chloe, I would say RUN!
The s I was with unceremouniously dumped me and never to hear from him again. So Chloe, save face, get rid of him before you get discarded.

It just occurred to me, a relationship with a sociopath can either be brief (like a roadside bomb), or it can be long and drawn out (like something toxic in the drinking water).

Either way, the end result is devastating, and usually leaves the victim in a “fetal position”.

Rosa said: “But, it is pretty obvious this guy is going to “work on you” until there is nothing left. GET OUT!”

Read what Rosa said over and over again Chloe as many times as it takes to sink in. That WILL be the end result, unless you get out asap, as Rosa has summed it up perfectly . Don’t get caught up in trying to figure him out as to what he may or may not be (diagnosis wise). He is dangerous to you, period, and that is what you need to understand.

You are not alone, we understand. So many of us before you have gone thru this and struggled to find the strength and the way to get out and stay out. IMO the best route is to leave and immediately cut off all means of access he might have to you so he cannot mess with your mind.

And keep in mind this: I read an article by a forensic psychiatrist the other day and she was talking about autoeroticism (I think that is what you call it, where people get sexually excited from people starting to strangle them, then releasing them etc), but anyway she said what people tend to forget is how little it actually takes to strangle you to the point of death and that is how so many sexual stranglulations take place–accidentally I mean.

Yeah your boyfriend is doing crappy other things like making insulting remarks and isolating you and breaking cell phones etc., but the MAIN thing IMO you need to remember is that it has already escalated to where YOUR BOYFRIEND IS ALREADY PUTTING HIS HANDS AROUND YOUR NECK STRANGLING YOU. Maybe his intention is only to frighten you since he lets you go. But REGARDLESS of what his intention is or is not, think about what that forensic psychiatrist said about how EASY it is to accidentally strangle someone (when you don’t intend to) to the point of DEATH. This man is already to the point of engaging in the type of behavior where he could EASILY KILL YOU even if that is not his intention. You are dealing with behavior from this guy that is IMO like playing with a loaded gun. RUN RUN RUN, Chloe!!!

His fiancee “said she was going home for the week and then never came back. He said she’d gone to therapy back home and been “mindf*cked” and never returned, breaking their engagement.”

Chloe, have you checked into this claim to make sure it is the truth??? Is she even still ALIVE???
This story about the fiancee being brainwashed by a therapist back home sounds like bullshit, to me.

In fact, I think I see some PROJECTION going on here. It was not the therapist back home who did the “mindf*cking”, it was your photographer boyfriend.

The more I think about it, this guy is DANGEROUS. He could have strangled the fiancee, and thrown her into the ocean or something.

There are some creepy similarities to OJ Simpson and Drew Peterson, if you ask me.

GET OUT CHLOE! HE IS NOTHING TO PLAY WITH!!

Dear Chloe,

Yes, you can be “traced” by your public records, utilitiy bills and so on, BUT, that said there ARE WAYS TO “disappear” legally and NOT be traced. Any good private investigator can advise you on thsi and they usually do NOT charge an arm and a let give you some hints.

Two years ago I had to “leave town in a hurry” and not leave a traceable record (my P-son was trying to kill me) I bought an Recreational vehicle (licensed it at my home address–and since I was no longer there it did not leave a paper trail to where I WAS staying) then “traveled” and if you are not hooked up to utilities in your name, WAH [email protected] No records.

Since my tow vehicle was licensed and insured at my home address (my leagal address) there was NO way other than to find me physically that I could be traced. I banked by mail, paid bills by internet and mail, had a PO box at my local post office (and you can get the postal service to forward this to you weekly anywhere in the world, or you can have your mail forwarded to a friend’s house, or one of those postal rental boxes that forwards mail, there are all kinds of options.

Long story short, I couldn’t sell my house or rent it out, but it is paid for so didn’t cost me anything except “base” utilities. and I have a cell phone (bills sent to the house) and an “air card” on my phone for computer access, and so on. So there are all kinds of ways to “disappear.” If you must work (I am retired) as long as you dont’ have a job or profession where you must keep a current LICENSE you are okay. If you have like a nurse’s license, you can travel in the “compact” states without ever changing your address (like the traveling nurses do) and since you will be changing jobs every 6 weeks or so, moving to different states, etc. you are about untraceable there too.

Of course, you are hiding from an INDIVIDUAL NOT THE FBI so it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to hide from even the smartest individual.

If you have kids you may have to move and home school them, or keep them off the radar entirely by just not registering them for the “home school” thing with the state but tell anyone you meet that you do. Change your name legally or just start calling yourself something similar to your real name but so it won’t show up on a “search” Like if your name is Sims, start writing it with an e between the last two letters simEs, or if your name is Sue Ann smith, start calling yourself Anne or Anna Smyth,

Work underground for cash if you must, baby sit, hou8se sit, walk dogs, or clean houses, do yard work, or buy stuff and resell at yard sales or flea markets. There are migrant farm jobs as well and there are lots of people who follow the farm work, it is tough work, but keeps you on the move. Get a seasonal job in a state or national park.

There are also “mobile jobs” with various groups as a vendor, the Scottish societies have people who travel to all teh Scottish festivals and sell things, ones who travel to car shows, others who travel to gun shows, etc etc. so whatever your interests are there are groups who put on events that have vendors and you could make a cash living being part of that group. I know a man who makes over $100K a year selling hats at various festivals. He tows a small stock trailer with a tent behind his RV and goes to festivals lasting 6 weeks to as short as 3 days.

If you are in a situation that is unliveable, with little or “no money down” you CAN “Get the heck out of Dodge” and find safer places to live, no matter what your circumstances are.
You can park an RV in any wal mart parking lot in the nation for free and they are fairly safe there and no nosey neighbors to give you away.

One of the nice things about RV life is that it is PORTABLE at a moment’s notice. I am currently back in my own home now, but my RV still sits in my yard, fully loaded with propane, water, and all the supplies needed, and ready to haul arse at a moment’s notice for parts unknown. If you have a friend who has a lake or mountain house most of the time they willl let you park there, BUT BE CAREFUL OF YOUR FRIENDS, AND ONLY TELL THE ONES YOU CAN ABSOLUTELY TRUST.

Besides my sons, there were only 3 friends who had any idea where I was or how to reach me physically. I chose those 3 people because I knew they would endure bamboo splinters under their nails before they would betray my whereabouts.

Don’t stay with someone you might be injured by because you think you have no choices, YOU DO HAVE CHOICES!

Chloe,

Here’s the really good news in your letter. You recognized that there is something wrong with you. You listed all the conflicts in your thinking. The fears you’re living with. The weakening of your self-confidence. The uncertainty about what freedom means.

You are not the person you were when he met you. And that’s really important, because now you have to think about taking care of yourself. Getting well.

Sociopaths are like slow poisoners. You know this already. It’s one little dose after another. If you start to recognize that they’re making you sick, they may give you a big dose to slow you down even more. The longer it goes on, the more you have to fight the emotional and intellectual sluggishness and confusion. If you look at yourself, read the letter as we read it, you’ll see it’s true.

The first and most important thing you have to do is stop ingesting the poison. That means that you have to get away. It sounds like you might have to plan it quietly. And that’s going to mean that you have to create a private area of your mind that truly believes this is important, no matter what else in going on in there.

This is something we’ve all had to do. Relationships with sociopaths, especially ones that go on for a while, include this type of confusion. Virtually all of us lost our confidence in ourselves, felt like we didn’t have enough strength or resources to make another life, and struggled with overwhelming feelings of attachment and dependence. You are not alone in this.

Everyone here had to escape in one way or another. Whether it was physically getting away from them, or extricating ourselves from all this emotional and mental confusion. All of us began with a belief, often hidden away in one small corner of ourselves, that we were being victimized and that we and our lives could be better.

If you look at your history with him, you can see how it’s going. It’s not going to get better. It’s going to get worse. He will get worse. And so will you. That doesn’t mean that you can’t leave at any time, as long as he hasn’t made you a physical prisoner or do so much physical or emotional damage that you’re unable to get out. But the sooner you get out, the less damage you take with you, and the faster you recover your real life, the life you deserve and were meant to have.

You said there’s no help for you, no belief that he is a bad guy on the island. Here is a tool for you to use. When you’re ready to go and you need any help at all, use the words, “I am leaving. I want to go.” No matter what else anyone says to you or how they try to convince you otherwise, just stick with that. You want to leave. You don’t have to explain or defend yourself. Just ask for the help in leaving.

But wait until you’re ready, if you feel like he has eyes and ears around the island. Don’t broadcast your intentions. Don’t worry about what you leave behind. You’re young and you can start over. Travel light and go to a safe place.

The state of your thoughts and feelings right now should tell you that you should plan for some recovery time and efforts. Therapy. Support while you get yourself back together. You might feel insecure and afraid for a while. That’s natural. You’ve been living with a bad person who has been doing bad things to you. You’re a trauma survivor, and processing trauma involves feelings like that.

Don’t worry about whether you can do this. Just plan when and how. You’ll get through it to be happy and strong again, better than you were before. But try not to delay. Remember that you’re being poisoned on a daily basis and you’re the one who has to save you. You can do it. A better life is waiting for you.

Kathy

Is this a real letter? Who did “Chloe” send the letter to? What were the circumstances?
If “Chloe ” is a fairdinkum person, then I am surprised she would send this. She would not be game enough.
If it is real then Chloe knows that the only answer is to leave without letting him know. If you want to take some of your stuff, then you will have to plan your leaving when he is gone for most of the day. And then you will have to go into hiding for about a year.
Otherwise, you may as well get pregnant and have kids a few times and let him abuse them too, although I doubt you would live long enough to see them reach five.
Being stranfled by a murderer is no fun is it?

should read strangled

You were very game to go to the hospital for “strangulation and spit”. What did they do?

Tilly: This is probably an email sent to Donna. I’m glad Chloe is able to recognize something about the danger of her situation. Too many women DO develop “amnesia” about how bad their situation is, and they stay — and have kids — and it only gets much, much, much worse!!!

Chloe: Just take your personal ID, your clothes on your back, and whatever money you can scrape up — and leave, leave, and don’t look back! He sounds so scary. You will get through this, but only if you leave.

A friend who knows about psychopaths and their abuse (physical and mental) gave me a book yesterday by Stephen King. I am not generally a King fan, but she insisted I read the first chapter and I did. The book os “Rose Madder” and I want you to know that I think Stephen King GETS IT about psychopathsx!

It is a description from the woman’s point of view as she lies bleeding during a miscarriage brought on by another beating by her cop husband who doesn’t even need an excuse to beat her bad enough she requires hospitalization with broken bones, punctured lungs etc.

It shows her state of mind as she starts to think about hating him, then pushes that thought down into her subconscious because she can’t even bear to hear herself think it. She also wants to die, but can’t bear to think that either, and wants away from him, but can’t bear to think of that either. What would life be like with out him.

“Suddenly she was able to identify the buzzing, which had now spread to her entire body. It was anger she was feeliing, rage, and realization brought wonder.

Get out of here, that deep part of her said suddenly. Get out of her right now, this very minute. Don’t even take the time to run a comb through your hair. Just go.

“That’s ridiculous,” she said, rocking back adn forth faster than ever. “That’s ridiculous, where would I go?”

Anywhere he isn’t, the voice returned. But you have to do it righ tnow. Before….

Before what?

A part of her mind, a habituated, cowed part, suddenly realized that she was seriously entertaining this thought and put up a terrified clamor. Leave her home of fourteen years? The husband who, if a little short-tempered and quick with his fists, had always been a good provider. the idea was ridiculous. She must forget it. Immediately. (excerpt from first chapter of Rose Madder, by Stephen King.

I think everyone here on this blog can identify with this woman. With the denial that she went through for 14 years as he beat her senseless….it doe4sn’t matter though if it is ONLY “emotional abuse”—-it is abuse. Get the Fu

Dear Chloe,

What’s happening to you is wrong, period. Strangulation is a way to murder someone. There’s no excuse that makes it acceptable: you’ve been the target of attempted murder. This guy is practicing killing you, and physical aggression usually only escalates over time. There’s no reason that excuses tearing someone down piece by piece emotionally. He’s doing that to control you and make you a more compliant victim: emotional abuse exhausts you so that you are much easier to dominate entirely.

Love doesn’t look like that! Love is where one is treated with genuine respect and consideration: the other person wants you to be whole and happy, not walking around on eggshells, fearful for what the next moment will bring.

Right now it’s hard for you to see clearly, because abuse tears you down, and after a time, you begin to believe you deserve it. No one deserves that!

Your body will still exhibit the panicked feeling when you think of your life without him, but that’s how deeply the abuse has got to you: you believe what you have to in order to survive in a situation where your life is threatened. That’s survival mode kicking in, and when you come to a healthier place, this will begin to loose its hold. Trauma bond is like an addiction, and it’s a good idea to treat it that way. (I experienced this with my alcoholic father.)

When you experience love, honest and true love, whether it’s from yourself or another, you begin to feel whole. You begin to discover your best self. Problems and challenges come from the drama that is life, and not from the created drama of abuse. People who love you accept and support you, cheer you on as you face the challenges of living; they do not tear you apart on a whim for their own amusement. You don’t feel worried and panicked all the time, but rather, you trust that you can handle what life sends. These things happen at your own pace of healing, and when you are able to see the difference, it’s like night and day.

First, you must secure your personal safety. You can’t have that as long as you are with this man: you must leave to be safe. You have to be alive to heal, and he’s bent on utterly destroying you.

It’s going to be hard, but you can do it. Just keep reading these blogs and you’ll see that many brave, incredible people posting here have done so. You’ve been very brave already, allowing yourself to see what’s going on, and then reaching out by email to Donna. Take the next step, and get outta there. Then you can rebuild your life, which is hard, but pretty amazing.

I wish you only the best!
Betty

Chloe,

“He got me a dog for my birthday and has started to use her as a tool to keep me home.”

Many of these people (s/p) will use animals and children to deepen the bond (control) between the victim and the abuser. If you are reading these replies please think about if you had a child with this person. Wouldn’t the abuser then use the child to bond (dominant) himself to you even more?

Normal people have emotional bonds with animals and children but sociopaths don’t bond with animals or children. They just become objects and property for them to used to manipulate and control the victim(s) even more. How do I know because that is what happen to me and others here at LF. This is one reason so many of them will want to start a family as soon as possible or will purchase animals. This (having children) was the reason it took me 17 years to break free of my abuser. If you were to have a child with this loser god only knows how much longer it will take you to break free from this person.

I hope you will be able to get away before bringing children into this dysfunctional and violent relationship. If he is using a “dog” to keep you under his control and manipulation then please understand how he will use children to do this as well. Please ask yourself would that be fair for the child?

We all know how addicting these relationships are and how hard it is to break free from this addiction but in the end it is (even if you don’t believe that now) Your Choice to stay or leave. Bringing a child into this relationship would only cause the abuser more control and more harm to you and the child if you were to have one with him.

bopeep

“Its amazing how he blames the financial situation on me and tells me he is in bad shape financially because of ME..”

Dr. Carver, Ph.D. Talks about how they use money problems and finance to control the victim. Not sure if you even saw this site but it has a lot of good information whenever we try to “disconnect” from our abusers.

Chloe, you might like to check it out as well…

Good luck to both of you!!

http://drjoecarver.com/

One day, while trying to figure out what could have possibly gone wrong, I remembered something I did not want to. I was already separated from my husband, but something did not feel right with Mr. Wrong. So, I told him that we should be friends with “benefits”. I also began seeing another man I had long term relationship prior. Mr. Wrong hated my idea, apparently. All of a sudden, I found myself pregnant. And then – just like a lightening it hit me – I got pregnant not at all by accident, but by careful manipulation and calculation. He knew my feeling about abortion, and he had used it. Needless to say, I chose to be with him now and I chose to be the best I can be to please him and to build a family. I wonder what it is I’d be saying to my son when he’s older…

Katya: Do I understand that you are with this man now? And you have a child with him? Forgive me if I’m not clear.

For me children born out of these dysfunctional relationships are what fuel me and helps me to want to expose them to the world. Children are the “true victims” whenever we have children with them. S/P’s will use God religious families and yes children to get what they want. I don’t like the fact they will use the first three but the latter just rubs me the wrong way!

These true victims never had a choice. Never had a say to what happens to them. Our children learn from “us” and a s/p teaches only emotional betrayer emotional manipulation and in the end emotional pain and memory. How cold can a person be to see a innocent child as a object? How cold can a person be to see a child for what they can get from this innocent person? How cold can a person be not being able to bond with this precious innocent victim?

Sorry for me this is where I draw the battle lines. No person has the right to hurt a gift blessing from God for one’s own needs!

So allow me to tell each and every s/p out there….

Hurt me? Go ahead and maybe I even asked for it!
But hurt a innocent precious child and you just cross a line!!!

James:

AMEN to that!

How cold can they be?? Pretty damn cold from what I have seen!!

Personally, I hope there is a special place in hell.

So, what do we do to CHANGE THE SYSTEM?????? Our family court Commissioner decided that she didn’t want to look at the Domestic Relations Officer’s Report (that detailed my S husband’s LONG history of offenses). She refused to hear from our Guardian ad Litem (who knows that my husband is a DIAGNOSED – S – APD!!) The Commissioner refused to hear from the Psycologist sitting in the hall that we paid a large sum of money to be there that day so he could testify to the APD diagnosis. We will deal with her after this is all said and done. BUT the SYSTEM as a WHOLE, MUST BE CHANGED!!!!!

Matt??? You are the resident Atty. What do we do? THere must be enough of us here and across the country to do something…

Sorry, this is just very CLOSE to home… my S husband gets our 10 month old baby boy in 8 DAYS!!!! A 4 hour UNSUPERVISED visit! We are ready to take him and disappear if the local law enforcement doesn’t kick it in to high gear and arrest him for one of the 10 or 15 cases they are working on against him!

Now, that said… I feel a great peace that God is already taking care of this and even if we hand him over next week, my baby will be ok. That feeling doesn’t keep me from going through phases of PANIC, however.

Issie,

“So, what do we do to CHANGE THE SYSTEM??????”

How I wish I had the answer to that question. But yes, Issie what can we do when we first must protect ourselves and our children from the s/p then also protect ourselves from a broken down Justice system that doesn’t work!!!!!! 🙁

Issie:

To put the fear of God into your S, arrange the drop off of your child at the police station. Get a cop to be there with you when you hand over your child, and in front of the cop remind him he is to return the child in 4 hours at that very same location.

Ohhh, That is good! Thanks, Matt!! I was thinking I’d drop him off at his house and walk in and sit on the couch… “Don’t mind me, I won’t get in your way at all. “

ISSIE:
I believe WE can make a difference…..I am working on MY Part. Not sure if any of us can be a Mother Theresa to the courts……but being vocal is HUGE.
During the election process we can be in contact with the judiciary and ask specific questions to the candidates. Hard questions about how they plan or currently deal with these Cluster perosnality from the bench. in addition to the Cb’s abuse of the system and victims, society and the legal system.
Discuss the tactics used by these people, bring them to light and educate them. Provide the judiciary, police, Da’s office, therapists etc….with viable, credible educational materials, books, websites etc….
Ask them how they plan on addressing these Cb’s to SAVE THE TAXPAYERS DOLLARS and FREE UP THE COURT DOCKETS. $$$always get’s attention.
Ask them what required, continuing education they plan on attending/receiving in regards to cluster B’s, personality disorders etc… IF ANY????
Point out the connection between cluster B’s/borderlines and domestic violence. It’s there.
Education and awareness should be hand in hand with the DV groups. I have also contacted ALL of them in my state.
They are also in a position to raise awareness to politicians, donors, police and victims.
I contacted the Da’s office…..HELLLLOOOO….they deal with them everyday! Also a lot of interest in wanting more info, so I sent it along. Got a few calls from asst. Da’s…..so obviously this info was passed along at the office…..to what level? I have no idea……but the seed is planeted.
Enlighten them…..when I did this in my area, I was very pleasantly surprised by the response overall. The candidates, (some sitting, some new), were very interested as a whole. One guy couldn’t give a rats ass and let me know so…..
He said it wasn’t his job to be a phychiatrist if he was a judge…..I reiterated that I was asking him to become aware of these behaviors, not go to med school. That they DO affect the courts and He would have POWER from the bench to do something about it….not play along, not waste the courts time, victims money and place the victim in a dangerous situation by his inability to recognize certain behaviors in his courtroom and rule according to behaviors and documented facts presented to him.
Needless to say….he didn’t get my (or my local backings) vote…..nor did he get elected! 🙂
I think overall…..anyone I spoke with from my support locally, they had no idea who was running for the judiciary or anything about the candidates. I (sad to say) never did either…….until I had a stake in it…..my case was coming up…..I knew it was the perfect time when I received a flyer on my door from a judicial candidate…..who happened to be my assigned judge…..
Oh what a perfect time to bring up the topic of Cluster B’s and borderlines. I am a voting citizen, so hear me roar!!!
I sent all sorts of info, had numerous conversations and much interest. I hit nerves and got results……

I believe there are things we can do…..but not if we all keep quiet.
RAISE AWARENESS…….EDUCATE…..ACTIVATE!!!!!

I know first hand how hard it is…. i was “trapped” in another country. I could have left.. but chose not to – i couldnt. I packed to leave many many times and would change my mind, we’d make up, the i love yous, the sex, the i cant live without yous… and then it will all go back to “normal” again… the “youre crazies”, the “no one will ever be as good to you as i ams”… funny in my situation it was fate/luck/a higher power call it what you will, but it was a miracle that i ended up pregnant at 37 (as i never could concieve) and he didnt want the baby.. i came back to the US to have my son and thought all was going to be fine and my scocie found someone else less than a week later. i lost my house and my life as i knew it.. no money, no man, no nothing… its been almost 2 years now and im doing ok.. this site really helped me in a time of crisis.. i got more out of reading what all of you had to say than 6 months of counseling.. thank you all. chloe.. get out while you can. i know it hurts, physically hurts even, but time and education on scocies will heal the the pain that i can promise you.. run run as fast as you can… HE WILL NOT CHANGE… i understand that you look like the crazy person, many of us have been in your shoes – YOU ARE NOT CRAZY and its wonderful that you see the situation for what it is.. thats the first step. good luck we are all cheering for you!

JWPJENI:
Those words: HE WILL NOT CHANGE….
OMG….I heard them since I was 13…..
I never really GOT the meaning….duhhhh, until I had someone point out Narcissism/Sociopathy to me….investigated on my own, recognized it and then the words finally MADE SENSE!!!!
Oh, I was so certain, by the I love u’s, the flowers, gifts, the niceties, makeup sex, hugs out of nowhere…….that…. oh, you just don’t know him like I do!!! HE IS CHANGING……then the normalcy regained control…..and it never took long.
NO THEY WILL NEVER CHANGE, for us, for you, me, them NOBODY……because they don’t have a problem……it’s all us ‘crazy’s’ around them.
In the end, the last several years…..He would say to me….I”M NOT GOING TO CHANGE……even then….I had hope that he never had????? WTF was that???? DENIAL!!!!
It was almost as if he was tired of making the effort at the flowers, i love you’s, gifts etc…..he didn’t see the point, so he just went directly to the I”M NOT GOING TO CHANGE thing…..
Almost justifying to himself….well, I warned you!
I wish you well with your beautiful baby….all the joy in the world for the 2 of you!!!
As hard as it was for you to leave, I bet you wouldn’t change that decision for anything…..you have a US born child, your without the S and you can move along in life.

Matt,

Very good ideal about meeting and/or dropping off the children in a police station. Also one can geta cop “near by” by calling the police station and asking for a “stand by”. That is when a police officer is ready for a call and is in stand by mode. Issie call the your local police station and explain the situation and ask if you can be a stand by because of past domestic issues concerning your ex. I was told about this but never did it myself so I don’t know if it works or not but it’s worth checking into. Also make sure you have witnesses whenever you need to drop off the children or if he will be picking them up. Many times we worry so for our children we as parents forget to protect ourselves..

Good luck!

Being a blogger myself I was surprise that so many bloggers have lovefraud.com listed on their blogs as an link.

This one is very interesting and some of you might want to check her site out. It’s her 2nd site.

http://byebyejekyllandhyde.blogspot.com/2009/03/abusers-do-not-play-fair.html

ALL!! Every day since discovering this, I have been here, reading, in awe, as you describe my ex relationship, my current situation, and my struggles. Thank you for your support. I am going to see Guardian Ad Litem tomorrow. I am very worried. My attorney tells me to TONE it DOWN and not come off as a someone who tries to retaliate for the hurt. It’s hard enough to realize that I was a victim, to deal with the shame and to deal with all the myriad of feelings my whole family is going through. I would appreciate any feedback about how these meetings go, what to say, how to carry myself, how to PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME – HOW TO TONE IT DOWN, (lol) and how to protect my child.
if my son who is 2,5 will be allowed to have UNSUPERVISED visits, I don’t think I will see him again.

I completely understand. Does your S have a diagnosis? Request a COURT ORDERED full Psych eval on him at his expense. Tell the GAL FACTS!! This is the hardest part… try to remain as calm and level as you can. Give them your ‘Concern’s” list them out ahead of time. Does your husband have a criminal/civil record? This was very helpful in my case at least with the GAL. Have your atty file a request for Secure, Supervised Visitation ONLY!!!! Tell them you are fearful that your husband will not only harm but run away or worse with your child.

Right there with you!!!!! Hang in there!!!!

The S is an ex boyfriend. he manipulated me into divorce, and he enpragnated me to keep in the relationship. He later cheated on me with several women at once. He is Cuban. Had admitted to taking his other child away from mom, when she was 2 and then putting her through four other Moms. The first time she had a chance to see her birth mother was when she was 14. The S has an IQ of 158. He has no criminal history and he had told me he killed three people (only because they were so wrong), but I have no proof. His ex and his daughter told me things, but will not agree to give testimony

I asked him once how many women he’d slept with. He did not respond right away. The next day out of the blue, he says: 319. The MF counted them!! and I am supposed to be calm about it. He even shared an STD with me, lucky not AIDS or HIV. I had no idea they keep a close score on victims. how can I manage to be calm, when my child is his next victim

someone had said….Hurt me and perhaps I deserved it…Hurt my child…and you’ve crossed the line!! This is how I feel!! Protect at all costs…but being strong enough to not allow emotions in…act as they do…cold and callous..so Im trying but struggling….I know he will slip up..so I will be patient//
without sounding so niave..what does “recon” mean..Ive seen it used in prior posts??

KATYA:
It’s all about appearance with court appointed pros.
(Aside from the fact your a good mother, safe, etc…)
As far as keeping your cool…..NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT!
Pull out ALL THE muster you can to not appear hysterical or paranoid or vindictive. Stick to facts, not opinions…..when you go off on opinions, you will easily keep going. This GAL is not your friend, they work for the courts….at your expense. They might test you on lot’s of things you may not be aware of…..be prepared to show honesty, compassion, empathy and love. Do not bad mouth and show spite or show hatred. REMEMBER YOU ARE ONLY THERE FOR YOUR CHILD….keep your focus.
Your attorney is not your therapist, do not use him/her as one…..keep as cool and calm around them too. They will not ‘attack’ of your behalf out of spite….it’s all about facts….
Collect yourself, breathe deep and remember IT”S NOT ABOUT YOU OR HIM…..its about the child! AND YOU NEED TO DO ALL YOU CAN TO SHOW YOU ARE A PRIZE BALANCED PARENT!
KEEP THE S and YOUR FEARS AWAY….there is a time and a place to express your anger openly……NOT THERE!!!
You need to figure out in your head…….the GAL is there for a reason…..what’s the reason……DO not be fake, be a polished version of yourself. Act as comfortable as you can, all interaction should be of the pleasant nature.
You will most likely have several visits with the GAL, so don’t think you need to prove yourself tomorrow only!
THE GAL represents your son. NOT YOU, NOT THE S.
Use selected words like, extreme concern, odd behaviors, and factual documentation……not hate or sociopath or freak. Choose your words carefully. If he’s not diagnosed…..then DO NOT DIAGNOSE HIM to the GAL!!!! NOT YOUR JOB!!! YOUR JOB IS TO BE A MOTHER.
Listen to your attorney…..this isn’t about retaliation…..its about PROTECTING YOUR CHILD.
The S will drop the mask…..remember, he will be evaluated too.
KEEP CALM, COOL and COLLECTED……
You will do fine!!!
XXOO

END:
Sounds like you got it!!! Keep it and stay strong….
RECON =recognisance…..undercover gathering of information.

KATYA,

From what I have learned is to expect anything and everything from them.

As for being “calm” well to me it’s like asking a person in a burning house to be calm. Kind of silly if you asked me..

Meditation might work?
Listening to “mood” sounds like those on CD’s?
Music therapy help me.
Praying?
Anything that works for you!

But staying calm and in control is something they hate so even if you have to “play act” it would be better for you in the long run. Before going into any court room it’s best to leave your emotions at the door. It’s better to talk with your head and not with your heart. Sure Matt would be able to advise you more on this..

Good luck! 8)

Thank you all. I am actually printing these posts to be able to take with me and read before entering the GAL’s office tomorrow. Erin, I see your point and the fact that I am perhaps, being too forceful for my own good. I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, so I diagnosed him for whatever it’s worth based on my clinical knowledge and experience (a lot of good it did!), but I understand why it would not be such a good idea to beat on it. I will pray, James, thank you for your understanding!
I have one thing to my advantage: I can always blame my Russian herritage for being forceful and direct.
A nice play out this will be: a Russian against a Cuban. Let’s see American system deal with that.

Katya,

“I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, so I diagnosed him for whatever it’s worth based on my clinical knowledge and experience (a lot of good it did!), but I understand why it would not be such a good idea to beat on it.”

Interesting! Have you even thought about “blogging”? It might help you to get some of your frustration out in the open? If not blogging then maybe keeping a journal? Writing help me deal with all the ants (automatic negative thoughts) and brought me to a better understanding about what I went through.

Here is a link to my blog is you like to see one? I also included my personal journal on the blog.

http://james-personalitydisorder.blogspot.com/

Just remember there is a light at the end of this dark tunnel..

Thank you for sharing your blog. I am in total agreement re the NC, wish I’d been better informed before. but, I already got HIM out of my system. The only need now is to protect my son. Once that is done, I will not give up. I will work meticulously on exposing him and the likes of him. I am both in the position to do it and am driven enough. My daughter refuses to speak of the S as a He. She ONLY calls him an IT. This began a new tendency in our family: there is no place for an IT.
Sure, all of us have many deficits. But, humans have a sense of responsibility for their actions, a sense of loyalty to their loved ones, and a sense of comittment that ITs do not understand. I think none of us on this site are victims. Because we know, we have the upper hand. The S hates us because we KNOW. BTW, any idea on what makes them tick in public? I have done one so far, and it worked very well in the past: direct cold calm stare. They can’t take their own medicine. anything else?

Dear Katya,

I think in a way we are like “vampire slayers” when we realize that these “vampires” are REAL and that they suck the life juices out of real lhumans. They are the “walking dead” but they are as evil as a vampire, sucking, killing, wounding without any remorse.

However, that said, “exposing” them is a risky business, because many times (most times) they will target you specifically and there is NO depth to which they will NOT SINK, plus, you will also encounter the fact that the “general public” does NOT BELIEVE IN “VAMPIRES.”

Part of that problem too, is that to believe in human “vampires” without conscience, would wreck their own sense of safety in this world. They are not able to admit it for fear of their own lives, so they live in DENIAL and that is NOT a river running north in Egypt!

If you will go back and read the old archived articles you will see that the “disbelief” is part of their success. As long as others do not “believe” in these CREATURES existence, except for the odd Ted Bundy here or there or the BTK killer, they feel safe in their skins.

MYTHS about Psychopaths:
After all ALL psychopaths are serial killers, right?
It could never happen in this neighborhood,
there is good ldown inside everyone,
it is just because he had a traumatic childhood that he is like this,
if I love him/her enough I can fix them!”
there are two (valid) side to every argument
no one could be that evil
He has no motive

ALL MYTHS

Even wawrning his next victim is usually a futile move as they will lbe already in the FOG and 99% unlikely to believe a word you said.

The smear campaign that they do, labeling you a “crazy, stalking, mentally unbalanced” person goes before you, and there is little way to discredit this as it is so subtle.

I agree, that we need to protect people from them, but the best way seems to be the education of people. People we meet and get to know, our own children, our friends, and other victims who are far enough out of the loop and fog to listen.

We need to educate our young people, our daughters and sons, so that they will not produce children with these monsters and weld themselves to the monster for life, we also need to realize that there is a BIG genetic component in the disorder

And just as there is a similarity in the psychopaths there is a similarity in the victims as well. We need to bring up our children to SET and enforce Boundaries of the kind of behavior they will tolerate. This will keep them from being victims. EDUCATION of the general public is a long term process, and right now, not even all the professionals agree, even on the name. Hopefully, this part at least will come to a conclusion with the advances being made by hard science about the psychopaths.

Judges, lawyers, law makers and medical professionals, child service workers, the media, etc. all need to be educated as well.

By banding together and spreading the words, this is slowly being done. the Internet is a great tool in this process as well. Just as when it was proven that the world was round and not flat, it took a long time for this to come into general knowledge and acceptence, as with all “new” ideas. But hopefully, it will come—not fast enough for me, but hopefully for the future potential victims. God bless!

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