Joe Paterno, the legendary Penn State football coach, has died.
I can’t help but wonder if the travesty of the last few months, with his former assistant coach, Jerry Sandusky, being charged with sexually molesting 10 young boys over 15 years, killed him.
I’m not an alumna of Penn State. (I am, however, an alumna of Syracuse University, with its own scandal of an assistant basketball coach allegedly molesting boys.) Still, I hate to see the storied career of Joe Paterno forever blackened by the malevolent behavior of one man, if that proves to be the case.
Some people argue that Paterno had to know what was going on. They argue that Paterno was so concerned about his legacy, the reputation of his football program and Penn State University, that he was willing to turn a blind eye to the behavior of Jerry Sandusky.
I’m not so sure.
Since the scandal broke in November, Joe Paterno has given only one interview, to Sally Jenkins of the Washington Post. The story was published on January 14, 2012. It characterizes Joe Paterno as unable to comprehend what Sandusky may have done, because it was simply too foreign to the way Paterno himself lived his life. Jenkins writes:
He reiterated that McQueary was unclear with him about the nature of what he saw and added that even if McQueary had been more graphic, he’s not sure he would have comprehended it.
“You know, he didn’t want to get specific,” Paterno said. “And to be frank with you I don’t know that it would have done any good, because I never heard of, of, rape and a man. So I just did what I thought was best. I talked to people that I thought would be, if there was a problem, that would be following up on it.”
Is it possible to be that unaware of the existence of evil? Yes, it is, and we all know it.
While I was uninitiated, meaning, before my direct, personal encounter with a social predator, I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would cross paths with evil. I didn’t know that someone who appeared to be so loving and caring could have a hidden agenda. I lived a life of integrity, and I believed that the people who were part of my life were like me.
But, some may argue, sex abuse of children has been in the news for years—look at the stories about the Catholic Church. Well, my cousin was abused by priests. He received financial compensation many years ago—it was probably one of the first cases to be settled. I heard people in my family talking about it. Still, I did not comprehend what he must have experienced.
I didn’t understand the human capacity for manipulation and evil until it happened to me.
So, yes, I can believe that Joe Paterno was clueless. He grew up in a different era, when although the sexual abuse of children probably occurred, it certainly wasn’t talked about. He was inspired by his father. He believed in education. He believed in turning troubled athletes around. His whole life was about winning with integrity.
So for Paterno to realize, at this late stage of his life, that he may have been hoodwinked by someone so close to him must have been a terrible shock. It probably didn’t cause his lung cancer. But it may have sapped Paterno’s strength to fight it.
Read Joe Paterno’s last interview, on WashingtonPost.com.
10 years ago I saw a cousellor because of my abusive ex. I talked about this guilt I felt in relation to him. e.g being judgmental..
He told me-women always blame themselves when a relationship goes wrong and if Iever felt guilt, I was to ask myself ‘What have I done wrong’.
I found this excercise immensley freeing over time.
xxx
Philomela, I think the reason I love this site is very similar to yours. It is incredibly comforting to come and read, and see that there are so many people who have seen monsters. For me personally it is not about validation of my experience and perception, its about feeling like I am not alone, I’m not the only one who has seen it.
Then I read this article, and hit a nerve so hard that I am inspired to write my first post, and it is an angry, run on, Wall-O-Text.
That is one thing I still do not understand, sometimes I can talk about my grab bag of awful experiences with perfect calm and poise- I have given presentations regarding one of them- and at other times I am either in tears or seething. But I don’t know why. Like during the presentation: I felt like everything was fine, and I was potentially going to help someone else by talking about my experience and maybe ensure that it would not happen to anyone in the room. And other times, all I can think about it is “why me?” or “#@.......!$%! why the #@.......$@.......#!$! me?!?!”
Littlewhitehorse’s mantra is wonderful. I think the reason women so often feel blame is that is what we are conditioned to do so. We are told that we must be kind and nurturing and submissive from an early age. That message gets internalized and we feel like it is our fault, our failure if someone is unhappy. Logically thinking about what you have actually done is very empowering.
One thing that I have done for a few people very close to me, when they became very down and felt like they were terrible, unfeeling, awful people is hand them the PCL-R checklist and tell them to check off the things that fit them. Every time, there was essentially nothing that matched them, but it opened their eyes to see it.
What I have noticed is that each time I did that, there was always someone at work or in their circle of acquaintances that they immediately pointed out as fitting many of the items in factor 1 or 2, or both. I am convinced that they were being subtly terrorized by these people, and that is what dragged them down.
So I would like to add to Littlewhitehorse’s wisdom: “Who is telling me that I am a bad person/failure/etc., and what sort of person are they?”
Anyone, where can I get my hands on the PCL-R checklist? I know the interpretation of it has to be done by a professional, but I would love to just have a look at it and see what’s on it…
You can get Hare’s book, or textbooks on personality disorders, or if you just want a peek at the list itself, I pulled this from wikipedia because I lent my textbook to someone else.
The two factors
Factor 1: Personality “Aggressive narcissism”
Glibness/superficial charm
Grandiose sense of self-worth
Pathological lying
Cunning/manipulative
Lack of remorse or guilt
Shallow affect (genuine emotion is short-lived and egocentric)
Callousness; lack of empathy
Failure to accept responsibility for own actions
Factor 2: Case history “Socially deviant lifestyle”.
Need for stimulation/proneness to boredom
Parasitic lifestyle
Poor behavioral control
Lack of realistic long-term goals
Impulsivity
Irresponsibility
Juvenile delinquency
Early behavior problems
Revocation of conditional release
Traits not correlated with either factor
Promiscuous sexual behavior
Many short-term marital relationships
Criminal versatility
Acquired behavioural sociopathy/sociological conditioning (Item 21: a newly identified trait i.e. a person relying on sociological strategies and tricks to deceive)
Dr Hare cautions that only people with psychiatric training can properly diagnose people, and that the list can be misused, however IMO in some ways the list speaks for itself. And if it walks like a duck…
BBE, Wanting to keep your distance from a poison snake…do you feel guilty about that? Well why do you feel guilty about wanting to keep your distance from poison people? Keeping our distance from things that will or even might be harmful is a good thing. NOT something we should feel guilty about.
You do NOT owe a social debt of some kind to these people that says you should be around them when they are falling down drunk.
Man up BBE and behave like a responsible adult, pick your friends well.
Ox;
I hear what you are saying. I should not feel guilty about keeping my distance just because they like me. And this is not a case of me being judgmental, since as alcoholics, that is valid reason to stay away.
I’m kinda neutral about Joe Paterno on this one. I can remember when I worked for a fortune 500 company in my youth the place was crawling with spaths. They held all the power. And they would do anything to step over someone to get to the top.
A spath CEO got me fired from my job for not playing his game. A lot of times if you turn in the spath or try and warn people it get’s used against you.
And we all know the spath is capable of turning the tables on you and turning it his way and coming out believable smelling like roses.
Joe turned him into the school but didn’t inform law enforcement. He probably thought this best leaving it up to the school to make the decision.
Penn State no doubt swept it under the table at the time not wanting to draw attention to it and invoke scandal.
At the same time when the scandal came to light the tables turned on Joe and he was used as the scapegoat. Working in corporate I know the drill all too well how it works. The informer always becomes the scapegoat.
This is why folks are slow to make waves when the SHTF.
Model six
And this is the next LOGICAL question to ask.
Quote:“Who is telling me that I am a bad person/failure/etc., and what sort of person are they?”
Deprogramming can be fun and painful-but very satisfying.
Nowadays I feel very little guilt–cos I know that my motives are mostly pure. To thyn ownself be true.
I have JUDGED my children’s father to be unfit to parent-with or without the authorities support. I feel justified in doing so. Own your own shit.
Also–as I always tell my girls. One of the smallest words in the world also holds the most power. Practice and learn to say it with ease. That word is ‘NO’. For fun I get them to practice it in different languages.
Lp Marie–Thanks for your kind support. Every now and again check your angel wings to see how big they are growing. God knows we have each other and there are other places needing him. Africa for example. He will guide you when he checks in. It may be a passing phrase or shared experience or learning curve. Keep on-keep on.
xxx
Travis
Quote: I have heard that all sin is due to ignorance. We are only capable of making choices that we believe to be right at the time.
So when my Ex H P pulled the rug from under me, swiftly so that my life, my hopes and dreams and the horror he revealed to me regarding our daughter’s was shattered after 22 years together–whilst laughing when doing so–is due to the above. Hiding this from me for 22 years was a deliberate choice–which in turn prevented my right to choose–to leave immediately.
Applied to normal people growing through experience-perhaps yes–but never to a spath.
His wasn’t a choice due to ignorance–it was a deliberate plan enacted.
And no– I do NOT see myself in him. In the victims yes–but most definately not in him.
xxx
Model Six,
Thank you for posting that! I’m in agreement with you, if it walks like a duck!
Item 21 is confusing?
Acquired behavioural sociopathy/sociological conditioning (Item 21: a newly identified trait i.e. a person relying on sociological strategies and tricks to deceive)
Is it like people who deceive “the system” for benefits, like the handful of veterans who fake medical conditions to get money out of the VA? That’s how I’m interpreting that item.