Those abused by family members and romantic partners seek information on this site trying to understand the personality of their abuser. They wonder is he/she a sociopath? Does a personality disorder explain why this happened to me?
The answers to these questions are often hard to come by. Experts require “proof” of a set of personality traits before diagnosing someone with a disorder. Yet in my opinion, we have an obligation to the victims of abuse to explain to them that abusers are not “normal” people who are simply misguided in their attempts to “help” others. Abuse is often perpetrated by sociopaths under the guise of “helping.”
This week a young lady 23-year-old Hillary Adams, posted a video on Youtube of her abuser perpetrating violence against her. When you watch the video keep in mind that the abuser is also a judge. The video is very difficult to watch but it is a gift because it allows us to see firsthand the abuser’s pathos.
Please watch the video and then continue reading.
Consider whether you also see what I see here:
1. A perpetrator that enjoyed hurting another with a victim that had been in this roll before.
2. Motivated by the orgasm of power, perpetrator actually used the word submission.
3. There were many sexual overtones, the word f*** was repeated over and over; “get on the bed”; “bend over the bed”; “roll over”; “I never got my licking on her”; “I’m going to wear your F****** a** off with this belt”.
4. Perpetrator wanted to give her a “glass of water” so he could continue to perpetrate. When the BTK killer described this behavior, I coined it the glass of water phenomenon. Shows the appearance of empathy, but its goal is to get the victim to recover enough to be abused further.
5. “You don’t deserve to be in this house” no she doesn’t this much is true.
Do you agree with me that this should be prosecuted as a sex offense? Isn’t that justified by the words the body part and the setting?
What more do we need to see or know to understand this man’s disorder?
Mother has since divorced him, both mother and daughter spoke exclusively with Matt Lauer on TODAY Thursday about the furor the video has caused and the reasons for posting it seven years after it was taken.
Watch the Today Show Interview
skylar
HAHA! Athena, you gray rocked her. LOL!
last week I went to see a 3D Imax film called Born to be Wild.
It’s about baby elephants and baby orangutangs that are orphaned and raised in sanctuaries. The keepers try their best to simulate the natural upbringing of the babies so that they can be re-introduced into the wild as soon as they are grown enough.
The baby elephants are never left alone, not even at night when they sleep. A caretaker sleeps with them because that’s how it is in the wild.
When the narrator said, (paraphrased), “The babies are given the love they need to grow up feeling safe so that they can venture out into the world with confidence and survive.” BF and I both thought the same thing: “hey wait, I didn’t get that.”
I don’t begrudge the animals the love they received, but I sure wish I was raised in a wildlife refuge…
Stargazer
I saw that documentary, sky, and my first thought was “Where can I sign up for that job?” Cuddling baby elephants has got to be about the greatest job there is. But it’s probably dangerous. I mean, the cuteness levels can get pretty high, and you can probably pass out from the cuteness.
skylar
Yep Star. The cuteness was off the charts. I thought of LizBennet and her aspirations to work as an elephant nurse.
Stargazer
The only better job I can think of is maybe being the test taster for Godiva chocolates.
Louise
Stargazer:
Or Ben and Jerry’s ice cream or Graeter’s ice cream…two of the best!
Stargazer
I’ve never heard of Graeter’s, but I had Ben and Jerry’s on my mind also during my last post. I’m sure they need someone to taste the chocolate fudge brownie ice cream before they put that swill out on the shelves. lol Or the German chocolate cake ice cream.
Louise
Stargazer:
I am pretty sure Graeter’s is not your area. It is fantastic! I could eat ice cream every day; it’s a huge weakness of mine.
darwinsmom
Sky,
I saw the mother’s behaviour in the same way… I found that part also very interesting. To me it seemed she thought of her husband being right to punish their daughter for downloading pirated stuff, and she was ok with using a belt as the means for punishment. As the daughter refuses to bend over and weeps and begs him to stop, the father hits the belt wherever he can, demanding to do what he wants her to do.
Then the mother imo tried to intervene: persuade her daughter to bend over, give her one lashing with the belt. She refuses to return the belt to her husband. She’s imo thinking she stepped in to perform the agreed punishment without any further drama. She has self-control when she punishes her daughter. And it comes off as if she just wants it to be over, which imo is the reason she tells her daughter to just do what her father demands (though I totally disagree with the wording).
However, it backfires because he then says he still didn’t get to have his licking and goes in search for another belt. And when he returns he beats her in the same way again.
That’s when it becomes very evident, it is not about the punishment, but about him only. HE wants to beat her into submitting to HIS control. None other.
callmeathena
Darwin, Sky
Yes, mothers are supposed to do exactly what they did in that movie – BORN TO BE WILD – provide a cocoon for the baby to launch. Mine didn’t do that either.
My therapist keeps telling me, I need to mourn not having that.
It’s really hard for me to mourn it, because I can’t even imagine it. Would you mourn the moon if you never saw it? I don’t know how life would be if I would have had that support.
Sarah999
A women on TV (an expert on child abuse), said it best.
(I’m paraphrasing)
You cannot do to a child, what it is illegal to do, to another adult!
That was . . . . . . . PURE & SIMPLE . . . . ILLEGAL
ABUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!