Joe Paterno, the legendary Penn State football coach, has died.
I can’t help but wonder if the travesty of the last few months, with his former assistant coach, Jerry Sandusky, being charged with sexually molesting 10 young boys over 15 years, killed him.
I’m not an alumna of Penn State. (I am, however, an alumna of Syracuse University, with its own scandal of an assistant basketball coach allegedly molesting boys.) Still, I hate to see the storied career of Joe Paterno forever blackened by the malevolent behavior of one man, if that proves to be the case.
Some people argue that Paterno had to know what was going on. They argue that Paterno was so concerned about his legacy, the reputation of his football program and Penn State University, that he was willing to turn a blind eye to the behavior of Jerry Sandusky.
I’m not so sure.
Since the scandal broke in November, Joe Paterno has given only one interview, to Sally Jenkins of the Washington Post. The story was published on January 14, 2012. It characterizes Joe Paterno as unable to comprehend what Sandusky may have done, because it was simply too foreign to the way Paterno himself lived his life. Jenkins writes:
He reiterated that McQueary was unclear with him about the nature of what he saw and added that even if McQueary had been more graphic, he’s not sure he would have comprehended it.
“You know, he didn’t want to get specific,” Paterno said. “And to be frank with you I don’t know that it would have done any good, because I never heard of, of, rape and a man. So I just did what I thought was best. I talked to people that I thought would be, if there was a problem, that would be following up on it.”
Is it possible to be that unaware of the existence of evil? Yes, it is, and we all know it.
While I was uninitiated, meaning, before my direct, personal encounter with a social predator, I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would cross paths with evil. I didn’t know that someone who appeared to be so loving and caring could have a hidden agenda. I lived a life of integrity, and I believed that the people who were part of my life were like me.
But, some may argue, sex abuse of children has been in the news for years—look at the stories about the Catholic Church. Well, my cousin was abused by priests. He received financial compensation many years ago—it was probably one of the first cases to be settled. I heard people in my family talking about it. Still, I did not comprehend what he must have experienced.
I didn’t understand the human capacity for manipulation and evil until it happened to me.
So, yes, I can believe that Joe Paterno was clueless. He grew up in a different era, when although the sexual abuse of children probably occurred, it certainly wasn’t talked about. He was inspired by his father. He believed in education. He believed in turning troubled athletes around. His whole life was about winning with integrity.
So for Paterno to realize, at this late stage of his life, that he may have been hoodwinked by someone so close to him must have been a terrible shock. It probably didn’t cause his lung cancer. But it may have sapped Paterno’s strength to fight it.
Read Joe Paterno’s last interview, on WashingtonPost.com.
Ox Drover – I cannot speak for others. I only have my own experiences to relate to.
I made some poor choices in my life as a young man. Some would say “unforgivable”. After working on myself (with the help of my creator), I came to understand that I did the very best I could given the circumstances. This really opened the door to self- forgiveness for me.
I appreciate everyone’s comments and it is a very sensitive topic for some that have recently been abused, but I do have a very different view than most here.
As controversial as it may sound, I believe that people do the very best they can given their level of consciousness and circumstances at any given time. This includes my father.
When we condemn people instead of forgive and help them, we are playing God.
My whole outlook is that our sickest citizens need help, not condemnation. My feeling is we are afraid to look too closely because we might see ourselves. It is easier to judge as “evil” and turn away.
To my understanding there is nothing that cannot be forgiven by God. I try not to make my own rules in regards to this spiritual teaching. Jesus demonstrated this on the cross.
I have heard that all sin is due to ignorance. We are only capable of making choices that we believe to be right at the time.
Travis,
ALL sin is due to ignorance? Dude, you heard wrong. And yes, we ARE capable of making choices that we believe to be right at the time….here’s the problem-we’re CAPABLE, but we still DON’T make the right choices.
You cannot truly believe everyone is always doing their very best, given what they’ve got. Good Lord, I can tell you flat out that I have not done my very best. I have intentionally hurt people. You said yourself you did some bad things in your youth.
So I am thoroughly confused by your posts now. You have a very different perception and experience with a psychopath/evil than I have. I cant relate, you lost me with this one.
Travis, I agree that God can forgive (and “forget”) anything because the blood of Jesus covers OUR sins….however, we are not talking about forgiveness in heaven but HERE and again what does “forgiveness” mean? Also Jesus says that by a tree’s fruit that we shall know if it is a good tree or not….in other words by a man’s acts.
I do NOT believe as you do “that all sin is due to ignorance.” When a person KNOWS it is wrong to steal and does it anyway….what about that. When a person, like your father and my son, KNOW IT IS WRONG TO KILL and does it anyway” Is that IGNORANCE? I believe not.
Did my son think that his choice to kill that girl was RIGHT? In a sense of right and wrong? Of course not! He knew what he was doing was wrong, but he did NOT care. He had a “reprobate mind” and had turned his choices over EVIL. To Satan if you will.
When a person has acted in a way that shows their choices are EVIL, their “fruit” is EVIL then we CAN judge that is EVIL. We In fact SHOULD judge that I believe. Jesus said that we should judge what is good and what is evil.
Sure, anyone who has REPENTED and wants to change their lives should be allowed and helped to do so…but those people who are unrepentant and refuse to change their ways, those people are beyond help because they don’t want it. How CAN we help them?
In my opinion, Travis, Forgiveness doesn’t mean that we absolve someone of what they have done or the choices they have made. Even though we get the bitterness out of our hearts toward them, they are not absolved or forgiven by God until they repent. THAT is between them and their God.
I’ve done some things that I am not proud of either, but I have also forgiven myself and believe that I am forgiven by my God. NO one is without sin. We have all failed at times in our lives, and will fail again and that is what we must deal with with our own consciences and learn to do better and to forgive ourselves. To make amends where we should, apologies where we should, and resolutions to do better in the future.
We are only capable of making choices that we believe to be right at the time.
MiLo, thank you! Hugs to you, too ((()))
Travis, your follow up comment has definitely got me thinking… And I agree, it is a very sensitive topic for the recently abused. I appreciate your views as well! I definitely do not want to play God, I just have a hard time understanding the lack of accountability I witness in so many people.
I do not know what to think of sociopaths in the whole realm of God and creation… (Admittedly, I don’t know entirely what to believe ABOUT God and creation either). I read Lovefraud and read Donna Anderson’s spiritual viewpoint of sociopaths and it seemed plausible. Maybe the sociopath is an exercise in forgiveness?
I tend to love quotes and your last sentance called to mind the one I posted for another reader here on LF last week:
“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” – Maya Angelou
I sent it to her as an encouragment to forgive herself for the guilt she felt toward her daughters for her decisions. Now I see that I love the quote for the victims of predators. I am not quite there yet to be able to apply the quote to the actual predators. So there is an awareness in participating in this thread 🙂 I think for me personally, and maybe others at various points in their healing, I am at a place where I do need to once in my life make it about me and not focus on the needs of the abuser, and so forgiveness will remain at bay until I heal some more. I do feel, from reading some of your comments and those of Ox Drover, that forgiveness is important. I know that harboring anger and resentment will hurt me in the long run, but I think the anger motivated me into consciousnes and then action in the first place!
I learn so much here, and remain grateful to everyone who shares their experiences and their hearts here. Even when we don’t all agree, there is such a tremendous power in our community here at LF!
Wow, I posted then I saw Ox’s post…
I don’t want to “play God” but I do want to discern who is safe and who is not… And if I looked at my ex’s track record vice listening to the siren’s song of repentance and change, and did not discount my intuition that was warning me about him (cause I didn’t want to “judge him,” who was I to “judge him), I may have run for my life instead of giving him a chance. I really liked what Ox had to say
“When a person has acted in a way that shows their choices are EVIL, their “fruit” is EVIL then we CAN judge that is EVIL. We In fact SHOULD judge that I believe. Jesus said that we should judge what is good and what is evil.”
My ex PRETENDED to be a repentent person! And he got me but good! My silver lining is my child, but she is also how he will likely continue to try to hurt me…
I feel confused, but I like parts of what both Travis and Ox had to say. I feel bad about maybe “playing God” but if I had judged my ex (in this case, listened to my intuition or as some say it is the “holy spirit” I’m not sure), I would have spared myself a lot of misery.
Travis,
I guess it’s this part that I feel confused about:
“When we condemn people instead of forgive and help them, we are playing God. ”
“My whole outlook is that our sickest citizens need help, not condemnation. My feeling is we are afraid to look too closely because we might see ourselves. It is easier to judge as “evil” and turn away.”
My ex preyed upon me because I was one of a few people who looked past his evil deeds and gave him a chance. He acted like we were in it together, me and him against the world. He would often say these things to me. I have letters and cards with these exact phrases and similiar. I believe it was because I didn’t turn away and acknowledge evil for evil, because it wasn’t “right” to judge him, after all, hadn’t I done things, etc. that actually primed me to be ensnared by him. So, maybe it depends on the situation and the person. And also, he didn’t really want to change, he just pretended he did. With duplicity such as the psychopath displays, where does the line between self-protection and condemnation get drawn? It was guilt over the “playing God” statement that caused me to keep reading your post to figure out why I felt so upset… It was by telling myself similar comments that I chose to get involved with my ex spath…
Regarding the word “repentant,” I wonder if truly religious persons are particularly vulnerable to manipulations by sociopaths, particularly political or religious ones?
I am appalled by the lack of condemnation of both Newt Gingrich and Herm Cain by the very people who see “family values” as a core political belief.
BBE,
I was thinking of my sister in her abusive and utlra religious relationship. We were brought up with both abuse and religion. She is with a horrible N who has nearly destroyed her and her children. And I think your observation is on target… Truly religious people appear to be especially vulnerable to the manipulations by spaths, N’s. I think it was through some religious guilt I felt I had to “forgive” and give my ex spath a chance…
To forgive does NOT mean to trust.
How can I help a person I cannot trust? How do I establish a helping rapport with the person?