Yesterday, I went to the studios of Inside Edition to be interviewed. People want to know what it feels like to have been photographed by a serial killer. How does it feel know that my life could have easily ended in June of 1979 along with the other victims? Inquiring minds also want to know how I feel about Rodney Alcala.
Do a search on “stuck by lightning twice” and you will discover that the odds of being struck by lightning once are 1/3000. The odds of being struck twice are 1/9,000,000. Since there are 300,000,000 people in America this unusual event has happened.
What does a person who was nearly struck by lightning once, and then actually struck 23 years later say about the near miss in the distant past?
An Ohio man Larry Reynolds, was actually struck by lightning twice and he says he feels “glad to be alive!” (How surprising is that?) I too feel glad to be alive. But also feel the need to say genug* and to try to get more justice for the real victims.
Justice for the victims means doing something to reduce the dangerousness of known violent psychopaths.
It is not enough to dispose of or imprison Alcala, we must change the system that enables psychopaths to strike over and over again.
At the time Alcala photographed me he had already been convicted of two violent crimes**. When he was 24, Alcala kidnapped, sexually assaulted and tried to kill an 8 year old girl, hitting her over the head with a pipe. He escaped and was a fugitive for two years before he was arrested in Concord, N.H., living under the assumed name of “John Berger.” He was arrested in August, 1971 after someone saw his picture on a wanted poster.
He also assaulted a 15 year old girl he lured in the guise of wanting to take her picture.
After these two incidents, Alcala killed at least 5.
There is no doubt in 2010 that Alcala is a psychopath. In the 1970s we didn’t have any reliable method for diagnosing psychopathy, but today we do. The PCL-R when administered by trained professionals can diagnose psychopathy with excellent reliability.
I therefore propose that all individuals convicted of violent or sexual assault be evaluated with the PCL-R and thoroughly assessed by trained professionals not hired by the prosecution or defense, prior to sentencing. The purpose of this assessment would be to inform the judge and jury of the presence of psychopathy and other risk factors that indicate the offender will do the same thing or worse again.
Juries and judges should be able to sentence an offender to life-time supervision. We need to train forensic professionals to do the job of monitoring these individuals and we need to watch psychopaths closely if they are released into society. We should stop simply turning convicted psychopaths over to their families who haven’t the slightest idea what to do with them (more on that next week).
I made the above recommendation to Paul Boyd of Inside Edition. He impressed me as a real reporter who was interested in the issues; someone who takes the ethical implications of his job seriously. I just hope his editors give him the freedom to tell this story.
Please everyone get beyond the silliness of “OMG what does it feel like to be struck by lightning twice?” and instead tackle the real question of what to do about sociopaths/psychopaths.
At the end of March, I spoke with a reporter from People Magazine for over an hour and am sorry that I failed to convince him to do a real story and exercise real journalism- or maybe the tabloid editors just wouldn’t publish the real story. However, if you want to see pictures, I am in this weeks’ issue “OMG”!
*a Yiddish word that means ENOUGH, pronounced ganoog
**for more see http://www.ocregister.com/news/alcala-236499-phase-girl.html?pic=4
I have looked at my husband’s side of the family, suspecting that my father-in-law (deceased) might have been a spath too. We have three children, two boys (13 years old and 9 years old) and a daughter (6 years old) – I am hoping and praying that my children do not inherit this disorder. I literally could not take it – it would be too heartbreaking. My question is, my husband’s side of the family has lots of family members (his four sisters, three brothers, and their children) and I can’t see that anyone elsed inherited this mental illness. Would it only go to my descendants or would all the future family members (who inherited their grandfather’s genes) be at risk? What rotten luck.
I feel like I have the worst luck in the world, having married a disordered person, literally struggling with the fact that I wasted so much time being married to him. We’re separated but I hurt so much. I keep trudging along, going to work, trying to be responsible, not enjoying life (even though I have three fantastic kids). It doesn’t help to think too much about my life – it hurts too much. All I can think is what rotten luck. I want to get better emotionally, but I have been slammed with so much. I come up for air and then I’m swallowed by despair. There’s always too much to think about, be concerned about. If I’d never met him or married him, I wouldn’t have the problems that I have. I am venting.
Bluejay, I don’t think that there is enough research evidence, either way. There are several books that are listed on the resources page, and one of them seems to be a good resource for parenting – I say, “seems” because I haven’t read it, personally. Arm yourself with knowledge, and you’ll have done the best you can do.
Bluejay – with regard to your most latter post, take a deep breath. Step back. Look at some of the other posts and realize that things could have been much, much worse. Many men and women don’t make it out, alive. Many children are literally sacrificial fodder for the spath. Playing the “What If?” game only feeds that pity monkey – the past cannot be altered, and it stinks, but there it is. You have today as a person who is going to survive and be alright. Despair is the type of collateral damage that fuels the spath, I think. If they have any idea that we’re miserable, they win, pure and simple. There are only 2 things in this lifetime that we “have” to do: pay taxes and pass from this mortal life. We do not “have” to choose misery, despair, loneliness, or victimization. We can choose to celebrate the mere fact that we got out with our lives.
You made it out, and the lessons that you’ve learned (and, are continuing to learn) will serve to make you stronger, wiser, and intuitive. It may take some time, but you are going to be fine – just fine.
Button, I agree with your advice to BllueJay,
I DID lose a child (now a man) to psychopathy and yep, it hurts! But you know, I eventually overcame it and have a life of my own now. I used to think if someone kidnapped my child and I didn’t know what happened to the child I COULD NOT stand it. Like Elizabeth Smarts’ mother, or the hundreds of others who have had kids kidnapped and not found. WHAT A HORRIBLE THING but they are making it, and I could too if I had to. In a way, I DO feel like my 11 or 12 year old kid that was wonderful was “kidnapped” by the psychopath who holds his body and mind hostage to EVIL…but It hurt, and I am dealing with it. We deal with what we have to deal with when the TIME COMES, and worrying about WHAT IF is an exercise in FUTILITY 99% of what we worry about never comes to pass any way.
BUCK up BlueJay, and take it ONE problem, ONE DAY at a time. It is like if I told you you had to eat an ENTIRE COW you couldn’t see how it could be possible, but you have probably eaten more than one in your life time, ONE BITE AT A TIME.
Breathe, chew, swallow.! (((Hugs)))))
Dear Buttons and Oxdrover,
My husband is a “low-level criminal”, having gotten this label from one of the articles that I read on this website. It rang a bell in my head. The man is a financial nitwit – he scares me. I’ve told him that if he ever ends up in jail and/or prison, I won’t bring the kids to visit him. I feel badly that my children have had the trauma of a mother who has been ready for an emotional collapse and a father who goes on his merry way acting stupidly at times, not having the energy to go on sometimes, but walking ahead nevertheless. I literally feel like I do mental gymnastics, changing my frame-of-mind almost daily, trying to get to a level, balanced way of thinking, but it’s hard. Anyway, I have my moments (too many of them) where I am down, embarrassed by my life situation.
Bluejay, one of the job descriptions of the spath is to keep source targets off balance. That’s why we always feel as if we’re crazy.
Your life situation is nothing to be embarassed about. You are a human being and allowed 100% to make mistakes! We’ve all made mistakes, and it’s OKAY……it’s okay, I swear. Mistakes are the only way that we learn.
You’re feeling the way a normal person feels, bluejay. And, it is, indeed, hard. But, you are going to be fine – you will.
Oxdrover,
I feel like I “buck up” every day. I can only imagine what you and others experienced with children who were born with this disorder. Having read many of your posts, I marvel at how you got through some of your life experiences, giving me hope that I will make it through some how, some way. All of the writers to this website are treasures, “getting it.” Take care.
Buttons –
I hope, I hope that I will be fine. It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel on some days. Because I can’t depend on my husband, I have to work overtime to make ends meet. He blew through a ton of money (I’m finally admitting to some of his crap) that I had received as a gift, having a joint bank account at the time (now I have a single bank account, my own). I had to admit this fact to myself last summer and fall, realizing that he lied to me about taking money and investing it, not having occurred, period. Realizing that he is who he is was heartbreaking, searing. The emotional pain will probably stay with me. I would not want to reconcile with him because of all the betrayals, total lack of remorse. Sick. People like him make others wobbly. The man jeopardizes everything.
Dear Bluejay,
They push (or try to) the shame, embarassment and guilt of their crimes on to us. It is called the FOG–Fear, Obligation and GUILT, get out of the FOG and you will see clearly.
When you find your self afraid ask yourself (really, out loud) “Why are you afraid, Bluejay?” or if you feel obligated to help someone or do something you don’t want to do, ask yourself (again, out loud) “BlueJay, why do you feel obligated to do X?” If the answer is not “because I must take care of mjy kids or myself” then you are NOT oibligated to do it.
If you feel guilty again ask yourself “Blue Jay, what am I feeling guilty about? is it something I should feel guilty about?” If the anser is that it is not something YOU did wrong then you are not obligated to be guilty about it. SO take control of your FOG and BANISH IT! You can do it!!!!!! I know you can! I know you can. I know you can! Just like the little engine that could!!!!! ((((hugs)))))
ps. my situation is NO worse or NO more painful than anyone else’s here BTW–every one of us here has TOTAL PAIN that fills our being! My prayers for you!