Joe Paterno, the legendary Penn State football coach, has died.
I can’t help but wonder if the travesty of the last few months, with his former assistant coach, Jerry Sandusky, being charged with sexually molesting 10 young boys over 15 years, killed him.
I’m not an alumna of Penn State. (I am, however, an alumna of Syracuse University, with its own scandal of an assistant basketball coach allegedly molesting boys.) Still, I hate to see the storied career of Joe Paterno forever blackened by the malevolent behavior of one man, if that proves to be the case.
Some people argue that Paterno had to know what was going on. They argue that Paterno was so concerned about his legacy, the reputation of his football program and Penn State University, that he was willing to turn a blind eye to the behavior of Jerry Sandusky.
I’m not so sure.
Since the scandal broke in November, Joe Paterno has given only one interview, to Sally Jenkins of the Washington Post. The story was published on January 14, 2012. It characterizes Joe Paterno as unable to comprehend what Sandusky may have done, because it was simply too foreign to the way Paterno himself lived his life. Jenkins writes:
He reiterated that McQueary was unclear with him about the nature of what he saw and added that even if McQueary had been more graphic, he’s not sure he would have comprehended it.
“You know, he didn’t want to get specific,” Paterno said. “And to be frank with you I don’t know that it would have done any good, because I never heard of, of, rape and a man. So I just did what I thought was best. I talked to people that I thought would be, if there was a problem, that would be following up on it.”
Is it possible to be that unaware of the existence of evil? Yes, it is, and we all know it.
While I was uninitiated, meaning, before my direct, personal encounter with a social predator, I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would cross paths with evil. I didn’t know that someone who appeared to be so loving and caring could have a hidden agenda. I lived a life of integrity, and I believed that the people who were part of my life were like me.
But, some may argue, sex abuse of children has been in the news for years—look at the stories about the Catholic Church. Well, my cousin was abused by priests. He received financial compensation many years ago—it was probably one of the first cases to be settled. I heard people in my family talking about it. Still, I did not comprehend what he must have experienced.
I didn’t understand the human capacity for manipulation and evil until it happened to me.
So, yes, I can believe that Joe Paterno was clueless. He grew up in a different era, when although the sexual abuse of children probably occurred, it certainly wasn’t talked about. He was inspired by his father. He believed in education. He believed in turning troubled athletes around. His whole life was about winning with integrity.
So for Paterno to realize, at this late stage of his life, that he may have been hoodwinked by someone so close to him must have been a terrible shock. It probably didn’t cause his lung cancer. But it may have sapped Paterno’s strength to fight it.
Read Joe Paterno’s last interview, on WashingtonPost.com.
“I believe that people do the very best they can given their level of consciousness and circumstances at any given time. This includes my father.”
OK…I will try to explain my position a little more clearly as it relates to this post. I understand why this may seem confusing. As usual, I will share my experience since that is all I really have.
My dad told me about the killings and this is what I observed. For whatever reason, HE believed that there was some gain in killing people for money. He “thought” it would make him feel better. As sick as that is, and it is as sick as it gets, that is how he saw it. He justified murder.
When I make decisions, right or wrong, it is always based on believing there is some benefit in the choices that I make. I do not always get it right, but even when I make the wrong choice it is because, for whatever reason, I saw some sort of gain in it. My father was no different, just much, much sicker. The key is to find some spiritual peace and guidance that will help us make the right choices that benefit all. I found that through forgiving.
The other concept (I only speak for myself) is that “I” made decisions that put me in relationships with sociopaths. Until I learned to forgive I kept repeating the same mistake. Please do not take this as self blame, because it is nothing of the sort, but for true change to take place, I needed to understand why I made the decisions that “I” made.
Ok, forgiveness and compassion. This does not mean I interact with sociopaths. I do pray for my father and that is enough. Society should be protected from him and others…it is just not up to me to “condemn” them. Their behavior, of course, but not the person. I do not have that authority. Besides, when I judge and condemn, that is what “I” feel and I do not like that. When I forgive, that is what “I” feel and I like that better. To give is the same as to receive. What I offer others in my mind and in prayer is what I receive. What we fear the most, we attract.
Finally, all of this has freed me from encounters with sociopaths, not made me more vulnerable. I had multiple encounters with sociopaths in my life even though I “thought” I knew what evil was. Now that I have forgiven and no longer fear them, I am more aware. Not only am I no longer attracted to them, but they are not attracted to me.
This is all about freedom for ourselves, not them. I do not in any way recommend interacting with a sociopath on any level unless absolutely necessary.
I hope all understand that I am not asking anyone to believe what I say. I only share what I believe to be true based on my own experience.
I am grateful and peaceful today. This works for me.
joe paterno reminds me of the catholic bishops , who systematically covered up for their child molester priests for generations. http://www.bishop-accountability.org/resources/resource-files/databases/DallasMorningNewsBishops.htm
Are judges playing God when they sentence criminals
Are the police playing God for aprehending them.
Are psychiatrists playing God when diagnosing.
I think not.
Unfortunately I found myself in the position of playing all three roles when dealing with my ex H p. He blindsides me by raping me calling me by my two daughter’s names. Incest fantasies.
What I am working on is forgiving myself for taking him back ten years ago. He put on his good guy mask for six years and I believed he had changed. But underneath unbelievable evil was brewing.
What I console myself with–is that if I had seperated with him all those years ago he would have had full access to my very young daughters in overnight stays as I was completely innocent of knowing this about him.
As it was–I was with my girls and he didn’t touch them==just me.
For that I am grateful for.
If God is busy somewhere else–somethimes we have to do his work.
This comes from a person who in their pre-spath days was the most non judgmental person you could know.
If I am put in the position to judge then I have ther courage to do so.
Somwhere it is quoted and I don’t remember who from.
‘All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing’.
In my case-I leave it for God to forgive and in this way I am not playing his part.
xxx
I am Catholic and it is my belief that child molestation is unforgivable even by God. I believe all child molesters, therefore, go to hell. I believe that a child molester who uses any religion, Catholic or otherwise to gain access to their victims will go to a worse kind of hell than the child molester who doesn’t put on a religious frock. I believe anyone that helps cover up the molestations also go to hell.
This is my belief, and hell doesn’t necessarily mean fire and Satan, but a realm totally void of God’s love.
If you call that being judgmental, okay, I can live with myself.
Totally with you woundlicker. From what I have read on LF and the conclusions of many–is that they already live in this void. I hope so.
xxx
skylar, the first response of yours is right on re the narcissism. I found it a great way to think about narcissists overall. thank you. I hope you’re doing great, I’ve not been here for a while… Hi. 🙂
Something crossed my mind a bit back and I will put this forward very, very delicately. Did anyone else ever think Paterno and Sandusky were “kindred souls”?
I completely understand Donna’s and Oxdrover’s point of view. I do personally believe that evil is very difficult to discern for those of us who weren’t raised with it, or with having to identitfy it. Our society does not “train” us to know and understand evil until we are much older and are face to face with it. Growing up, I did not come face to face with this kind of evil…not just the molestations but with any kind of blatant evil. Therefore, I had no way to read between the lines and see what was really there. Even my own sister was molested by my stepfather in the mornings when I left to do my grooming in the bathroom. It wasn’t until 15-20 yrs ago when this kind of thing became more publicized. One day I had an a-ha moment and knew instantly that my sister had been molested in those early morning hours when my stepfather came and sat on her bed, cooing to her. I did not learn about it until I was in my 50’s, and it took me at least several years before I could understand what was going on. Even then, I had to do extensive research in order to be validated in what I knew was true, but couldn’t attach to my belief system. Today, it’s a whole different story because this evil business has come into my life many times in the past 10 years.
Hi Newstepmom,
great to see you. Things are going well. How is everything working out with your situation?
BBE,
yeah there is something there. I think they are both “Peter Pan”. Although Paterno is probably not as perverse as Sandusky.
Paterno’s wife, Sue, is an N and an enabler. The article ends with:
I am one of the lucky ones that does not have a history of child sexual abuse and when I was confronted by it by my ex H P my reaction was severe shock and horror.
To think that I loved=LOVED this thing is horrific to me.
Thankfully my children were unhurt apart from association. I had no schema for this. But my reaction tells all.
I don’t think I will truly recover from this knowledge.
Skylar-I get so amazed that you can accept this part of your ex. I hope to get there.
xxx