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Is this judge a sociopath?

Those abused by family members and romantic partners seek information on this site trying to understand the personality of their abuser. They wonder is he/she a sociopath? Does a personality disorder explain why this happened to me?

The answers to these questions are often hard to come by. Experts require “proof” of a set of personality traits before diagnosing someone with a disorder. Yet in my opinion, we have an obligation to the victims of abuse to explain to them that abusers are not “normal” people who are simply misguided in their attempts to “help” others. Abuse is often perpetrated by sociopaths under the guise of “helping.”

This week a young lady 23-year-old Hillary Adams, posted a video on Youtube of her abuser perpetrating violence against her. When you watch the video keep in mind that the abuser is also a judge. The video is very difficult to watch but it is a gift because it allows us to see firsthand the abuser’s pathos.

Please watch the video and then continue reading.

Consider whether you also see what I see here:

1. A perpetrator that enjoyed hurting another with a victim that had been in this roll before.
2. Motivated by the orgasm of power, perpetrator actually used the word submission.
3. There were many sexual overtones, the word f*** was repeated over and over; “get on the bed”; “bend over the bed”; “roll over”; “I never got my licking on her”; “I’m going to wear your F****** a** off with this belt”.
4. Perpetrator wanted to give her a “glass of water” so he could continue to perpetrate. When the BTK killer described this behavior, I coined it the glass of water phenomenon. Shows the appearance of empathy, but its goal is to get the victim to recover enough to be abused further.
5. “You don’t deserve to be in this house” no she doesn’t this much is true.

Do you agree with me that this should be prosecuted as a sex offense? Isn’t that justified by the words the body part and the setting?

What more do we need to see or know to understand this man’s disorder?

Mother has since divorced him, both mother and daughter spoke exclusively with Matt Lauer on TODAY Thursday about the furor the video has caused and the reasons for posting it seven years after it was taken.

Watch the Today Show Interview


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79 Comments on "Is this judge a sociopath?"

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I just watched this.

Most chilling line:
“Take it . . . like a grown woman.” This was her mother speaking about what a “grown woman” does.

This was a judge. No wonder this country is messed up, supports torture, hides in shame rather than protest widespread fraud, looks the other way from abuse of authority.

I agree, Donna, that this is a SEX crime….”rape” even with intercourse is not about “sex” it is about CONTROL and if this man is not about control and sexual sadism I do not know what is about sexual sadism or control.

I am somewhat confused about why the mother and daughter finally DID release this video, actually, with the POWER the man has I am surprised that they EVER released it. I am glad that they did, but the whole thing is so heart breaking.

Yes, we have a duty to expose psychopaths for what they are, to educate others. I can’t remember who said it, but the bottom line is “all it takes for evil to continue is for good people to do nothing.”

I remember reading a story recently about a Jewish woman whose father took his family sneaked out of the country what what little he could carry in his pocked and moved his family to Canada before Hitler started the killing, he kept telling his neighbors over and over that they were in danger, but their responses were disbelief and “but what would we do with the furniture.” The disbelief and the delay cost them their lives, while the man and his family survived WWII.

Every day that passes there is some wife or husband or child who is killed because either they don’t realize the danger they are in, or they keep up a malignant hope that the abuser will stop abusing. I think this man was and is quite capable of murdering his victims in a fit of rage.

Like the Jewish families in Germany, I saw the rage and the violence directed toward me, but I refused for so long to believe that it would have been fatal. It was only when thanks to my friend for finding and sending me the rap sheet off the sex offender web site in Texas that clued me in to the fact that the Trojan Horse psychopath was what he was, and I decided that I had to flee, even if they burned my house down while I was gone. I had to realize that my life was more important than the furniture.

I hope this man goes to prison for a long time and that these women coming out encourages others to come forward, or to secretly make the videos that will prove the abuse is REAL.

God bless all those who are secretly being abused by such “upright” parents.

Oxy – Dr. Leedom wrote the article.

The mother goes on to say that since her divorce 4 years ago he has not stopped harrassing her. She went NC and now he is moving toward taking custody of the younger daughter. I believe this is the reason they have released the video now. There is no way he’ll get custody of any child after that video.

Sorry, Donna, didn’t even look at who wrote it, THANKS!!!!

Good point, Sky, and I hope he goes to prison as well…sometimes the psychopaths push us to the brink and when in the past we have been more passive to “avoid a fight” with them, they push us so hard we have to TAKE A STAND and FIGHT BACK….I’ve been to that brink, and I’m learning that I have what it takes to stand up if I need to, and if it is important.

Sometimes it is “the better part of valor” to just not make a ruckus over a tempest in a tea pot when someone acts like an arse, but if they just KEEP ON KEEPING ON AND PUSH YOU INTO A CORNER, there comes a time when you have to fight back with every weapon you have…and I think that is what happened with this mother. I’m glad to see it! TOWANDA for her!

Oxy,
in the vid, they said that the statute of limitations was 5 years and the video is 7 years old. Also, the moron is not up for re-election for another 3 years so he will probably get re-elected when it’s all forgotten.

Meanwhile, he is on leave from the bench and when he gets back he will not be able to rule on any cases involving kids until further notice.

Donna, I had sent you the news story about this. I don’t know if you saw it in your inbox. Some of the things this man said when questioned of course make it more sick. He claims he thinks he did nothing wrong. His daughter says that she released this because she wants him to get help and stop harassing her. I think it’s sad that she believes she should still care about this sick man and want him to get help. This is an example of a victim who still thinks that “love” will save the situation. That’s a hard video to watch.

I agree. There were MAJOR sexual undertones to everything that happened. I think she was sexually violated. The language was sexually sadistic. This constant “bend over” and use of “fuck” and talking about her “ass” is pretty clear to me. Did this guy never sexually abuse her beyond this? It makes me wonder. He seems like he had it in him to rape her quite literally and maybe he took out that devious sexual frustration by being overly violent with her. Either way, I feel for her, and I feel that she was explicitly sexually violated. I do not, unfortunately, think enough people will see it this way to get him prosecuted as such in court. A lot of comments on the video and news story are people who keep saying that their parents were way worse and they endured worse torture. Sadly I am sure this is true, but it might cause too many people to respond to this as if it were “nothing major” because they have seen or lived through worse. The point is that victims need to see that coming public will end in their favor and abusers need to learn that they won’t get off the hook for this behavior.

This is a quote from the father:

“In my mind, I haven’t done anything wrong other than discipline my child after she was caught stealing,” Adams said. “And I did lose my temper, but I’ve since apologized.”

If you want to see another video in which the father and daughter are interviewed, check this link: http://news.yahoo.com/dad-caught-video-beating-daughter-needs-help-070228201.html

Thanks for the link, Panther, but I’ll pass….the “I’ve since APOLOGIZED” makes me want to PUKE…saying “sorry” doesn’t cut it here.

I agree the daughter doesn’t get it if she wants him to “get help” but that is our “anyone can be helped” carp, the “there’s good deep down” and all that mythological carp!

I am back in court tomorrow 2pm; I feel sick. My father is here; he is 82 years old. It would seem as I have a copy of his absolute, he would even get a divorce to stop enforcement. he of course does not know this. All to avoid child maintenance; I have proof he is still with her; ‘current’, ‘ex’; how sick can this pair be??? All absolutes can be obtained in the UK for a fee. I will of course put it into court tomorrow. This spath will go to any lengths to avoid child maintenance.

I shall stay calm, I have lots of evidence; and have I have realised ..do not give a copy to the spath ..just watch them hang themselves.

Sorry if this is the wrong blog; feeling low.

Dear Movingon,

I’m not sure what a “copy of his absolute” is in US jargon….whatever it is that you have, it is good to let it come out in court and him be hung out to dry by being blind sided by evidence, not warned in advance.

Good luck and just VISUALIZE the LOVE FRAUD MOB BEHIND YOU! We are there in spirit to support you! TOWANDA!!!!

Oxy thanks, it is simply ridiculous that I keep having to see this revolting, fat, navy rinse tosser in court; it tried to rape me (arrested and charged), it has abused my children; its sick, sick, sick. I simply want it to pay up, shut up and f**k off ..rant over.

It married some hag in August 2009 (who I caught having my house valued ..I put it out the trade entrance ..she was running), she divorced the idiot off friends reunited dot com on 6th Jan 2011, only because these nutters thought the court would get her to pay his debts. Court hearing 20th Jan 2011, still wearing wedding ring; odd that!

Perhaps the tart, divorced it due to the bailiffs she assaulted, police, 3 hours no sign of tosser. I really give up; he is still taking her kids on holiday (twitter ..not a good thing …) and living in a flat around the corner. Her daughter (3 kids differing men) one particularly stupid one a omfg_evie twitters away ‘her mother is stupid’, her ‘grandmother thick’ and more interestingly the spath’s bank statements coincide with her banal twitter locations. Omfg_evie snart is going to be a forensic scientist ..lol; my solicitor has been recording them for over 2 years ..the spath has not a clue ..This omfg_evie is foul mouthed ..if that was my daughter I would be utterly ashamed. Omfg_evie twittered ‘only wankers go to Oxford’, 2 days after he knew my daughter had gained a place ..how sad is that ..jealously beyond belief.

I really hope tomorrow I get Judge Julie ..I am hopeful ..application 8th August, court order 10th August. I did tell the judge ‘we will be back’ her response ‘I have no doubt’. Dick head had fled with his 50k debt and his payment plans to be put into court. High court writ stayed .. bailiffs back anytime I press the button.

Spaths are revolting; his latest ‘defence’ is my wonderful son cannot possibly read Classics at Cambridge ..because wait for it …’his mother (me) can’t afford it!’ ..an interesting line ..I could write a book! Like my son who received an email from his now ex wife mother of omfg_evie snart wishing him all ills but ended with ‘your father and I never want to see or hear from you ever gain, good luck’; sickos ..

On a similiar vein his mother dearest is a probate fraudster ..recently found out, a criminal offence ..she hit me in my own home ..lets see how clever she is ..they are all simply revolting spaths. I simply do not care, I have managed some justice, I will not give up.

Thank you soooo much for your support, my ‘problems’ are trivial I know ..but I just get pissed off; I just wish he would die; its of no use, ugly in form and mind ..jealous of everyone who is ‘normal’ ..and loving and kind ..as I ‘used’ to be ..

(((hugs ..I try not to be bitter ..I sometimes fail)))

Sorry to go on, love and hugs to everyone ..

I could not watch this video because it is too much of a trigger for me. I was victimized this way by my mother. She would beat me with a huge leather strap that the barbers would use to sharpen their razors. She would purposefully hit me with the metal part of the strap to inflict the greatest amount of pain. She would make me pull down my pants and lay on her bed. Talk about sexually sadistic. You know what my offense usually was…Not putting a dish in the dishwasher, getting a D on a report card, not putting a barrette in my hair the correct way and the worst reason of all, for wetting the bed because I was too afraid of the dark to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. She once even left a welt mark on my back in the shape of the belt with the fastening holes indentations and all. My sister held the belt up to my back and, sure enough, a perfect match. We could have been CSI. LOL

Sad thing is, this is how she was raised. (And how SO MANY others are raised). My mother still defends her mother and thinks that it is perfectly acceptable to beat children. My mom called them “lickins”

I can’t tell you how tired I am of hearing people defend parents of the 70’s and earlier by saying, “That’s just what was done back then.” Like that is in any way a good excuse for abusing a child. Oh, and the other line that makes me chuckle is, “Hey I got beat and I turned out O.K.!” Well, just by saying that means that you DID NOT turn out O.K.

The father in this article, unfortunately, will not face prosecution because it is past the 5 year statute of limitation. Now, sexual abuse is another story. I really hope someone can speak with the daughter (and mother) and convince them this is the avenue they need to take.

My stomach turns and I am so enraged when I hear of yet another parent using the excuse that they have the “RIGHT” to discipline their child how they see fit. No ASSHOLES, you don’t own your child. They are not your property and one day society will have to deal with the fallout of your shitty parenting.

I hope he rots in hell.

Forgot, he claimed he was divorced ..as we all know spaths lie, so I made an application, and I was somewhat surprised he was actually divorced again by the other spath a Sarah Toth; a woman he downloaded off the internet dating site, friends reunited dot com.

So the entire marriage lasted 15 month at a cost of 60k according to to the spath married to a nutter off the internet. The judge helpfully recorded in her judgement all his lies, which she knew to be lies ..including the real vulgarity of one Brian Hughes, ‘Mr Hughes says under evidence the children are not his priority! They are nontheless the courts’. she even put in the exclamation mark (it doesn’t care). It is of course a total twat, he called the judge ‘just a woman, what do you know about the law’ another Judge Watson a ‘liar’ ..talk about thick!!

All divorces are a matter of public record in the UK, and anyone can get a copy of the absolute dissolving the marriage, which I did. I was expecting it to be a lie.

I truly give up ..all it has to do is pay child maintenance, stop taking me to court and get lost!! So much for their wedding vows ..and yes they are both delusional and think the world is interested in them ..it will even get a divorce, move into a flat to avoid child maintenance ..sad, loser all its life!

It couldn’t pay child maintenance in January 2011 because it’s nephew a Joe Hughes (don’t ever remember spath seeing him in 15 years) had ‘allegedly’ thrown himself off the Menai Bridge. Omfg_evie was worried the news years eve party was going ahead or not due to this ‘boring incident’. Brian Hughes couldn’t pay child maintenance that month because he was ‘distracted’.

They are simply sick weirdos, the lot of them ..karma

the sisterhood:
a little inside info for ya…the statute of limitations for this offense is TEN years and begins when the victim turns 18.

Whether they prosecute is all up to her. Her choice.

Oh, thanks, KatyDid. I was just going by what Matt Lauer reported as to what the law states in Texas for this case. Perhaps he got it wrong. If that is the case, I really do hope they prosecute the case.

I think the statute of limitations may be different in different states, but It should not be until the person is 18 before it even starts running, what what do I know? LOL I’m not a JUDGE?

This man may “think” he has not done anything wrong, and since he didn’t do anything wrong, wonder why he “apologized?” Anyway, whatever he says and whatever the LAW is, he is “ruined” as far as getting a job, keeping his current job, or holding his head up in public.

These people in “high positions” for the most part get dumped by the “higher ups” that they so love to impress….but some have absolutely no shame, not even enough to slither off into the weeds and hide, Bill Clinton for one. John Edwards for another.

And…
just in case you still had a modicum of faith in our legal system:
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/ex-judge-donald-thompson-busted-penis-pump-trials-pension-cut-article-1.968325

Judge busted for using a penis pump during trials loses his pension.

As you can imagine, this is a big part of Houston’s discussion.

This particular kind of assault charges are ONLY brought by the victim. The way the statute of limitations was explained was that children must be allowed to still render legal action when they reach the age of maturity and NOT have that right taken from them. Therefore the clock starts when they turn 18 and not when the offense starts. It makes sense. If a child was injured at age 2, and the 10 years started immediately, then they’d have to make that decision by the age of 12. That’s pretty heavy stuff for such a young age. Still hard at 23, but at least she isn’t dependent on him. I do think she has the best justice possible, that she shined the light of truth on him and that others saw him without any clothes. That’s the best justice there is. She unmasked him. Ask me if I feel a wee bit of joy and vindication that this ONE a** was exposed.

Skylar. Faith in the legal system? HA! What fools we would be!! I don’t believe in the legal system at all. I believe VERY FEW people have legal justice. It’s a crapshoot whether a person’s case is prosecuted at all, the DA decides and it’s usually based on whether it helps the DA’s career. Our best hope is to never have a case in the legal system at all. IMHO

I’m back to harp on this prick in this story again. Couple of things:

1. If this had been footage of a man beating his dog that way, there would be MASS public outrage.

2. A MESSAGE TO ALL ABUSERS OUT THERE: The INTERNET has arrived, equipped with WEBCAM and you are all so FUCKED!!!!! I hope all abusers hear this LOUD and CLEAR the next time they pick up a weapon.

And I hope all victims get REALLY familiar with the wonders of technology. The dark ages may finally be seeing the light of day!

This guy reminds me of my father…which is likely why I am taking up such fists with this story. I wish I knew where this woman lived so I could send her flowers. And the dad so I could send him a can of whoop-ass.

Judge Adams released a statement – blaming the daughter for everything – typical sociopathic smear campaign.

Here’s the news story:
http://www.caller.com/news/2011/nov/03/judge-william-adams-speaks-about-about-belt-lashin/

The actual statement:
http://web.caller.com/2011/pdf/Judge-Adams-statement.pdf

UGH! I couldn’t read more than half of the first page… BLARCH! And all I can think is “Take it like a man, you ponsy!”

I loved this quote from one of the comments:

QUOTE:

Wow. Poor Judge Adams… it’s like a man can’t even commit felony assault against his child without the public getting all bent out of shape.

To paraphrase his ex-wife, I think he just needs to lie down on his stomach and take it like a grown woman.

He was also using financial support and the car to “buy off” his daughter, and to CONTROL her.

I think the mother should receive counseling and some supervision as well, because of her participation in the beating. AT BEST she is part of the problem as a “Trauma bonded” victim, but at WORST, she is an abuser as well and is using this video to black mail her husband.

It is not a “given” that this mother is any saint or that the daughter is. Just because someone gets into a fight with a psychopath doesn’t mean they are NOT ALSO A PSYCHOPATH…and it is not uncommon at all for two psychopaths to hook up and the “loser” in the ultimate fight poses as a victim.

The girl (as a girl) was obviously a VICTIM of her PARENT-S- in the beating, but at the same time, she is no longer a child, she is an adult and responsible for her behavior and choices.

I’m not trying to vilify the girl by any stretch, but what I am saying is that I THINK THERE IS MORE DYSFUNCTION HERE THAN MIGHT MEET THE EYE AT FIRST VIEW. Until I hear more, I don’t think EITHER of the “parents’ are fit to PARENT A CHILD unsupervised.

I think she waited so long to release the tapes:

1)Until she had a clear understanding of HIS psychopathy.
a)Sometimes it takes years to stop blaming yourself,
b)put the blame squarely where it belongs, and
c)be able to step away from what happened, and see it for the horrific abuse that it is.
&
2)She felt safe

This woman seems very strong to me. I think she knows his behavior was horrific, but she has numbed herself to it. Like Athena said, “you think this is bad?” When you’ve been through child abuse, you cut yourself off from a lot of what other people experience as horrific. I don’t think she feels the horror of it, but she does know that other people would be horrified by it.

She is a smart woman and she knew that she was holding an Ace up her sleeve. She waited to play it when she would need it and she ALWAYS knew she would need it. When he tried to take custody of her little sister, that was the cue to play the card.

But concurrently, I don’t think she has a clear understanding of his psychopathy. It takes a long time and lots of study and research to understand psychopathy. I think when she finally does “get it”, you won’t see a smile on her face for a long time. Getting it sets you free but it really does take the wind out of your sails.

Yes, you’re right, it does take the wind out.

It does! In one way you can see the big picture, but it’s soo different from the way you viewed people, life and events that it takes time for the brain to adapt. Not to mention how all of a sudden the traumas of the past start surfacing. It is as if you only then realize you’ve been traumatized and feeling all the pain that got hidden into nooks and crannies before that as you bogged along. And then it all starts to crumble down around you. But eventually it’s necessary to truly rebuild yourself and your life. But the realization of what is the truth of it all works like a tidal wave that keeps nothing standing in its path of destruction: the relationship was like an earthquake under water, the aftermath is a tsunami

Apparently, the statute of limitations on reporting a crime like this is 5 years, so he cannot be prosecuted. This is extremely unfair. Society is not at a place yet of supporting victims of abuse. The only recourse for anyone who has actually been through it is to release the trauma physically and energetically, so it cannot hurt them anymore. The perpetrator, aside from having to serve prison time, should be mandated to pay for the therapy for the victim. Does not look like this is happening, even 35 years after my similar abuse by my stepfather.

We have no other choice but to be responsible for our own healing, because it doesn’t look as if we are going to get much support from the outside world.

Stargazer:

You got it! No one else is going to help us. It is totally up to us to heal ourselves. We are all going to get there…I know we are. Hugs to you.

Louise, I love your positive energy. Really the only way to empower ourselves is to take responsibility for our own healing. And those who are politically inclined can fight the good fight out there in the world. 🙂

P.S. I have decided instead of “throwing the baby out with the bathwater” to set a standard for how I want my latin lover to treat me. I told him I will be watching some movies in spanish at my house on Sunday and invited him. I told him he would have to let me know a day in advance if he could make it. If he waited till the last minute (like he usually does), I would just say, “Sorry, I have plans”. I will see if I can train him to treat me the way I want to be treated.

As it is, he got back to me today and said yes. So now I’m really excited about the date!!! I think it’s up to us women to teach men how we want them to treat us. Most of them just don’t have a clue. I really hope I can break through the language barrier and get to know him better and have some genuine intimacy. But I’m still open to dating other men, if an interesting one comes along. I’m really hesitant to sleep with him again until I am convinced there is some sort of commitment happening. I doubt it will ever get to this point. But how cool is it to date someone from another culture? I hate to say, but I really don’t care much for American men.

Sarah999:
This is just my take on the situation. The judge was taking Hillary’s mom to court for custody of their 10 year old daughter. Mom knew about the tape. Mom enlists the help of trauma bonded Hillary to make a veiled threat to the judge, telling him she has a tape of the beating. Hillary threatens to go public and the Judge did not react as anticipated. Instead he double dog dared Hillary to make it public. The rest is history. Shalom

Stargazer:

I do 100% agree to your comment…”Most of them just don’t have a clue.” I have found that about sex. Not to be too graphic or personal and I haven’t been with a lot of men in my life, but the ones I have been with really have no idea what to do. If you don’t guide them, you may as well forget it! They really are clueless and not just in the bedroom. Maybe this is the secret, huh?? If a guy is a spath, there is no training, but a “normal” man can definitely be trained; I truly believe that and I have seen other women do it with their boyfriends or husbands. It truly is up to us…EVERYTHING is up to us. Not just with men, but with everything in our lives. If we don’t do it, who will? No one is going to take care of us but ourselves.

Good luck on your date. This guy sounds like he has potential and I swear we must be twins…I also do not care for American men…how weird is this??? I think we are the minority as far as feeling this way though.

Louise, I’ve had a few truly great lovers in my time. One is the Canadian guy I met in Costa Rica. Another is a guy I dated for 6 months about 7 years ago. But they are rare. The rest – like my neighbor that I was crushing on for a long time – are completely clueless. The expectation of this latin guy is that he will fail. He will really need to step up to the plate if he wants to date me. I don’t see it happening. But you never know. 🙂 I do enjoy his company. He doesn’t smother me or control me. We always have fun together. His energy is very light-hearted and gentle.

And don’t you know the Canadian guy from Costa Rica STILL contacts me? He wrote me about a month ago saying he is back in Canada to use up his return ticket. He said that even though we have parted ways, he will always treasure me. Naturally, this stirred up my feelings because I consider him one of the great loves of my life. After a few emails back and forth, I found out by accident that he is planning on flying his Costa Rican gf out to Canada to marry him before Xmas. I don’t think he intended for me to know. It hurt me, and I finally asked him not to write to me anymore. It killed me to do it, but I was still entertaining some hope. I just cannot be his platonic friend. I can do it with some exes but not with him.

Stargazer:

Sigh. Hope. I know what you mean. Good for you by telling him not to contact you anymore. I mean, he is getting married after all and he made his choice of who he wants so let him go. I really am a firm believer in “If it’s meant to be, it will be.” We never know what will happen down the road.

Yep, it is extremely hard if not impossible to be platonic friends with exes we had so much chemistry with or feelings for. It just doesn’t work. It’s best to go totally NC and let fate take its course.

Shalom ~ I 110% agree with your take on this situation.

Shalom,
I also agree except I don’t think the mother knew about the tape. The young woman is definitely the one with the brains here. Her mom… not so much.

Sky ~

Don’t you think possibly that the mom knew, but seeing it didn’t make her look “very good” (for better words) either that she would not have wanted it used UNTIL something like a custody dispute came up?

Not at all sure here, just wondering what you think.

Milo,
It is possible that she knew.

I’m only observing the mother’s reactions and her history. She really seems like she has not had much control of her life. Even now, the daughter is providing her “rescue” from the abusive husband’s attempt at custody. The daughter on the other hand, has had the wherewithal to overcome her cerebal palsy and become a gifted pianist. She had it in her to tape the beating which she predicted was coming. She had (apparently) managed to get support from her dad as well as a mercedes. She has stood up to him and warned him about the tape. The fact that she kept it and didn’t use it for so many years, shows that she has patience and tenacity.

Of course anything is possible, I’m only looking at it from what little we know about their characters – so far.

Louise, it has been a relief to let him go. I finally let go of any hopes about the neighbor, too. So I have stopped obsessing about him. The down side that is if either of them approached me and admitted feelings for me, it would be too late. I have already moved on. I want to be present for whatever the day brings. I can’t believe all the time – months and even years – wasted longing and pining for these men. Ugh. I wish I could get those years back. I understand when people talk about how bonded they were to their spaths and how they don’t think they will ever have that feeling again. Well there is NO CHANCE of ever having it if you are hanging on to the past. That’s been the catch 22 of my life. I have had the past tendency to long and pine for men I didn’t have. By longing and pining, I could live in a fantasy world of an unrequited love that could never be. I didn’t actually take responsibility and go after the guy I wanted, so I could move on. NO! Instead, I just longed and pined. It’s very romantic. And totally self-sabotaging.

Stargazer:

I totally get what you are saying. I have done the same thing. My thing is that I am not attracted to someone very easily; it takes a special something in someone for me to even begin to want to get to know them better. So it is rare for me to connect with anyone that I want to “go after.” So it’s harder for me personally to move on. I just know and have faith for me that it will all pan out the way it is supposed to. For me, things tend to eventually work themselves out even if it does take years…haha. Thank God I am a patient person. I do get what you are saying about if they ever do come around it will be too late. The feelings can’t stay there forever. The feelings do fade and then poof, they are gone. It’s almost karma the way they tend to come back once the feelings are gone, but by then, it’s too late.

MiLo,

This whole ADAMS FAMILY situation is to me a totally dysfunctional situation.

First off keep in mind that I have NOT WATCHED THE TAPE, I can’t do it…have only read about it. But just the “story” of the daughter KNOWING IN ADVANCE that the dad would “beat her” and having the presence of mind to cover the video camera in advance of the beating makes me wonder if she did the “bad act” knowing that he would find out, and SET UP the beating so she could tape it.

The mother’s participation as the “victim” of the father is still very DISTURBING to me. I realize that there is trauma bonding and she may have been a victim like that, BUT they put the WIFE of Jaycee Dugard’s kidnapper in prison as well as him, because she PARTICIPATED. I think she may also have been a stockholm syndrome case, BUT you know, that doesn’t give one a FREE PASS for their behavior. What if that girl had been killed in the beating? would the mother have also been guilty?

So you know, I think there is a BUNCH of stuff going on here that there may be some ULTERIOR MOTIVES being hidden by the outcry over what the Judge did.

Of course I don’t think he should be on the bench.

Of course I do NOT think he should even have supervised visitation with the 10 yr old.

But I am not so sure the MOTHER ought to have unsupervised custody of that younger child either.

Since the abuse happened frequently. I’m sure there were cases of abuse, that were 5 years or closer to the present time. She need only testify to them.
I don’t think the 5 year issue is an issue.

Oxy,
I’m in no way condoning the mother’s behavior in the video, (she should’ve stood up to the abuser) but I noticed something interesting about it.

She is standing in the room, telling the girl to take the spanking. Then she says she wants to spank the girl too and she takes the belt from the father. She tells the girl to lay down on her stomach and hits her ONE TIME. The father asks for the belt back but she doesn’t give it to him. He repeatedly asks for the belt and she doesn’t give it to him. So he goes out and gets another one.

I don’t believe she is even aware that she is trying to protect the girl through her trauma-bonding behaviors. She is bonding with him to try to assauge his rage. It doesn’t really work, but it’s very interesting to see that she didn’t give the belt back.

I don’t think anyone would ever set themselves up for such a beating with a belt. She had been beaten enough times before that she could see it coming and knew she wasn’t going to escape that abuse for several more years.

I think this girl was using her abuse with her father (and maybe even the tape) to extort financial “help” and a “fancy car” from her father and when they got into a conflict (over the sister’s custody or not) she threatened him with her TRUMP card, and he “dared” her so she either had to USE her trump card, or back down….

That’s the thing about trying to “control” a psychopath even with a trump card like that. My “Trump card” was to threaten to hire an attorney to FIGHT my son’s parole….I PLAYED IT….and once it is played it is not there, and if it doesn’t WORK to control them (in my case it didn’t) you are OUT OF CARD TRICKS! So this girl can PUNISH her father for taking away her money, but she can’t make him give back the money. So I think there is MORE DYSFUNCTION there than may meet the eye at first glance, I think the whole group of the “Adams family” is as dysfunctional or more so than the TV show of that name.

Sky, we posted over each other….but ass for the deliberately provoking a beating like that, I DID IT SO YEP, IT CAN BE DONE. When I was 15 I provoked my egg donor to hit me with a belt, and she did, and I KNEW AS SOON AS I CRIED SHE WOULD QUIT, but I decided deliberately to NOT CRY and instead when she hit me, I COUNTED THE LICKS, ONE, TWO, THREE, ETC. and she got so OUT OF CONTROL the described beating on the video tape is about what I think she did, Spit was literally flying out of her mouth and she was hitring me with the buckle end of a “rodeo belt” across my bare back. I was sitting on a stool, with just my jeans and a bra on with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. Eventually my step father heard her screaming from another room and came in and saw what she was doing and pulled her off me and out of the room.

So yes, a person CAN provoke that kind of beating, and believe me if I’d had a video camera available in those days, I’d have used it to tape that.

My egg donor still believes that she did RIGHT with the beating though, and the fire still flies out of her eyes if you mention it to her, which I did a few years ago. Until I brought it up, it had never again been mentioned in the family or talked about. She definantly said “WELL, you LIED TO ME!” I said, “NO, I didn’t LIE to you, I SASSED you, but what you did to me was uncalled for no matter what I had done.” Standing up to her even 45 years later was part of what allowed me to go no contact with her, to disconnect from the abuse as “justified” and to realize that she NEVER loved me, nurtured me or cared for me. I “knew” it I think as early as age 5, but I was in denial about it because it is too threatening to realize that a parent doesn’t love you.

As for the wife “protecting” the girl, I think you are PROJECTING your thoughts onto her behaviors. (((hugs)))

Oxy ~

I have not viewed, or do I plan on viewing the video. I have listened to the news stories and read what has been on here, that is enough. I don’t need to see it to believe it.

Nor have I ever been in the mother’s position, but I would like to think, make that pretty damn sure, that I would have been coming up behind the jerk and hitting him over the head with something large and heavy, before I would have watched him beat the crap out of my child.

I think of the women on here, that FIGHT for the lives of their kids every day and stop at nothing to protect them. These women have been abused by the very men they are protecting their children from. So for me to feel any empathy for this woman, I feel would be betraying these women that we feel are our friends.

If that makes any sense. I think you are right, I’m not sure if either of them should be raising another child, maybe they should give custody of the 10 year old to the twenty three year old, with LOTS of child support.

Ok ~ we are all posting at the same time – one more thing did any one else feel that posting it on YouTube, was maybe not the ideal avenue/venue for the exposure. What about the police, judicial review of the bar association, something other than where people post funny pictures of their kids or pets. Maybe it is just my advanced age, I don’t know.

Oxy,
people who grow up with N’s for parents can often figure out what makes them tick. According to one article, the father was providing financial assistance while she continued to practice and study music.

According to her, at some point she decided to quit her music studies and instead found a job and that’s when he became abusive again.

It sounds to me like he is a controlling asshole who continues to attempt to control his ex-wife and grown daughter, using money. Reminds me of my parents.

MiLo,

I’m with you on that, I think I would also be coming up behind him with a club or a gun! BUT, I don’t guess we can KNOW what we would do until a situation is actually THERE, but I do NOT have much in the way of empathy or sympathy for that mother either.

As for the 23 year old raising the child, I’m not sure there is a person in the whole family that I think would be a good parent. The father surely not and the mother not much better in my opinion and a girl that had grown up to age 23 with those two for parents? Nah, not hardly. Even an ordinary 23 year old would be a hard choice, much less one that grew up in that nest of vipers. That child at age 10 has probably ALREADY seen more violence than many of us will see in our life times. That child needs I think specialized therapy and a safe environment aWAY from both mommie dearest and daddy dearest and sissie dearest!

yep, we’re all posting over each other.

Oxy, I don’t think I’m projecting. Really, you would have to watch the video to see what I mean about her trying to protect the girl in her own wishy washy way.

Milo, that’s also the reason why I don’t think she has any brains. She says she was brainwashed – lol, but as you said, the correct response would have been to hit him with a heavy object on the head. She’s not evil, just really, really stupid.

As far as where she posted it, it went on a site called Reddit and that’s where it went viral. The judge is an EVIL idiot who is afraid of computers and technology (says so on the video). He had no clue how powerful the internet is. Now he does. He also had no clue how smart his daughter is, now he does.

Oxy!!
WHY would you provoke your mother into beating you?
I don’t understand.

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