Editor’s note: The following letter was written by a woman who posts as “Sam.” And to answer her question at the end, it sounds like she’s been involved with a series of sociopaths.
It all started for me around 11 years ago when I first met what I thought was “the love of my life” and the only man I would ever consider settling down with—up until only months ago. I was only a young 16-year-old girl and he was 21 when we first started seeing each other. I had a rather unstable childhood where I witnessed domestic violence from a very young age, and I left home before my 15th birthday. I did not have the best parental guidance.
After leaving home I was living from house to house. I had no job to support myself and I attempted to continue my schooling, with little results. Anyhow I dropped out. Looking back I have no idea how I got by but somehow I did. I also suffered from depression.
Then I met what I would later call the love of my life. I had just come out of my first serious relationship with a guy who was physically, verbally and mentally abusive towards me. I later discovered he was abusing drugs. So as you can imagine how lost and confused I would have been feeling at such a young age.
Knight in shining armor
I ended up in the arms of what felt like my knight in shining armor. I felt like we hit it off and we stuck together like glue. I felt safe with him and we had so much fun together. He was very protective over me, or territorial I would say now, but it felt good to me at the time, especially after coming out of my previous relationship.
He wanted me to commit to something more serious relationship-wise with him, after only a few weeks of being involved with him. But I could not bring myself to. After being in my previous relationship I had too many hang ups.
Anyhow after an intense few months of seeing each other, I decided I needed to move on with my life and move out of town and try to discover myself, which meant we would have to go our separate ways. He still pushed for me to make the commitment of being in a more serious relationship. But we ended up in different states and life goes on.
Called from time to time
We eventually both ended up in new relationships, but he would call me from time to time, trying to convince me to move to where he lived. He wanted me to leave my boyfriend and he said he would pack his girlfriend’s things and she would be out the door like she meant nothing to him.
I did not agree to this, but he just never gave in. I really believed that I was the love of his life and he just could not help his feelings for me. As the saying goes, the heart wants what the heart wants. But it just didn’t feel right.
Anyhow we both stayed in the relationships we were in and I had a baby with my partner, and he had a baby with his partner.
This particular partner of mine was very controlling and did not like me having friends or a job. He was extremely insecure he would go through my phone, read my messages, and stand around listening whilst I was talking on the phone. He would follow me places, very stalkerish behavior. I felt invaded and smothered.
After him showing little interest in our baby, I decided I had to get out. Not having so much luck in the relationship department. I was almost 20 and I went out to celebrate my birthday in my hometown. I ran into my old flame, and that was that.
Back where we left off
We were right back to where we had left off. It felt so great to be in his company again. Anyway, I had to go home. We exchanged numbers and it wasn’t long until he started persisting to get me to move in with him, into his house, as he and his partner had apparently split also. It took a lot of convincing, but after spending a few romantic getaways, one place being a beautiful island holiday destination, and plenty of pledging his love for me, I broke and thought, what the hell.
But I felt like things didn’t really add up. Always my instincts told me it didn’t seem right, because he had all his ex’s belongings in the house. When I questioned him on this, he told me that he would be shipping her belongings to her soon. He assured me it was over and she was nowhere to be seen, so I thought it must be the truth. He said they could not get along and she was just crazy.
I later discovered she was pregnant with the second child and that is when I should have just walked away. But still he had me convinced that there was never going to be anything between them again. He had made a mistake with her and that he would be open and honest with her about us, but in time. He had me convinced we were getting married. We were making wedding plans etc.
Eventually he just walked away from me and went back to the mother of his children. He changed his number and I didn’t hear a word from him until about 8 months later. It left me dazed and confused. I still loved him deeply.
When he contacted me again, he was begging for me to forgive him and said he loved me and wanted me to fly to where he was. He said he only went back for the kids, but he said it was over again.
I foolishly agreed to meet him, as I think I still needed to make sense of what had happened and thought what we had was deep. He always knew exactly how to get inside my head with his charm and I would believe him.
Cycle repeated for years
This cycle repeated over and over again for another almost 7 years. I now have a 7-month-old baby to him, and yes he left me. I spent most of my pregnancy in a women’s shelter.
He has become a cruel, cold-hearted man. It’s as if I have no further use to him and I am being disposed of. I would assume this is what he did to the other poor woman.
I now know it wasn’t her who was crazy. I have found out she is pregnant to him again, but he is keeping it from me. He has threatened to ruin my life if I speak to his mother. He obviously doesn’t want me saying anything or he will be caught out.
These are only a few details of what happened in this twisted cycle of hell. I could write a book about it, but I’m sure you can imagine the kinds of things that happened in between.
Wish I knew about sociopaths
I had no idea sociopaths even existed up until only a couple of months before I gave birth to my second baby. If only I had known back then what I know now.
I wonder if my other partners were also spaths.
It makes sense to me now how I got involved with these twisted individuals. I am so sad I wasted so many years on believing in something that was an act all along. The one person I trusted most turned out to be my silent enemy plotting against me.
I think if I knew the signs I may not have been hooked so hard. But something tells me he will always be somewhere around. And he is far from the charming, funny, loving man I once knew. And he still continues to get away with his destructive behavior.